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Underground > Film, TV & Theatre >

The Apprentice series 3

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18:20 / 28.03.07

Joy, joy, joy. New series. There are new candidates (obviously), and you can see some candidate auditions here (and it works if you're outside the UK too!).

The first show starts in less than an hour. "Get ready for sparks to fly as the wannabe apprentices are set loose to sell coffee on the streets of London." Excitement!

Regrettable Juvenilia

20:08 / 28.03.07

"I would quite like it if you'd made me a bomb."

CRAZY SUGAR IMPROV MOMENT!

20:50 / 28.03.07

Oh, siralan, you so crazy. Also, the bit where he talked about how he hated when people talked about how humble their backgrounds were... has he repressed all memories of Michelle?

Anyway, as I'm sure it was in the previous two series, there were a lot of candidates we hardly got to see at all, so I don't think I can pick any favourites yet.

I thought Sophie's milk calculations were hilarious though, coming out at about 2dl of milk per cup of coffee. I honestly can't see her going very far, it's not really so much the milk & purchasing fiasco, as much as how passive she was in the boardroom. "I wanted to be in charge of figures" is not how you defend against being told you made crazy purchases.

Regrettable Juvenilia

21:28 / 28.03.07

has he repressed all memories of Michelle?

That was the whole point of that bit - I half-expected him to say "I've been hurt before..."

I was almost tempted to think that Circus, the boys' team, deliberately chose Andy as leader in order to make him into a sacrifical lamb, but I doubt they're that cunning. Andy was absolutely hopeless, though - from his "oh no don't pick me cos I'M BRICKING IT" start to his "can I change your mind even though you've said YOU'RE FIRED which everyone knows is final?" end, he was one of the most dismally mismatched people I've seen on The Apprentice. He had the air of a man who'd stumbled onto the wrong show by mistake.

Tre is interesting - clearly likes to cut up rough and have a row, will break the rules for a quick profit but is clever in the boardroom in a way not a lot of the 'characters', or any of the candidates, tend to be: he totally gave Jadine all the rope she needed to hang herself without coming across as divisive in front of Serve Alan. I think very quickly he may just turn out to be a massive wanker, though.

Speaking of wankers: Jadine combines incompetence and arrogance in a way that has already made my 'MUST GO' list. I fear we will have her to cringe at for a few weeks yet. Dr Sophie Kain (DR KAIN!) can fuck right off as well - something about her really reminds me of a few unpleasant people I've had to work with.

Gerri's sarcasm was entertaining but might get tired quick, especially if she keeps fucking up and sniping at others. The mostly silent Ghazal said more, more wittily, with one arched eyebrow in the boardroom.

Predicted romance: Paul "EX-ARMY!" Callaghan and Naomi "Where's that deed poll?" Lay.

I quite like Natalie - I think it's the glasses, plus she's a bit like a blonde Sue White from Essex. Not quite clear what makes her or indeed most of them supposed to be big hitters, though - this year they seem pretty open about how these guys are not the cream of the crop, even describing as business "prospects" rather than, y'know, people who've actually achieved anything, because why would anyone who had want to etc.

Solid gold televisual genius, already, again.

22:18 / 28.03.07

I thought Sophie's milk calculations were hilarious though, coming out at about 2dl of milk per cup of coffee. I honestly can't see her going very far, it's not really so much the milk & purchasing fiasco, as much as how passive she was in the boardroom. "I wanted to be in charge of figures" is not how you defend against being told you made crazy purchases.

I don't now if it was intentional or not (probably not) but I thought she did well to fudge her role in the milk and biscuits debacle, given that she directly disobeyed her project manager when she was buying all that stuff.

Other than that, high hopes for Tre, who I thought put the knife into Jadine, where on this showing it already belongs, quite beautifully.

Haus of Mystery

22:55 / 28.03.07

Watched this for the firts time tonight. Thouroughly enjoyed it in a predictably ghoulish way, but it did actually give me the fucking fear. These people with their business wank chat, who apparently might deserve a six figure salary, and not one clue about the basics of a cup of coffee. And that teaser bit at the end - "Dogs poo and wee a lot. What about a dog nappy?"

My nightmare is being trapped in a boardroom with these pod people, having to listen to them hardtalk each other for infinity.

10:22 / 29.03.07

I don't now if it was intentional or not (probably not) but I thought she did well to fudge her role in the milk and biscuits debacle, given that she directly disobeyed her project manager when she was buying all that stuff.

That part was never clear to me, how much milk did they end up buying? But I totally agree on the biscuits, there was really bad math there as well, if we have a maximum of 700 customers, and one in four wants something with the coffee, then we need to buy 400 chocolate bars (also, lets not ask anyone else about this)! Sophie fucked up, but I don't understand why she didn't point out that there were three of them in the shop, she could have shifted some blame there, and I don't think she's good enough in the boardroom to survive being brought back more than one more time.

