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Underground > Radio & Music >

Bad Lyric Planet

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The Natural Way

13:42 / 06.02.03

Look, someone's already said I'm sure, but Desree. It's not okay. It's not alright.

14:23 / 06.02.03

Where to start, with such a beautifully large topic? I am so tempted to dig through piles and piles of cds...but the first thing that comes to mind is the, er, brilliance of the Donnas. The album this song is from was put in my hands and I seem to remember doing spoken-word-esque interpretations of it while lying on my living room floor:

Another friday night with the contraband
Waiting for my plane to land
Have a sip of this jack and mixer
Watch the lakers beat the sixers

I'm tired of hitting on you
It's about time to be getting on you
All messed up and I don't care
So c'mon take off your underwear

Give me one more hit c'mon
Just one more hit c'mon

You consider those bad lyrics?
That is so missing the point.

The Donnas lyrics aren't "er, brilliance", they're "fucking SOLID GOLD BRILLIANCE!" - no hint of irony required.

"I need a doctor, kinda, sorta
what's wrong with me?
he says there's a skidmark on my aorta,
and there's no remedy"

Fuck all yr. thoughtful, mature songwriters - this is where it's at!

14:44 / 06.02.03

Okay, I'll concede 'Live And Let Die' just this once - but don't think I haven't got my eye on you, Mr McCartney, not after 'Ebony & Ivory' and 'The Frog Chorus'...

18:01 / 06.02.03

Rizla, I've been away from this place too long; I can't entirely tell when to take you seriously.

I maintain that the Donnas are shit, though.

But far worse: isn't there a Bush song that says, "Eat my willy, my willy is food"?

And a friend brought up this piece of lyrical genius:

I love the way you look at me
I feel the pain you place inside
Lock me up inside ya dirty cage
While I'm alone inside my mind
I like to teach you all the rules
I'd get to see them set in stone
I like it when you chain me to the bed
There ya secrets never shone
I need to feel you
You need to feel me
I can't control you
You're not the one for me, no
I can't control you
You can't control me
I need to feel you
So why's it involve
I love the way
You rape my skin
I feel the hate
You place inside
I need to get your voice
Out of my head
'Cause I'm the guy
You'll never find
I'm faking all of the rules
There's no expressions
On your face
I'm hoping some day
You will let me go
Release me from
My dirty cage
I need to feel you
You need to feel me
I can't control you
You're not the one for me, no
I can't control you
You can't control me
I need to feel you
So why's it involve
You and me
I love the way
You look at me
I love the way
You smack my ass
I love the dirty things you do
I have control of you

It could, however, be argued that it's not fair to pick on a band when they can't even spell their name properly. Too easy.

23:37 / 06.02.03

My current favourite bad lyric, because it actually conveys something better than any good lyric could, is from Jay-Zs 03 Bonnie and Clyde:

The only time we don't talk is during Sex In The City
She gets Carrie fever
but then when it's over
she's back to being my solider

09:15 / 07.02.03

Hmm, almost forgot one of my most unfavourite songs of all time, Jennifer Rush's 'The Power of Love'. It's not merely the dry-ice echoey portentousness of lines like "the whispers in the morning of lovers sleeping tight/ Are rolling by like thunder now as I look in your eyes" (he's talking loudly in his sleep? he's snoring with his eyes open? farting?) but specifically

"'Cause I am your lay-deee and you are my ma-uh-ah-uh-ahhhn
Whenever you reeeeach for me, I'll do all that I ca-uh-ah-uh-ahhhhhn"

Somehow, that's always conjured up an unappealing image of big-haired, shoulder-padded Ms Rush as overly-pliant on-off sex toy. For her, being his 'lay-deee' involves having to perform on command - 'do all that I can' - whenever he 'reaches' for her. At other times, presumably, she stays in the box.

Jennifer Rush, your basic pleasure model.

14:59 / 07.02.03

Rizla, I've been away from this place too long; I can't entirely tell when to take you seriously.

I maintain that the Donnas are shit, though.

I'm being 100% serious.

I think the Donnas are just about the most perfect thing ever created within Western culture. They're like everything that's great about pop music condensed into bitesize chunks of genius. People who don't like them are clearly operating in just a completely different universe to me..

Regrettable Juvenilia

13:52 / 03.12.03

Part of me worries that to resurrect this thread is to unleash a monster, but I must know: are these real Bright Eyes lyrics?

i treat you like a book on a shelf
i don't take you up that often
'cause i know that i've completed you

&

go explore other women
the geography of their bodies
but there's just one map you'll need
your a boomerang, you'll see
you will return to me

Bloody Christ.

I'm Rick Jones, bitch

14:32 / 03.12.03

THAT'S Bright Eyes? Ker-ist. Bloody emo kids.

The worst lyrics are always from unsigned bands, witness this gem from local hopefulls "The Offbeats":

Twiddle your thumbs
Twiddly dee
Hee hee hee

The song is called "Skankin' Romankin'" I think.

