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Work function pisshead

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06:38 / 23.05.02

Oh dearie me. I'm sitting here eating spaghetti hoops with parmesan(for lack of anything else -- spot the single person's empty fridge)and drinking berocca and trying to persuade myself I ought to get to work.

Last night was a launch party for a new mag. In Soho House. All very nice and jolly. But all that free wine seems to have turned me into a monster and now I feel very sick indeed.

I don't remember doing anything too awful, just remember realising that I wasn't walking straight and that I had been boring the pants off some very sweet but very married guy from a Web design agency for about half an hour - at which point I stumbled home. But from experience I know that the terrible things tend to come back to me in flashes throughout the day ("No! I didn't! Oh god!") and I'm sure people will be all too happy to remind me when I get to work.

Anyway, just felt the need to whimper. I'd better go now. Please, please help me out -- fill this thread with horror stories of work nights out(I can't be the only one?) to cheer me up when I get there.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

07:14 / 23.05.02

As one of life's perennial temp, I never got plied with liquor at work functions- all my drinking is conducted on an amatuer basis. However, a freind of mine used to work in PR and got so peeeeshed on a night out in a trendy bar that the chucked a full glass of red wine all over a white leather sofa

Red wine. White. Leather. Sofa.

08:27 / 23.05.02

Well there was the time that Ariadne got too pissed at a work function to eat pizza... sorry, i'm not helping am i?

09:27 / 23.05.02

Ah yes. Thanks for reminding me, Sleaze! Yes, it's true, this is not the first time - put free wine in front of me and I seem to go nutty.

Everyone else in the office looks just as grey as I feel, but people keep going past, arching an eyebrow and saying "And how are you this morning?" Which is a bit disturbing.

Actually doing any work is beyond me - I'm just drinking tea and eating. I've had three breakfasts so far.

10:24 / 23.05.02

Well this happened one Christmas party on the student newspaper I worked for, drunk on vodka lots of, being loud and obnoxious .Then I spy some dodgy plumbing in the gents.
Aha I think if someone were to grab that pipe and waggle it back and forth it might....break off in my hand and start flooding the toilets...oh dear.
Flooded the toilets and the managers office underneath the toilets, I ran away but then had to admit it to the editor *cringe*.

But at least I didn't break one of the womens toilets or run around the hotel knocking on doors searching for Shadow from Gladiator who was staying there (doing panto in the town).

Feel better? :P

Vodka haven't touched it in a long time as it always turns me into an arsehole.

10:51 / 23.05.02

I got rather drunk (or, instead, very drunk) one Christmas and told my ex-boss that her hair extensions were clearly burrowing into her skull and affecting her judgement.
Oop.
When extravagantly drunk at someone's leaving do, I also wrote down everyone's orders for curries on (another) ex-boss's brand new electronic chess set manual. (? I know). When he remonstrated with me about it a couple of beers later, I explained - quite well, I thought, all things being taken into account - that it was written in fucking pencil and he could always rub it off, for fucks sake.
Oop.

10:51 / 23.05.02

...or the evening in Munich when Ariadne was witnessed snogging a tall dark Irishman, and later hurling abuse at a cab driver (in German too, impressively).
...or the time when
...
.

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

11:03 / 23.05.02

heh, you should a seen me at my bosses house for his going away party, got sloshed and then jumped from roof to poll, a boog 15 foot drop into the water...

11:14 / 23.05.02

Thanks to everyone. Except Sleaze and Meme B who ply me with drink and then act surprised when I misbehave. And remember far too much of it!

I'd love to throw red wine on a white leather couch - it would look amazing. For a minute, until the guilt set in. And invisible al, you're bad!

I'm feeling less shaky now and am going out for a big stodgy lunch.

11:15 / 23.05.02

this is where I want to point and/or get all sanctimonious and tell you that if you didnt drink so much, you wouldnt get in such trouble, and doubly so when you are in a situation where you need to behave in a semi-respectable manner. I dont drink, and its never happened to me, see?

then I remember I make other mistakes and should just keep my fat mouth shut

moral of the story: you may have acted like an asshole, and you have no one to blame but yourself, and should certainly set yourself to learning a lesson from it. however, we all are guilty of such errors, regardless of the circumstances. people will forgive you, and if they dont, ah well. you know better, we hope

ONLY NICE THINGS

11:32 / 23.05.02

Plus, people will forgive you almost anything if you're pissed while you do it (see under Flyboy...), whereas if you behave like a twart while sober people will realise that this is *actually you*, and shun you with mixed expressions of pity and horror.

11:37 / 23.05.02

oh my yes. one setback of not drinking is that I cant blame any of my rampant assholery on the bottle.

Ive tried pointing to an empty pint of ben & jerrys but so far no ones seemed too terribly convinced

11:46 / 23.05.02

Am i really the only one who doesn't think drink is a valid excuse for *anything*?

We're The Great Old Ones Now

11:59 / 23.05.02

Yes.

I sent a lot of text messages last night.

They were, by and large, amazingly ill-advised.

I am somewhat embarrassed.

12:00 / 23.05.02

I suspect most of the rest of us either have a personal interest in maintaining it as an excuse.

