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Future Man! (Meeting Celebrities)

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The Natural Way

13:04 / 03.05.02

Fly: it all pales in comparison to the other weekend, when Kim Deal kissed my shoe.

Well, never had anything as exciting as that happen, but the producer on my last researcher job attempted to grope my balls. In public. I sat there frozen while she cupped them.

It was terrible.

13:06 / 03.05.02

Flyboy:
Met a fair few this way, but it all pales in comparison to the other weekend, when Kim Deal kissed my shoe.

we must hear the full story of that one..

13:22 / 03.05.02

Hmm. Two weeks ago, stood at the bus stop, I saw Matthew Kelly posing for a photo shoot in the doorway of the Stafford Gatehouse.

Last year I went to an exhibition of Botticelli's sketches of Dante's Divine Comedy. Feeling a bit raw after the night before, I had to have a sit down. Fra Dolcino lost all colour in his face when he noticed that I was sat next to Roland Gift, the singer from Fine Young Cannibals.

My life's shittastically boring.

14:04 / 03.05.02

I've seemed to attracted some great claims to fame over the years...current top 3 being...

1.I've seen Chris Morris' penis

2.My son once threw Bruce Dickensons' (short,tight wearing singer from Iron Maiden) son of the top of a climbing frame...(they were both about 5 at the time squabbling over 'Right Of Way')

3.I've broken one of the Nolan Sisters legs...She wasn't in no mood to fucking dance after that i tell you!!!

all 100% true i swear!!

14:25 / 03.05.02

also went to a Hank Williams the 3rd gig with some friends and my brother (whose a huge HW 1st fan) last year some time...great gig and we got chatting to Hank in the bar later. Turned out it was his first time in London so we dragged him and his drummer on a long drinking tour of Brixton stubbenly feeding him Sea Breezes all night instead of the whiskey he kept on bleating for (' I'll have a Bourbon'...'Fuck Off!...You're in Brixton now...You'll have a Sea Breeze!!')...havn't got a clue where i got that idea from...Anyway a fine night which ended up back at mine with Hank and Drummer smoking blow out of a crushed up coke can and my girlfriend being woke up in a foul mood coming down the stairs yelling at us to keep the noise down to which we could only reply, 'But it's Hank Williams grandson!!!'..'I don't give a shit who he is!!'...'It's Hank Williams grandson!!!'

21:24 / 03.05.02

i have also met rollins, a couple of times. he was charming - i talked to him about fugazi, which he seemed to prefer to talking about himself. but yeah, eyes like a shark. clive barker was even more charming and has very friendly eyes.

i sat around in a dyke coffeebar with kaia from team dresch/the butchies once. she seemed pretty nice. and i asked the guitarist from tribe 8 about my thumb tattoo (she runs a parlour in sanfran). she was not so friendly - reputation to uphold, i assume.

22:11 / 03.05.02

I was wondering the empty streets of Old Montreal on the final day of the Olympics U.S./Canada Hockey tourney. No one was around because of the match, which I had completely forgotten about. My friend Twist and I saw a whole bunch of old cars parked on the side of the street in front of a pub. I had no clue that they might be filming a movie until we got right up to the pub, where they had a small sign on the sidewalk. Seconds later, we passed a silver haired man, hunched over smiling creepily. I turned to Twist and whispered "Rutger Hauer." She said "Who?"

She still wasn't convinced that there were any actors around, so I pointed to the left and said "Well, isn't that George Clooney?" She took a quick glance and froze up. Clooney nudged past us, excused himself, and she had to stifle a nervous giggle.

We got the fuck out of there before she freaked out entirely, and said "Wow. Can you believe that?" I said "Yeah. Rutger Hauer..."

wembley can change in 28 days

23:16 / 03.05.02

When I worked at !ndigo, Billy Connolly came in looking for the soundtrack for 'O Brother, Where Art Thou?' At first I thought he was a friend of one of my acting instructors because he looked, er, 'stagey' and familiar, and then he opened his mouth. Good God. I called him 'mate' in a moment of absolute stupidity.

No-one will care, but I was thrilled to shake Mark Rylance's hand after seeing him play Hamlet at the Globe.

