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Celeb Big Brother 2005

 
  

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_Boboss
10:32 / 11.01.05
'Do you think she's a sandwich or two short of a picnic?'

who, jackie stallone? she's mislaid the tablecloth, burnt the wicker hamper and hasn't even gone outside, that's how far-off a picnic she is.
 
 
Haus of Mystery
11:49 / 11.01.05
She actually scares me like a proper monster. She's just so fucking damaged. I actually had to stop watching last night while Germaine (who is by far and away the best contestant) patiently explained WTF was going on to the surgery-damaged crone. At one point Stallone actually said "Are people watching us then?"
Like the way that Kenzie and Hollyoaks look plain scared of her. Who can blame them?
 
 
Jub
12:06 / 11.01.05
Oh dear. It seems Germaine has left!

Poor Germaine.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
13:27 / 11.01.05
She was probably bored out of her mind.
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
17:07 / 11.01.05
I just read something about her being a "quitter" and how she (thankfully, sez article) didn't live up to her boasts that she always slept naked. Sure they were boasts?

I hadn't really watched a lot, but I had enjoyed seeing her interactions with t'others.
 
 
Peach Pie
07:34 / 12.01.05
It's the real life version of 'The Office':

'Before we were like a nice box of chocolates. Whether we were fighting or talking or discussing we were always together. But now it's like two of those same chocolates have fallen out and are eaten'
 
 
Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo
05:17 / 13.01.05
We're getting no news about this in the US...so I have to know:

If Brigitte Nielson is there....where's FLAVOR FLAV!!!!???!!!
 
 
Haus of Mystery
11:28 / 13.01.05
I saw some where she was talking about going to visit Flav's mum with him, and going on about how toatlly awesome he was. Very fucking weird.
 
 
Cat Chant
16:05 / 13.01.05
a culture in such stark contrast to academe.

enclosed micro-society full of over-ego'd people bitching and jostling for position while forced to perform soul-destroyingly pointless tasks? should have thought academe was the perfect preparation.
 
 
Triplets
18:36 / 13.01.05
All I know is; Caprice is hot and the cameraperson in the sauna knows exactly what to do.

Jackie Sly in the Diary Room 'well I don't think I can fire anyone I mean if I were to fire anyone I'd fire big brother, y'know? he just likes people getting distraught' *silence of the unfathomable void* 'and in any case I'd fire myself'

'jackie, big brother is asking you which two housemates you don't want to live with'

'oh, I can do that'

Guhg.
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
19:25 / 13.01.05
"Oh, I don't know their names, dear" Jackie really has come from another planet, and nominated Bez for having bad teeth. Oh, if only someone cominated her for having a bad face. And being an immovable lump.

I really like Jeremy. He's rather pleasant and amusing. Damn, it's just drawing me in! I thought I'd resisted.

Did John just say that out of all the women in the house he wouldn't sleep with Caprice, or something? Oh, and Bez for being unintelligent. Ha ha ha. Not like YOU John.
 
 
Peach Pie
08:01 / 14.01.05
Caprice is hot and the cameraperson in the sauna knows exactly what to do.


For real? The cameraperson sat her down and had a caring chat with her about the pressures of fame?
 
 
_Boboss
08:45 / 14.01.05
didn't bez nominate jackie because he's frightened that sly'll turn up and get all rambo on their asses, mantraps and stuff?

the WINNAH
 
 
Jack The Bodiless
11:28 / 14.01.05
You should have heard him try to explain to Mama Rambo what he was famous for. I cracked up so hard I cracked my cracker.
 
 
Spaniel
11:45 / 14.01.05
I'd love to have seen that.

I'd also love to see that situation reversed.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
12:03 / 14.01.05
Bond?
 
 
Bear
12:41 / 14.01.05
For a few seconds I thought he was going to leave her thinking he was a bounty hunter.

As said above Bez deserves to win due his comments about Sly coming across and going all First Blood on them.
 
 
Warewullf
20:35 / 14.01.05
WHAT was all that shite about mansions and chandeliers? Jackie is such a liar. There is no way the producers told her that. She's either lying or is so lost in her own mind she no longer knows what's real and what isn't.

"You'll be put in a mansion with seven geniuses".

The fuck.
 
 
Rawk'n'Roll
08:42 / 15.01.05
We came up with the theory last night that John placed bets on himself being the first evicted.
Given his awful-on-purpose behaviour since he walked in (with the words "I want to be the first out" even) we're guessing he put a nice tidy sum on him being the first out of the house.
Possibly so much that he could retire very happily.

Then along comes Jackie Stallone and fucks up his future by having no manners and a half-melted face.

No wonder he looked so thoroughly pissed off after she left the house.
 
 
Rawk'n'Roll
08:46 / 15.01.05
Oh and about Mama Rambo...

Does anyone think she's exactly the sort of person who hears what she wants to hear?
Davina was blatantly prepped by the producers of the show that got Jackie into the house, making sure Davina knew exactly what Jackie was told etc etc.
Then during the interview Jackie is obviously making up a whole bunch of bollocks and Davina is just too gutless to say "You're a liar... or just plain stupid".
Dermot had it right in BBLB when he lavished praise on her with his obligatory raised eyebrow. We got the joke, even if Jackie missed it entirely.

I'm wondering if, once the dust has settled and Jackie's lawyers take a look at how she's been portrayed and had the piss ripped out of her to her face, she'll sue the pants off of Endemol.
 
