After having this modicate injection (even right from when I am having piportil injection), on average, I stare blankly 4 to 5 times in a week. When I stare blankly, I have difficulty in watching out for cars coming towards me when I cross the road. I have to focus very hard. And this gets worst when I need to cross the road to walk back to my house from my parents’ house. And I have to do this every evening (and this is very bad when on average, I stare blankly 4 to 5 times a week) Sometimes, the staring blankly started in the early afternoon and last till late at night and I ended up having difficulty sleeping. I am also taking 3 tablets of chlorpromazine to help me sleep at nite (this is what the doctor told me).
When I stare blankly, I have difficulty taking my shower. This is because when I stare blankly, I am not aware of my surrounding. Sometime I end up just staring into space in the bathroom. And I also have difficulty looking for the soap and soaping myself. I am also not aware of the temperature of the water coming from the shower-head and I might scald myself. I am also not aware whether I have any urine in my bladder and I end up going to the toilet frequently just to make sure that I have empty my bladder. And when I have a bad case of constipitation or diarrhoe when I am staring blankly, it’s really hell for me.
Because of my staring blankly, I have quited from many of my contract jobs. This is because when I stare blankly, I start to have crazy thoughts. I can’t recall many of these thoughts. One of them which I could still recall is that I thought that people are trying to harm me or that I am possessed. These crazy thoughts freaked me out and that’s why I quit my contract jobs.
Actually I see no benefit in taking the modicate injection. All the injection do for me is to make me stare blankly.
Even after taking 2 tablets of Benhexol at one go, the staring blankly episode still last for another 2 hours before the medication take effects (benhexol stops me from staring blankly). And these many hours of staring blankly with crazy thoughts and all the bad effects mentioned above really freaks me out.
I don’t know if my mom has spiked my food with certain plants from her garden that causes my staring blankly. Now, my psychiatrist turn the table around and says that my staring blankly are signs and symptoms of my schizo depression. I am just so frustrated that I am so helpless……..By the way, is the plant or herb name starts with the letter p? |
