I'm a transvestite I suppose, but I also take spiro and oestrogen, so
I'm transgendered - a she-male.
I wear cloths made for both sexes, but normally those designed for
women unless being the man I'm supposed to be is certain to become a
big issue. Even then it depends on the day. Being asked by a cashier
whether this is my husband's credit card is not a big issue, being
strip-searched leaving the USA is. I haven't changed my name and I'm
not in therapy or doing the real-life test or any of the other things
transsexuals do. It's very likely that I'll never seek surgery, but
surgery doesn't horrify me.
In my youth I was a genuine transvestite. I took no hormones and
expressed a large part of myself, most of myself, only when dressed as
a woman. I was very passive as a man. At that time, at least for a
while, putting on all the accoutrements of womanhood made one a woman,
or so it seemed. That's all changed today I think, people are much
more aware of these things. Perhaps it was never really so - I just
happened to pass.
This is certainly transgressive behaviour. This sort of thing is a
very sensitive matter for a surprisingly large number of otherwise
very nice men. One can get very badly hurt in deceiving them, and it
doesn't matter how honest one tries but fails to be. One can get
really hurt, I have been, even when one doesn't deceive them. What's
more, even men who are above all that can get really dangerous with
any other man who dares leer at you while you're chatting with them.
Fair enough really, and exciting too, but dear, oh dear, oh dear. One
really shouldn't be a transvestite as it's far too dangerous. Well,
at least as long as one's still young.
It's also transgressive, at least when lived as I live it, in that
in the near future I'll likely be forced to make whatever changes are
required to completely pass as a woman, at the very least a name
change, in order to find and keep a good job. I hope that's not so
but I strongly suspect it is. Is anyone surprised?
I couldn't say how much doing this is driven by sexual fantasies. Not
much at the conscious level at least, other than the business of
trying to be attractive to straight men against their will. Fetishism
is a complicated issue. I've certainly never needed cloths, makeup or
jewellery to have sex. I am however much more active when I'm "being"
a woman, clothed or not, passing or not. Why? I feel I'm more, not
less, like this. I'm more valuable, more in control if only indirectly,
more beautiful. All of these are illusions of course, but it's not a
fantasy about cloths or, I do hope, about body parts - though I do
prefer my body as it is now.
I notice that I've been of no help at all distinguishing transvestites
from cross-dressers, and that I've covered far too many issues in one
response. Sorry. My transvestism is strongly connected to my sexuality,
even though I don't see it quite as a sexual end in itself. I can't really
understand purely identity driven cross-dressing, or transsexuality as
it's usually presented. |
