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The Bragging Thread

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Less searchable M0rd4nt

09:01 / 15.03.07

All I got was a surly glare and a copy of his shit book.

Mon Oncle Ignatius

09:11 / 15.03.07

Every day I refrain from using my orbital weapons to scour this world clean of life. So basically I save you all on a daily basis.

Dammit, where's a sniper with a really big rifle when you need one?

I once shot the end off a friend's lit cigarette with a BB gun at, ooh, at least 3 metres. I've not been able to do it again since, but no-one smokes around me any more.

Evil Scientist

11:12 / 15.03.07

Dammit, where's a sniper with a really big rifle when you need one?

Trust me, nothing makes you feel more powerful than reaching out and touching a donkey WITH A MASS DRIVER HEAD SHOT!

Spaniel

11:42 / 15.03.07

Lula, I have no idea which David Essex video as I'm not his biggest fan and I was about 10-years-old at the time, but it is truth. My Mum produced it and everything.

Twice

12:47 / 15.03.07

Nicely snuck in, that one, Boboss.

Spaniel

13:02 / 15.03.07

THIS THREAD IS OVER!

Quantum

13:03 / 15.03.07

I can make tofu.

HCE

13:33 / 15.03.07

How is this different from every other thread?

Quantum

13:36 / 15.03.07

A lady just now phoned up having tracked me down after four years to have another Tarot reading, this time for her whole family no less, because the last one was so good and as time went on turned out to be more and more terrifyingly accurate. She's bringing them all down from Oxford to Brighton to see me.
I fracking rule! FEAR TEH MAJIKS!

Regrettable Juvenilia

13:37 / 15.03.07

It is a little disappointing that this thread became a "which celebrities have you met?" one so quickly*, but I guess that is SOCIETY's fault, not ours.

*Apart from the latest body part damage I didn't want to hear about from Princess Swashbuckling...

Twice

13:56 / 15.03.07

I'd be with you on that if they were, like, celebrated celebrities.

Disco is My Class War

14:27 / 15.03.07

Wesley Willis is so THE MAN but not THAT MAN.

I can make one eye move independently of the other. People say it's quite frightening.

murphy

15:25 / 15.03.07

I can spit really far.

Mon Oncle Ignatius

18:24 / 15.03.07

My Uzi actually does weigh a ton.

Chiropteran

19:05 / 15.03.07

My picture is in the dictionary.

It's at the entry for "tabard," I'm afraid*, on page 1270 of Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, 11th ed. I'm not sure it's a very good likeness, but I did pose for it.

I was also instrumental in the decision to include the word "polyamory" in the same publication.

*I fought for the "sexy genius" entry, but was told there wasn't one

iamus

19:27 / 15.03.07

I can roll my tongue.

I can roll mine upside down but not the right ways up.

grant

19:54 / 15.03.07

I have a collection of Flyboy's socks, removed very carefully from his apartment as he slept, one by one.

I was wearing a mismatched pair of Flyboy's socks when I summited Mount Washington last summer.

Mon Oncle Ignatius

20:05 / 15.03.07

I've never played Brag that I can recall, but am quite good at Gin Rummy.

zoetrope101

21:30 / 15.03.07

I met Stevie Ray Vaughan - before he died. I offered him my girlfriend for his guitar. He was kind enough to consider it, but I didn't get his guitar and she wasn't happy for sometime after. Years actually.

I also know where Groote Eylandt is. I got sent there by my employer of the time as punishment. It worked.

Lama glama

21:39 / 15.03.07

I have one highly entertaining ability that I always invariably end up bragging about and displaying at parties..

I can name the 32 counties of Ireland in eight seconds. This obviously makes me some kind of untapped polymath, but thusfar I've only used this uncanny talent to win small bets.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:40 / 15.03.07

I had a drawing of some stick insects in the Education Otherwise newsletter once.

Tim Tempest

21:41 / 15.03.07

I caught a bullet. With my bare hands. As it was headed for a baby's head.

SO, not only did I save a life, but that child grew up to be Stan Lee's attorney.

Top that.

Leigh Monster loses its cool

21:47 / 15.03.07

i can lie on my stomach and place my feet flat on the floor on either side of my head.

llama, we HAVE to party together. we'll race--can you name the counties before i can assume this position?

Lama glama

23:35 / 15.03.07

I'm embarrassed to say that in the space of two hours of I'm managed to get it down to seven seconds. You'll have to be fairly limber, laoi!

Less searchable M0rd4nt

23:38 / 15.03.07

I used to be able to say that Welsh place with all the letters in.

But I forgot it.

Tabitha Tickletooth

23:47 / 15.03.07

I reject the concept of gender and try to act accordingly in every interaction I have with every person. Seriously, I really try.

I can also say the alphabet backwards and recite the books of the bible. Given which social conditioning, I would argue my initial assertion actually seems a smidgen more impressive.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

23:51 / 15.03.07

I've been a victim of friendly fire during a riot, resulting in a serious head wound and a night in the hospital. This is notable largely because none of the doctors on duty that night had ever seen a brick wound before, so I was quite the attraction.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

23:52 / 15.03.07

I can say the alphabet backwards too, but can't recite the books of the Bible.

Tabitha Tickletooth

00:02 / 16.03.07

While I'd concede that your vaguely brick-shaped head indentation lends you some credibility, your lack of bible-book relating skill requires me to harken you to haul your feeble arse out of this thread.

I just had a two-hour phone conversation with my Mum and I am listening to the Housemartins unironically. Fear my special place.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

00:04 / 16.03.07

I beat you at NaNoWriMo, so NER!!!

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

00:05 / 16.03.07

And not only have I drunk aftershave, I've drunkenly EATEN SOAP.

...hang on, that's not really a boast, is it?

Less searchable M0rd4nt

00:06 / 16.03.07

Did you eat the soap to get more drunk, or did you not know what it was? Or did it just seem like a good idea at the time?

Lama glama

00:11 / 16.03.07

In fairness to Stoatie, some soap does look fairly appetising even while sober. Those wee little miniature ones that look like hard candy for example. I'm sure that when one is inebriated, the edibility factor increases exponentially. I'd make a diagram to display it, but I'm too busy getting the 32 counties down to six seconds.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

00:14 / 16.03.07

I thought it was cake.

Tabitha Tickletooth

00:16 / 16.03.07

I really wish the reasonable ideas posited above had some validity, but... sad truth is, they were novelty soaps shaped like moomins. His subconsious desire to vanquish the moomin empire, having swigged a pint of Davidofff, was too great. I think he's probably embarrassed about it now.

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