I am sorry to hear this, Cameron.
I might say something that that has already been said, but I want to say it myself, from me to you. I also may say something that is hard to accept, but I think it always much better to be honest even if it hurts a bit...which, for the record, she has done.
I mean, I would be thankful, even if I was still sad about it, if someone breaking up with me was that forthcoming. She seems to have been rebounding from a previous relationship, very unfortunate, and she still has a lot to work out about it. She needs to sort herself, as you do, before pursuing another relationship with anyone. As others have similarly said here, it's more about you and your relationship to yourself.
It may hurt, I know...but at least she had the courage to tell you the truth, allowing you the freedom to live your life without wasting your time falsely pursuing her.
She sounds very emotionally confused and yet, she also seems to really like you. She likes you enough to be straight-up and not want to hurt you further by leading you on when she is unsure.
Alas, you are doing the right thing to spend time away from her until you are ready and not feeling vulnerable to her. I hope she sticks with her end of it too and doesn't tempt you just because she might be lonely one night. I would guard your heart from this. Do not let her indulge in you on a whim and then not call you for months, not if that is going to be painful for you. Even if it is intended that you and her are only going out on a friendship basis. Just don't go there. If she calls you up and asks you to go out, tell you have plans even if you do not. For the next little while, anyway. Otherwise, you will always end up back on square one as a little pawn on her chessboard.
Protect your heart and sort your head, first.
I really feel for you though, Cameron. Nobody likes breakups, of course. However, it is possible to get through this. Everyday, you can heal the pain from this, (but you cannot pick at the scab!) by distracting yourself with good friends and some of your favourite interests. Not to be trite, because this will still hurt, I know. BUt, you do need to be in the company of people who will accelerate your healing, not retard it.
Then, when you are ready, please go and have some casual safe sex with a *few different partners who are caring but not clingy. I think the term is "fuck buddy", which come in handy around these times. They may not be exactly who you want to be with, but the sexual exchange can help release very healing chemicals in the brain and be healthy for both of you, (not your ex, the FB). I say to find a few partners because you don't just want to be transferring energy from one relationship with your ex to a new relationship. In order to heal, you need give yourself decompression time and having more than one, easy-going relationship will help you focus on yourself and not on another relationship, while still getting the benefits of human contact without burdening anyone...much like your ex-girlfriend is trying to do, once she became honest with herself and with you.
Take care, Cameron
*Not all at the same time, necessarily. *wink* |
