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Underground > Radio & Music >

Bad Lyric Planet

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All Acting Regiment

09:28 / 18.06.06

What exactly is wrong with those Spice Girls lyrics?

10:10 / 18.06.06

And how exactly does one go about measuring "sheer abhorrent lack of talent"?

Jawsus-son Starship

12:42 / 18.06.06

Sandi's next song is actually about living in Victorian slums, and how great the world was pre-penacillin. And then getting TB, and that being just wizzer.

And why does she get to whinge about the world not caring - didn't like, 100000 people watch her on the interweb, then by her fucking album. No one with that much attention gets to think that the world doesn't care.

And to make matters worse, Sir Paul McFuckingCartney MBNBSEB simply *loves* her. If thats not a sign of how deeply shit something is, I don't know.

15:26 / 18.06.06

Sorry, what's wrong with Paul McCartney?

15:58 / 18.06.06

Oh, God. Have you actually heard Wings, Matt? I know 'Jet' is quite a nice wee song, but really - it's not much in thirty years. I hate Paul McCartney, virulently.

All Acting Regiment

17:22 / 18.06.06

For me, those Spice Girls lyrics are sexual energy just brought to a head. It's just about wanting. Zig-a-zig-ah: movement, firerce zig-zags, releif and release.

Regrettable Juvenilia

18:12 / 18.06.06

Sandi Thom could live to be a million years old* and she would never write songs as good as 'Wannabe' or 'Say You'll Be There'.

*Although hopefully, of course, she won't.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

21:24 / 18.06.06

I'm with Mr Falconer on the whole Sir Paul post-Beatles thing.

Regrettable Juvenilia

22:07 / 18.06.06

And let's not even mention his post-9/11 song 'Freedom', even though it deserves a place in this thread in lyrical terms itself...

Essential Dazzler

21:56 / 07.09.06

Really surpiresd this hasn't been mentioned yet, But Robbie Williams latest musical direction has been unexpectecly hilarious Here's RUDEBOX! minus choruses

Ok then back to basics grab your shell toes and your fat laces. A little hand clap for some funk faces
and make your body move in the following places
goes up your back and then down your spine and when it hits your head.

Ok then back to baseheads dance like you just won at the special Olympics. I got the rudebox of the back of a spaceship, so sick I just had to take it. The R.U.D.E.B.O.X. up yer jacksy, split yer kecks sing a song of semtex, pocket full of durex body full of mandrex
Are we gonna have sex (yes) will you wear your knee socks (ohh) back to the rudebox

Ok then back to spaceship, take both pills fuck the matrix
Jack those jills shake your Playtex rock 3 stripes not the asics
A.D.I.D.A.S old school cos it's the best yes
Tk max cost less yes
Jackson looks a mess bless

Ok then what to do
if you try to jack me ill rudebox you
if you rudebox me ill rudebox your whole crew
cos its what I do aint that right boo? True

I'll ride with you if you can get me to the border cos the sheriff's after me for what I did to his daughter
I did it like this you did it like that I love it when you double clap clap

Ok then check the tan line, make your body shape like you're stood on a landmine
call me on my mobile not the landline and the jack the mainline at the same time

Ok this is what we do, got a jam so fresh its nice for you
Ok give it what you got and dial 808 for the bass to drop
Ok then whats the fracas grab your cardy your lead hat and your bus pass
you don't sweat much for a fat lass grab your rudebox cos your box is righteous

Ok bum rush the show I got high speed dubbing on my stereo and all the tunes in the box are the cherrio
I know I told you before
did you hear me though

For full comedy effect, you really need to hear Robbie's awful rapping. I cannot wait for more tunes from him in the coming months.

RUDEBOX!

11:36 / 26.03.07

Ha by Juvenile.

It's more like "huh", like he's asking a question. For example, "Hey Flyboy, you bought that new RZA, huh?" So anyway, a sample of the lyrics

You bought my tape with a check ha
You wearing a vest ha
You tryin to protect your chest ha

and it's just two minutes of him pestering someone with questions like this. (but I do kinda like the flow and beat)

11:51 / 26.03.07

Surely that's the point with someone like Juvenile? I havne't heard much of his stuff but I am having a Lil' Wayne downloading binge presently.

