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Underground > Film, TV & Theatre >

The Apprentice series 3

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Regrettable Juvenilia

20:31 / 11.04.07

Also, Boboss, Gerri hasn't done anything noteworthy in terms of achievement (and I know this is a contest that's lost rather than won, but has she even had a slightly heroic televised moment?), and then failed utterly to defend herself in the boardroom. Can't see any argument that she should have stayed.

20:44 / 11.04.07

I actually wasn't after Jadine's head this week. Naomi however, she was bloody appalling.

And... well... there's something about Gerry. She reminds me of a number of women I've worked with over the years who were phenomenally efficient and capable. Sure she didn't shine, but it seems fairly likely that she was never really given the chance to.

Unnn, gut reaction stuff on my behalf, could well be utter bollocks.

Whatever, this show isn't so much about who's best as which dynamics are the most entertaining.

20:58 / 11.04.07

Both teams though, surely, should have been selling soul-destroying handjobs and cheap wraps of stepped-on cocaine?

At least, I like to think that if I was at all serious about gaining employment in one of Alan's arguably somewhat nebulous commercial enterprises, I'd be prepared to go the extra mile, in terms of, um, 'making friends' with the board of directors. Even if that meant I had to get into selling dirty LSD to school children, in the meantime.

I just want to be a respected business person, really, and so do you, if you're reading this. So do you.

21:00 / 11.04.07

To be honest, if we're looking for heroic actions, I don't see Naomi high on the list either. It's still quite early in the series and there are still quite a few candidates that haven't been shown much, and I don't know whether that is down to editing or not doing much. Naomi seemed to do quite badly, and Jadine was horribly disruptive. It wasn't surprising that the locations didn't work, it was a school day, kids aren't out and about, they didn't find any good locations because there weren't any good locations.

And those weren't pretty figures in the board room either, Stealth coming back with 265 pounds... With 12 hours (I'm being conservative and counting 10 am to 10 pm), seven people, and free, dedicated, speedy transportation, making 65 pounds is quite bad. Isn't it? And oh, the kissograms... after the last series how could they do that?!

Whisky Priestess

21:17 / 11.04.07

I think Sir Alan would probably add to Jerry Hall's bon mot that women should be cooks in the kitchen, ladies in the lounge and whores in the bedroom, that they should also be businesswomen in the boardroom. As opposed to wild-eyed backchat-machines (Jadine) or vacillating human jellies (Gerri). Or just ornamental but functionally useless (Naomi).

But who am I to put words in SirAlan's mouth?

"You sold yourselves, and your team-mates, and all women everywhere (including, in principle, my dear old Mum, Mrs. SirAlan) for considerably less than a mess of pottage. You're fired!"

07:03 / 12.04.07

Oh yes, I failed to mention just how extremely horrid I thought that kissogram stuff was.

Those blokes! The ones who tried to squeeze their bums! The fuck is wrong with them?

Happy Dave Has Left

20:11 / 17.04.07

Can someone answer a question for me - they're there, in that big townhouse somewhere in Kensington or whatever, for twelve weeks, right? What exactly do they do all week, between the single days they're required to dance like buzzword spouting business monkeys on SirAlan's organ?

20:30 / 17.04.07

I suspect the answer to that would harsh your buzz Dave, so I'm not going to tell you.

Whisky Priestess

07:52 / 18.04.07

Based on last year's behaviour, they bitch and shag each other. It's like Big Brother without the cameras, apparently.

08:21 / 18.04.07

Not. To. Tell. Dave. That.

Although you'll hopefully be relieved, Dave, to hear that the truth of the situation is really much better, in some ways, than being forced to stand around in the middle of Picadilly Circus as a performance art toilet.

11:22 / 18.04.07

They're not really there for twelve weeks, the TV lies, they're really only there for seven weeks. With two or three days for each task, and perhaps another day for shooting boardroom stuff that's still a lot of free time though.

By the way, I forgot to mention how dissapointed I was last week that Jadine didn't try to get the team to do something stealth-themed to make money.

Whisky Priestess

13:40 / 18.04.07

Like stealing.

14:55 / 18.04.07

Every time I glance over the thread summary I briefly think it says "Will Sirvalan get the hots for a candidate this year?" which is really a very interesting spin. Imagine Sir Alan dressed as Sirvalan.

