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Commercialism, Christmas, and the jerks who make the obvious connection

 
  

Page: 12(3)4

 
 
P. Horus Rhacoid
17:22 / 03.12.05
No wonder that kid's screaming.
 
 
Loomis
17:47 / 03.12.05
"You've been a good girl this year so you'll be getting a new face."
"But santa, I already have a face!"
"Not anymore. Santa needs it."
 
 
Mourne Kransky
17:56 / 03.12.05
The doctors managed to reset her jaw more or less. Saved one of her eyes. His pulse never got above 85, even when he ate her tongue.

Quid pro quo, Little Girl, quid pro quo.
 
 
Mistoffelees
18:50 / 03.12.05
You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

He's making a list
And checking it twice
Gonna find out
Who's naughty and nice
Santa Claus is coming to town

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!

You better watch out!
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town...
 
 
Loomis
19:11 / 03.12.05
Santa claus you cunt
Where's my fucking bike?
I've unwrapped all this other junk
There's nothing what i like.

I've wrote you a letter
And i've come to see you twice.
You geriatric wanker
Where's my fucking bike?

If i wanted a pair of fucking shoes
I would've fucking asked.
This cowboy suit and ping-pong set
You can stick right up your arse.

You went and mucked my order up,
It's enough to make you spew.
It's not just me that's pissed off,
My sister's snaky too.

Santa claus you cunt
Where's my fucking pram?
You promised me you fucking cunt,
You know who I am.

'Cos I'm the little girl
You made sit right on your hand.
Never mind your ho ho ho
Where's my fucking pram?

Next time i go to see him
I'm gonna punch him in the guts,
Set his fucking reindeer loose
Kick rudolf in the nuts.

Just you wait til next year
'Til we get to that store,
And me and my little sister
come stomping through that door.

Hey mums and dads just check his breath
And watch his bloodshot eyes.
Don't listen to him boys and girls
'Cos he tells fucking lies.

He's a pisstank and a pervert
He's not even fucking bright.
'Cos that fucking wanker
Forgot my fucking bike!
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
23:00 / 03.12.05
Mono- but i loooove me some christmas carols (Elvis! Phil spector's XMas collection! Yeah!) and Christmas Lights

How could you forget A Space Ghost Christmas?

Don we now our gay apparel
Gabba gabba hey gabba gabba hey hey
 
 
matthew.
01:46 / 04.12.05
Here's something I do love about Christmas:
Elf directed by Jon Favreau.
"Bye, Buddy"
"Bye, Mr. Narwal"
Oh, classic.
 
 
Earlier than I thought
09:47 / 04.12.05
Dunno what's up with me this year. I've been the goofy idiot about this season for 31 years. This time around, I'm grim, gloomy and dreading the prospect for no obvious reason. I seem to be developing a phobia. Actually, there is a recognised Christmas phobia, isn't there?

And what's that short story about the kid who's scared of Santa coming down the chimney? Something hideous happens. Or that one by Nigel Kneale, about the Christmas stocking that allows horrible monsters to do terrible things. Actually, I may revise the above 'no obvious reason' bit.
 
 
Quantum
10:46 / 04.12.05
Gremlins. The love interest's Dad came down the chimney as Santa but got stuck and died and then stank out the house as his corpse decayed.
Merry Xmas!
 
 
w1rebaby
11:26 / 04.12.05
If there wasn't so much commercialism and syrup surrounding Christmas, what would we take the piss out of?
 
 
sleazenation
12:16 / 04.12.05
Christians?
 
 
alas
12:17 / 04.12.05
Since the Times requires registration, I thought I'd post a big chunk of today's editorial on this theme:

This Season's War Cry: Commercialize Christmas, or Else

By ADAM COHEN

Religious conservatives have a cause this holiday season: the commercialization of Christmas. They're for it.

The American Family Association is leading a boycott of Target for not using the words "Merry Christmas" in its advertising. (Target denies it has an anti-Merry-Christmas policy.) The Catholic League boycotted Wal-Mart in part over the way its Web site treated searches for "Christmas." Bill O'Reilly, the Fox anchor who last year started a "Christmas Under Siege" campaign, has a chart on his Web site of stores that use the phrase "Happy Holidays," along with a poll that asks, "Will you shop at stores that do not say 'Merry Christmas'?"

This campaign - which is being hyped on Fox and conservative talk radio - is an odd one. Christmas remains ubiquitous, and with its celebrators in control of the White House, Congress, the Supreme Court and every state supreme court and legislature, it hardly lacks for powerful supporters. There is also something perverse, when Christians are being jailed for discussing the Bible in Saudi Arabia and slaughtered in Sudan, about spending so much energy on stores that sell "holiday trees."