12:00 / 23.05.02

remove "either" from that sentence and it makes sense

and i'm not even drunk

ONLY NICE THINGS

12:10 / 23.05.02

Ah...alcohol is often a *reason*, but never an excuse.

Ahhhh....

12:12 / 23.05.02

"Am i really the only one who doesn't think drink is a valid excuse for *anything*?"

not really. but I think we are a seriously under represented minority. try to tell people not to drink enough to get stupid and all of a sudden you are a preacher. I learned that lesson the hard way, as I learn every lesson

12:14 / 23.05.02

Oh i'm not oposed to drinking in any way, nor even to acting foolishly, as long as people accept responsibility for their actions.

12:17 / 23.05.02

Haus alcohol is often a *reason*, but never an excuse.

Exactly. No apologies or self recrimination required. Simply arm thyself with the truth of the lord and the phrase 'What!? I was drunk!' shalt be thine shield.

12:18 / 23.05.02

Goodness me, BK - I was laughing at myself (though feeling ill), not looking for a lecture. I'm well aware that if I didn't drink I wouldn't get in trouble, but where's the fun in that?

We're The Great Old Ones Now

12:20 / 23.05.02

I think if you do something annoying but trivial whilst drunk, I'll chalk it up as part of your being drunk. I might be of the opinion that you should drink less in future, or I might think you were a lousy person to be around when you're drunk, but I won't actually blame you.

But people who drink to the point of incompetence in the field of standing upright don't generally float my boat anyway.

There are people who shouldn't drink. It releases something in them which is covered up for a good reason, like it's obnoxious or worse. They don't get to use being drunk as an excuse, because, frankly, after you get drunk and chase someone down the road with a pick axe or beat them up whilst they're asleep once, you should know not to do it again. Ever.

Sorry. Bitter boy.

12:22 / 23.05.02

And journo parties are not places where one has to 'behave in a semi-respectable manner'. Cripes, it's positively frowned upon to act respectable. As it turns out, I appear to have behaved better than most! Hey ho.

I'm starting to feel better again, all set to go out again tonight.

12:29 / 23.05.02

I read an article once that said a lot of our behaviour whilst drunk is socialised. We act "drunk" partly because we are supposed to - its not all chemical.

I've certainly used drunkeness as an excuse to have a row with someone. The row was in the air, the drink made it easier to start. This isn't neccessarily a bad thing, especially if you think that honesty is a good thing in a friendship. Having said that, there are always lines that shouldn't be crossed.

12:33 / 23.05.02

Yes, it can help you to talk about things you've been avoiding - but then you also tend to say too much, all the stuff you might hold back on otherwise.
That's interesting about acting drunk - I wonder if any tests have been done? You know, giving people a soft drink and saying it had alcohol in, to see how they act?

12:36 / 23.05.02

hmmm. The article I read was in New Scientist, so there was some kind of test involved. I can't remember the details though.

12:44 / 23.05.02

So all those annoying freshers that wake me up every Thursday and Friday night with their drunken returns from the Students' Union are not drunk, merely acting drunk because they're meant to be drunk? Why, this changes everything...

Can someone please explain to me how and why this cultural aspect evolved that students have to get so ratarsed that they can't remember their own name, let alone how their legs work? And not just once in a while but every bloody day of the week in some cases???

12:48 / 23.05.02

I used to work with a girl whose husband played rugby. When he was going out she used to hang his name and address round his neck on some string because he used to forget who he was and where he lived. Apparently all his mates did the same. Now that's a bit scary.

12:54 / 23.05.02

Most of the social behaviour that goes on that you think is down to being pissed can be done by placebo. It's quite easy to test, there've been quite a few experiments where they serve non-alcoholic drinks but don't tell anyone.

However, the really fucking stupid things you do because it seems like such a good idea to go to Brighton or climb onto the Millennium Bridge or streak down your parent's road... I think there's a contributing booze factor there.

13:18 / 23.05.02

sorry. I always mistake "goddamn I did something I dont feel so good about, tell me how stupid you are so I know Im not the only one" with cries for help. my silly fault

13:37 / 23.05.02

Hey sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that, BK. I know you meant well. But I was really just looking for funny tales cause I was (half) despairing of myself and my embarrassing drunkenness. But not actually intending to stop doing it!

We're The Great Old Ones Now

13:58 / 23.05.02

Now that's a bit scary.

Hm. I might have said 'horrible' or 'pathetic' (both in the received and the original sense).

14:02 / 23.05.02

Yes, a rugby team of guys so pissed they don't know their names would encourage me to leave the cosiest pub.

We're The Great Old Ones Now

14:06 / 23.05.02

Oh. I was thinking of the address thing. Most rugby players have general issues with long words like 'Peter'. That's why they give each other names taken from body parts and household objects. It does away with all those troublesome abstracts.

That's totally unfair, of course. But I felt like savaging some big, heavy men.

14:09 / 23.05.02

I keep meaning to put 'rugby lads' whenever there's a totally-irrational-unjustified-prejudice-of-things thread. I've witnessed one smashing a pint glass across his own forehead in a quiet bar when I was at college, with accompanying tomato puree on floor effects. Loovlay

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