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It's another dating advice thread

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04:02 / 25.11.04

Personally I hate Polo shirts, but then you're not going on a date with me. Or so you think...

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

09:12 / 25.11.04

I like bear's idea.

I also like that she called you. Yay sparkmeister!

14:46 / 29.11.04

Don't buy new shoes if you're liable to get blistered, because limping around on sore feet and having to make your excuses probably won't seem very attractive.

And don't try too hard to impress her that you're something you're not, or might be disappointed when she finds out.

And, as Barbaralillith said, for gods' sake DON'T SHOW HER THIS THREAD!

Tryphena Absent

14:53 / 29.11.04

Just wear your nicest T-shirt.

ONLY NICE THINGS

15:11 / 29.11.04

And don't try too hard to impress her that you're something you're not, or might be disappointed when she finds out.

Before taking this often excellent piece of advice, take time to consider how long you can keep up the facade. On average, is that period longer than your relationships? If so, you may want to give it a shot. Test pilots are cool.

18:35 / 29.11.04

It's ok on the clothes front now. I have a very fetching shirt I'll be wearing which is totally in keeping with my usual style (I use that term in the loosest sense) and I was always going with trainers anyway so that was never an issue.

As Anna said, I'm not going to pretend to be what I'm not, she'll either like me or she won't. I will of course make an effort 'cos you know, I want her to dig me but she's gonna be getting Sparky for better or worse.

The real issue now though is (rather pathetically) that I'm debating whether to shave or not.
Now I know that turning up unshaven can look like I've not made the effort and ordinarily one would expect a gentleman in such a situation to have gone that extra yard and used a razor but I have 2 good reasons not to shave. The first is that I don't shave that much and as we know, don't want to pretend to be something I'm not.
The second and way more pressing reason is that I do look noticably better with stubble. Everyone I know agrees and even I can tell which says something.
Unless someone can convince me to shave, I'm turning up grizzly and chisled.

And Ariadne, if my date is with you and you still turn up after this thread then at least I'll not be in a Polo shirt.

19:01 / 29.11.04

Depends how much like a cheesegrater your chin ends up, really.

19:07 / 29.11.04

Now I know that turning up unshaven can look like I've not made the effort and ordinarily one would expect a gentleman in such a situation to have gone that extra yard and used a razor but I have 2 good reasons not to shave. The first is that I don't shave that much and as we know, don't want to pretend to be something I'm not.
The second and way more pressing reason is that I do look noticably better with stubble. Everyone I know agrees and even I can tell which says something.

Yes, yes and yes. I hate shaving also and when not working usually shave twice a week and have a little stubble action going on. If that's your usual look then stick with it. It'll look odd for someone who normally has stubble to turn up clean-shaven, just like it would look weird to turn up in a suit. I think "making the effort" is scarily close to "being someone you're not". Stick with the slacker look; jeans, stubble, all the way.

Not to call you a slacker of course. I'm sure you're a fine upstanding citizen Sparky.

And good luck!

11:41 / 30.11.04

I think there's a little too much emphasis on being true to yourself in this thread. We're not living in a bloody eighties teen movie.

11:55 / 30.11.04

Then please explain to me what Molly Ringwald is doing here?

12:17 / 30.11.04

I agree, Bobossboy. The line between "making an effort" and "not being yourself" is NOT thin, unless 'yourself' is someone terribly rigid and one-dimensional. Last time I checked, it was mostly fourteen-year-olds who were so convinced that their unique clothing choices defined their personalities. I mean, if you are 14, no offense, carry on. You'll grow out of that.

If you're not 14, Sparky, I'd say shave unless you look totally ghastly shaven. 'Grizzly' may be rugged and sexy in many contexts, but on a first date it implies that you didn't care enough to shave, especially when paired with trainers, jeans, and a tshirt. It also might imply that you're not going to try for a kiss, because OUCH.

12:21 / 30.11.04

yes that's obvious. chances of getting to practice those cunnilingus skills greatly diminished by presence of sandpaper-face. have a shave you lazy bastard, if you truly look so lush with a bit of five o clock hero then just think how happy she'll be when she wakes up and sees it on you in the morning.

12:32 / 30.11.04

Yep, Ibis, there seems to be a rather unsophisticated understanding of self under-pinning some of the comments on this thread.

However, I'm not suggesting that you obfuscate and make yourself feel uncomfortable, Sparky.

12:36 / 30.11.04

And yes, my good fren' Gumbitch, there is the cunnilingus issue.

12:42 / 30.11.04

Don't listen to 'em Sparky! It's not 1955 and you're not dating Doris Day. There's no need to assume that clean-shaven = good and proper. It's a personal preference. Just present yourself in whatever manner you think looks best. If that's unshaven, then so be it.

13:01 / 30.11.04

What you need is a little sandwich bag in some glue, that way half way into the evening you can nip to the toilet and glue some hair to your face, don't mention it to her though you'll just freak her out. It's probably best to take your own hair in the bag as people can get funny if you ask for some.

