This joke works best if you read it aloud to yourself.
(I've had to hide the punchline to this one. Highlight to read.)
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In the purple King's purple throne room in the purple kingdom of Purpleonia, the purple King is excitedly planning out his purple birthday in two purple weeks.
He says to the purple Jester...
"Purple Jester, make your purple way into purple town and visit the purple shoemakers, for I require a purple pair of purple shoes for my purple birthday in two purple weeks".
"Your purple wish is my purple command", says the purple Jester and he promptly makes his purple exit.
The purple Jester leaves through the purple double doors of the purple throne room and heads along the purple hallway, past the ranks of purple guards and down the purple grand staircase. He exits the purple palace and briskly walks through the purple palace purple courtyard, down the purple hill, through the purple woods and into the purple cobbled streets of purple town, weaving through the purple commerce district, passing the purple storefronts of the local purple tradespeople until he reaches the purple shop of the purple shoemakers. The little purple bell rings as he steps through the purple door.
"Good afterpurplenoon, purple Jester!", says the purple shoemaker. "What in the name of all that's purple brings you to the purple shop of a humble purple shoemaker like purple me?"
"The purple king requires of you a purple pair of purple shoes for his purple birthday in two purple weeks. This is a great purple honour. Do you purple accept?"
"Of purple course!", says the purple shoemaker. " I shall make for the purple king the best and most purplest pair of purple shoes that have ever been purple seen in the purple kingdom! You may tell his purple majesty that I shall forsake all other work and purple begin on them right purple now!"
"Purple excellent", replies the jester. "His purpleness will be most purple pleased and shall no doubt reward you with your weight in purple. I shall purple return the purple morn of the purple King's purple birthday to collect these wondrous purple shoes".
The purple Jester makes his purple exit.
Purple pleased at a purple job well purple done, the purple Jester purple strolls back through the purple commerce district whistling a happy purple tune as the purple tradesmen gather round the purple shoemakers to find purple out just why the esteemed purple Jester had paid him a purple visit.
The purple Jester leaves the purple town and enters the purple woods again, noticing, as if for the first time, just how fresh and purple the purple trees smell. The purple palace on the top of the purple hill looks as purpley majestic as the first purple time he saw it in his purple youth, and he makes his purple way up the purple hill with a purple spring in his purple step.
As he moves through the purple courtyard, the sun shines brightly purple, making the purple throne room windows flash brilliant purple. Up the purple grand stair, he moves past the ranks of purple guards who notice the purple Jester's good purple mood and are purple cheered by it. He purple strides purple triumphantly back into the purple throneroom.
"Your purple highness! I have been to the purple shoemakers with your purple request and have been assured that the purple shoemaker will commence purple work on them right purple away, forsaking all other purple work and purple clients, to purple deliver unto you the purplest pair of purple shoes ever seen in the purple kingdom!"
"Purple excellent!", says the King. "Should he succeed in delighting his purple Liege, I shall purple reward him with twice his weight in purple! You have done purple well, purple Jester. All that purple remains for you to purple do is to purple collect these purplest of purple shoes when they are purple ready."
The purple Jester purple bows.
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Two purple weeks later, it is the purple morning of the purple king's purple birthday. The entire purple kingdom is abuzz with purple anticipation of the purple day's purple events. Purple banners are going purple up, a purple banquet like no purple other is being purple prepared, and in the purple town the purple people are purple gathered in whispered purple tones around the purple shop of the purple shoemaker, who has been purple locked inside for two purple weeks to concoct the purple wonders that are to be gifted to the purple king.
The purple throne room is purple hanging with purple anticipation.
"Purple Jester!", booms the purple king. "It is my purple birthday this purple day and I now require you to fetch for me the purple shoes, over which the purple shoemaker has been labouring. If I am purple happy with them, then I shall purple shower you both in three times your weights in purple! Go now and do purple this for your purple king!"
"At once, your purple majesty!"
The purple Jester, purple bluffed up on the purple importance of this very purple mission indeed, purple strides from the purple throne room, throwing back the purple double doors and marches right purple past the purple ranks of the assembled purple guard, who, decked purple out in special purple finery they may be, are to the purple man, insanely purple jealous of the purple Jester and his purple task.
As he moves on, down the purple grand stair, purple noblepeople (who have purple arrived to pay their purple respects to the purple king) part like the purple sea to allow the purple Jester to carry out his purple mission unimpeded. The purple Jester says nothing, nor makes any purple anknowlegement in his purple face, so purple fixed is he on his purple purpose. As he purple walks through the purple courtyard neither does he purple notice the purple following he has purple aquired, as curious Purpleonians trail in his wake.
Down the purple hill he goes, purple surety of purple task propelling him purple onwards through the purple woods where it seems that even the purple animals have purple gathered in purple curiosity.
He enters the purple town, which is purple still and purple silent. Purple townspeople line either purple side of the purple streets, allowing the purple Jester free passage while purple waiting for their purple chance to join the purple Jester's purple parade.
He arrives at the purple shoemakers, where he comes to a purple stop. A few purple citizens trying in purple vain to purple squint through the purple windows swiftly purple scatter. The purple Jester strides up to the purple door and gives it three loud purple knocks.
