but worst/best of all (depending on your point of view) had to be Count Otto Von Doom.
DOOM was actually my favorite part of this. DOOM is so over-the-top normally that he fits in just perfectly here.
also ranking high on the cheese-o-meter here was Mighty Whitey picking up the fucking serving tray and throwing it like a certain star-spangled shield we all know.
and, i still want to know, with regard to good sir Murdock, the DEVIL who doth DARE: the "secret agent working for Nick Fury" thing i can see, to some extent. the "i found a hole in the ground with RADIOACTIVE GREEN GOOP IN IT AND I FUCKING DRANK IT origin is terrible, but quasi-understandable. where does the "merry minstrel" bit fit with DD's character, and why does he sing songs even crappier than the ones drunk Rennies used to make up on the spot at the Renaissance Faires of my youth?
If all that guff about the heroes having to find out why the Marvel universe has started 300 years too early is true and the DANGER room, DEVIL who DARES, BEAST stuff is actually important as some sort of 'almost aware something is wrong around them' thing you'll all be laughing out of the other side of your faces then...
no, not really. that would still be complete shit.
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now, if we are going to take this crap-fest seriously, this issue does give us some new info to chew for the ongoing mysteries:
- DOOM has obviously done something to the dauntless Foursome who crew the Fantastick. you know, DOOM's enemies, the Foursome Fantastick. and DD was singing that crappy song again. i think it's safe to say that "where are the FF?" is a Major Issue. so: theories?
- Peter Parquagh doesn't just notice pretty spiders, he is apparently FUCKING OBSESSED with them. his big date with the cute new chick in town, he goes on and on about fucking spiders. jesus h christ, Neil, beat us over the head, why don't you? anyway, how long until he gets bitten, and how do you think NG will handle it?
- how much do you want to bet Black Widow is working for the Czar?
- why did Javier show Fury the X-Men (J-Men? Ye Goode and Uncannie J-Folk?) to Fury? Fury's right - that's really stupid.
- so the Inquistor is officially Magneto. the big hang-up for me was the whole "why is he killing (barf) wicthbreed?" answer: he's only killing witchbreed who disagree with him. gotcha.
- the 1602 timeline seems to have already veered away from ours: Mighty Whitey has saved the Roanoke colony. do you think that this means that other historical stuff will change, drastically? maybe James will not succeed Elizabeth. mayhap it will yet be DOOM who ascends the throne!
NOTE: if this timeline ends up with DOOM as King of England at any point, i will take back some of the negative stuff i've said so far.
- the Dark And Forboding Weather Effect Which Signifies That Something Important Is Happening dissipates when Virginia Dare shows up. this undoubtedly has something to do with the fact that she's supposed to be dead, which itself probably has something to do with the Marvel universe happening too early.
ANOTHER NOTE: i will also take back some negative things if Uatu the Watcher shows up at some point, thereby signifying that Something Important is happening in traditional Marvel fashion. this goes double if he breaks the fourth wall and actually addresses the reader directly at some point. i [heart] Uatu. |