Jot Evil Rules During Weddings

01:07 / 28.06.07

Nobody has mentioned Vanilla Ice? Was he too easy a target? Nobody has more cringe inducing lyrics than him. I can't even express my feeelings on how awful his song writing is.

In the (classic) song Ice Ice Baby, Vanilla Ice makes a bold claim

Take heed 'cause I'm a lyrical poet

He continues with more words of wisdom

Quick to the point to the point no faking
I'm cooking MC's like a pound of bacon

Cut like a razor blade so fast other DJs say damn
If my rhyme was a drug I'd sell it by the gram

And then at almost the very end of the song he exclaims

Yo man let's get out of here
Word to your mother

Hilariously awful

11:20 / 28.06.07

Hey, has anybody posted anything by David Bowie yet,
I'm a fan but i have to admit he's a gold mine, an exemple amongst tones of others would be special favorite
"Moonage Daydream"

I'm an alligator, I'm a mama-papa coming for you
I'm the space invader, I'll be a rock 'n' rollin' bitch for you
Keep your mouth shut,
you're squawking like a pink monkey bird
And I'm busting up my brains for the words

Keep your 'lectric eye on me babe
Put your ray gun to my head
Press your space face close to mine, love

Freak out in a moonage daydream oh yeah!

Don't fake it baby, lay the real thing on me
The church of man, love
Is such a holy place to be
Make me baby, make me know you really care

Make me jump into the air

Keep your 'lectric eye on me babe
Put your ray gun to my head
Press your space face close to mine, love
Freak out in a moonage daydream oh yeah!

Freak out, far out, in out

"I'm a mamma papa coming for you"?
Freak out indeedleedeed.

13:53 / 28.06.07

But... those lyrics are great. That's the best David Bowie song ever, in fact.

I guess we must come from different worlds.

lord nuneaton savage

14:13 / 28.06.07

DANGDERDANG!!! "I'M AN ALLIGATOR!!!"

Yeah, sorry, that track is totally skill.

17:06 / 28.06.07

I'm not sure if these qualify as bad lyrics as such, seeing as it's clear enough what point he's trying to make.

On the other hand, it's the kind of cri-de-coeur, however ironic, that almost anyone would struggle to get away with nowadays, however much of a rock and roll legend they were. And I dare say he must have caught a certain amount of flack for it in 1979, when it was first let loose on an unsuspecting world.

Anyway;

I Wanna Be Black by Lou Reed

I want to be black, have natural rhythm
Shoot twenty foot of jism too
And fuck up the jews

I wanna be black, I wanna be a Panther
Have a girlfriend named Samantha
Ahd have a stable of foxy whores
Oh, oh I wanna be black

I don't wanna be a fucked-up
Middle class college student anymore
I just wanna have a stable of
Foxy little whores
Yeah, yeah I wanna be black

I wanna be black like Martin Luther King
And get myself shot in the spring
And lead a whole generation too
And fuck up the jews.

I wanna be black, I wanna be like Malcolm X
And cast a hex
Over President Kennedy's tomb
And have a big prick too

Yeah, yeah I wanna be black
I wanna be black

21:35 / 28.06.07

Granted,we should have brought good ol' Louis Reed first!
Shall I start a Jim Morrison polemic? That would be epic.
Na, too risky.

21:59 / 28.06.07

I'm with Rizla on the Bowie- they're genius lyrics!

Def Lepard however hit us with this fella

Let's go all the way
Let's do it night'n'day
Let's get out and play
Rock the night away
Come on, let's get, let's get, let's get, let's get rocked
Do you wanna get rocked?

The same song also had the terrible line

i suppose a rock is out of the question?

I had a friend who used to work in a second hand record shop- he trawled bad metal for the worst songs possible and came up with this cheeky number "slipped her the big one" by a band called Danger Danger.

