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The ALL-NEW 'Newbies reveal thyselves' thread!

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gingerbop

17:40 / 01.07.03

How long does the ass-candling go on, exactly? Are we talking minutes, hours, days... or am i being secretly ass-candled right now?

Servalan Queen of the Universe

17:47 / 01.07.03

I'm new! (ingratiating nervous smile)

I have lurked for 6 months but did not post due to inertia rather than fear of asscandles or Barbeclique ostracism. I don't know what has possessed me to post now really (prob cos I have to finish dissertation)

Anyway, blah blah, please don't candle my ass.

Saint Keggers

17:50 / 01.07.03

Gingerbop:If you have to ask; its not being done right.

gingerbop

18:14 / 01.07.03

Ahh, but the question was not if it was being done *right.*
I reakon the amateur ass-candlers lurk beneath my crappy red folding chair as we speak, and have been doing so for the past 8 months. Though they run and hide under the bed every time i try to catch them out.

Saint Keggers

18:20 / 01.07.03

Always trust you asscandleing to trained proffesionals.

(and I missmead it as your crappy red fondling chair..which is a nice concept)

gingerbop

18:21 / 01.07.03

Ok, if your gettin my video, im gettin your fondling chair!

Saint Keggers

18:42 / 01.07.03

I said "your crappy red fondling chair"....hmmm now thats two videos I want. Although if you can combine them both im sure your gonna get that Cirque job.

weepy_minotaur

18:58 / 02.07.03

Well Hello
Not only am i new to Barbelith, but ive never posted to a mesage board before.
None of them seemed interesting enough...
Feel cool or something.
and feel free to ask me any questions you may have....

weepy_minotaur

18:59 / 02.07.03

and by the way......what the shit is an "ass-candle"?
and "clonesuit"?

Axolotl

17:55 / 03.07.03

Hello, I'm a newbie, though I did do some lurking in one of the previous incarnations of the board. Just finished my degree and now work at a place with net access, thus giving me plenty of time to hang around the board. Though that doesn't mean I want any of this arse candling business, or even to know what it involves (beyond the obvious of course)

The Fifth Columnist

21:35 / 07.07.03

I too am a newbie, after lurking for the last few months. I discovered the site afte stumbling across "The Invisibles" TPBs while a house-guest, and was compelled to discover more. This site is rapidly becoming an indespensable reference, like Dave's ESL Cafe was whilst I taught English in Korea. I'm well out of that now...only to find myself living/working in a rural/redneck portion of the U.S. and feeling like a fish out of water. Looking forward to posting more in the future...

Deadwings

00:53 / 08.07.03

will my questions ever be answered?

Saint Keggers

00:56 / 08.07.03

Perhaps.

And in haiku form if you're one of the chosen few.
In iambic pentameter if you're not.

weepy_minotaur

02:19 / 08.07.03

i wanna be a chosen few!!!
where do i sign up?
and is that an extra ass-candle?(whatever they are)

paketto_keiretsu

04:51 / 08.07.03

"unheimlich manoeuvre?
i am a lazy conceited cynically stoically romantically self-serving bedroom anarchist, who used to be a bookshop clerk.
pleased to meet ya. "

i thought i was the only newbie bedroom anarchist. i loved the doom patrol and animal man stints. i am also a fan of any alan moore penned comics. This crass fan used to live in a City by the Big Sea, but now lives in the land of SUV's and cow eating ranchers/republicans. thank you all for providing a bit of insanity and humor.

15:36 / 08.07.03

I have been here since may and have so far escaped ass-candling. Fear not. It can be done.

For awhile, anyway.

Or until you post in this thread, anyway.

Oh, hell.

*runs--- but not too far or too fast*

alexander

05:56 / 09.07.03

I AM new as of last week, and this is officially my first post (under this name) and actually under any name (outside Barbelith excluded of course)

Which by this post certainly puts me at the mercy of our Poptastic Ladytron of the Flowers

While you are down there i could use a Brazilian

Regrettable Juvenilia

11:10 / 09.07.03

what the shit is an "ass-candle"?

A joke that has run its course.

You will encounter many of these on Barbelith. Whether you perpetuate them or help strike them down will determine your future, for better or worse.

unheimlich manoeuvre

11:26 / 09.07.03

paketto_keiretsu
"I thought i was the only newbie bedroom anarchist
...
thank you all for providing a bit of insanity and humor."

fellow bedroom anarchist, eh?
so you own the complete works of alex comfort?
this forum is red/cool/huggly/dying (*delete as appropriate) and all its members are people/pirates/ninjas/spies/bored*.
so there/welcome/phunky*...

[please note insanity and humor(tm) is an optional extra and will be charged at standard rate.]

