So why are you posting here?
I guess because I’ve gotten used to this place to some extent and, over time, have established friendships with various parties. Because I find the topics fascinating and want to participate. Because this is one of the few forums I frequent where I can talk about this shit without being called crazy, psychotic, or just seeking attention. Because it at time stimulates me on an intellectual level. Because at times it makes me laugh. Because I like to get a fresh perspective on ideas sacred to me… Input and all that. Because at various points in my life it’s helped me to see a new way of doing things, it forced me to look at my own life with a microscope, self-analyzing myself relentlessly. Hell, place has even scared the shit out of me at times. Also, I like the green background the font appears against. It’s comforting.
What do you expect to accomplish with all of this magic and spirituality bullshit?
Change, on a personal level, and, hopefully, change on a much larger level. I think anyone’s life can serve as a trigger to someone else’s life, be it motivational or otherwise… And so on and so on. Lord knows reading about the lives of other magicians had a huge impact on me. Dali’s life inspires me, as did Warhol, but I think it was when I read P-Orridge and GM’s comments on living your life as a giant biography that I finally felt kinship with someone or something else… Living with this kind of attitude usually gets one mocked, I’ve found.
What the fuck are you playing at?
I’ve been practicing this for three years now, trying to figure it all out. Where I stand on all this. In that time I’ve read many books on the subject, dabbled here and there, basically tried to expose myself to as many different types of occult thought I could find. Just trying to see what appealed to me. I guess, speaking now, after much experimentation, that I definitely have a clearer picture of where I stand on all this. But I think there’s still a great deal more experimenting to be done. “Initiation never ends”… I will say that I really like the Gnostic way of thinking, perhaps because it was my entry-point into all this (via "The Matrix" and "The Invisibles").
Where do you think it's leading?
To a newer, better me, I hope. To the destruction of the individual Self-Opera, the fall of the Tower that represents Self. Barad-dur…
What do you expect to get from it?
Illumination, excitement, drama, chaos, love, sex, money, penguins, life, death, joy, bliss, health… anything to feel alive.
Do you practice something that you call magic?
Yes, most definitely.
Why are you persisting with it?
Because I feel like it is a calling, and it is a path I need to walk. I feel like this is meant to be, that my whole life has steered me to this point and I need to follow it all the way through. And because, since my starting with it, my life has become a thousand times more interesting. In some aspects it’s made my life more difficult to some extent… But this is only because I now want more out of life then I wanted before. When I got into magic, I realized that I could be better then what I was, that my life could be better then what it was, that complacency needed to go away… In some aspects it messed me up but in other aspects it made me want to strive for something higher.
Are you trying to prove something to yourself?
Perhaps. Maybe I am deluded and this is all bullshit and I’m just seeking attention, trying desperately not to be seen as the geek I was in school. Or maybe I’m just trying to prove that I can change, that I can control my own destiny, to prove to the logic Gestapo that magic does indeed work. I consider my body a laboratory and my life some kind of big project.
Have you already proven something to your own satisfaction?
Yes. No big examples to cite, rather a lot of smaller subtle moments that form a larger canvas.
If so, where do you now intend to take it?
I wouldn’t call myself an armchair magician per se, but I suppose that one of my main interests now is taking this working model I’ve created, all these oddball theories of mine, and applying them to a real-life context. That is, meeting people like myself (and unlike myself), establishing new friendships, getting a place to call my own, begin a writing career, feel at one with nature, try to discover love. That kind of thing. It seems the happier someone is, the harder they try to spread the happiness to others. “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!”
Are you here for the long haul?
I’d like to think so. There have been moments in my life where the going’s gotten rough… Moments where I feel like my life is over, that my depression can’t get any worse then this (of course, it always can), that this magick shit is all delusional, that I should go back to my old religion and maybe I’d be happy again… Yet, somehow I haven’t let all this pull me down to suicide or make me abandon the art… Perhaps because deep down I know I have something better to offer to the world then just this wimpy, emotionally constipated, whining geek. I know there is something better to life then what is being offered to me, and I am determined to find that. Because I was lucky enough to get a glimpse of the possible evolution of humanity as we know it and I’m thirsty to know more.
Where do you see yourself being, as a magician, in 20 or 50 years?
I don’t really think about this much… Probably some crazy old guy like Austin Spare or William S. Burroughs, living with a bunch of cats in some shack while churning out artwork and inspiring a new generation of magicians and writers… “I have a dream”… I’d like to find a soul mate or something. Dali had Gala, for example, and they seemed to play off each other well.
What are your goals?
To become the best writer I can be. To become the best magician I can be. To be all that I can be. To become a legend in my own time. To one day cross the Abyss. To be able to wake up every day excited about life. To lose this dead weight in my chest, these neurotic memories that I let limit what I can be, these stupid hang-ups and insecurities. Among other things. The Knowledge and Conversation of the HGA.
Do you believe that your actions as a magician further those goals in any tangible sense?
I bloody hope so, otherwise I’ve wasted a helluva lotta time and money!
Can you point to anything concrete in support of that belief?
This is tricky to answer. One man’s evidence is another man’s rubbish. I could point to my vision, but someone else could just turn around and say I ate too much before going to bed.
Do you believe that magic, and related subjects discussed in this forum, have a role to play in nudging the world towards a brighter future than the one we seem to be rapidly heading towards?
Definitely.
What do you think that role might be?
