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Bury the dead. Salt the earth. Make merry by the moonlight!

 
  

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iamus
16:24 / 19.07.09
Why does Edward Woodward have so many Ds in his name?







Cause if he didn't he'd be called Ewar Woowar.
 
 
trouble at bill
14:45 / 22.07.09
thanks for the Alan Sugar one, i may have to borrow that!
 
 
yellowdart
15:15 / 23.07.09
I stole Ewar Woowar joke.
 
 
sTe
23:11 / 24.07.09
but no-one ever saw the purple ox again..
 
 
iamus
17:44 / 14.01.10
What's grey and doesn't matter?



An Irrelephant.
 
 
iamus
15:33 / 16.01.10
What do you call a man who give non-sequiter sermons?



An Irreverend.
 
 
iamus
15:26 / 24.01.10
Did you hear Stevie Wonder got a cheese-grater for Christmas?


He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
15:43 / 24.01.10
It's funny because blind people can't see!
 
 
iamus
18:27 / 24.01.10
Possibly, but I would venture that it's funny because cheese-graters and braille share similarities in that they are both surfaces covered in a pattern of small holes, and that if one were to confuse them and apply the same methods of interaction to a cheese-grater that they would to braille, the result would be a shredding of the fingers which could be interpreted, with the type of cognitive leap characteristic of jokes (which would hopefully also trigger the humour response), as being a violent experience allied to the act of reading.

I think the blindness of the protagonist is indirectly related to the humorous content of the joke. I think that, much like the parallel usage of Stevie Wonder, it's more of a storytelling convenience that provides an easily-understood setting under which braille and a cheese-grater may be confused. The kernel of the joke would remain intact if it was a braille-literate, sighted individual wearing sunglasses in a coal-cellar during a blackout at night, but the telling might then strangle the payoff. However, I feel I may have tragically rendered that irrelevant by now.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
03:27 / 25.01.10
I wouldn't worry too much. Ultimately, people tell the jokes they want to tell, and no joke will seem offensive to the person who wants to tell it, because... well, because they want to tell it. People generally don't tell jokes with the intention of offending - that wouldn't be nice at all, and people are generally nice, I believe.
 
 
iamus
11:12 / 25.01.10
Quite so.

Scone?
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
11:24 / 25.01.10
Trade you for a hug.

Group hug!
 
 
iamus
11:29 / 25.01.10
 
 
Quantum
11:03 / 26.01.10
Is that a pussy joke?
 
 
astrojax69
09:05 / 06.02.10
a scot, an irishman and an englishman walk into a bar.

bartender says, 'is this a joke?'



i like to go up to people in information booths and ask where the next nearest information booth is.



had heard the stevie wonder joke above with helen keller as the protagonist. stevie prob'ly never had a cheese grater, 'cause he used cheese whip. apparently, his parents punished him when he was bad, though, by moving the furniture round...

there used to be one about having not seen his new car either, but then he did an ad where he drove a [cadillac? oldsmobile? something like that] across a salt lake, haven't heard the car joke since.
 
 
Haus of Mystery
18:35 / 04.03.10
Right I've just started downloading this and it's fucking fantastic, why is no-one talking about it? The first few songs have startled me with their invention, their ambition, their sense of fun. I've laughed - alot - I've got close to shedding a tear (I'm a man you understand - I only ever get close) and I'm overwhelemed by a desire to buy this album immediately.

Not a lot of music does that to me.

Those who know more about this brilliant band need to fill me in, and explain why you haven't done so already.

Selfish pricks.
 
 
Haus Of Pain
11:29 / 12.03.10
Unless someone wants to flesh this thread out - and I don't - I'm going to move for a deletion.
 
 
iamus
00:13 / 30.05.10
Who's the coolest guy in the hospital?


The ultra sound guy.
 
 
iamus
00:14 / 30.05.10
Who's the coolest guy in the hospital when he's on holiday?


The hip replacement guy.
 
 
sTe
21:46 / 03.06.10
Little Jimmy (remember him from earlier in the thread), was rushed to hospital with five plastic horses stuck in his rear

Doctor's have described his condition as stable.

[insert cheesy drum effect noise here]
 
 
astrojax69
23:42 / 11.06.10
what do you call a man with fifty three rabbits in his arse?

warren.


what do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?

bob.


if you have a super ball in one hand and another super ball in the other, what have you got?

total dominion over superman.


what would bob dylan be if you cut off his nose?

mute.
 
 
Eek! A Freek!
14:45 / 12.06.10
Ok Astrojax, if that's how you want to play it:

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in front of your door?

Matt



What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russell
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
15:30 / 12.06.10
Disabled people are amusing! They move around in unusual and humorous ways!
 
 
Saint Keggers
23:22 / 12.06.10
Just like drunk peoples!
 
 
Eek! A Freek!
21:19 / 13.06.10
(shame)

I apologize for any offense caused from the attempts at humour above.

Personally I find the double meaning of the names themselves to be the amusing aspect of the pun, not the disabilities - paraplegia is the vehicle that that makes the name amusing but I am not laughing at or attempting to make fun of the disability (or people suffering therefrom) itself.

Again I apologize.
 
 
astrojax69
22:38 / 13.06.10
agree with eek; that was my motive of course - the pun is the joke. sorry for any offence.
 
 
Eek! A Freek!
10:15 / 15.06.10
Where did W.C. Fields come from?


Flushing Meadows
 
 
Mistoffelees
12:13 / 26.07.10
A Zen master once said to me, ‘Do the opposite of whatever I tell you.’ So I didn't.

***

A student is on one side of a raging river. There are no bridges. He has no boat. He shouts out to the master on the opposite bank. “How do I get to the other side?” The master shouts back: “You are on the other side.”




A monk was driving in India when suddenly a dog crosses the road. The car hit and killed the dog. The monk looked around and seeing a temple, went to knock on the door. A monk opened the door. The first monk said: "I'm terribly sorry, but my karma ran over your dogma."
 
  

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