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The Barbelith Club For Jolly Spiffing Chaps: No cads, bounders or oiks.

  
  

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Less searchable M0rd4nt
20:03 / 09.05.02
What ho, chaps. I say, I could bally well do with a G'n'T!

*bags the biggest comfiest leather armchair and nods meaningfully at a passing flunky, who beetles off to fetch said libation*
 
 
w1rebaby
20:07 / 09.05.02
My word, old chap, you mean you haven't got one already? Service round here is dreadful.

Chin chin!

*chink*
 
 
Captain Zoom
20:12 / 09.05.02
Chaps, I just rode in from the hunt and old Tiddlesworth appears to have vanished. Not a trace of the old blighter. I say, is that a '74 LaFitte Sherry. Do pour us a glass.

(Zoom, eh, what)
 
 
w1rebaby
20:18 / 09.05.02
Vanished, eh? I don't suppose they checked the local hostelries, eh what? and a few of the fairer sex's bedrooms? *nudge*

Either that or the blighter's gone and got himself kidnapped by aliens again. Silly bugger. A whiff of an anal probe and the man's anyone's.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
20:20 / 09.05.02
Mordy, Friggers! Top hole to see you both!

Snuck in here on my own tonight to enjoy one of these extra length, imported Cubans.

No, Doctor Nesh-Rowley-Birkin's not with me (can't let the trade in here, can we?).

Fancy a spot of fagging later, for old times' sake?
 
 
w1rebaby
20:26 / 09.05.02
I say, Zoch old bean, simply spiffing to see you again! Ah, those old memories, short trousers eh what?

*falls off chair*
 
 
Mourne Kransky
20:26 / 09.05.02
My Good Captain, didn't see you there (curse this rheumy monocle!)

How's the conquest of the Canada going, you old Hussar?
 
 
Mourne Kransky
20:31 / 09.05.02
Ah, Friggers, on your knees again, boy... Such happy and brutally exploitative times...

*wipes away a reminiscent tear*

Happiest days of my life at St Thomas' when we were young whippersnappers. Well, I remember whips, anyway. & being caned much of the time.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
20:42 / 09.05.02
Ah yes. Those happy days at St. Archons!
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
20:52 / 09.05.02
'Course, old Zoch's pater couldn't run to the fees for St Archon's. Bally shame. We really knew what fagging was at St A's- why, I had half-a-dozen scholarship erks at my beck and call.
 
 
Captain Zoom
21:02 / 09.05.02
Well, Zoch old boy, it's a relief to be back from the colonies. Mongrels and savages, the lot of them, and that's just the king's boys over there. Never did see any of the native chappies, what with old "Spoffo" showing us his new house. If I can have a word conspiratorially old chap, I think Friggers and Carny might actually have eaten old Tiddlesworth. They've been looking at me right strange since I walked in.

I say, Fridge! Throw me one of those cucumber sandwiches. What is this lovely pate we're eating?

mooZ.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
21:28 / 09.05.02
Oh, for Heaven's sake. I leave to have my annual dinner with my lovely wife and I return not two hours later to this....barbarism.

Sherry doesn't have vintages.

I am going to procure my pipe from the bar. I expect you all to have committed ritual suicide when I return. Except for you, Zoom. For you there is no sweet release of death. Get out, sir.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
21:34 / 09.05.02
I say, Mordy, bit of a low blow! St Thomas' was almost as good a school as St Archons you know. Shame it went co-ed when it did and merged with Barbelith Secondary Modern for Gurrrls. Fagging was never much fun after that. Spoiled Friggers entirely.

And Zoom, you fine upstanding colonial boy, have another piece of Paté de Fetherstonehaugh, wontcha? Can really taste the gristle. Splash of custard and I could be back at St Tom's, relishing yummy buns at midnight in a darkened dorm.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
21:38 / 09.05.02
Sherry doesn't have vintages.

The wine upon which the sherry was based, Tanners, you oik.

Honestly.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
21:43 / 09.05.02
Because quoting James Bond will get you out of this one....

Morders, you know as well as I that there is no "wine on which the sherry was based". Sherry is made in casks, and mixed with highly matured sherries from older casks for flavour. When one of the old casks becomes depleted, it is reinforced from the *next* oldest cask. You can have casking years, but as the quality of the sherry varies only marginally from one year to the other they by no means fulfil the same function as vintages. And there is no single oenological origin point in any sherry worth the drinking.

Plus, to describe Canada is a colony is a vile calumny upon a hardy people.

It's a dominion.

If you need to borrow a revolver you have only to ask...
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
21:55 / 09.05.02
Just testing.
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
22:17 / 09.05.02
och aye da noo
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
22:29 / 09.05.02
Oik! Oik at twelve o'clock!