14:34 / 03.12.03

one line that always makes me vomit, and, unfortunately, i can't avoid this song when at the drugstore, etc.
lift up your skirt a little more
and show your world to me
dave matthews, please die now.

and no one's mentioned everyone's favorite horrible rap lyric:
Lemonade was a popular drink and in still is
I get more props den stunts den Bruce Willis
by gang starr. which is especially funny cos in the very next line, he compares himself to langston hughes.

and i like versus a lot, but they have this line:
every blade we lose
gets lost
lost back very far
a long time ago

and finally, yes, fuck bright eyes and dashboard confessional. altho' the cheesed out teens have to have something to listen to, i suppose.

19:16 / 03.12.03

Much as I enjoy their music, some of the lyrics from the original All About Eve album are inexcusable:

we're almost there
we learn to love and we learn to give
and we earn the flowers in our hair

In a circle, in a ring
Gypsy dance, gypsy sing
Gypsy dance to the tambourine
In fields of green

What kind of fool
Lays all that's precious to waste?
What kind of fool
Leaves all their treasures to rust in the rain?
They'll need it again when the sky clears
What kind of fool
Won't discover the jewel till the dust clears?
(and here comes the brilliant twist, wait for it...)
fools like us!

Does anyone find any of these images remotely evocative?

And btw, I think Oasis make a perfect case for randomised lyrics being an artform:

I know a girl called Elsa, she's into Alka Seltzer, she sniffed it through a cane on a supersonic train, and she makes me laugh, I got her autograph, she done it with a doctor on a helicopter, she's sniffin in a tissue, selling the Big Issue...

Now tell me that isn't inspired!

19:32 / 03.12.03

"every jam we play, we break two needles/ there's three of us but we're not the beatles" Run DMC, King of Rock

"I'm as serious as cancer/ when I say rhythm is a dancer" - Snap, Rhythm is a Dancer (actually a Rakim rip-off, but his didn't sound dumb...)

Also, to further the All Saints horror that is Never Ever; why does the alphabet run from both a to zed and a to zee in that song? Gawd I hate it

19:58 / 03.12.03

And Jacko may be almost too obvious to be worth mentioning, but these lyrics from "Earth Song" deserve an airing:

What about the bleeding earth
What about its wounds
What about nature's worth
it's our planet's womb
What about animals
we've turned kingdoms to dust
what about elephants
have we lost their trust...

And this lyric from "Bad" always confused me:

We could change this world tomorrow
This could be a better place
If you don't like what I'm saying
Then won't you slap my face

The strange thing about a lot of Jackson's lyrics is that they manage to be completely illogical and yet painfully contrived at the same time.

20:15 / 03.12.03

And btw:

The worst lyrics are always from unsigned bands

WTF??????!!!!

lord nuneaton savage

11:31 / 04.12.03

Only one lyric truly deserves the accolade 'the worst lyric of all time' and it is this;

'Tonight baby I'm gonna make love to you like six men'

Ladeez an' genle'men the genius of Rod Stewart...

Matthew Fluxington

11:36 / 04.12.03

I wish that I could erase the 50 Cent lyric "I love you like a fat kid loves cake" from history. It's a terrible lyric, and it's not nearly as fucking clever as a lot of people insist.

I'm Rick Jones, bitch

13:57 / 04.12.03

As much as I love Devo, there's this little gem from "Supercop"

"I'm a super cop / I eliminate foes with Karate Chops"

The whole song's pretty grim.

14:56 / 04.12.03

From a Finley Quaye song which I've never heard, but only read the lyrics:

Her name was suzy
Met her in a jacuzzi
Nearly twice my age
She had a son my age
From sepultura
To bali
...
Her kawasaki
Runs on saki
You can burn rubber but it takes a while
She tooka quarter mile with a smile
...
For lolapolooza
You and me
On tv
...
Manimal
Understandable
I signed with sony
You ride a pony
You wear stilettos
Check your history
I love to burn weed
Learn to love electro
...
Ital is vital
Use your fork
You know bjork
You know new york
Bathe in the dark
You can point out a shark
You test me
...
But i don't think of myself as a pcp lsd thc
Yes mister t come make a track with me
You don't phone me

19:25 / 04.12.03

Was talking with someone about the Run DMC line which I posted above, and he suggested that Run DMC weren't as daft as the lyric suggested - because, when they wrote that line, Lennon was dead, and there were three Beatles.

To which I pointed out that, well, there aren't "three of us" in Run DMC now...

By the way, has anyone heard that there's new Beatles material on the way, and it's drum and bass? Probably, because that joke is old...

