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Underground > Conversation >

Barbelith snapshot: What has it got in its pocketses?

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08:08 / 04.01.05

What are you carrying around with you today?

Me:
£9.87 in change
Disposable Bic lighter (black)
50g packet of Golden Virginia
Swan filter tips
Green Rizla papers
iPod
Mobile phone
Wallet with picture of Zoot (no pic of second baby yet), pic of Yoda, six credit cards, bank card, press card, £10 Marks & Spencer voucher, 10 Euro note.
2005 diary free from Cheltenham and Gloucester, even though I'm not a customer.
Keys with Ganesh fob, thin Maglite and Channel 4 "The Ashes" bottle opener
Security pass for work
Car park pass
Two disposable biros.

How about you?

08:53 / 04.01.05

I've got:

My phone
my keys
two apples
diary
my oyster card
some bongela
"aberystwyth mon amour" by Malcolm Pryce
and my wallet, including: fob for work, library cards, bank cards, video cards, neros loyalty card, radio Tip Top membership card (!forgot I had that!), client's business cards, the delhi brasserie "gold card", stamps, 2 tenners, 100 Euros, 4 lottery tickets and my girlfriend's phone number on a postit.

08:55 / 04.01.05

That sounds like a lot to keep in your pockets Sax. I've always heard you referred to as someone who can't keep his trousers up, and now I know why. I shouldn't have let my smutty mind run away with me I suppose.

As I am currently slothing around the flat (three cheers for Scotland and their two bank holidays for the new year!), I have nothing in my pockets at all.

pointless and uncalled for

09:12 / 04.01.05

Why do I get this feeling that Sax is planning a pickpocketing spree this afternoon.

09:18 / 04.01.05

Trousers: £5.80 in change, keys, packet of cigs, lighter, mobile, Selfridges receipt, wallet.

Wallet: £55, credit card, debit card, security pass, £5 Waterstones token, 5 taxi receipts, NFT membership (unused), Primetime video membership (for branch that no longer exists), 5 assorted business cards, 2 used train tickets.

Trousers: £5.80 in change, keys, packet of cigs, lighter, mobile, Selfridges receipt.

Jacket: iPod, another packet of cigs, address book, Neurofen +, Tesco's own brand indigestion tablets.

Lots of 5s there. What can it mean?

10:01 / 04.01.05

Lots of 5s there. What can it mean?

That you're part of opus dei and are trying to take over the world. Just like that "madwoman" Barbelith Ruth Kelly. What's it like being one of our secret masters dude?

10:24 / 04.01.05

This is going to make fascinating reading:
Half a packet of chewing gum - blue Extra - the best kind of gum.
a tissue
keycard for work

And in my coat pockets:
bunch of keys
a wallet - full of various cards and junk
Beanie hat
gloves

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

10:59 / 04.01.05

Pockets- phone, receipts from 2 bookshops and Game, keys. small change, 3 dead travelcards, old ticket for the Belmont Ensemble of London's Boxing Day Baroque, empty packet of Pirate's Booty crisps which I haven't got around to putting on my wall yet, old phone bill, wallet.

Wallet- more dead travelcards, bank card, credit card, £20 in M&S tokens, Icelandic bus ticket, more dead receipts, bit of paper with my phonje number on it, business card from army surplus shop in Massachusetts, business card from Rockstar Games, and, of course, one playing card- DON'T FORGET THE JOKER, and all that.

11:46 / 04.01.05

Trousers

Right hip pocket: snotrag—in fact an oversized garish novelty bandana (or, as our British cousins would have it, “kerchief”) printed with dancing red chili peppers, some of them wearing sombreros, and the words HOT HOT HOT inside a faux-Mexican borders. Also useful, when clean, for mild bondage play (or, as our British cousins would have it, “a bit of how’s-your-father”). It is, at the moment, clean, but no tie-me-up-tie-me-down action is currently planned, at least not until working hours are over.

