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The Barbelith Club For Jolly Spiffing Chaps: No cads, bounders or oiks.

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ONLY NICE THINGS

13:21 / 23.01.03

Women? Xoc, my dear fellow, women are a tale to frighten children. IO fear some lallywagger has taken you in.

Incidentally, whisper it, but I think we may have an impostor. A hice, at King's? I don't recall there being any hices at King's Cambridge, and there isn't a King's Oxford....I heard there was another university somewhere up north near a train station, but surely that doesn't count...

Scrambled Password Bogus Email

13:32 / 23.01.03

Foine zurrs, beggin' thee pardon, but oi've wehtnessed a most queer goinz on whoile oi tremmed yon 'edges out baaahhhck. Oi thaught mebbe one of you'ze foine gentlemen could puts to roights what zeemz a be a, well....norn Chrishchun tryst, if you'ze are getting moi meanin'.

Ets froightening the 'orrsiz.

Whisky Priestess

13:40 / 23.01.03

Suedehead: Whisky. Yes, yes. Don't stop there, fill it up.

The number of times I've heard these words echoing around the smoking-room of the old club ...

Tezcatlipoca

13:47 / 23.01.03

Perhaps we should check his breeding, Hice. I say, imposter chappy, are you part of the Kent Ignatius_Js, or the Hampshire Ignatius_Js?

Linus Dunce

13:53 / 23.01.03

Oh dear, I knew this would happen one day. I'm afraid mummy was rather fond of a pink gin and daddy left us when he found out I was born the wrong side of the sheets, as it were.

I shall have someone fetch my coat -- ah, here it is already.

Goodbye then. For what it's worth ... oh, never mind.

Goodness Gracious Meme

13:56 / 23.01.03

*hands Ignatius J his coat*

Please to be leaving now, sir, very good, very good sir.

*bows*

adamswish

14:05 / 23.01.03

Call yourselves gentlemen, not one of you has completed "Walking the Telegraph". Plus you've been absent in your studies of the G & T Ceremony.

Messers Temple and Darkwood will be most dis-pleased with these efforts.

Now be still, I feel the muse upon me.

Linus Dunce

14:13 / 23.01.03

*Ignatius goes through the door and walks down the cold, stone steps. He stops on the pavement, take a deep breath of the winter air, and laughs quietly. A great weight has been taken from his shoulders, and clarity of purpose is for the first time his. "I can marry Annie," he says, "I can marry her -- who will care now? I can marry Annie!"

He steps into a cab. "St Mary's church, please."

"It's not open this afternoon sir -- there's a wedding, just about to start, sir."

"You heard me, the church! As fast as you can!"*

Cherry Bomb

14:38 / 23.01.03

I say chaps, let's round up some of the lower orders for a few games of soggy biscuit.

I first read this as let's round up our lawyers for a game of soggy biscuit. Which may well be appropriate.

Other than that I ain't got no idea what all y'alls are sayin'.

Mourne Kransky

16:15 / 23.01.03

Lawyers? Damn their eyes, we ain't havin' no tradesmen in here. Strapping Young Sax there keeps our macaroons perpetually soggy, just the way we like 'em. Bally shame there may be a war on any minute and such as he will be called upon to serve Queen and Country as cannon fodder. I hope that scapegrace Ignatius don't think his conjugal obligations will save him. His legendary bayonet will be required for more wholesome duties now, like spreading our Imperial bounds wider still and wider. We're back livin' in the days of Palmerstonian Gunboat Diplomacy and a it gladdens my impeccably bred heart.

*Xoc's impeccably bred heart fibrillates and fails to circulate the mixture of blood and brandy effectively. Slumps forward, unnoticed, in his chair, dreaming of frightening another horse behind the hedge. Bad form to make a fuss, y'know*

Less searchable M0rd4nt

11:34 / 26.01.03

A few flamingos regard Xoc curiously from their hiding-place behind the tallboy. Is it safe to come out yet?

Knight's Move

22:45 / 26.01.03

Terrible the amount of fakery and tomfoolery about these parts.

I'd wager none of you have truly endured jolly good pulic schools and Latin, and neither have you degrees from Cambridge. Floggings all round.

Personally, I wouldn't be suprised if this level of degeneracy leads to nothing more than skirts above the ankle and murders in the dining room. Next thing you know there'll be bally Yanks allowed on this thread. And next women will demand the vote. And then where shall we be, I ask you?

Goodness Gracious Meme

23:01 / 26.01.03

*bengali realises that ze is in fact a high-caste Hindu*

*pulls up an armchair, clicks fingers*

Anyone caught the cricket scores. Wonderful game, cricket, teaches one right from wrong, what?

Whisky Priestess

14:42 / 27.01.03

QUINT: Whisky. Straight. Make it a good'un.

Oh all right, all right, I'm coming ...

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Whisky Priestess, bastard child of the Pope and hence God's Vicar's Daughter. I outrank you all. Sax, fetch me my chasuble!

And a double Jameson's on the rocks.

Tezcatlipoca

15:04 / 27.01.03

Good evenin' Whiskey. Daughter of the ol' Pope, eh? Well then, might I say what a charming habit you have...

Tezcatlipoca

15:05 / 27.01.03

[Editorial]
There will now be a short musical interlude whilst the enormity of that pun sinks in.
[/Editorial]

Sax

15:35 / 27.01.03

*Sax takes pause from where he rubs his firm and glistening body down with goose fat in the kitchen*

Chasuble? What by Od's Bodkin is a chasuble? I cannot wait until they invent Google.

Sax

15:38 / 27.01.03

Ah, having consulted my relatively oversized dictionary, I now know that yon young lady wants a hand with her skirts. Always happy to oblige. I'll just wipe this rather manly mud off my hands and put down this pig.

The Return Of Rothkoid

21:07 / 27.01.03

*cigar smoke curls around a column*

Kit-Cat Club

12:54 / 15.09.03

I say, things have got bally slack round here lately. Rotten, I call it. Who's for a jolly old spring clean - Augean stables, eh, what?

Golly, I could do with a fortifying snifter. I don't suppose anyone's seen old Minchinghampton later? Blighter's gone off with my best hock.

Tryphena Absent

12:59 / 15.09.03

What do you say we fire off a good round of Jerusalem and top it off with some of that old scotch Oldham Bermondburgh's got floating around the place? Right off the continent! Soon take your mind off Minchinghampton thieving hands.

Kit-Cat Club

13:07 / 15.09.03

A dashed good notion! And then I propose we saunter on down to the WI and take a gander at the fine sporting fillies. Jolly patriotic stuff, what. Damned good show.

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