Unless he's come to see to the herbacious borders, of course.
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
23:12 / 09.05.02
A mere jest my good lady, now where's my good man E. Randle Dupree? Ah yes, that's it my lad, pour me a drink. Whisky. Yes, yes. Don't stop there, fill it up.

Get a bigger glass then.

Well, that's settled, no, don't you start talking to me about donkeys. I'm sorry? Well, I don't know about such business. You are a man of few morals and I think you should now leave.

Where are my wenches?
 
 
the Fool
00:22 / 10.05.02
Tally ho chums, just got back from the colonies and I'm postiviely chaffing at the bit for a bit of a good old knees up. Someone hand me my snuff, there's a good lad...
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
11:50 / 10.05.02
Fellows, fellows, most regretable about this tardiness. Was busy with a tete a tete with one of those Conseulas from old Mexico what. Delightful little thing, doesn't speak a bally word of the Queens, no idea what she said, sounded rather poetic though.

Hey ho Zoom, still in the art trade? Mordy, Tann, Cher, Suede looking all spiff there. Fridgey, do straighten the collar when you do that, you look most common otherwise.

Anyone spare me a snort, seem to have left the blighted little box at the Smytheringham Estate, damnable fool that I am.
 
 
Sax
12:13 / 10.05.02
As an uneducated Northern oik, I presume my only role here is to fetch drinks, supply the odd helpful hint towards completing the FT crossword, and fellate the occasional bursting erection.

I know my place.
 
 
Tezcatlipoca
12:20 / 10.05.02
Oh me word, what a likely lookin’ lot of intellectuals we ‘av ‘ear. Reminds one of the Old Country, you understand. I can still remember me years spent in the Great Hall at Tezcatlipoca Mansions. There I was, sittin’ before the hearth, the falcon lyin’ beside me and the Great Dane perched on me wrist, when bally gypsies swung down orn ropes from the minstrels gallery and made orf with me. Sigh, those were the days. Massive estates we ‘ad. Twelve villages half a dozen hills three rivers and a mountain. Of course, we ‘ad it taken away from us durin’ the restoration for ‘elpin’ Cromwell escape from the Armada. Oh well, pip pip chaps!

Incidentally, can anyone do Sir Roger de Coverly? It’s just he borrowed five pounds from me…
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
12:24 / 10.05.02
Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome our visitor from the former colonies, Mister Dick van Dyke.
 
 
Tezcatlipoca
12:25 / 10.05.02
It's a fair cop, guv'...
 
 
Morlock - groupie for hire
12:25 / 10.05.02
Pardon me, Lady C@rnival, but it appears that a rabble has gathered at the front gates. They are brandishing rural implements and brands and seem to be demanding access to the Wine Cellars and something called 'grog'. Would Madam prefer I contact the Constabulary, or shall I have Madam's shotguns sent up once more?
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
12:29 / 10.05.02
How frightfully dull. Just set the dogs on them, would you? Good man.
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
12:30 / 10.05.02
Oooh, shotguns I say. Nothing like a good hunt to keep the populace tickety-boo.
 
 
Sax
12:37 / 10.05.02
Perhaps I have a role as your old, wrinkled retainer?
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
12:41 / 10.05.02
*clips round ear*

The bally staff doesn't ballywell speak until it's ballywell spoken too.
 
 
Morlock - groupie for hire
12:43 / 10.05.02
Mister Sax, that role has been taken. Kindly return to the kitchens. Might I suggest I have the hounds released when the guns have ben prepared? Would provide better sport for Sir potus if the hooligans are moving.
 
 
Sax
12:52 / 10.05.02
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Sax
12:56 / 10.05.02
*Little do they know that in actual fact I am the incredibly handsome and muscular bastard son of Haus and a poor kitchen wench, now grown to smouldering, nay, bulging adulthood and posing as a mere servant until such a time I can wreak vicious revenge upon these bloated aristos, perhaps finding time to deflower one of their innocent yet pneumatically-saucy daughters along the way*

Now, does Duchess Ariadne need a bed-bath?
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
12:58 / 10.05.02
*another clip round the ear*

And there will be none of that sass either boy.

Yes Mr. Morlock, I think it would be a jolly good idea to have those good fellows from the local constabulary get these chaps moving a little.
 
 
Morlock - groupie for hire
13:30 / 10.05.02
Very well sir. I regret that I must remind sir that it would be best if Sir could reserve his aim for peasants, pirates and other degenerates. Chief Constable Coates can only handle a limited amount of friendly fire through our 'arrangement' and I fear the dogs have not been breeding well lately.
 
  

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