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Oh, rubbish. Utter rubbish. Buffy moans, therefore she is. From season one right through to the end of season seven, she was always whining on about not wanting to be a slayer, and wanting to have a normal life. For YEARS. Every time she stopped complaining about something really nasty that had happened to her (her mum dying, being dragged back from heaven, her boyf going all evil on her ass, sending said boyf to hell), she returned to this like a dog to its vomit.
The Many Problems Of Buffy
S1: I don't want to be a slayer. Why can't I have a normal life? That vampire with the brood on is sexy. That vampire with the skin problem is scary. I don't want to be a slayer. Why can't I have a normal life?
S2: Being killed by that vampire with the skin problem was scary. That vampire with the brood on is sexy - I shall have him as my boyfriend. I don't want to be a slayer. Why can't I have a normal life? Sex with my boyfriend is sexy. Oh no, my boyfriend has got his evil on. I don't want to be a slayer. Why can't I have a normal life? I wish my boyfriend didn't have his evil on. Shall I kill him? Shall I? Shall I? Well, he's killing everyone in the world, so maybe I should. I don't want to be a slayer. Why can't I have a normal life? My boyfriend's got his brood on again, but I sent him to hell anyway. Let's leave town! I don't want to be a slayer. Why can't I have a normal life?
S3: I don't want to be a slayer. Why can't I have a normal life? I don't want to be a slayer. Why can't I have a normal life? I don't want to be a slayer. Why can't I have a normal life? My boyfriend's back in town. I'm pretty sure he still has his brood on. I don't want to be a slayer. Why can't I have a normal life? Hey, broody boyf, let us kiss till we reboot! No, let's not. Ok, let's! Wait. Hang on. I don't want to be a slayer. Why can't I have a normal life? I hate replacement slayers, especially when they're sexier than me. Oh, she's got her evil on, cool. I don't want to be a slayer. Why can't I have a normal life? My boyfriend has left town to star in a better show. Sucks to be me.
S4: I don't want to be a slayer. Why can't I have a normal life? College boys suck. As still does it to be me. But I like playing soldiers, yes I do. You know why? Because I don't want to be a slayer. Why can't I have a normal life? Wait... being a slayer involves all kinds of cool shit and I just kicked ass. I like being a slayer.
S5: Slaying ROCKS! Sisters suck ass. Shit, my mum's dead, and a hellgod's trying to whup my candyass. And there are portents. Soldiers don't like to be played with. I think the actress playing me stopped caring around a year and a half ago. Uh... season finale began with a zoomy montage of the entire series to date. Is this a portent too? I don't want to be a slayer. Why can't I have a normal life?
S6: Ahhhh! Sucks to be me! Ahhhh! That vampire with the sarcasm on is sexy, in a self-destructive kind of way. Oh, god, am I still a slayer? But I don't want to be a slayer. Why can't I have a normal life? The sexing up of my sex is good, though. We made buildings fall down. Bang! Shit, my best friend's gone loopy with grief. I shall patronise her till she begs for mercy! Oh. A hug would have been better? Sigh. I don't want to be a slayer. Why can't I have a normal life?
S7: Wait... oh yeah, all that power! I love being a slayer. Doo doo de doo doo... damn. An unstoppable bad guy. I think. What's going on? It's almost like the circle of the internal logic of my life has turned into a corkscrew. I curse the heavens! Still, I get to boss teenagers about. Doo doo de doo... hey, they threw me out on my ass! I don't want to be a slayer. Why can't I have a normal life? Sigh. Beat the bad guys, in an improbable manner, but hey! Everyone's a slayer! I don't have to be a slayer. I can have a normal life!
Something like that, anyway. |
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