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3 absurd dreams I've had recently involving minor indie celebrities (none of which have been on my mind, and indeed, none of which I have a great liking for - the dreams are possibly inspired by going to sleep whilst listening to radio 1):
1.
I'd done something terrible to offend the singer out of The Hives, and he challenged me to a dual. Numerous people informed me that he was 'THE MOST FEARED SWORDSMAN IN EUROPE!', so, being a coward, I naturally didn't show up. This only made the singer out of the Hives more determined to extract revenge from me, and he moved into the house next door to mine, and sent the rest of the Hives around to bang on my door. They told me that if I didn't go and face my fate like a man, the singer would come round and slaughter me like an animal!
I don't remember what happened next, though I believe I ran way into the woods or something..
2.
I was a memeber of Elastica, and we were all in a dingy hotel room recording a session for John Peel. We were bored, and we were playing this incredibly complex word game that Justine had devised. It seemed to involve finding the numerical values of letters, and pencilling them into this crossword grid, and then somehow extracting one word from the grid, which was put letter by letter onto a hangman type grid at the top of the page.
Naturally, we didn't have a clue how to solve this game, and then John Peel walked in and said "I can do that, easy, I'm a genius at wordgames". And he preceded to solve it straight away, finding that the solution was 'GUINNESS'. Then he wandered out again, whistling to himself. Seeing her complex puzzle solved so easily sent Justine into a fit of anger and she turned into the kind of monsterous figure that people turn into when they get angry in Peter Bagge cartoons. She rampaged around the hotel room smashing stuff, while we - the rest of Elastica - ran out of the room and down the stairs and left in a car. "That's it," they said, "she's definitely out of the band this time!" They asked me if I wanted to be the new singer, and I said "Of course not, I can't sing, I'm just the cook!"
3.
This was on the same night as the Elastica dream - I was sitting on my porch in the sun, wondering 'Am I really in Elastica, or did I just dream that?', when all of a sudden one of those radio controlled dogs you can get crashed into the side of me and I looked up to see it was being controlled by none other than Ian Brown. Then I remembered that he was playing here tonight, but that I'd forgotten because I don't like him and didn't really care - so he must be killing time before his show starts. "Hey kid," he said to me "can you show us around?"
And so I went around for a bit, showing Ian Brown and his band (which consisted of two generic 'rock musicians') around a bizzaro version of my garden. There was a ghost train at the botom of the lawn and they were very impressed with it. "Dude, you've got a ghost train in your garden, that's fantastic!" they said. "Um, thanks," I said. "I've never really noticed it before."
Then - as tends to happen in dreams - my house and garden mutated into a sort of underground complex of tunnels which was also Leicester University. Ian Brown and his friends went to the bar and watched cricket on TV, and I thought to myself 'I wonder if my friend [name censored] is around - he's a really big fan of the Stone Roses, I bet he'd like to meet Ian Brown'.
But before I'd had time to pursue this thought any further, in time honoured tradition, I woke up.
These are of course pretty light-hearted dreams, I haven't had any of the visionary/intense one's for a while, but I still them pretty disturbing.. |
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