Again, no-one will care, but I got a ride home with Dave Bidini (of Rheostatics and book-writing fame). He had 2 hockey sticks in the car, just like my dad's.

Sylvester Stallone liked my blue hair, but he looked like a suitcase he was so fucking tanned.

I met Douglas Coupland; I was really nervous and asked him to sign my copy of Microserfs with his favourite REM lyric, which turned out being my favourite one, too. Weird.

I served Michael Ondaatje a glass of wine at a play opening, and may or may not have spoken with Atom Egoyan and Margaret Atwood.

Touched Michael Hutchence's toe ring. Weird night. Chatted online with David Bowie. I'm grasping at straws here. I was supposed to have lunch with David Cronenberg and only found out about it afterwards. Arse. Tori Amos is very nice and very, very short. A friend of mine had coffee with Nick Cave, which beats all of my experience put together. I'm saving it for when I become a celebrity myself and can meet anywhom I choose.

04:31 / 04.05.02

I kissed the drummer of elastica.

And I can't remember his name! Ha!

19:42 / 04.05.02

I met Douglas Coupland at a book signing for Gilfriend in a Coma. He looked at me really weird at first as he thought I was his friend Eric who shows up randomly and surprises him... strange...

20:23 / 04.05.02

Seen Greg Proops in a pub, and Sacha Baron-Cohen in Soho (looking v normal). Also, Iain Lee "off the eleven o' clock show" growing a shitty beard and dragging some unfortunate girl along, on Oxford Street. Hang around in central London and you'll come across these people.

01:39 / 05.05.02

saw Mark from Sugar Ray lose money playing craps in the United Center parking lot after Vans tour one year (also that year hung out w/ Reel Big Fish who had us meet the Bosstones just because they could)

missed seeing Ray Liota at my favorite coffee spot by a minute, my waiter friend was still freaking out

used to be able to call up Dan Potthast of MU330 at his house until he moved across the country to califonia

that's all i can think of... i certainly know plenty of people that i think'll be celebs in the next 10yrs or so... then i can REALLY wow ya'll

17:07 / 07.07.02

When in Ireland last week, I went to Mullingar, County Westmeath because it's where J.P. Donleavy lives.

One of my favourite authors, pretty much only known for his first book "The Ginger Man". Reading his books, which are almost exclusively set in Ireland, really inspired me to make sure I go there at one point in my life and check it out. Because of him being my motivation to go Ireland, I felt I should go see his mansion on the shores of Lough Owell. Not to actually meet him, but just see the area.

Anyways, I went to Mullingar, walked along a tiny country road for 40min or so towards Lough Owell where he lives. Took a picture of a mansion that may or may not have been his (I couldnt get a good look through the fence and felt very conspicious), and then had to run back to catch the last bus to Dublin.... but:

Just after getting on the bus, I look out the window and the man himself pulls up, and drops off someone for the bus. I couldn't help but stare at him for awhile, but of course, forgot to take a picture

. I didnt want to get off the bus and bother him. It really made my day though to actually see him in person. It was a nice cap to my trip in Ireland.

Matthew Fluxington

18:15 / 07.07.02

Off the top of my head, people whom I have met, been introduced to, or actually talked to the following:

Jarvis Cocker (w/ Candida Doyle)
Stephen Malkmus
Bob Nastatovich
Spiral Stairs
Mark Ibold
Thurston Moore
Ian Svenonius
Guy Picciotto
Ian MacKaye
Joe Lally
Parker Posey
Elisabeth Esselink (Solex)
Sean Lennon (and his exgirlfriend, the one from Cibo Matto)
the bass player from Clinic
Neko Case
Jimmy Fallon
Jandek wrote me a letter

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

02:09 / 08.07.02

You met Parker Posey?

OK...NOW I'm envious.

Matthew Fluxington

02:51 / 08.07.02

It's kinda lucky that you mention that one, cos it's the most ridiculous story of the bunch - I'd actually met her a couple times, with her boyfriend who was a vague acquintance who I'd see at shows and chat with, he'd always say "oh, this is my girlfriend". This must have happened three times or so, and at one show it happened again and after having a brief conversation, my friend who was with me looked at me with a very surprised look "You know Parker Posey?". I never really recognized her, but yeah, it was her. She just sort of looked like every other skinny pretty girl in NYC to me...