She looked so sweet in her hi-heeled shoes
She really knocked me out
I knew exactly what she wanted to do
There wasn’t any doubt

She looked at me
With a spark in her eye and she said
C’mon baby we could have a good time
So I

Slipped her the big one
I really knocked her out
Slipped her the big one
I really knocked her out

She moved so fast it was quite a surprise
I didn’t need a shove
It felt so good when she took me inside
She fit me like a glove - all the way around

One for the money
Two for the show
I made her an offer and she couldn’t say no
When I

Silpped her the big one
She really knocked me out
Slipped her the big one
She really knocked me out
Slip slip
Slipped her the big one
Slip slip

One for the money
Two for the show
I made her an offer and she couldn’t say no

Slipped her the big one
I really knocked her out
Slipped her the big one
I really knocked her out
Slipped her the big one
She really knocked me out
Slipped her the big one

A little in ‘n’ out, in ‘n’ out, in and out

Slip slip
slipped her the big one
Slip slip
Slipped her the big one
Slip slip
Slipped her the big one
Slip slip
Slipped her the big one

08:40 / 29.06.07

I wanna be black, I wanna be a Panther
Have a girlfriend named Samantha
Ahd have a stable of foxy whores
Oh, oh I wanna be black

....

I wanna be black like Martin Luther King
And get myself shot in the spring
And lead a whole generation too
And fuck up the jews.

Gosh, hadn't heard those before.

Good ol' Lou. : (

This strikes me as a result of a) Mr. Reed's extremely poor sense of humour and b) his habit of muddling his way through dodgy faux-offensive made-up-as-I-go-along verses on demo versions of songs, with the understanding that he'll fill in the proper ones later ("Samantha"?? WTF?).

Hence bizarre stuff like..

"Here's to Mulberry Jane
She made jam when she came
Somebody cut off her feet
Now jelly rolls in the street"

..on the Velvets "She's My Best Friend".

The difference being that verses like that are kinda unexpected and funny in the middle of an otherwise sweet little song that was never intended for release anyway, whereas only the evil Lou of the late '70s would be callous and self-regarding enough to pass off crap like the above as an official, finished song.

It's eternally frustrating the way that, even back in the '60s when he was good, Lou seemed to go in a matter of seconds from being some awesome mystic romantic to being just a horrible, lazy bastard seeing what kinda crap he can get away with singing over a great tune before people call him on it (see "Foggy Notion" etc.)

09:44 / 29.06.07

Those Bowie lyrics are fucking superb. For shame, Map.

11:00 / 29.06.07

Ok ok ok,
all my appologies,
guess that's just me on this one...
But don't get me wrong, as i mentioned it, i'm a Fan but can help but smile a little when i hear this (especially the live version on the Ziggy Stardust OST...)
Same thing, i love Rock'nRoll Suicide but :
"Time takes a cigarette/Puts it in your mouth"?

Aaaargh, SHAME, SHAME, SHAME on me.

p.s Don't cast me out pleaaaaase!
p.p.s- the I Want To Be Black song gave way to one of the greatest episode of the Lester Bangs/Lou tough love duel in
"Psychotic Reactions and Carburator Dung", a drunken Bangs singing to Lou's face: "Sho wish 'a was a nigga!"...

11:32 / 03.10.07

Let's dance to Joy Division
And celebrate the irony,
Everything is going wrong,
But we're so happy
Let's dance to Joy Division,
And raise our glass to the ceiling,
Cause this could all go so wrong,
But we're just so happy, yeah we're so happy,

(…)

So let the love tear us apart;
I've found a cure for a broken heart,
Let it tear us apart,
Let the love tear us apart;
I've found a cure for a broken heart,
Let it tear us apart,(Let it tear us apart)
So let the love tear us apart;
I've found a cure for a broken heart,
Let it tear us apart,(Let it tear us apart)
Let the love tear us apart;
I've found a cure for a broken heart,
Let it tear us apart,
Let it tear us apart,
Let it tear us apart.

Let's dance to Joy Division,
And celebrate the irony,
Everything is going wrong
But we're so happy
Let's dance to Joy Division,
And raise our glass to the ceiling,
Cause this could all go so wrong,
But we're so happy, yeah we're so happy,

So happy,
Yeah we're so happy,
So happy,
Yeah we're so happy.

The words “Ian”, “Curtis”, “turn” and “grave” spring to mind. Also the words “shut”, “fuck” and “up”.

At least I no longer have to wonder if indie bands are shit these days or if I’m just getting old. Nope, they really are shit.

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