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The Penis Monologue

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Less searchable M0rd4nt

19:36 / 22.05.02

This guy's penis got a coat. I don't think he'd have siad it was great tho'.

23:26 / 22.05.02

I've been leaving Haus and Lurid to their own devices in the 'Porn Free' thread but it seems that there's a considerable degree of overlap here - Ganesh

But me and Haus have kissed and made up now. So there is no excuse to stay away. Come along everyone and tell us what you think about porn. It'll be a "laugh". Even in the headshop. Honest.

07:14 / 23.05.02

Ganesh (in bold) wrote: I wonder to what degree porno representations of the penis contribute to male insecurity about the shyer Real Life version.

Kinda off-topic, but one of the reason's I never read comic books as a kid is because I couldn't relate to these huge, ripped protagonists. I was a really short and scrawny kid and looked nothing like The Hulk or Collosus or any of those dudes. They could've made the hero a dustpan and I might've been able to relate to that better than a talking orange rock like The Thing.

Given that relatively few of us are admitting to measuring our penises (and I thought everyone old enough to remember 'The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole' did that), where does the apparent obsession with comparison come from? Is it (and I dodgily try to remember basic Freud here) a vestige of childhood anxiety at first seeing Daddy's one? Will we ever measure up?

I'll admit that I've measured my cock. I can't imagine any man past the age of, say 14, that hasn't at one time or another.

As for the comparison bit, I've never felt any real need to. Like Zoom put it, "I've never had any complaints". Kinda a "if she doesn't have a problem with it, why should I?" thing. The only time I came close to comparing cocks was with this asian dude I knew in college. I told him that most westerners thought that asians had smaller cocks than occidentals. Kinda pissed off, he stood up, grabbed his belt and said "Oh yeah? Want to see?" at which time I promptly yelled "noooo thanks" & told him I beleived him.

Besides, it's not the size of the surfboard but how you ride the waves....

11:43 / 23.05.02

if the penis is 'like nature's Gameboy' then the clitoris is like the
intellimouse [point and clit...] teaching transferrable rudimentary
masturbation skills to many microsoft users. [possibly not all of them
know this].

11:55 / 23.05.02

The average size now, so the newpaper told me yesteday is 7" but I'm not sure how accurate that is, did anyone get asked?

And you can tell the size of a guys penis by their hand size, tip of the middle finger to the bottom of the palm.

Although I remembering seeing a porno when I was younger and the guy had one that seemed to be about a foot long, and I don't remember his hand being that big

12:53 / 23.05.02

The Bear's theory (And you can tell the size of a guys penis by their hand size, tip of the middle finger to the bottom of the palm.) works for me.

Mind you, I have short, stubby fingers and not the long, elegant pianist's (hehe) fingers of the Elephant-Headed Gonadologist.

There are so many myths about dick size and how to determine it and none of them work, except coincidentally. I suspect this is because most people don't see that many, apart from venereologists and immoralists like us queers.

Didn't someone once do some research into this? Now there's a job I'd have liked... He found that the Masai or some other tribe from the South of the Sudan has the largest dicks in the world but they barely grew at all when erect.

My biggest problem with mine (The Penius)is that it bends to the left, just a bit. But the skinjuries bother me not a jot. Nothing like a good friction burn.

13:05 / 23.05.02

Really not sure about the hand theory. So bored here that I actually just measured my hand and it's damn near eight and a half inches long. Work colleagues think I'm strange enough without whipping out 'nature's gameboy', but there's no way in hell it's that size.

no matter how much Ganesh describes his...

00:46 / 25.05.02

Penii. Hmmm. Well, having a brother who is just a year older than me, obviously when we were both wee tykes I saw his, and I was little I just knew that "boys and girls have different kinds of wee-wees." Never really thought it was a big deal, and I can never remember ever wanting a penis when I was little (though now it would certainly come in handy as a strap-on device for sexplay). I was always really happy with my personal equipment.

I have always thought penises look a bit goofy. But hey, what body part doesn't look goofy when you think about it.

They seem to come in all shapes and sizes - and as far as size doesn't matter, I'm here to say that it doesn't matter - unless it's really, really, REALLY small. Then it's a turn-off, for me, personally. But even then a lad can make up for lost inches. And don't think length, boys - think GIRTH!

But back to topic. I'm amazed that there are really long and skinny ones and short and stubby ones and curved ones and cut and non-cut and whatever you can think of in between. And I think it's cool that you have something on your body that is sometimes like a pole, but sometimes isn't. That's neat.