All other trouser pockets empty.

Clipped to belt: security pass for work, currently awaiting reactivation and thus a source of minor annoyance.

Pen (Pilot Vball Grip .05) clipped to the collar of my sweatshirt (or, as our British cousins would have it, “jubbly-oodle-umper”).

Lunch Box (an insulated plastic thing)

Tupperware container with leftover Pad Thai
Apple (Macoun)
Fork (filched from the good silver)
Five 3.5 inch floppy disks is a plastic box
Two 3x5 index cards with notes for my novel
Receipt for one oil change

Overcoat

Key-ring

Cell phone (or, as our British cousins would have it, “tiddly hooter”)

Another snotrag (red bandana, rather crusty, entirely unsuited for what our British cousins would call “a jot of snoogy-umpkins”

Wallet, blak leather billfold-style, with:
—Driver’s license
—Social Security card
—Bank card
—Library card
—Video rental card
—Grocery store discount card
—Pet shop discount card
—AAA membership card
—Museum membership cards (2)
—Target gift card with a couple of bucks left on it
—Copy shop card with a couple of bucks left on it
—No cash (or, as our British cousins would have it, “skint”)

Gloves
Tweed cap
Whippet

11:53 / 04.01.05

Wallet:
£35
Cash card
Keys
Work Swipe Card

Bag:
Call of Cthulhu 4th Edition
Fifth Element Special Edition DVD
Headphones

Pocketses:
£3.98
Tissues

11:55 / 04.01.05

Smoothly, how in the hell are you wearing two pairs of trousers?!?

12:04 / 04.01.05

Uh, let's see.

Jeans: Keys, wallet, gum, stickers, 40 cents.

Wallet: Metrocard, bank card, library card; non-driver ID, learner's permit; Dwayne Reade card, another library card, security license; various receipts & a paystub, $4.

God, how boring.

In my handbag: a cell phone bill, packet of tissues, LED armband for bicycle safety, train schedule, some Mini-Mates (awesome), book, notebook, pens, pencils, rain gear, change of socks.

Coat pocket: More gum.

12:05 / 04.01.05

Both with the exact same contents, yet.

The obvious answer:

Smoothly is a multi-being—a series of identical clones copntrolled by a single hive-mind. And sharing one iPod among them.

12:14 / 04.01.05

Might I add: headphones - for an iPod I left on the mantlepiece this morning. You never fail to rub salt in the wound do you, Barbelith?

12:15 / 04.01.05

Left front:
Royal blue hanky
Mobile phone

Right front:
Keyring with integral corkscrew, dangling 6 keys, two of which I can no longer identify
£8.36 in change

Right rear:
Black leather wallet containing
debit card
2 credit cards
work photo ID (showing picture of some old, fat, speccy bloke I don't recognise)
ICA membership card
Royal College of Nursing membership card
Nursing & Midwifery Council registration card
The Hoist membership card (expired)
Tate Galleries membership card
Business card from French restaurant which has mnemonics for all my important numbers and stuff written on it
Comedy Camp membership card (x3, for some reason)
One twenty note and three tens
Photographer's business card (she took the Cambodian pics I gave G for his Xmas)
Piece of paper with shuttle bus times on it (between two work sites at far ends of London)
2 day old Edinburgh - London boarding card
Cards with occular prescription on for last two pairs of specs purchased
Portuguese restaurant business card (the food was dull but the waiters were gorgeous)
Used travelcard
Expired university matriculation card
11 Xmas stamps (we did write cards but forgot to post them)
6 receipts from various Oxford St stores for last minute Christmas shopping

Rear left:
Spare camisole and suspender belt

How bored am I that I have just catalogued the above?

And Ganesh is not a fob, Sax. The word you want is fop.

12:15 / 04.01.05

Well, that bit of comic timing was off, eh?

