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Funny names

 
  

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Sniv
10:47 / 23.02.06
Okay, I just hit the motherload of funny names. Ladies and gentlemen - Richard Head *applause*. Alos, we have a Richard Hand at this establishment, almost as funny. We alos have an April Showers - nope, she's not a stripper, just trans-sexual. I still don't know why she'd choose cuch a... strippery name.

Do you see funny names where you work, or do you have one yourself?
 
 
maryrosecook
11:12 / 23.02.06
I knew a Krystal Maize back in secondary school. Oh how we laughed.
 
 
Orrin's Prick Up Your Ears
11:24 / 23.02.06
My old sociology teacher was called Dick Paine.

Also, got a call at work a few months ago from a man named Crimson Boner.

About 20 years ago, after an anguished letter from a woman named Verbal Funderburk, asking if she had the stupidest name in Britain, the Spectator (I think) held a competition to that effect. Don't think anybody topped her, but Humperdinck Fangboner came close. Anil Shitole was also in the running.
 
 
Orrin's Prick Up Your Ears
11:25 / 23.02.06
Not to forget the classic Mustava Kunt, Turkish military attache to New York in the 1970s.
 
 
Sniv
11:29 / 23.02.06
Wow, that... that's sick. Anil Shitole may well be the best name ever. How could a parent give their child such an evil name? Maybe the birth was really harsh...
 
 
Jack Fear
12:20 / 23.02.06
Fun fact! Did you know that in Farsi, "John the exploding boy" means "Anglocentric thicko who forgets that 75% of the world doesn't speak English"? It's true!
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
12:24 / 23.02.06
Dude, I can totally speak Farsi. Who knew?
 
 
The Falcon
12:27 / 23.02.06
Perhaps Orrin might be a worthier target of Jack Fear's Wrath this time, given he brought the non-Anglic names into play?

However, accepting the proviso that my own name may well indeed mean 'penis attached to forehead' in Serbo-Croat, I believe there was a North Korean Olympic boxer in the 70's called Yoo Suk Bum.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
12:29 / 23.02.06
You know, this could be the best thread since the hilarious "Fu dan ti" thread.

Is there some kind of academy I could join to be trained to handle this level of discourse? I feel a bit intimidated.
 
 
Jack Fear
12:31 / 23.02.06
Perhaps Orrin might be a worthier target of Jack Fear's Wrath this time, given he brought the non-Anglic names into play?

Ah, but Orrin did so understanding that the "comedy" value was purely unitentional, while John started nattering about the cruel, evil parents who would saddle poor Anil Shitole with a name that 75% of the world would find unexceptional.

I used to work with a guy named Hung Lo, by the way. He was, as I would come to know, one of the finest men I'll ever know. One double-take, and it was out of my system.
 
 
A
13:00 / 23.02.06
There was a real live Wayne King in the small town I used to live in. His occupation? The milkman.
 
 
Jub
13:14 / 23.02.06
My brother's fiance's first name rhymes with our surname which she's taking. God knows why she's not keeping her maiden name but there you go. Obviously I'm reticent about telling y'all my really name, so it's on a par with Sharon Baron (only much better!)
 
 
Sniv
13:25 / 23.02.06
"John the exploding boy" means "Anglocentric thicko who forgets that 75% of the world doesn't speak English"? It's true!

Hmmmm... how can I put this? Oh yeah, fuck off.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
13:30 / 23.02.06
It's good, but I think Mr. Fear just about edges it at the first Oscar Wilde Memorial Invitational.
 
 
Sniv
13:33 / 23.02.06
Oh sorry! I forgot that to be funny here I need to be all snarking and passive agressive. Oops. I will try better in future, I've let you all down...
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
13:41 / 23.02.06
I'd like to look at that phrase "passive-aggressive". It doesn't seem to be being used in quite the traditional way. In traditional discourse, it means something like this:

Of, relating to, or having a personality disorder characterized by habitual passive resistance to demands for adequate performance in occupational or social situations, as by procrastination, stubbornness, sullenness, and inefficiency.

When used recently by the aggrieved of Barbelith, it seems to mean "cheating by using words made of letters".

