In response to the initial post in this topic, the logistics of changing your name after marriage in the UK are suprisingly simple if somewhat time consuming. We consulted with the registrar before our marriage and have done everything without cost, just a great deal of form filling, some patient explanations in person at certain institutions (banks in particular) and many photocopies of our birth and marriage certificates. In fact, one of the most difficult aspects was convincing his employer to change his e-mail address, easily enough done for a woman, not so common for a man.
On marrying my husband I was suprised when he asked my permission to take my name. Suprised,delighted and yes it is a little bit of an ego booster that he did so. Having read through the previous comments on this, I admit that I had a more unusual and interesting surname than he did. Its also a name that suits me (it means 'murder path' and as a goth of ages I kinda like that...) and regardless of the debate on lineage / paternity / etc, I wanted to keep.
After discussion we decided to hyphenate, his name first, mine last and ended up as R-M. The name we have created for our family is unique. It refers to only us two. We both opted to declare ourselves as a partnership, and were both shocked at the amount of ridicule and resentment that it caused. My family took the piss but have grown to like it, and are forever coming up with novel and inventive ways to address envelopes to us that never quite gets it right; his family (particularly his father) were disgusted at his 'desbasement of the family name'.
A practical issue that's come from this has been the fact that our surname is a mouthful. I meet new people constantly for work and have to admit that when I book appointments I drop the M from our R-M. It may sound like I'm exaggerating, but that hyphon sure causes confusion. People assume that I am from a priveledged or socially ambitious background, or simply trying to be something I'm not (I live in the fiercely working class north east of England, and work amongst some of our most deprived communities and waltzing in with a double barrelled name can give rise to a certain level of hostility - I am a 'them' rather than an 'us' despite the fact I am also the product of social housing, social deprivation and comprehensive school education..!).
And if I am perfectly honest, I still think of myself as an M. But then my mother still thinks of herself as a Renwick despite forty years as first an M and then an E. If I were to divorce I'd return to an M the next day, no hesitation. My best girlfriend has retained the name she took in a brief unhappy marriage, and that I do find puzzling. |