Perhaps when people realize they can control their own destinies they won’t be so reliant on other people’s belief systems/dogmas/governments/what-have-you. I think magick/NLP/reichian therapy/meditation/whatever ya wanna call it/ could serve as a key that helps release people from the prison that daily life imposes on us.
How do you think it might play out?
Well, resistance is expected, obviously…. I don’t think it’ll be any big dramatic thing… Rather it’ll be a gradual unfolding process that seeps into everyone and everything. I haven’t really thought all that much about this, I’m just tossing stuff out here.
What are the small steps?
You know, at the bookstore I work at there are quite a few teen books (and younger) that revolve around the occult, magick, alchemy, and things of that nature. Most of it is typical New Age Wicca stuff, but you gotta start somewhere, I suppose. I think that getting kids hooked on this stuff early could lead up to big changes in the future. The Harry Potter fanboys of today becoming the presidents of tomorrow.
What are the long term goals?
Well, to be cliché, I guess the evolution of the universe into a fifth-dimensional entity existing in the Gnostic Plemora. That’s what I call a long-term goal. I don’t think this will happen, however, until there is some type of thought shift that triggers the species into a new mode of thinking… Perhaps when we figure out how to change our bodies and personalities on a daily basis, we’ll realize that we’re all one thing made from the same material and this will go a long way for the universal transmutation.
What do you want to happen?
See above. Evolution, both on a personal level and a higher level. A world where everyone can be what they want, get what they want, and do what they want. Hell, I’ll echo Wolf and quote Neo and say “Peace”.
What are you going to do about it?
This I am still figuring out. I think a magician should use all the tools at hir disposal… I’m an okay writer so maybe I could do something with that.
What do you want to get out of the Temple forum?
I think I get quite a bit out of the Temple forum, to be honest. In my first answer I listed all the things that I got from it, which explained why I post here… So, I’d have to say, take all that, and advance it to the nth degree.
Is it adequately fulfilling what you want from it?
To some extent, yes, but I’m always looking for fresh sources of inspiration. As of recently it’s become a little too politics-crazed and I get enough of that shit at work.
Why do you find it intimidating?
Maybe because I’ve always been a very intellectual person and there haven’t been many people in my personal life who I could describe in such a manner… therefore, here I really feel like my intellect is being challenged, and that in itself is threatening… Also, in the past I’ve annoyed certain people here so now I’m usually a little more hesitant about the kind of thread I post.
Would you prefer it to be less intimidating?
Not really sure. I suppose the intimidation aspect makes life interesting. There are certain individuals I hold in high esteem here, and their creativity/originality sets a tough bar to match. I won’t name names though.
Have you ever been too intimidated start a topic?
Yes.
What was the topic?
There was a time where I was reading a lot of writers like Peter Sotos and Dennis Cooper, and as you know their writing sometimes features pre-age of consent boys being raped and murdered. At the time I wondered if one could work with such material as a magical tool for unlocking certain parts of the psyche, or deal with thought-streams that most of us try to ignore or avoid (that is, putting oneself in this kind of weird, creepy headspace). That is, ritually masturbating over the idea (and I stress the word idea) of sexually destroying or murdering teenager/children. I decided that perhaps it was too extreme a topic and I was afraid I’d be labeled a sick pedo or something, so I decided not to post it, as it’s the kind of taboo subject that inevitably leads to discomfort. Hell, I’m uncomfortable talking about it, but I feel I must answer the questions truthfully. I’m not saying this to make myself sound weird or fucked-up, it’s just I’ve taken to heart Morrison’s comments in that interview in “Anarchy for the Masses” that one should constantly be dealing with the worst aspects of one’s self, the ugliest sex fantasies and so on. This was how I dealt with my submerged misogyny, you see: By bringing it up to the surface, exposing it to the light of investigation, and exploring it thoroughly until it no longer bothered or troubled me. I can definitely say that a lot of that irrational hate has been cleansed from my system, and it’s not the turn-on it used to be.
What would you like to see more of here?
Stuff that challenges me. That’s vague, I know. Stuff that makes me laugh. We all need a good laugh every now and then, to not take ourselves too seriously.
What would you like to see less of?
Politics. Only because, as I said, I deal with enough of that shit at work. From both sides of the political spectrum.
What sort of threads do you find exciting?
Threads in which people talk about the kind of rituals they go through, especially if it’s personal and specific… Threads that deal with magicians or ideas I find interesting…. People who aren’t afraid to go that extra step and bare their soul in a way they wouldn’t do anywhere else. I like honesty.
What sort of threads make you cringe?
Not many. Even newbies sometimes bring a fresh idea to a tired old subject (sigils, discordianism, and so on). And peoples view do change over time.
If you're here to learn more about magic, is that learning process taking place in as productive and effective manner as possible?
I came here to learn about magic, yes, and I still feel I have a lot to learn.
What do you want to learn about?
How one can possibly survive these traumatic births called change, how one can have their entire lives and notions of self destroyed, yet they manage to piece themselves back together and move on, enlightened. I think so many people fear death because it’s the ultimate change, the ultimate disillusion of self, whereas a magician who has died many “mini deaths” by constantly changing is better prepared to meet the real thing head on. How do you deal?
How do you think other posters might better facilitate this learning process?
Have to think this over, not sure.
Could the temple forum be better?
Well, you know what they say, there’s always room for improvement. Without mutations species become stagnant and eventually go extinct. Perhaps the same could be said of web forums.
What could be done to make it better?
I’ll have to ponder this one. |
