Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.

Underground > Conversation >

I'm Getting Married

Page: 1(2)3

Spyder Todd 2008

11:33 / 12.01.07

Kill her, and display her body in the public square as an example to the others.

diz is right. Nothing says “obey me” like a mutilated corpse on public display.

So! Picked out a dress yet?

ONLY NICE THINGS

11:41 / 12.01.07

Coincidentally, yes.

12:54 / 12.01.07

Sexual.

Ibis, I suppose someone's going to have to move their date. Is it too late for you to shift yours, or would resent having to do it?

13:34 / 12.01.07

Best friend from college?

DUH!

Double wedding!

It's not quite the elaborate mass wedding I had planned for the cult compound, but, y'know, you probably have:

1. similar tastes/style
2. overlapping guest lists (which means a lot of travelers are going to have to CHOOSE)

Pool your resources, and it will be the feast to end all feasts!

13:36 / 12.01.07

Or there's that.

Oh, and, Trips, thanks for having my back.

13:50 / 12.01.07

I can hardly believe I'm having this unbelievably cliched bridezilla moment, but my best friend from college got engaged one week after me and has just picked the same wedding date as me! (I emailed ours to her a few days ago.) Agony Aunt, what do I do?

Isn't a bridezilla moment, that's when you scream at the hairstylist because you imagine your forehead looks fat AND IT IS ALL THEIR FAULT. Being upset over a friend picking the same date is a reasonable issue.

1. Who has sent out invites? Has it just been 'hold the date' notices? Has money been put down to reserve anything?

2. How overlapped are your social circles? Really how many people will it affect?

3. Did they choose the date after they knew about yours? If so do they believe your circles do not overlap?

Sometimes these things happen and no amount of polite wrangling can shake them apart. Sometimes group weddings are not the solution. Even with the closest of couples group weddings are difficult to manage, you have 4 families to wrangle instead of 2 at the very least.

What to do? If dates cannot be changed you must take a deep breath and realize it isn't automatically an insult. Time off and calendars being what they are many of us have limited options of when we can arrange such an epic event. if your social circles do overlap to the point where it will cause emotional pain for your friends to pick where to go you need to call on your generousity and your honesty. If there is someone who must attend your wedding or break your heart and friendship make sure you tell them in advance how much it would mean to have them there.

Ulitimately you will have your wedding day and your friend will have hers. They may not be the same day and so you'll be able to celebrate with each other on those days. However if they are the same day, find it in your heart to raise a glass at your wedding to toast your friend at hers.

20:27 / 28.03.07

Right, more advice on the cheapness front needed.

It looks like the godparent house plan is out as we're getting married in October and, now that the entire thing'll have to be indoors, I'm worried that they won't have room (120 folk in attendance) or that the shear concentration of people might fit, but will fuck my godparents shit up in doing so.

Come on, gang, let's pull together on this one.

22:02 / 28.03.07

I did a fair amount of research on this - cheap wedding stuff - but I'm not sure how much will translate to anything you can use in the UK. I found some inexpensive venues in public spaces (though these are often outdoors, and usually have restrictions on decor and furniture), some historical sites (though most have twigged to the wedding market and charge exorbitant fees), and then - I don't know if you have anything like this there - but "men's" clubs like the Elks, Veterans Halls, American Legions, etc. We're having our whole shebang at an Elks Club and they're only charging us $400 for two rooms (ceremony & reception).

Another thing, and I don't know if I'm telling you what you already know, is that most people tell me you can usually expect about 20% of your guest list not to show up. So maybe you can fit at your godparents'? Or what about renting a tent and one of those patio fire things... they do a good job at keeping an enclosed outdoor space warm.

jentacular dreams

09:46 / 29.03.07

Re cheapness - if you cut down on other costs can you afford a bigger venue or a marquee or sommat? One of the best weddings I've ever been to was where pretty much every guest helped out in some major fashion - all the bride and groom (/family) had to pay for (apart from wedding clothes etc) was marquee rental, crockery rental and the like. The food was all prepared by friends, it was a serve yourself buffet. Music was also done by friends etc etc etc. And not only was it uber-cheap, but it also lent a really fantastic air to the whole thing - everyone wanted the bride and groom to have a great time, so it all went without a hitch.

10:32 / 29.03.07

Cheers, guys. As I've mentioned above we are doing clever cheap stuff everywhere, from the photography to the cake to the food to the catering, so there's not a whole lot of wriggle room. We do expect the venue to be the biggest cost by a long stretch.

I have thought about hiring outsidey tent bits and tacking them onto the gp's house, Ibs, but I'm not sure it'll work. I am going to give it some more, more serious, thought.

Oh, and we do have stuff a bit like Elk lodges, they're called working mens' clubs and they tend to be a bit horrible. We'll see.

16:07 / 08.10.07

Bumpulous...

My wedding is this coming Saturday - we fly back East tomorrow morning. The butterflies have landed in my belly... being the center of attention makes me jumpy. Luckily my intended is a born crowd-pleaser so he will be clowning and taking the pressure off me. I'm so looking forward to the dancing - I have spent nine months composing the Perfect Playlist for our reception and it totally rules. We're going to really miss our little doggie though. Wish me luck!

16:52 / 08.10.07

Good luck.

17:05 / 08.10.07

My wedding is also this Saturday.

WE ARE TEAM MARRIAGE!

17:09 / 08.10.07

yay for October weddings! (our 2nd anny is at the end of the month!)