Still, glad my sex organs are internal.

00:49 / 25.05.02

Oh, and all y'all need to stop worrying about how "big" or "not big" you are. The vast majority of men have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Personally, I think men just like thinking about their dicks and that's what all the "worry" is about.

01:46 / 25.05.02

I'm not sure men do all 'worry' about the size of their penises - and the girth thing is only really relevant in certain circumstances (ie. whether it'll fit in this or that hole). Do straight men (In This Day And Age) still need that whole 'size doesn't matter' reassurance spiel?

I guess I was more interested in looking at the penis in a more abstract sense - or, at least, trying to pin down those qualities or notions ascribed to it which aren't necessarily directly related to penetrative sexual function.

05:48 / 25.05.02

the clitoris is like the intellimouse [point and clit...]

yes! the first time I saw a mouse with the rolly wheel on top, rather than just the, ahem, ball on the bottom, I thought: A Clitoris! How Cool!!!

And I went down the hall to a colleague and said, "Did you see that our new computers are girls?"

I don't think he understood what I meant.

and yes i said yes...

(as to the qualities of the penis not associated with penetration . . . i've found that my partner's is great for dusting/polishing the furniture, and other light housework... but it doesn't do windows.)

06:32 / 25.05.02

Ganesh wrote: I guess I was more interested in looking at the penis in a more abstract sense - or, at least, trying to pin down those qualities or notions ascribed to it which aren't necessarily directly related to penetrative sexual function.

Pfft. Fuck that.

(and the award for "The Most Uninspired Pun" goes to...)

09:02 / 25.05.02

Ho ho. Seriously, though, the 'penis = penetration = sex' line of thought is rather limiting to all parties, don't you think?

10:06 / 25.05.02

Would you take it in your mouth Mrs. Murphy?

It only weighs three quarters of a pound.

It has hair on its neck like a turkey,

And it spits when you rub it up and down.

10:15 / 25.05.02

What kind of penile qualities did you want to talk about, Ganesh? We've had the physical descriptions and the idea of penis as comfort toy. Is it telling that I can't really think of anything else to say?

11:46 / 25.05.02

yay alas!
lord knows what the digital cligeva is linked up to...
although suddenly an entire field has been transformed
plug and play etc

12:58 / 25.05.02

Lurid: I guess I was thinking in a more nebulous way of how people relate to their willies, whether they like them (this borne out of sessions working with pre-surgery trans women who hated their genitalia and often couldn't bear to touch 'em), whether they're a source of comfort or anxiety or both. Trying to move outside the usual innuendo, cliche and spurious mythology.

And yeah, some people have - like yourself - gone into all this stuff and posted really interesting replies. I guess some people just don't think consciously about their bodies. A reasonable analogy might be if I'd asked "what do you think about your nose?": some people wouldn't have given their nose much consideration at all, while some might've waxed lyrical for hours about its effect on their life (I've met people like this). It'd be a shame to have confined such a discussion to the purely functional business of smelling...

14:28 / 25.05.02

I guess I was more interested in looking at the penis in a more abstract sense - or, at least, trying to pin down those qualities or notions ascribed to it which aren't necessarily directly related to penetrative sexual function.

Hmmm. As someone sans penis, this may be harder from me. But I will think about and see if I have anything to add...

Less searchable M0rd4nt

19:22 / 25.05.02

My first real encounter with a dick was pretty fraught- I'd never met a hard-on mano e mano before (oh, you know what I mean) and man, that sucker looked angry. It was my second boyfriend, however, who demonstrated the prehensile qualities of the knob.

I've chosen not to have a particularly broad experience of the male member in an intimate way, but given the sort of low dives I carouse in I've seen quite a few.

People often comment on the effect of gravity on the female mammary equipment, but until I started going to fetish clubs I didn't realise that men are subject to a similar problem viz-a-viz their nadgers.

I'll never forget my sense of epiphany on watching a knock-need old boy totter by, naked but for a pair of high-heels, his testicles swinging in the region of his patellas. I felt like calling him over and having him stand on a table so I could use him as an executive desk toy.

But dicks, by and large, are rather appealing things. They have a nice range of colours and textures- smooth bits, veinous bits, wrinkly bits, hairy bits; I've occasionally contemplated doing a series of textile sculptures based on the little teapot.

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