03:06 / 08.07.02

I met Willem Dafoe over at his brother's house and made out with his niece. Full Metal Jacket came out not too long before that and had a little chat with him about it.

And one night over at a friend-of-a-friends, ran into Jay-Z trying to fetch some blow...

07:24 / 09.07.02

I met the Subcommandante Marcos last year. He turned up at our evening camp during the Zapatista caravan, and stood in the dark about a meter behind me when he suddenly spoke, wearing black mask and ammunition belts and all. He has a very soft voice. I have a book autographed by him, too..

Kind of topped getting really drunk with Naomi Klein a week later, but that was fun too.

07:58 / 09.07.02

I went round to Tony Hart's house yesterday afternoon. We'll be in the Mirror together next Tuesday (the 16th). Centre pages, so I'm told.

And I went on stage with Keith Harris and Orville when I were little.

01:52 / 10.07.02

People I've met and exchanged words with:

David Byrne
Sigourney Weaver
Harlan Ellison

If you're into billionaires, I also know Steve Jobs reasonably well--I worked at Apple for ten years...

07:56 / 10.07.02

A wee note for E Randy Dupre - the Roland Gift thing isn't so bad. He drinks in my local sometimes. And people still get excited.
Being involved in the world of journo, I've met a few interesting bods, but my favourites are:
Debauched activity in a backstage toilet with Babe from Rockbitch
Urinating next to Denis Betts (yes, the Denis Betts) at Terry O'Connor's wedding and then having my pint spilt by Gary Connolly - I did nothing. He didn't mean it...
Getting locked in the backroom of a pub with the cast of Grease - some guy who used to be in Emmerdale (Ian someone?) was there, but I was too interested in the chorus girls and watching the guys from the chorus having a screaming match in the bogs.

Looking at the above list, it might seem a little parochial, so here's the biggie....

I'VE INTERVIEWED THE CHUCKLE BROTHERS.

There, I said it. You may now queue to touch me.

09:49 / 10.07.02

I almost got a chuckle cut when i was a lad. I am monstrously impressed.

11:24 / 10.07.02

i've probably mentioned it elsewhere but i met nick cave. years and years ago. the birthday party were ambling along towards rough trade record shop in ladbroke grove, tracey pew was buying ice creams and i asked nick when the band were touring again.

and i used to be mates with emma from lush (never liked the band but her fanzine, 'alphabet soup' was hilarious). spoke to one of crass on the phone, but never found out which one it was. he was very kindly, though. and if any of you remember one of the worst 'punk' bands - the exploited - as far as i can tell, i nearly went for an audition with them.

none of these are really celebs, though. i've driven past derek jarman's wonderful house at dungeoness but he wasn't present, unfortunately. so that doesn't count at all, does it?

11:29 / 10.07.02

I served coffee and scones to Spaulding Gray for three days. But in the same time period, my friend woke up in the morning and went to the kitchen & found him standing by the sink in his tighty-whiteys. So I lost that contest, as it were.

13:27 / 10.07.02

When I was living in North Carolina, I went & saw Electrafixion. Being a huge Echo fan, I was incredibly excited. It was in a small bar, & I was grooving out right in front of Ian McCulloch. After the show, my friends & I were standing around our car & we saw the tour bus. "Wow," I said, "wouldn't it be amazing to meet the band?"

"Well," my friend said, "there's the bassist."

"Yeah, but I don't know who he is. But to meet Mac or Will...hey, there's Will!"

I felt incredibly shy, but my friends goaded me into going over to him. "That was a fantastic show!" I gushed.

"Nah," he said, matter of factly, "it was crap. The sound system was terrible." (It really was, but I told him it wasn't. I'm such a suck up.)

Suddenly, loads of other fans troop over & begin fawning all over him. Will is dead nice & incredibly sarcastic. At one point, having read that he likes comics, I told him about The Invisibles (the main character is a kid from Liverpool). He then told me how much he loves Flaming Carrot & Reid Fleming.

One of the best experiences of my life.

Oh, & I talked to Allen Ginsberg on the phone when I worked at a bookstore in Kansas City.

13:40 / 10.07.02

David Jason was in our office filming A Touch of Frost this morning.