Anyway, the milk debacle was almost as good as the food fiasco in last series where one team had bought enough chicken to put one whole chicken on each chicken pizza (Nick: "Sooo... that's one hundren chickens, and one hundred chicken tikka pizzas? A chicken per pizza?" Tuan exit right.).

The BBC have a few clips of series 2 on a video page, including the chicken pizzas, and the classic A-Team clip.

I could see Tre go either way, he could turn out to be a massive wanker, but I'm hoping it'll be an entertaining massive wanker.

Regrettable Juvenilia

10:51 / 29.03.07

It's good to see the Wandsworth Bridge debacle again.

"Nicholas... Nicholas?"

10:59 / 29.03.07

What the very fuck was Jadine going on about with all that "they're not selling the concept" bollocks? Fuck the bloody chocolate powder eclipse and get on with the arsing selling. Okay, so Tre is clearly a difficult arsehole, but fuckeye, if had a manager who utterly failed to prioritise like that I expect I'd be pretty difficult too.

And that bloody song and dance routine. My. Fucking. God. Have you no shame? What point did it serve other than to make people want to run screaming, fists in mouths, from the room. I can't remember the last time I cringed like that. W.R.O.N.G

Mysterious Transfer Student

16:39 / 29.03.07

That moment was so choice, admittedly because I know I'd just have died of shame if I'd been in the room with them. What really made it for me was the way Jadine's two male accomplices appeared to have decided, in quite an unplanned fashion, to dress in matching outfits (jeans, scarf, red/green v-neck). Either I wasn't properly paying attention and it *was* a mutual style decision, or - more likely - the business podlings just came out of the shell with matching dress-sense.

"Hi, I'm Jadine and these are my dancing eunuchs! Let us mortify you into buying something!"

17:06 / 29.03.07

It's status as an attempt to do the kind of thing people do on The Apprentice - made it even more embarrassingly awful. It was so awkward and contrived.

Arrrggh must stop thinking about it.

Mysterious Transfer Student

17:17 / 29.03.07

You definitely won't be able to now there've been three successive posts about it. It'll be your dying thought. Kind of like that Ray Bradbury story.

18:15 / 29.03.07

I also liked the 'So what? If I'd thought of the I-Pod I wouldn't be sitting here now!' crack from SirAlan.

He's not this show for the money, is he? Surely not ...

miss wonderstarr

22:59 / 29.03.07

I don't think you could get that townhouse on £100,000 p/a.

01:12 / 30.03.07

B-but SirAlan owns that townhouse! It's a part of his property portfolio in CenTral LOndon!

Ms Wonderstarr, and it pains me to say this so early on, because I thought you had potential, but you didn't check your facts properly, and you are FIRED!

miss wonderstarr

07:17 / 30.03.07

What was one of the things I told you not to do? Underestimate me. Or bullshit me.

06.02: their home for the next 12 weeks will be a townhouse in West London's most exclusive Notting Hill. A taste of the lifestyle the winner might expect.

Regrettable Juvenilia

07:31 / 30.03.07

Their job for the next 12 weeks will be to abase themselves fruitlessly and cater to the whims of a homunculus who despises them. A taste of the lifestyle the winner can expect.

Whisky Priestess

09:26 / 02.04.07

The winner could always rent a room in the attic of said townhouse on £100,000, though? No?

I'm always astonished after each series of the Apprentice that any of them ever work again. Surely Alan is adding to the ranks of the unemployable by showing them up as such on national telly?

Or do they all get shunted off to Amstrad call centres when no-one else will touch them? Hmm ...

21:11 / 04.04.07

It really didn't surprise me that Rory got fired, with the way he managed it really couldn't go any other way. I don't see Tre getting hired at the end either, he just winds people up to no end, this quote (spoken to Rory) is just priceless: "Are you sure you're up for this, because you seem quite frustrated." I wonder why!

Next task sounds like it could be good (getting £200 to do whatever they want). Also, looks like Katie and Jadine are switching teams next week. And talking of Jadine, what is with her crazy Eclipse branding mania? Last week the logos on the coffee, this week the crazy "it clips on it clips on it clips on eclipse!!!". I wonder if she is going to try to push forward that the team try to make money by doing stealth-things (pick-pocketing? sneaking around scaring small children?) in the next task.

21:17 / 04.04.07

She seems to have absolutely no idea what branding is actually for. Drives me to shouting at the telly.

Glad to see Tre's relationship with Siralan in on the ropes. The bloke appears to be a complete pain in the arse.