13:08 / 30.11.04

That's a top idea Bear. Perhaps Sparky could use the opportunity of the first date to surreptitiously collect hair samples from his companion that he finds on her clothes. Then he could turn up to date #2 with her hair glued to his body. That sort of effort is bound to be rewarded.

13:38 / 30.11.04

Yeah, so that's cleared the shaving issue up anyway.

Guess it's a personal taste thing and it really is quite an absurd difference between clean shaven sparky and not so much shaven sparky so I'm going with the stubble. It's also at a good length today, not short and raspy but not yet yeti-like either. The other thing which has just occured to me as I write this, in all the pictures of me she's seen, I have stubble and she agreed to meet me based on those...

It's also a proper shirt (with a collar and everything) and not a t-shirt so hopefully that will help balance things a little bit. And the jeans are very nice and only recently purchased so I shall be both proud and resplendant whilst I attempt to collect hair samples without her noticing.

13:43 / 30.11.04

in all the pictures of me she's seen, I have stubble and she agreed to meet me based on those

Was gonna ask you about that.

13:49 / 30.11.04

it really is quite an absurd difference between clean shaven sparky and not so much shaven sparky

I understand this. It really is quite an absurd difference between clean shaven Bobossboy and beardy Bobossboy.

My youthful face just doesn't suit thick grizzly beard hair. It's weird, I'm nearly thirty and I still haven't grown into my rather manly beard.

08:00 / 01.12.04

phew! that's lucky now you don't have to go down on her too! yuk! that was close!

14:48 / 01.12.04

Well the whole thing went rather well I think. Had a very nice time and got on well.

A second date has been agreed to but not yet confirmed. Who wants to get in to how long I should leave it before I call her then? *grin*

15:06 / 01.12.04

dating. i find it a bit odd. so so so, you didn't just get really pissed and fall into bed? none of that type of stuff at all? thing is, if you fancy someone, and they fancy you, how are you not going to be in bed within a matter of hours? weird. did you get any kissin sparky? tongues? or just a gentlemanly 'good night madam'?

so can we widen this thread a bit? how far do you go on a first date? how far do you think folk should go on a first date? would you lose respect for someone just because they took their pants off before knowing your middle name? lets have a look at our attitudes to early intimacy.

15:28 / 01.12.04

I find it odder when people have a three date rule on sex. Yeah, you can't make snap decisions and have to be careful, but sex is a good thing. If you find someone attractive then go for it, as long as they are up for it.

But I no date no more, I'm in love, have found the one etc etc etc

18:01 / 01.12.04

Dating just isn't very English, is it? I mean, I've had a bunch of girlfriends but I've been on fuck all formal dates, and I'm sure that I can speak for most of friends when I say neither have they.

The three date rule sounds very much like an American thing.

Whale... Whale... Fish!

11:27 / 02.12.04

But what about the footwear??? Tell us about the footwear!!!

Are you going for a white Reebok Classic style affair? Or maybe a scruffy, beat up, used-to-be-white Osiris type thing (my personal choice always)? Or maybe Blue Suede Addidas Sambas (clearly a sign of class)? Or old skool gym plimsoles? Or... or... or..GODDAMMIT!!! I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE TRAINERS!!!!

14:16 / 02.12.04

"Dating just isn't very English, is it? I mean, I've had a bunch of girlfriends but I've been on fuck all formal dates, and I'm sure that I can speak for most of friends when I say neither have they.

The three date rule sounds very much like an American thing."

The vast majority of Americans I know would say the exact same thing, only with the English and American reversed... I'm pretty sure that this kind of traditional dating is mostly a myth nowadays.

14:34 / 02.12.04

Ah, but what about Sex and the City? That was a documentary all about dating.

Seriously, hope you're right, at least I think I do, I haven't actually given the virtues - or otherwise - of dating much thought.

Do we Brits even have a homegrown word for dating?

14:38 / 02.12.04

only with the English and American reversed

The question in my last post was mainly in response to this.

I'm not sure there's ever been much of a dating culture in the UK.

14:52 / 02.12.04

GODDAMMIT!!! I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE TRAINERS!!!!

The trainers were (and still are) a well kept pair of brown suede Etnies. Lo-Cut II style, I believe. I rather like them and they're very comfortable, I'll add.

14:54 / 02.12.04

Ah, Etnies. I love them. In fact I used to have a pair of brown suede ones, until they were stolen at a party.

14:54 / 02.12.04

So have you called yet Sparky? Do you subscribe to the two-day or three-day rule ...?

16:39 / 02.12.04

Following the 3 day rule at the very least. Might even be all cool and leave it until Saturday.....have to see how I feel tomorrow.

Actually, having met her I don't think it would have been much of a problem to call at any point really but I'm playing it safe just in case. The rules are there to be followed, as someone in charge once said probably.

17:24 / 02.12.04

The three date thing is something that I have had women describe to me as a rule. English girls. Then again, it was at a time when I met a lot of girls who seemed to think that they were in an episode of Sex In The City.

Let's let the thread go back to the nice things about our kids date now, otherwise it may make things awkward for him come the third date!

17:40 / 02.12.04

Arrrr, thanks Benny....

So come on then. Am I calling tomorrow, Saturday or a whole 'nother day?

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