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TG: What I'm saying is: are you really, truly struggling to live up to some dumb bastard's view of what a "madwoman" ought to be? This, too, in an honest question.
And merits an entirely honest answer, though it's not something I really like to admit: Yes. Yes I am. Every. Fucking. Day.
It's got better as I've got older, but it really is there at the back of my head. If you're going to be mad (read: if you are going to indulge yourself in the voluntary luxury of madness) then you owe it to the rest of the world to be mad properly, i.e. with the epic novels/symphonies/oil paintings. Also, you must have good cheekbones. See also under being epileptic (OMFG you are teh natural shaman also Van Gogh!1!! No pressure).
And this isn't something I've picked up off a couple of bad Michael Keaton films. Yes, you're right, it's ridiculous. Yes, you're right, people shouldn't be coming out with this stuff; more to the point, I should not be taking it on board. But... there's just so much of it.
I know it must sound absurd to any reasonable person, but this is something I have had handed to me by any number of people I've encountered in my life, including people I counted as close friends--and indeed, one of my intimate partners. It kind of never goes away completely, you know? The message is always being reinforced. |
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