08:15 / 05.12.03

Very bad lyrics from Rancid, which never fail to make me cringe : "He was a writer, and an artist / and a poet / and a friend". Really? Thank you so much for letting me know that your song is not about a total dick. I should have hated the suspense of waiting to hear "Have you ever seen an angel? / Well I know I have / said he'd stay here for a while / and fly away". Every time I play someone 'And Out Come The Wolves' I have to skip over that song, out of sheer embarrassment that I own an album which features these lyrics...

09:19 / 05.12.03

So Solid Crew's Romeo, in his debut single 'Romeo Dunn', uttered the immortal line:

'Some People call me... Romeo / But you can call me... Romeo'

And Turbo D from Snap was 'serious as cancer' when he said 'rhythm is a dancer'. Although 'serious as cancer' was stolen from Rakim, who is beyond criticism.

Regrettable Juvenilia

09:35 / 05.12.03

A good way to avoid repeating something someone else has said on the same page = read the thread before posting, people.

Flux = OTM about that Fiddy line. I don't understand the love that gets, either.

09:40 / 05.12.03

Manimal
Understandable
I signed with sony
You ride a pony
You wear stilettos
Check your history
I love to burn weed
Learn to love electro

Man, Finley Quaye was clearly wasted in the field of shitty MOR reggae-rock - he could have been an electro-clash megastar..

18:15 / 05.12.03

Finley Quaye was clearly wasted

Well, that explains the lyrics...

Scrambled Password Bogus Email

11:31 / 12.12.03

A good way to avoid repeating something someone else has said on the same page = read the thread before posting, people.

Also, if you are going to nominate a lyric, take half a second to consider the context in which it occurs to avoid getting it wrong

"And if this ever changing world in which we're living
Makes you give it a try..."

Don't get me wrong, the song stinks, and Macca's a twunt. But there ain't nowt wrong with the grammar in that there lyric.

Scrambled Password Bogus Email

11:32 / 12.12.03

Oh, and to beat the pedants, it's probably 'But' not 'And', Ok?

12:29 / 12.12.03

Um, except that "give it a try" makes no fucking sense: it's obviously "give in and cry".

14:18 / 12.12.03

these are he only bad lyrics i can ever remember on demand, but its okay because they're the worst lyrics of all songs. don't care what the name of the singer was, some bloody christian obviously. [simon mayo used to play it all the time. used to like him i did] think the song's called 'one of us (what if god was?)':

what if god was one of us?
just a slob like one of us?
trying to find hs way home
no-one to call him on the phone
'cept for the pope maybe, in rome

19:26 / 12.12.03

Joan Osborne sang it, Eric Bazilian (ex-Hooters) wrote it.

I'm just interested--how is it "obviously" a song by "some bloody Christian"? I'm not claiming it's a deep theological masterpiece, but it never comes down one way or the other on the whole God question--it's all ifs and maybes.

22:29 / 12.12.03

Ev'ry Rose has its thorn
Like ev'ry night has its dawn
Just as ev'ry cowboy sings a sad, sad song...
(wait for it.... )
Ev'ry Rose has its thorn

Jo(h)n Bon Jovi and his lachrymose, troubadour rancheros.

I'd nominate the entire fucking album but quoting it would constitute spam of the most foetid, evil kind. Sometimes I lie in bed and contemplate spanking myself for owning it; which just gets me hot and bothered and I have to play the whole thing one more time. Slime, people. I am slime.

16:20 / 13.12.03

That's NOT Bon Jovi, it's POISON! And it's BRILLIANT!

Goddamn philistines.

Regrettable Juvenilia

13:54 / 16.01.04

"Whatever happened to the values of humanity?"

I dunno, Mr Stupid Nostalgic Hippy, whatever did happen to the "values of humanity"? When was the magical golden age in which we held them, by the way? Was it a mythical time before war, and hatred, and technology? What would your face look like if I chainsawed it in two? And how does it feel to be the shittest of all the Black Eyed Peas?

20:12 / 16.01.04

not embarassing as much as just fucking horrifying...ladies and gents, i give you...nickelback:

I like your pants around your feet
And I like the dirt that's on your knees
And I like the way you still say please
While you're looking up at me
You're like my favourite damn disease

And I love the places that we go
And I love the people that you know
And I love the way you can't say no
Too many long lines in a row
I love the powder on your nose

And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out
(Now I did, you wonder why)
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out
(Now I did, you wonder why)

I like the freckles on your chest
And I like the way you like me best
And I like the way you're not impressed
While you put me to the test
I like the white stains on your dress

And I love the way you pass the cheque
And I love the good times that you wreck
And I love your lack of self-respect
While you passed out on the deck
I love my hands around your neck

03:58 / 23.02.04

i know this should be in the 'genius lyrics' post but i couldn't be arsed to find out if there was one, so...well...please welcome Anal Cunt to the board.

you're not fucking hardcore, you're not avant garde
you're not punk rock, you're just a fucking retard
you're not something special, you're not something new
you're not fucking good, face it you're a metal band

08:34 / 23.02.04

There's a band called Anal Cunt?!

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