Happy Dave Has Left

20:19 / 18.04.07

Telly doesn't lie!

lalalalalalalalala can't hear you

Quite amusing this evening - that Adam chap is like every patronising, desperately-trying-to-cover-own-arse sales type I've had the misfortune to sit across from in meetings. Thank gawd I'm out of that business now.

Mysterious Transfer Student

20:47 / 18.04.07

Anyone else just a little bit creeped out by Adam's admitted strategy of wearing the lion suit in order to covertly keep tabs on his sales staff?

21:00 / 18.04.07

Like stealing
Yeah, like stealing. Pickpocketing at day, and prostitution at night. Perhaps they just cut that bit out in editing, just like I'm sure they did this week. I bet Jadine was coming up with a whole list of stealthy animals as a theme for their candy.

The minute Sophie said she wasn't a real salesperson I felt quite certain she was going to get fired if that team lost. Having said that, there was a lot of moaning from Nathalie which I didn't really like, lets just say I wouldn't be sad if she got fired next week. And Adam's ... sitting in a lion suit four or five hours of a seven hour working day, explicitly to give him the opportunity to spy on his team, not good.

I'm beginning to like Katie though, she seems to get on with things most of the time, and do quite well.

Not in the Face

11:23 / 19.04.07

I was amazed that anyone would go to an interview with SirAlan and then argue they feel uncomfortable about selling a product for a higher price than it was worth. While commendable behaviour perhaps a bit pointless when trying to persuade a man who made his money of doing exactly that?

Overall the episode was pretty flat, mainly due to Jadine and Tre apparently minding their manners. Adam's clearly for the chop next time he has to run anything but I thought they both project managers got off pretty easy.

I think the tension will be when, if, Paul and Katie ever go head to head. He clearly has the hots for her but I don't know how recipricol it is. I'm hoping she's going to use it to crush him in such a scenario. Not for any really good reason other than it would make great telly.

Whisky Priestess

13:05 / 19.04.07

Ooh, that would be a fight worth watching. He'd probably enjoy being absolutely routed by her though, in a strange, kinky ex-Army way.

Anyone else just a little bit creeped out by Adam's admitted strategy of wearing the lion suit in order to covertly keep tabs on his sales staff?

If that's Adam's idea of a covert operation, I think he needs to talk to Paul.

My tips to stay: Jadine, Tre, Paul, Katie, Simon.
Please let there be a paintballing task soon.

21:56 / 19.04.07

I haven't seen this yet (I'm just about to) but if Jadine's still on the team, how can Sir Alan be under the impression that this series is anything other than a cruel joke, at his expense?

He seems to genuinely believe that he'll find someone on this show who'll take his business interests into the Twenty First century, in a pro-active way.

In this respect, Sir Alan seems like a terminal fool.

Not in the Face

09:16 / 20.04.07

I think one answer to that is that the show has always been, for SirAlan, an indication of his status, that he has 'made' it, rather than in finding an apprentice.

I get the impression that alongside his salt of the earth, no arse-licking demeanor is another part that wants everyone to say what a fantastic bloke he is and recognise his achievements.

It also presumably distinguishes him from the other rich people of his acquaintance. They may all be filthy rich hard-working cockneys but he's the only one with the charisma/presence to front a TV series and still make a ton of cash.

In this respect its probably no different to owning a rolls or buying a football club as an item of status, placing him on the same level as Donald Trump and perhaps demonstrating he is 'better' than the other rich British Beardie, Branson, whose attempt at the same thing didn't really go anywhere.

Of course how much he is aware of this (or even if I am right) is another matter. I can't see he would admit it to himself and his apparent failure to find or keep an apprentice after two seasons is beginning to make him look rather foolish.

Whisky Priestess

13:08 / 20.04.07

I think you've hit the nail on the head there, actually. SirAlan's a charismatic bully (the worst kind) and like all bullies* he secretly just wants to be loved.

On the plus side, if SirAlan can get his arse over to Bangkok, one of my mates has a massive crush on him and would no doubt be happy to do the honours.

*Disclaimer: sweeping generalisation

20:25 / 25.04.07

As per, that was a fantastic hour of television.

I find myself warming to Adam's no-nonsense approach to the business of business - he seems like a man you could rely on, when it was all going tits up. He's got no time for all this airy fairy 'blue skies' thinking, it's true, but when it comes down to the wire, he delivers. If I were Siralan (which in my dreams, I am) I'd hire him on the spot.