"Go away!" is the muffled purple reply.
"It is I, the purple Jester! I have come for the purple king's purple shoes, for today is his purple birthday! Your prescence is required in the purple court where his majesty shall shower you in three times your weight in purple! Garb yourself in you purplest finery, for today is the purple day and the eyes of the entire kingdom of Purpleonia are upon you!".
There is purple silence. The purple Jester's purple mouth purple twitches involuntarily. A purple murmur begins to purple spread around the assembled purple crowd.
There is a purple clinking sound of falling purple glass from inside the purple shoemakers, soon followed by the purple sound of a heavy purple bolt being drawn back. The purple door opens a purple crack and a purple hand beckons the purple Jester inside, closing the purple door behind him.
The purple Jester's purple face falls. Inside is a sorry purple state. Empty purple bottles of purple whiskey are purple strewn all across the purple floor and purple desk. The purple shoemaker, purple haggard and unpurpleshaven stands with a purple slouch, steadying his purple self against the wall. The purple Jester loses his purple cool.
"Wha-What the purple is going on!"
"I purrle try!" slurs the purple shoemaker. "The pressre ws too purrle mush! I coudd'n purrle do ish. I'm a purrle faylurr"
"Bu-but! The purple shoes! TODAY IS THE PURPLE KING'S PURPLE BIRTHDAY! WHERE ARE HIS PURPLE SHOES!"
The purple shoemaker purple slumps to the purple floor. The purple Jester paces the purple room purple frantically, talking to his purple self.
"But his purple majesty will be purple livid! It's his purple birthday and he has no purple gift! The purple townsfolk are all purple gathered outside waiting for purple me and I have no purple shoes! What in purple am I going to do?!?"
"Fukkin purrle...".
Purple resolve sets in the purple Jester. He purple hoists the purple shoemaker to his feet by his purple collar.
Outside, the purple crowd know something is purple wrong and they are purple pressed against the purple door. When the purple bolt slides back and the purple Jester emergers with a disheveled purple shoemaker a horrible purple gasp is heard which cuts right to the purple heart of the purple Jester. Though, determined not to be purple swayed he pushes the purple shoemaker purple forward and purple frog-marches him down through the purple streets.
As the purple Jester walks between the purple crowds (who now seem a purple lot more purple suffocating than they did purple before) the purple sun seems to purple hide itself behind the purple clouds. The purple animals in the purple forest hide themselves in their purple nooks and crannies.
The purple Jester stops for a purple moment at the foot of the purple hill. The purple palace looking to him now as imposing and forbidding as it must do to the captured enemies of Purpleonia. Resolve weakening, and with a deep sigh and a heavy purple heart, the purple Jester pushes the purple shoemaker up the purple hill.
Advance purple word has reached the purple palace and as the purple Jester moves through the purple courtyard, the purple noblepeople make it discreetly purple clear how purple amusing they find the purple Jester's purple plight.
He continues up the purple grand stairway. The purple guard at once purple vindicated and purple deathly purple serious. The purple Jester hangs his purple head at the purple double doors. The purple shoemaker sways uneasily. The purple doors purple open and the purple Jester enters.
The purple King is purple furious.
"WHAT IS THE PURPLE MEANING OF THIS! YOU EXPECT YOUR PURPLE RULER TO ACCEPT THIS PURPLE INSULT ON TODAY OF ALL PURPLE DAYS!?!?!"
"I can only purple apologise, your purple majesty. I have no purple excuses for the failure of the purple shoemaker. I place mypurpleself at your purple mercy, to do with me what you purple will".
The purple court is purple silent save for the soft purple hiccups of the purple shoemaker. The purple Jester is defeated and on his purple knees.
"Purple Jester, you have never purple failed me before and have always been purple loyal to your purple King. For this purple reason I purple forgive you".
The purple Jester's purple face explodes with purple joy.
"But you, purple shoemaker! You have visited upon this purple court an unforgivable purple insult for which there is no punishment purple enough!".
The purple King's purple face is shrouded in deep purple thought as a pregnant purple pause hangs purple, over all assembled. At purple last, the purple King speaks.
"Loyal Purple Jester!"
The purple Jester jumps to his feet and snaps to attention. "Yes my purple Liege!"
"Take this purple infidel down to the deepest, darkest, purplest dungeon in the purple palace and throw away the purple key. He is to spend the rest of his purple days wallowing in the pitch purpleness where he will purple consider what he has purple done."
"At once, your purple majesty!"
The purple Jester purple grabs the purple shoemaker and roughly pushes him out of the purple double doors. They make their way along the purple hall to the twisting purple staircase that winds its purple way down to the deepest, darkest, purplest dungeon. Only the sound of purple footsteps and the purple shoemaker's pathetic purple sobbing break the silence.
Down the purple winding stairs they go, lights dimming and the purple darkness thickening until at last they reach the deepest, darkest, purplest dungeon.
The purple Jester pulls open the cell door. With a purple sneer on his purple lip, he points into the deepest, darkest, purplest cell and says...
"In Di Go" |