13:42 / 10.07.02

Urinating next to Denis Betts (yes, the Denis Betts) at Terry O'Connor's wedding and then having my pint spilt by Gary Connolly - I did nothing. He didn't mean it...

This wasn't in Wigan by any chance was it, Mr Y?

Wrecks City-Zen

00:18 / 11.07.02

Partied hard with Kid Rock
Got thrown out of a club with Eric Morillo and Reel 2 Reel
At the airport with Howie Mandel
Used to be good friends with John Candy
Met Hayden Christiansen (?) at the priemere of Star Wars 2
Got drunk with Metallica and NIN
Cried on Prince's shoulder
Monica, Brandy, Brittney pre fame...

There's more. I'll be back.

14:53 / 11.07.02

Um, I have met alot of people but its usually accompanied by horribly embaressing personal experiences...or the like...or drugs usually lots of drugs as well!

So..the highlights:

Liam Neeson - dribbled snot on his jacket....

Ewan McGregor - he was v drunk and v charming and v interested in my fetish corset

Johnny Lee Miller - was with Ewan at time also v drunk. Even prettier in real life rather oddly!

Jude Law and wife - utterly utterly charming

Russell Crowe - *KERTHUD* made a complete twit of myself. Rarely have I been reduced to such quivering mess of estrogen. He was extremely charming & friendly & polite in the face of my gibbering.

Nicole Kidman - in the ladies toilets of a restaurant. She has legs that go on forever!! Quite breathtakingly gorgeous and very friendly.

Andrew Eldritch - The Goth King! Stunningly intelligent and funny

Robert Smith and Wife - very down to earth and sweet

John Peel - he got stuck babysitting me as it were when I was backstage at Reading Festival. Remarkably friendly considering how completely off my head I was

The Tindersticks - well most of them. I managed to blag me and Ephemerat backstage at their recent gig at Somerset House in London. The lead singer is very tall and distinguished looking.

Pop Will Eat Itself/Senseless Things/The Family Cat/Carter USM/Cud/The Levellers/Blur/New Model Army/Ride/The Wonder Stuff/The Wedding Present/Neds Atomic Dustbin/Creaming Jesus/EMF/Daisy Chainsaw/Swervedriver/Silverfish/etc - various members of over many occasions during my gig slut days or yore. I am probably showing my age badly now

Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love - briefly along with Evan Dando under rather odd circumstances.

I REALLY want to meet Stephen Fry however! If anyone can arrange this that would be truely wonderful (she said in pathetically hopeful fashion)

The Planet of Sound

14:57 / 11.07.02

Jarvis Cocker, Liam Gallagher, Neil Gaiman, Grant Morrison, Iain Sinclair, Adam and Joe, Howard Marks, Niall Griffiths, the editor of The Idler, and Sonya out of Echobelly.

23:10 / 11.07.02

Conrad, Jason and Neil from ...Trail of Dead. Lovely blokes, chatted about breaking stuff lots.

Yoshimi from the Boredoms, otherwise known as the girl who battles pink robots. Yep, I'm going to be insufferable about this for weeks

Murray Hamhandler

23:23 / 11.07.02

"Urinated next to" still counts? I pee-pee'd w/Todd Trainer from Shellac the other night. I couldn't get him to cross swords, though...

Murray Hamhandler

23:29 / 11.07.02

And if "exchanged body fluids with/received body fluids from" counts, I was utterly drenched w/Bob Pollard's sweat n' slobber a while back. That is one moist performer.

I'm really stretching because, yes, I am that lame.

gentleman loser

00:27 / 12.07.02

I met Willem Dafoe over at his brother's house and made out with his niece. Full Metal Jacket came out not too long before that and had a little chat with him about it.

Um, Willam Dafoe most certainly was not in "Full Metal Jacket".

I guess one of the things that totally sucks about being a celebrity is that you have to put up with an endless parade of fawning sycophantic morons whose one great achievement in life is the fact that they've met you.

Not that I'm describing anyone here, of course.

I did see Ric Flair one time at a mall in Charlotte about twenty years ago. He had a blonde on one arm and a brunette on the other. He looked happy.

Wooooooooooo!

10:31 / 12.07.02

In response to Sax, the wedding was actually in Widnes, at the rugby club. I thought it was odd too.

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