Although on this showing, why anyone would want to work for Siralan unless they were on enough money to retire comfortably to a mansion in Outer Mongolia (or somewhere, anyway, that Siralan doesn't know about) after a year is a bit perplexing.

Imagine having to confront that hideous monster on a day-to-day basis ... Business, I suppose, is all about facing up to challenges, but sooner or later you'd have to draw the line somewhere.

21:03 / 25.04.07

It's been weeks since Jadine has gotten into an argument, or Tre has spewed out of flood of swearwords. I'm quite surprised, and a bit disappointed, conflict makes good TV. But I saw he was back to his swearing self next week, so things are looking up. Also, next week Paul et Katie are back together.

Talking of looking up, the prize this week seemed a little bit nicer than the previous weeks; dinner, going to a salsa club, going bowling. The bowling must have been the low point, I mean... going bowling, as a prize? Really?

And why, oh, why didn't Nathalie take Katie into the boardroom? Did she have a crush on Katie or something? I am rather pleased that Katie is still in, but if Nathalie had brought her in with her, surely siralan would have fired Katie? Nathalie gave up, just like Sophie, or Ifti. When she said that the only reason she brought Lohit back in was because of the labels (the labels who probably were just fine for everyone except the artist), that really sealed it. Perhaps she reasoned that she got so much flak for getting the labels wrong last week, she could do the same to Lohit this week.

Whisky Priestess

07:39 / 26.04.07

I loved the way the lips photographer came across as a mean-spirited, tight-arsed bitch with a massively over-inflated sense of self-worth. (Oh, and the evidently moneyed and indulgent husband ...)

I bet she went into this thinking it would be great PR for her work - but she came out of it looking awful, and did anyone see the roasting the art critic and collector gave her work on The Apprentice - You're Fired afterwards? "Specious, shallow ... one-trick pony". Love it.

The teams really did need to be told that, once the initial buttering-up process was complete, they could staple the artist to the wall for all SirAlan cared or all the difference it made to the task. It was the punters that mattered, after all - as far as I could see the artists themselves weren't at the actual views and so who gives a fuck if they were happy with the labels or not?

I thought Adam defended himself solidly and shouldn't have been in the boardroom - Nathalie saw him as a good scapegoat, but this time he'd done everything right. With Lohit I reckon she was thinking that because he's been so invisible up until now SirAlan would do an Ifti on him - tell him he's not contributing anything.

Katie's gushing was just embarrassing. Especially after that cow Elizabeth Hoff refused to give them her contacts list and had a hissy fit about the Blu-tak.

Mysterious Transfer Student

08:35 / 26.04.07

the evidently moneyed and indulgent husband

With a truly immense Adam's apple, what's more. I swear I couldn't take my eyes of it while he was in shot. Making fun of posh people based on the slim possibility that there might be rather too shallow a gene pool in the family background isn't cool, but I couldn't helping thinking of something like that.

Tre's art criticism, on the other hand, reminded of Patrick Bateman's record reviews from American Psycho... pure cringe.

Whisky Priestess

09:33 / 26.04.07

Without the nutritious filling of irony.

Do you think Tre realises how ignorant and crass he actually is?

15:22 / 26.04.07

What actually surprised me was that the artists didn't seem to be present during the evening. If you have a one-night show, wouldn't you want to be there? Wouldn't the teams want them to be there? Perhaps it's some Apprentice rule that they couldn't.

I think the art critic in the post-show was right. Asking 1000 pounds for photographs that aren't in a limited set, by someone no one has ever heard of isn't going to work. I was thinking that perhaps she didn't want to give them her contact list because she didn't have one, or just a very, very short one.

Whisky Priestess

15:31 / 26.04.07

I assumed that they must be in a limited edition to be so pricey and was gobsmacked to find out that they weren't. They probably cost about fifty quid to produce, if that.

Contact-list-wise, I think she was almost certainly chary about it because the only people who have ever bought her work are likely to be friends, colleagues and family - hence she didn't want to
a) expose her massively network/nepotism-dependent "career"
b) expose her mates to the importunate bull-in-china-shop selling techniques of Eclipse (was it?)
c) apparently, sell any pictures.

07:10 / 03.05.07

Well, no surprise that Paul went. I'm not sure his assessment that they'd either win big, or lose big was right. Lets say that they had managed to sell the stuff they threw away, perhaps a third of their initial stock, then they'd have a profit, but a low profit still, perhaps one or two hundred pounds. Having said that, it was a shame to see him go, I think he could have been nice to have had later on in the show, especially for an inevitable Paul vs Katie face off.