08:34 / 05.04.07

Surely branding-crazyness is part of a GMPLN in which when she fails to win the show, she has a strong brand established to start her own company?

(Alternatively: no-one touches her shit with a rusty bargepole and she goes back to wherever she came from).

09:27 / 05.04.07

That would be a brilliant G*MEPL*N.

Clips! It clips. DO YOU SEE?ARRGGGGH

Regrettable Juvenilia

10:38 / 05.04.07

Clearly you can't cope with this thread, Boboss.

I suspect it's because you're missing your son too much.

Off you go.

Whisky Priestess

11:24 / 05.04.07

I did feel like gently pointing out to Tre that the fact that he survived the boardroom didn't mean that he was TEH GREATST!11!!, just that that other two were unpardonably shit. Especially Ifti, whose performance was the clearest case of professional suicide I've ever seen on telly (apart from agreeing to come on the programme at all). Made me wonder if he's depressive or something, actually, and just not admitting it.

I was kind of hoping to hear him whimper "Please, SirAlan, end this ... just kill me ..." though. I felt it would have been the least he could do after doing - well, the least he could have done.

12:26 / 05.04.07

I think just being on the show - the pressure - would put in The Fear into a lot of people, Whisk, depressive or not.

I mean, I miss my son so much, I can hardly cope with sitting at my work desk - how I'd handle Siralan I have no idea.

12:30 / 05.04.07

Personally I think Ifti didn't lift a finger because he saw that Rory was on a fast-train to Stupidideasville and wanted him fired. But the son thing also works...

Whisky Priestess

12:45 / 05.04.07

I think just being on the show - the pressure - would put in The Fear into a lot of people, Whisk, depressive or not.

Fair enough - I guess I just don't understand why anyone would put themselves through it if they even suspected they wouldn't be able to cope. Rather like those people who go on Big Brother and then constantly complain about the claustrophobia and the prison-camp atmosphere once they're in, and the press intrusion and the paparazzi as soon as they're out.

12:57 / 05.04.07

I think it's because people actually have no idea what they're in for. Sure, they know in theory, but to actually do it is something else entirely for all kinds of reasons.

It's the map and the terrain thing.

RB, that's a little too GMEPLNNY for me. I tend to look for obvious psychological explanations before I look for brilliant or not so brilliant strategic moves.

13:01 / 05.04.07

I watched that You're Fired show afterwards as well, and Ifti said he was at the time hoping that SAS would let him have an hour or so with his son, not fire him. If he really was feeling that badly about it all, he should have just quit instead of staying on the team (perhaps he did, and the boardroom scene was just staged, that wouldn't surprise me). But doing nothing, then admitting it, and then saying it isn't anything temporary, what else can you expect?

I found it quite fun to see Tre being disruptive and interrupting while siralan was trying to tell Tre that he was being disruptive.

13:07 / 05.04.07

I my experience people saboutage themselves in the way that I suspect Ifti did all the time. I suspect that the "I miss my son" line was more of a cover story than Ifti would like to admit. Preferable to saying "I was shitting it and feeling overwhelmed", anyway, in that it allowed him to look sensitive in something approaching a manly, confident way.

Whisky Priestess

13:35 / 05.04.07

Did you see the ears on his son though?!
Couldn't miss them from a mile off ...

(Apologies for the really bad pun and the mockery of an innocent child - but the kid's ears really were enormous. I'll remove this if people get upset)

12:26 / 10.04.07

About siralan, "I hate when people say they are like me", and Michelle.
That was the whole point of that bit - I half-expected him to say "I've been hurt before..."

I looked up what happened with Michelle, and your comments make much more sense to me now. I had heard that Michelle didn't work for Amstrad anymore, but didn't know the whole backstory with Syed, and the baby, and never really working for siralan at all (or just very briefly).

By the way, I'm glad they brought back the Romeo & Juliet music at the start of the programme, I was afraid they'd ditched it when I saw the first show of this series.

20:03 / 11.04.07

Am I the only person who thinks that Gerry (sp?) blatantly shouldn't have gone?

20:25 / 11.04.07

It would have been a bit of a double standard if sir alan had sacked the mouthy disruptive one this week after failing to do so last week...

Regrettable Juvenilia

20:30 / 11.04.07

I think he did the right thing. The person who should have been fired was Kristina, but she never made it into the boardroom and was never going to. Jadine despite her awful 'branding' nonsense the previous two weeks was likeable this week I think 'cos she rightly felt icked by the kissogramming and said so in no uncertain terms, and Naomi should be kept in just for the moment when she realises that the best friend for whom she is a doormat (Kristina) is actually teh Evil.

I thought the highlight of this week in terms of sheer "what the fuck is he doing on this show?" stakes was surely Adam Hosker, the surely teenage layabout.

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