Panic

22:14 / 09.07.03

ah. didn't know there was an intro thread. sorry if any protocol was breached in posting outside this first.

i'm currently approaching 30, with all the attendant angst and recriminations of a life misspent. i manage to hold down a service job and suppress my instincts toward physical violence quite nicely.

first came across GM's work through Doom Patrol and stopped reading comics for awhile after his run ended. by the time i started up again, Invisibles was in its second run. etc, etc.

i'd post more often, but the hooks make typing difficult.

22:18 / 09.07.03

i'd post more often, but the hooks make typing difficult.

I completely understand. If I had hooks maybe my posts would be fewer, more concise, and more thoughtful. An overall improvement.

Hmmm... There might be something to that...

Our Lady Has Left the Building

16:13 / 18.02.05

Bumping, in anticipation...

Chiropteran

17:47 / 18.02.05

Bumping, in anticipation...

I'm not sure which is more disturbing: the image or the implications.

Newbies, watch your backs...

pebble

20:07 / 18.02.05

Hello all.

Kind of oldie newbie here - signed up years ago, but heard about asscandleing and got scared and so run away. I've now had my ass sealed in concrete just to be on the safe side and when that particular joke has run its course I'll chisel it out and rejoin properly.

In other words, it's Friday night, I'm at fucking work and I'm really really bored.

Should probably start posting on one of the lateshft threads.

iamus

20:36 / 18.02.05

Ready the deep-core drill!

lord henry strikes back

20:58 / 18.02.05

Err... Hello? Hello? is this thing on?

tap, tap, hail of feedback

I be newbie.

I signed on (as it were) a few days ago. I've already (and I must admit, quite fairly) been ripped a new one over on the Children thread on Head Shop. So let me come out (again, as it were) anew. I've been reading for the past few months and liking the vibe. I finally embarked on a quest that lead to a darkened basement in East Bournmouth. I was met there by a man named Tom, dressed only in a trench-coate, and he gave me a key. I have been sworn to secrecy over the rest of my tale on pain of the removal and sale on e-bay of my first six alphebetical organs. Sufice to say that I am here...

to stay...

if that's OK with the rest of you...

no...

no...

put down that deep core drill, I'll play nice.

Stoatie, if you're listening, I am the mutant second head of doozy_floop. I tell you, life is hard here in 2040.

doozy floop

21:07 / 18.02.05

And I am the mighty original head of Lord Wotton - the head-splicing was a terrible accident and we don't like to talk about it too much...(I was young...I needed the money...)

I've been reading for longer, and I arranged the rendez-vous with Mr Coates, and I'm cute, which I read somewhere is an advantage around these parts. I lust after a heartily palpitating Books forum and covertly read all the Big Brother and Desperate Housewives posts in Film & TV, which means I have aspirations far above my natural place in the world.

Did I say I'm cute? And a ninja? This means that asscandling is out of the question...

■

23:52 / 18.02.05

Drills? We laugh at your drills. And your concrete. Have ye not heard of the four-dimensional ass-candles of yore? We can penetrate newbies in dimensions that...

Hold on, am I the only one finding this a bit worrying?

Welcome. Happy now?

unheimlich manoeuvre

00:19 / 19.02.05

pah ... still using those old ass-candles, i've just got my new shipment of WMD (Wicks of Massive Diameter) guaranteed to penetrate thirty yards of reinforced concrete before explo

8===>Q: alyn

01:17 / 19.02.05

All right, look. I won't have any more talk of ass-candles around here. It was a terrible idea to begin with and it's gotten way out of hand. You get a grace period where we're all nice to you, and after that it's huggles or face knives, or the whithering scorn of Social Control.

vovinoiad

15:10 / 21.02.05

Umn. Hi. Tanzplag. Ne Joshua. Been lurking for...well. For a very long time. SO. De-lurking. May post more.

Brunner

13:53 / 24.02.05

Hello I'm Brunner. I've lurked then worked then lurked again. Now I've been found out. Better to have it all out in the open I guess!

Spaniel

14:20 / 24.02.05

I don't understand all this lurking, why don't any of you guys actually post?

jeed

14:34 / 24.02.05

Hi, I'm new...and grumpy.

I came into work, it was snowy and winterwonderlandy and I was full of the joys of building snowmonkeys and the like. I just wandered outside to get some fresh and it's all melted, I also slipped and am now liberally coated in mud.

Huzzah.

I'll try and post more when i'm not soiled.

Brunner

16:41 / 24.02.05

Bobossboy, its easier to lurk because once you are drawn into a thread by virtue of posting, you have to check back all the time and it can get addictive. If I'm at work, I can only spend a few minutes here or there on this board or that in between actual work, and at home it's only possible if the other half is out, otherwise occupied or not speaking to me!

I'm not a natural Barbeloid I guess...

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