What is less obvious, though, is that Christmas's self-proclaimed defenders are rewriting the holiday's history. They claim that the "traditional" American Christmas is under attack by what John Gibson, another Fox anchor, calls "professional atheists" and "Christian haters." But America has a complicated history with Christmas, going back to the Puritans, who despised it. What the boycotters are doing is not defending America's Christmas traditions, but creating a new version of the holiday that fits a political agenda.

The Puritans considered Christmas un-Christian, and hoped to keep it out of America. They could not find Dec. 25 in the Bible, their sole source of religious guidance, and insisted that the date derived from Saturnalia, the Roman heathens' wintertime celebration. On their first Dec. 25 in the New World, in 1620, the Puritans worked on building projects and ostentatiously ignored the holiday. From 1659 to 1681 Massachusetts went further, making celebrating Christmas "by forbearing of labor, feasting or in any other way" a crime.

. . . .

By the 1920's, the retail industry had adopted Christmas as its own, sponsoring annual ceremonies to kick off the "Christmas shopping season."

Religious leaders objected strongly. The Christmas that emerged had an inherent tension: merchants tried to make it about buying, while clergymen tried to keep commerce out. A 1931 Times roundup of Christmas sermons reported a common theme: "the suggestion that Christmas could not survive if Christ were thrust into the background by materialism." A 1953 Methodist sermon broadcast on NBC - typical of countless such sermons - lamented that Christmas had become a "profit-seeking period." This ethic found popular expression in "A Charlie Brown Christmas." In the 1965 TV special, Charlie Brown ignores Lucy's advice to "get the biggest aluminum tree you can find" and her assertion that Christmas is "a big commercial racket," and finds a more spiritual way to observe the day.

This year's Christmas "defenders" are not just tolerating commercialization - they're insisting on it. They are also rewriting Christmas history on another key point: non-Christians' objection to having the holiday forced on them.

The campaign's leaders insist this is a new phenomenon - a "liberal plot," in Mr. Gibson's words. But as early as 1906, the Committee on Elementary Schools in New York City urged that Christmas hymns be banned from the classroom, after a boycott by more than 20,000 Jewish students. . . .

The Christmas that Mr. O'Reilly and his allies are promoting - one closely aligned with retailers, with a smack-down attitude toward nonobservers - fits with their campaign to make America more like a theocracy, with Christian displays on public property and Christian prayer in public schools.

It does not, however, appear to be catching on with the public. That may be because most Americans do not recognize this commercialized, mean-spirited Christmas as their own. Of course, it's not even clear the campaign's leaders really believe in it. Just a few days ago, Fox News's online store was promoting its "Holiday[s] Collection" for shoppers. Among the items offered to put under a "holiday tree" was "The O'Reilly Factor Holiday Ornament." After bloggers pointed this out, Fox changed the "holidays" to "Christmases."
 
 
alas
12:51 / 04.12.05
Oh, ps--should have made clear that's the New York Times, and if you want to link to the entire article, which isn't that much longer, why, help yourself.
 
 
Scrambled Password Bogus Email
13:09 / 04.12.05
Did you hear about the dyslexic occultist?

Sold his soul to Santa.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
14:43 / 04.12.05
Has anyone considered the possibility that the baby Jesus might have been an alien, who came travelling?

I think we might need a whole new thread for this theory. It warrants further investigation.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
14:45 / 04.12.05
Or, wait - perhaps it was the angel Gaibriel who was a spaceman? Ah!
 
 
Alex's Grandma
15:30 / 04.12.05
Has anyone considered the possibility that the baby Jesus might have been an alien who came travelling?

Yes.

All the time.

It's not just for Christmas, that kind of... well I would say 'belief,' but the thing is, I have access to certain information which I cannot divulge over the interweb.

It will all be explained in my forthcoming 'novel' though.
 
 
Ganesh
15:42 / 04.12.05
Co-written with C De Burgh?
 
 
Mourne Kransky
15:50 / 04.12.05
That would explain his noodly appendages.
 
 
Earlier than I thought
17:27 / 04.12.05
Gremlins. The love interest's Dad came down the chimney as Santa but got stuck and died and then stank out the house as his corpse decayed

Nah, though that's a good one. Something about a thing 'with a head like a rotten pumpkin', as I recall. You know, the bit I really still like about this season is all the spooky stuff. The BBC 'Ghost Stories for Christmas', which generally had no Christmas content whatsoever.
 
 
unheimlich manoeuvre
22:00 / 04.12.05
soon I discovered that this rock thing was true
jerry lee lewis was the devil
jesus was an architect previous to his career as a prophet
all of a sudden, I found myself in love with the world
so there was only one thing that I could do
was ding a ding dang my dang a long ling long


...

