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It works like this:
Purchase synthetic urine from laboratory (mine is the stuff they use to calibrate their instrumentation and is therefore neutral in every regard). These kits come with heating pad and contain just enough of the stuff to comply with legislated requirements.
EVERY morning, small bottle goes into front of jocks and nestles comfortably there all day, in case of an "incident." Heater pad goes into breast pocket, sandwiched between my notebook and our company's "Take Two For Safety" booklet.
If my name comes up in the "lottery" I am all prepared. If I get a phone call from colleague or my superintendent, I have time to whip out heating pad, give it a jolly good shake - activating the contents, wrap pad around bottle and replace against my front bits (nice and warm now, mmmm).
Then I'm transported the 17 klicks to minesite first aid room and subjected to breathalyser analysis. After that I'm handed a little sample put and asked to go into the toilet to "fill up to the line please." But here's the kicker.
Sometimes you don't get the warning call. In which case you have to play it this way:
Turn up at testing station with the (still cool) sample in jocks, heating pad in pocket. Sally forth into cubicle and make your usual preparation vis heating pad et al. Wander back out to tester and say: "I'm sorry, I had a piss just a few minutes ago and am quite unable to produce. May I have a glass of water?"
Sit down and wait 1/2 hour or so for sample to heat up to body temparature and repeat step two. Simple.
There are rumours about that blanket-testing is to be instituted site-wide. May have to consider giving up then. |
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