Add to my lunchbox (cos I just remembered): one library book (Blood Meridian, by Cormac McCarthy), half-read

12:18 / 04.01.05

Maybe he's wearing a pair of mechanical trousers over his normal ones. Like Wallace, or Iron Man.

Perhaps they're actually the currently chic in tesseract fashion, being not pants, but an endless set, stretching forever into infinity and style. Hand wash only.

12:18 / 04.01.05

All right?

Don't oppress me.

ONLY NICE THINGS

12:29 / 04.01.05

Left-hand trouser pocket - handkerchief.
Right-hand trouser pocket - nothing
Left-hand dressing gown pocket - another handkerchief, fountain pen. Never a happy combination, but so far so good.
Right-hand dressing gown pocket - further handkerchief, mobile phone
Breast pocket - empty.

From which one can teel that I'm a) unwell and b) in my pyjamas.

12:37 / 04.01.05

Shit! It's obviously Qalyn who's the clone-conclave, trying to throw us off the scent by attracting suspicion to the blameless centaur Smoothly! It's all so clear now!

12:42 / 04.01.05

Bag:
Umbrella
Netflix disc to be returned (Lola - Jacques Demy)
wallet
mobile phone
iPod
At Swim-Two-Birds by Flann O'Brien
The Believer Dec 2004/Jan 2005 Issue (visual issue with DVD)
gala apple
two lime green 0.5mm mechanical pencils
3 subject notebook
$1.65 in change
wristwatch (?)
11x14 Swathmore Drawing pad
7 print outs for reference
various receipts
orange post-it note with shopping list
menu from Cafe Steinhof
3 sanguine and 1 sepia FaberCastell magic markers of various sizes
kneaded eraser.

12:43 / 04.01.05

Gasp! I am mortally offended, Jack Fear! Clones are lame, lame I tell you. I am not a clone!

Prepare to suck microwave death!

12:43 / 04.01.05

Attack of the clones, bring 'em both in.

I have nothing in my pockets. I'm sat at home and have nothing in them. Nothing.

Why does this make me feel happy?

12:44 / 04.01.05

Oh, sorry Qalyn, I guess your not a clone then....?

12:44 / 04.01.05

Centaurs wear pants?

12:45 / 04.01.05

Only around humans, Sekhmet. It's the gigantic dongs. Very intimidating.

12:47 / 04.01.05

I have fat ankles. If you must know.
Sheesh.

12:49 / 04.01.05

Left pocket

Las Vegas key ring with keys and expired US gym card
Pack of small green rizlas

Right pocket

Dodgy-looking photocard, Oyster card and 6-zone one day travelcard for the 30th of December

Wallet containing:
- lots of old SEPTA monthly railcards (they have all different pictures on them)
- small two of hearts card from a cracker, with someone's name on the back to whom I was supposed to give a Secret Santa present and forgot
- RBS credit and debit cards
- US health insurance and prescription plan cards
- an appointment card for Dr Richard Cohen M.D. in Philadelphia on the 19th of November
- a number of business cards for my old job
- a card from somebody I met and promised to send some info on a place she could ask about a problem with Mac sound software, which I did
- a one dollar note
- a business card for Rick Boleto, district manager of Starbucks in an area of PA, which I picked up with the intention of sending him an email saying how good the staff in Manayunk were in the hope that they might get something out of it, which I didn't but should probably do now
- a piece of paper with my prescription plan details on it from when I lost the card
- a credit card receipt from a US sushi restaurant, $12.79 plus tip
- a £10 Smiths voucher
- lots of receipts for things that I posted back to the UK with insurance, and a sales receipt for one of the transactions, $112.15

£2.52 in change

pointless and uncalled for

12:51 / 04.01.05

If centaurs have two sets of legs, to they have two dongs as well?