 
Peach Pie
10:04 / 15.01.05
"the scandal about Britain's television stations and many of its other cultural institutions is ...that they are run by well-educated and very well-paid men and women from the upper-middle class who protect themselves and their privately educated children from competition by feeding the masses mush" - nick cohen
 
 
Spatula Clarke
11:11 / 15.01.05
Yes, very good. Well done.
 
 
Haus of Mystery
12:23 / 15.01.05
Shit rawkus, I think you nailed it. Those are some odds you could never predict - entering a genuine child frightener like Stallone to the mix!
 
 
■
13:43 / 15.01.05
Worshipping at the shrine of Charlie Brooker this week gave us this:
"The Amazing John McCririck really ought to be imprisoned within a digital satellite channel for the rest of his days, where we can tune in and watch him skulking around a bear pit, rubbing his head against the walls and grumpily swinging on tyres"
There is more about being a shaved Womble, but that was enough to crease me up.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
01:03 / 16.01.05
Watching ET tonight on the BBC, we saw the scene where baby Drew Barrymore dresses him up in girlie clothes. As Ganesh pointed out at the time, wasn't he the double of Jackie Stallone?
 
 
Spaniel
08:58 / 16.01.05
I'm wondering if, once the dust has settled and Jackie's lawyers take a look at how she's been portrayed and had the piss ripped out of her to her face, she'll sue the pants off of Endemol.

I guarantee they have their arse well and truly covered.
 
 
■
10:16 / 16.01.05
It's in a special drawer next to the remains of her face transplant.
 
 
_Boboss
10:46 / 16.01.05
thought jackie was pretty cool in her chat with davina:

d 'well, we hoped all along you and brigette might have been able to put some of your bad history behind you and come to this new understanding...'

j 'bullshit you put us in there hoping we'd tear each others heads off'

not as stupid as she looks (very)

not as objectionable as the hoxton fin-fucks who come up with the idea either.
 
 
Haus of Mystery
11:23 / 16.01.05
Seconded. But she is as scary as she looks.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
08:29 / 18.01.05
Even though I never watch these things, I think I would if you guys were doing a commentary on them. Reading about it in the paper (which I have to; it's my job) makes it all sound really dull. Reading the Barbelith threads tends to have the opposite effect.
 
 
Haus of Mystery
10:53 / 18.01.05
So anybody see the Man-baby leave? Christ have some fucking dignity man - you didn't have to go in there. Also managed to get a totally unpalatable nationalistic rant in whilst ignoring Davina. Ugh.
 
 
Smoothly
14:56 / 18.01.05
But it was such peculiar, contradictory, nonsense ranting, wasn't it? It seemed absolutely like an audition for panto - an audition that will be successful, I'm sure.
As Germaine said in one of her post-match interviews, John works to a script. The only time I really got the impression that his statements were even remotely connected to thought was when he accused Lisa of being a creep with her eye on the prize (and boy did that touch a nerve!). And even that, we later gather, wasn't motivated by any particular antipathy to her - just another turn in his ugly sister routine. It all seemed pretty much like parody to me. His Nationalism - his faith in and admiration of the British People - rested on the fact that they hated him. He dismissed any suggestion that some people actually liked him with the same comedy brusqueness as did the idea that his sulking was petulant.

I'm not Ganesh enough to psychoanalyse him, but there does seem to be something pathologically self-loathing about him - as if he's so resigned to being unpopular and repulsive that that's the only way he feels comfortable presenting himself. It's the most depressing kind of clowning. There really is something tragic there, and maybe it's just me, but I think of him as being close to tears most of the time.
 
 
Jub
14:17 / 19.01.05
Spot on Smoothly. Well almost. For all of his well... bullshit, his wife seems really cool. I think she knows that he's like that and loves him nonetheless.

I felt sorry for Bez after John got evicted. He was sitting on the couches with everyone and had been a little unsettled since he wasn't leaving anyway. He said to Caprice that he felt like he just needed a hug, and she was like "oh bez, I know it's hard, there there" but didn't give him a hug!
 
 
Alex's Grandma
15:33 / 19.01.05
I'm a bit concerned about Bez myself. The part where, after admittedly having had a couple of lagers, he climbed up on the garden wall and then *had* to be ushered back to bed like a naughty schoolboy, or worse still Kitten, by the teh dragon lady Lisa, who with John McC out the way now seems to have everyone exactly where she wants them, deciding their bedtimes and so on... I mean it was only half Twelve for heaven's sake, and he's going to be furious about that when he wakes up in the morning. See also his " I'm not a role model... I'm not young... I like to drink, smoke and party... " speech in the Diary room - it was like the twilight of a champion, I swear.

On a more general note, interesting to see these supposedly independent, self-made individuals so embarassingly keen to indulge *Big Brother's* every whim - Again with the Bez thing, the scene with the champagne was just horrible really, the whole 'everyone can have some except Bez' gambit being straight out of Scout Camp 101, and yet no one said anything, as if to even question the producers, however uncomfortable they're making you feel, however obviously, blatantly they're trying to fuck with the head, is to *not play the game.* Honestly, it's like watching Blue Remembered Hills at times, it really is.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
15:38 / 19.01.05
Well, except Bez that is, who flicked teh 'V's at the camera and then opened the bottle.

The point about Blue Remembered Hills still stands though, I think.
 
  

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