Pah Humbug to all you naysayers. I love Christmas.
All the family under one roof, whiskey for lunch, xmas pud and brandy butter, sneaky spliffs with my brother, baby niece to coo over. I'm sure it will get all the more so in the future as L grows up and we can bask in her excitement. Happy days.
Yes the season's all commercialised but I buy my presents and then push it all into the background. Xmas is all about spending time with, rather than money for, my friends and family.
 
 
w1rebaby
23:16 / 04.12.05
Whisky is for elevenses, you philistine.
 
 
Axolotl
06:58 / 05.12.05
Gah, since reading this thread I have been walking around singing "a-rum-pa-pum-pum" under my breath and am beginning to annoy myself. It better stop soon, is all I can say.
 
 
modern maenad
07:32 / 05.12.05
and someone from Orange has been reading this thread, as they have frosted the pum diddly pum words onto their shop front windows - which pisses me off more than the blatent attempts to fleece the consumer - super subtle advertising aimed to winkle just a few more pennies from our wallets....the more insidious the more outraged I get, I guess.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
08:37 / 05.12.05
Have just downloaded the Bowie & Crosby Little Drummer Boy and am belting out the pum pum pums.
 
 
matthew.
11:48 / 05.12.05
I pray my wish
Will come true
For your child
And my child too

I always sing that part wrong. And loud. And pretending to be high on Bolivian marching powder.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
12:27 / 05.12.05
I wish I'd never said anything now.
 
 
Mon Oncle Ignatius
12:30 / 05.12.05
Have just downloaded the Bowie & Crosby Little Drummer Boy and am belting out the pum pum pums.

May I commend the following album to everyone?:



The pum pum pums have never sounded so good. My favourite Xmess record in the world. Evar*. (!!!1!!!) There's a sample MP3 of "White Christmas" here.

The collected sample abusers on the CD don't exactly shit all over Xmas, but they do give the music a good shafting. Especially fun is the Lustmord version of "Silent Night", which calls to mind WW1 and trench warfare more then peace on earth. One to play at the office party to spoil the mood.




*Apart from John Fahey's Xmess guitar albums... and the Butthole Surfers murdering "Good King Wenceslaus".
 
 
Mistoffelees
21:07 / 09.12.05
Yummy, we got christmas döner now!

 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
00:02 / 10.12.05
Orange are evil. Went past their shop today, and I'm feeling all Christmassy-like, y'know, it's all cold, and everyone's buying nice wholesome stuff to give as presents, and for that reason you don't get pissed off at queueing for ages, and then you walk past the Orange shop, and they have

PA RUM PUM PUM PUM

in the fucking window. Bah, hum-motherfucking-bug. (They didn't even get the "pa rum PA pum pum" bit right. Cunts).

If I EVER meet that little drummer boy, he ain't gonna be capable of drumming much longer. Unless he uses a special attachment by which his tongue can activate drum sounds. Actually, if I have time and the right tools, that's not gonna be possible either.

Actually (ahem) if anyone asks, I never saw that little drummer boy on the night in question. OK?
 
 
Mourne Kransky
05:49 / 10.12.05
Harsh, Stoatie, particularly in this season of goodwill (that only happens once a year, from September to January, after all).

Little Drummer Boy is just a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum
He has no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum
That's fit to give the King, pa rum pum pum pum


Have you no pity nor any pum pum pum in your flinty, mustelid heart?
 
 
Loomis
09:19 / 10.12.05
Christmas doner! Now I have truly seen it all.

If he has no gift to bring pah rum pa pum pum
How did he afford all that bling pah rum pa pum pum
He was in the pub all afternoon pah rum pa pum pum
Did he just sneak off to my room pah rum pa pum pum
I don't actually remember inviting him pah rum pa pum pum
Said he was a friend of xoc's pah rum pa pum pum, rum pa pum pum, rum pa pum pum.
 
 
Mistoffelees
19:35 / 10.12.05
Has it become a cliche to shit all over Christmas?

This guy means business.

A large blindfolded Santa hanging from a noose from a high tree in a man's yard has angered homeowners in a Florida neighborhood, according to a Local 6 News report.

"Now the kids are sad with that, you know, because they say it's not fair with Santa," neighbor Tanira Giacian said. "Santa should be around bringing their gifts, looking for the gifts, and not hanging on a tree. They're just kind of scared of that."
 
 
Mistoffelees
15:08 / 12.12.05
This is an ad, I photographed at my local subway station today.

 
 
electric monk
15:28 / 12.12.05
Bowie & Crosby Little Drummer Boy

is crap. Find yourself RuPaul and Billy Bizarre's version instead.

And how is it no one has mentioned the greatest Christmas special EVER: 'A Wish for Wings that Work' starring Opus the penguin and Ronald Ann of Bloom County/Outland fame.

BEST.

EVER.

Oh, and that flick with Jimmy Stewart is okay too.

*pours a glass of rum pa pum pum*
 
  

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