First thing is to figure out what's important to you that the wedding does have. For some people it's a buttload of photos because you're too scattered on the day to remember crap and need evidence. For some people they want to give their families a chance to be involved in a tradition, which doesn't have to be religious at at all. We had a totally not his family kind of wedding but asked his family to bring pictures of the departed relatives for a special place at the table. It was a new tradition but it involved them equally so they felt included. Often you can get away with breaking tradition if you still allow for some way for people to participate. Afterall if you didn't want them involved you'd elope.
Ok so start with a list reviewed by poth parties and see what you care most about (maybe someone really needs there to be great music, maybe someone needs the food to be top notch or the booze etc). Decide priorities and throw out shit you don't care about. If you are interested ask your families what matters most, it maybe that instead of a church wedding your 'rents would be very touched to hear their song included in your dances for example. Maybe they'd just like to hear a family story shared etc...
Okay onto the cheap....
Weddings open up a huge store of good will as people really do want to help you. Look at your priority list and see if you can ask people to help to make those things happen. Instead of a DJ maybe you burn a stack of CD's and one of your non drinking friends steps up to be in charge of changing them, or maybe one of friends is a DJ and you ask if they could do it as your wedding gift. Maybe you don't buy an expensive cake but ask a bunch of friends to bake the most beautiful cupcakes possible. Seriously few of us don't have access to a talented mofo who can make lovely invites and thank you cards ahead of time. Time is a tool that will save you money if you use it wisely.
Make thank you gifts for your groomsmen/bridesmaids/parents/officiant...and yes baked goods count. Limos are stupid and gas hogs, however as a polite host make sure guests can arrive and depart safely regardless of sobriety. Set up car pools way in advance if required.
Some rules to not let cheapness ruin the day:
1. If something is really important to you or your future spouse (mom gets a corsage for example) make it happen.
2. Make sure your helpers are thanked and praised profusely for their slave labor.
3. Avoid Groomonster/Bridezilla stress and really think through the day. What absolutely needs to happen and what can you let unfold without being a control freak? If something is really important figure out ways to ensure it happening smoothily ahead of time. This includes having someone else being in charge of out of town guests' concerns.
What we did to keep things cheap:
1. ceremony in a local park (free!) with access to a rain location (free!).
2. Family only dinner in a schmancy location on a separate invite. Seriously no one feels left out if you keep it super small not even the out of town guests.
3. Cocktails/dessert/dancing in nearby club with everyone later. DJ was a pal and did a fantastic job as our wedding present. Got a tiered display and stacked it with mouth watering cupcakes of various flavors was much cheaper and varied than a cake. Also it got around the venue's cake cutting fee (WTF?!?!).
4. Groom's mom made his fancy coat, I bought my dress in components rather than 1 'spense gown...and it's reusable!
5. Made memorable and unique wedding favors from bulk coins bought on ebay, seashells we collected, and bulk ordered fine chocolate. Used slave labor and feed the slaves fine cheese and wine. The other weddings I've been to always make me scream when the favors are some sort of off the shelf cookie cutter deal. If you can't make it unique blow it off. Mixed CD's of your party music are however a cheap fun option.
6. My sister made the invites, my pal made the thank you notes.
7. I made the bridesmaids' gifts, the officiants' gifts, and we found lovely but reasonable flasks for the groomsmen.
8. Rehearsal dinner was not required.
9. No matching outfits, people wore what they wanted though we suggested a formal level of dress.
10. Cash bar but free munchies. Find a venue that has good finger food if you're not providing a meal but there is drinking and make sure it's tasty ahead if time.
11. I asked (WAY IN ADVANCE) my friends to help me decorate in lieu of gifts.
12. The Groom gave up smoking as a wedding gift to the Bride.
The two things that we spent money on were a photgrapher because my memory is shit ( the day raced by) and flowers. Yeah I know flowers are usually the first thing people chuck off the list but I love flowers and it was my wedding plus my florist is my pal so she helped me out. We asked the family to help us with the photographer and flowers instead of gifts which also produced albums for the 'rents as thank yous and XMas presents later.
About table decoration, a handful of scattered rosepetals or cairns of piled pebbles looks lovely around candles and are wicked cheap. No flowers are better than cheap unloved crappy ones. If the bride is going to have flowers it's polite to at least get the moms flowers too, everybody else can suck it up.
Be creative, enlist the good will of your community, and research what matters underneath tradition's trappings to include your loved ones in your perfect celebration. |