I don't think there is anything passive about the aggression Jack Fear was displaying towards you, John. His aggression was quite clear, and quite active. To describe it as "passive-aggressive", in order to sell to oneself the idea that his actions were somehow cowardly, deceitful and otherwise inferior to one's own good, honest and proper Anglo-Saxon bluntness, would be the action of, and I seek to gain your respect by avoiding any contemptibly effete mincing of words, a fucking idiot.

Forgive my directness, but people using long words they do not understand gets right on my tits.
 
 
Sniv
13:49 / 23.02.06
Wow Haus, I'm surprised you didn't point me in the direction of a 4 page thread filled with dense circle-arguing...

Anyway, fair enough, Jack wasn't being passive aggressive, he was just being a cock. Sorry, I'll call a spade a spade next time. So should you.
 
 
A
13:51 / 23.02.06
Can we talk about funny names again?

My parents once met a man named Dick Crapp.
 
 
Jack Fear
13:56 / 23.02.06
Sorry, I'll call a spade a spade next time. So should you.

And so was I. So what's the problem?
 
 
Spaniel
13:59 / 23.02.06
In Lewes there's a womens' boutique called Bone (Her).
I have no idea what's going on there.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
14:02 / 23.02.06
I just did, John. Interestingly, you are also doing something else that people who regularly misuse the term "passive-aggressive" on the Internet do (see also "semantics" and "rhetoric"), which is to try to make the discussion about the mechanisms of the disagreement rather than the reasons why it kicked off. This is known as "squirting ink out of your arse", which I hope will pass muster for plainness despite a slight metaphorical element. It might be seen as demonstrative of an unwillingness to communicate, which would, ironically but rather gorgeously, be a bit passive-aggressive of you.

I'm just sayin'.
 
 
Spaniel
14:03 / 23.02.06
I wonder if it has a brother store: Bone (him)

Are the owners utterly clueless? Lewes being Lewes I doubt it's intended as a joke.
 
 
doozy floop
14:13 / 23.02.06
Boboss, what on earth does it sell? Just normal clothes, or, like, some kind of osseous jewellery produce?
 
 
Jub
14:14 / 23.02.06
Apprently Boboss - there is
 
 
Jub
14:20 / 23.02.06
Oh - how disappointing - it looks like it's plain simple Bone now
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
14:21 / 23.02.06
Slightly off topic: there's a shop in Angel (Islington) called "Reasons To Be Cheerful", and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I noticed it had closed down (the sign's still there but there's nothing inside except dust and air).
 
 
Olulabelle
14:23 / 23.02.06
John, it was a bit of an foolish comment and Jack was just pointing that out. Much easier and far cooler to go, 'Ah yeah, it was a bit silly to forget a huge amount of the world doesn't speak English, sorry!' and move on.
 
 
Spaniel
14:30 / 23.02.06
It sells clothes to upper middle class rural women.

Weird, huh?
 
 
Sniv
14:40 / 23.02.06
Lula - other than the fact that it was just a blimmin joke? It wasn't even an offensive one, either. Jack's the one that dragged my intelligence into this, not me. I do not take jokey responses to jokes seriously.
 
 
Haus of Mystery
14:40 / 23.02.06
There was a fabric shop on Brick Lane called Touching Cloth which used to make me laugh.
 
 
Ganesh
15:01 / 23.02.06
John, I think you'll find the correct way to phrase that is "it was a JOKE!!1!1!".
 
 
Paolo
15:14 / 23.02.06
There actually was a Mr Wank on the outlook list of one company I worked for. I never met the person who was based in the Far East and whose name probably doesnt mean "self pleasure".

Unfortunatly his first names were not Ivor or Will.

cheers Paolo
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
15:32 / 23.02.06
Ganesh speaks sooth, John. Obviously, you're not going to think it's offensive. Not that many people wake up of a morning thinking "Right, my darlings, how can I offend today?" However, this does not mean that you get final say on what is and is not offensive to other people. We had this with the thread of humorous cod Chinese, and now we're getting it here, is all.
 
 
Mistoffelees
15:42 / 23.02.06
I believe some of these names can be filed under Urban Myths. In Germany, there are two names everyone knows of:
Claire Grube (cesspool) and Rosa Schlüpfer (Rose Knickers).
 
 
doglikesparky
15:48 / 23.02.06
I once worked with a couple of ladies who had surnames 'Bacon' and 'Lettiss' but sadly there was nobody there called 'Tomato'.
If there was that would have been, well, not funny, but interesting perhaps.
 
  

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