Talking of Katie, second week in a row not taken into the boardroom because the PM loved her. Nice. I like Katie, I like her weekly moment where she wishes for the demise of at least one of the other candidates.

Not in the Face

07:49 / 03.05.07

Have decided to root for Adam. As far as I can see he gets it from all the other contestants because he physically appears younger (at 26 he's actually in the middle) and probably because of his accent. Poor bloke can't seem to help but sound flat about everything, and noticeably the candidates who have been the most hostile have all been southerners (speaking as one myself). However from what you see on the TV in the past two tasks he seems to have been the only one who actually sold anything in his team - in direct comparison with Katie who talks the talk, but actually has done very little other than charm the pants of the respective PM's.

Also I thought his salute at the end was a brilliant fuck off to them all for their horrific response to him. Perhaps he is quite boring to live with as well, I don't know, but he's certainly being scape goated

And oddly he seems like the only contestant of any of the 3 series who actually would actually make an apprentice and as such will lose out to Katie or Kristina. My money is on her to win because in the boardroom she's the best at making a case for herself but also able to shut up when SirAlan is making utterances

Edit: Tragically I've been drawn into the website. Amusingly Adam and Kristina made a pact to not tell Katie that her relationship with Paul was revealed in the boardroom but other housemates weren't so circumspect (click on tonights the night).

12:02 / 03.05.07

Scapegoated, absolutely. I can't believe nobody on the programme pointed out that even if he had kept to the budget for the banner the team would still have made a loss of around £150. His mistake was negligible in the face of Paul's extreme misjudgement and yet the other contestants seemed shocked to see him return. Poor fella. I expect he's going to get pulled into the boardroom at every opportunity since everyone seems to have latched onto the idea that he's useless.

Whisky Priestess

12:33 / 03.05.07

I would have thought that SirAlan, as a grumpy sod himself and nonetheless no slouch in the business department, would start experiencing little trickles of fellow-feeling for poor old Ad at around about this time. We shall see.

However, being personally loathed by everyone, despite being considerably more competent than both, is not really a survival strategy. I'd love to see Adam crack a smile just once - I bet it would make all the difference.

Also, given how crashingly obvious it was that Paul had completely fucked up in a startling number of ways and was inevitably headed for the chop, I also SirAlan's innate sense of drama as he tried to heighten the tension over who would go. The fact that in the end he was forced, for lack of any other redeeming features, to fall back on the fact that he "thought Paul had more in him" and felt perhaps he ought to "give him a second chance".

Yeah, right. Paul's fate = SEALED at that point, I fear.

Regrettable Juvenilia

12:47 / 03.05.07

I would certainly have been appalled if he hadn't fired Paul. This was the first time I've ever seen Sugar and his aides so united in their condemnation of the team leader's choice of people to bring back into the boardroom - quite right too, really. Paul's initially amiable persona covers someone who is both incompetent and quick to blame other, less blue-blooded people when things go wrong, I think - he very much reminds me of a public school prefect playing at being an officer in the school cadet force. I don't actually think Adam is much actual cop either*, but his entertainingly sullen ways have endeared him to me, too.

I found myself liking Kristina rather a lot this week, which is kind of worrying, as she is evil.

Nick is increasingly the real star of this show, though. I love how he seems to be getting more and more outspoken in his disbelieving horror at the candidates' incompetence.

*This week had one of those real watch-behind-your-hands moment when the guy from the printers got indignant with the two naughty boys, eh? I got that queasy feeling in my gut that normally only happens when I'm the one dealing with an unpleasant confrontation.

Not in the Face

13:16 / 03.05.07

Nick and Margaret I think have been perfecting their facial expressions since last season. Amazingly none of the contestants seem to ever bother to check what their reaction is and given its mostly undisguised horror and disbelief thats pretty worrying.

I wonder how much the atmosphere of the place has contributed to Paul and Katie's headboy/girl attitude? If Katie fails in this, she should look to take up some sort of pantomime is almost certain to receive offers for pantomime next year as a female Flashman roasting squirts

13:33 / 03.05.07

The Apprentice is clearly a rip-off of The Crystal Maze. Overpriviliged, underbrained business graduates engage in deceptively simple tasks while presenters mug disbelief at the camera. And don't the rewards the winning teams get sound like the contents of those envelopes Richard O'Brien would hand out at the end?

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