Congrats folks! Remember, your wedding day is when other people get to do the work and you try to remember to breathe.

17:11 / 08.10.07

I'm just praying the Best Man doesn't entirely exterminate my character.

Oh, the things he knows...

17:24 / 08.10.07

that's why the best man speech is after the vows.

Big 'Lith-day on Saturday, huh? Goody, me loves big parties

best wishes to alls

17:24 / 08.10.07

Oh wow, I didn't know we had the same wedding day, good luck to you Boboss! I'm sure your best man will be just cruel enough.

17:29 / 08.10.07

Yeah, but you don't know him. To call his sense of humour extreme would be an understatement.

I didn't realise we were getting hitched on the same day either. It's supercool.

Has everything gone to plan thus far?

19:06 / 08.10.07

No. But I have a lot of great friends and family and future husband around me helping with all the frayed ends, so it's going to be fine... or that's what I keep telling myself....

19:09 / 08.10.07

that's a great thing to tell yourself ibis!

Plus your eyes will be more critical than anyone else's so if you spot things just try and be zen as you can. If you can't, delegate!

19:38 / 08.10.07

That sounds like very sensible advice.

TBH, I'm glad we're going the happy shambles route. Means I have less to worry about.

19:42 / 08.10.07

Yay, ibis & Boboss! Double yay! And good timing.

Good luck.

22:58 / 08.10.07

Congratulations to all! I hope it's a 99 to 1 fun to bullshit ratio at your weddings, which, let's face it, is impossible. But good luck, what really matters is after. I've known my spouse for (does math) 22 years now, married for 14 in two months. I hope you guys are as lucky as I am in this department, which is really lucky. One of the few cases of me and luck crossing paths happily.

23:07 / 08.10.07

I'm so happy Boboss and ibis are getting married.

I mean people.

To other people.

11:11 / 14.10.07

It's been a couple of days, so again, Yay! for everybody's weddings! So happy for everybody, marrying, at the wedding, or also happy for 'lithers who're marrying or attending a wedding.

13:32 / 14.10.07

I'm getting married as well. Or at least, I dream of getting married, nightly.

Always without my trousers, I suppose.

16:52 / 14.10.07

Hey, it turned out that getting married was the most fun I could have with my trousers on!

The ceremony went swimmingly, although I twitched a bit at that "marriage is a union between a man and a woman" stuff, and the reception rocked. Virtually everyone came (even my friend Simon showed up - two hours after the whole thing had shut down - but, hey, he showed!), and they all brought food and booze. So much so, in fact, that we had much more than we needed.

In the end we did hire some help, and while they weren't waitering or anything like that they worked their bloody asses off to keep everything running smoothly. That they weren't professionals made their professionalism all the more astonishing.

Led by my Mum, assorted mates and family members did an incredible job of decorating the venue (a beautiful and large 16th Century Tudor house). So successful were they, that one of the guests actually started crying as soon as she walked in.

The speeches were long promised, but delayed by our urgent desire to obtain a healthy dose of Dutch courage. When we did get round to performing, however, everyone was well lubricated and having a bloody good time, so it was an easy win. People belly laughed, people sobbed, and I felt very, very pleased with myself and my Best Man.

And there was lots of disco dancing and mingling.

I think people really loved it. We bloody did.

Want another one now!

16:55 / 14.10.07

Oh, and the Uncle and Aunt didn't show. I dunno, perhaps it was for the best - I get the impression they would've spent the whole time sulking.

Now, Ibis...

20:13 / 14.10.07

Aw.

Swell.

20:34 / 14.10.07

oh yay! sounds like a brilliant day - glad it all came off so well.

ONLY NICE THINGS

07:46 / 15.10.07

So, two empty seats at the rimming table? Shame...

Congratulations, Sex Bo-Boss and Ibis. Oh, and commiserations to MattShepherd and Kali, if they are still travailed and not availed.

08:08 / 15.10.07

Cheers guys.

What a brilliant party. I'm still buzzing from it

Regrettable Juvenilia

09:38 / 15.10.07

I twitched a bit at that "marriage is a union between a man and a woman" stuff

Out of interest, Boboss, was this a legal requirement, or a requirement of having a church wedding (if a church wedding was had)? This is a genuine question rather than an implied criticism, just 'cos I've attended more weddings than ever in the past 2 years and am fascinated by the inherent compromises that seem an inevitable aspect of them... Was at a very immediate family member's on Saturday, which was a very happy occasion but featured an amount of explicit and unequivocal Christianity (true love that lasts comes only from love of God, etc) that still surprised me.

17:27 / 15.10.07

Ours was a civil ceremony as Bobosso is a hardcore atheist, and I vacillate between a form of agnosticsm and outright irreligiousity. We're also rather uncomfortable with much of the religious gumpf that comprises the religious ceremonies we've been to in recent years.
In fact we're both of opinion that the ceremonies in question were pretty much unpleasant affairs, in which two people in love seemed to spend the entire time debasing themselves, and their relationship, before God. Completely objectionable to my way of thinking.

I suppose I'd just lumped the whole focus on heterosexuality in with religious ceremonies, and forgot that even civil ceremonies are not the same civil partnerships, hence my (mild) shock.

If I'm honest it made me feel like a baddie for an instant, and I really didn't want to feel like a baddie at that point in time. I wouldn't say it ruined the moment, but it did distract a bit.

18:40 / 15.10.07

Yay Boboss

Page: 1(2)3