Tryphena Absent

12:51 / 04.01.05

I don't carry anything in my pockets but in my handbag:

Keys
Purse- V&A membership
Tate Membership
Nectar card
Drivers Licence
AA membership
Nero loyalty card
Switch card
Various receipts
£8 in coins

Mobile phone
Kinder Bueno
Hair brush
The Open by Agamben
Cheque Book
A lighter and 17 marlboro light

pointless and uncalled for

12:52 / 04.01.05

I'm mugging all of you and then spending the proceeds on crack and cake.

12:57 / 04.01.05

Funnily enough, I also have crack and cake in my pockets.

Or at least, accessible via my pockets.

Loomis: It's not all in the same trouser pocket, obviously. Being a be-suited wage slave I also have shirt pocket and jacket pockets. I also have a man-bag, which is full of all kinds of crap which I daren't even delve into.

Actually, that's part of the reason I started this thread. Going back to work after a few days off, it was a nightmare remembering all the crap I have to take with me. Following on from getting an iPod off Father Christmas, I now have so much more stuff to carry around than I had five years ago.

12:58 / 04.01.05

Rucksack: Purse with elephants on it (containing money, library card, student card, video card, bank card, learner's permit, mobile phone top up card), small silver diary (with pencil and maps), deodorant, hairbrush, empty tupperware lunchbox, red notebook, pen, lip balm, sanitary products, passport, various certificates, glasses.

I feel like I should just keep interesting things in my bag for when this question comes up, but they may be too heavy to carry around. I think I would like a bag full of polystyrene, so that I could put my hand in and pretend it was a lucky dip. Or maybe lego trees (lighter than real trees) so that I could pretend I had a forest in my bag. During Christmas, I kept a pretend robin in my bag.

Actually, I do have something in my pockets - some keys on a chain that is attached to my trousers.

13:00 / 04.01.05

Actually, that's a point: I have no idea where my driving licence is.

13:15 / 04.01.05

Seems to be a dearth of (known) female types here... I just looked in my handbag and I think I know why...

(*deep breath*)

Contents include, but are not limited to:

Purple plastic zip-up makeup bag, containing
-aromatherapy hand and nail lotion
-contact case (w/ contacts)
-Natural Ice lip balm
-2 lipsticks ("iceblue pink" and "fatigues")
-empty eye lotion tube
-tweezers
-hair clip
-2 eye liners (both brown)
-2 almost used up concealer tubes
-liquid powder compact ("ivory")
-lip liner ("pink velvet")
-eye shadow compact ("bistro" assortment - includes "mocha mousse", "hot cider", "caramel kiss" and "creme fraiche")
-mascara ("soft black")
- a small bottle of essential oil blend from Panpipes in Los Angeles (sandalwood, patchouli and rose)

An army green Mead Five-Star zipper organizer, containing:
-$.97 in change
-book of stamps
-voter registration card
-bunch of receipts (bank, pharmacy, grocery
-donation slip from Goodwill
-day planner
-photo of husband's cousin and her husband
-ballpoint pen
-clothes shopping list
-post-it notes bearing conceptual sketches for a passive dehumidification system, greywater system, and a solar septic tank
-geneological notes tracing the most interesting of my family lines as far as I could get on the Latter-Day Saints website
-calendar and schedule sheets
-unfilled prescription from May of 2002
-checkbook, containing the following:
checks
unused ledger
post-it note with list of Aikido techniques
post-it note bearing two recipes for mead
$53 in cash
driver's license
social security card
pocket calendar
Office Max discount card
health insurance card
photo of husband's maternal grandparents
two expired car insurance cards
expired bus pass
business card for Aikido instructor
gift card to Grape Vine Market which I had forgotten about

Other contents loose in handbag:
-keychain, holding 6 keys (two of which have no known purpose), a U-lock key (to a lock I no longer have, for a bike that was stolen six years ago) and a rubber keychain fob of Pepe le Pew's head
-Scunci hairbrush
-four grocery receipts (3 HEB and one Albertson's)
-open packet of salted peanuts
-white chalk
-birthday cake candles
-$1.37 in change
-a pink lighter

... aaaaand that's it.

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