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Random Thoughts thread.

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15:32 / 31.08.04

Why are the cops always there when you're going a wee bit over the speed limit, or your inspection is three days expired, but they're never there when that asshole runs a red light or goes zooming past you on the highway at 85 mph?

It never fails...

15:46 / 31.08.04

Also, how the heck does a sewing machine work? There's a thread on top and a thread on the bottom, okay, but I don't get the physics of how the needle goes through the cloth and then, without the needle going all the way through and passing under the cloth, it makes a stitch. I'm usually good at this mechanical stuff, but this utterly bemuses me.

(Yes, I am terribly mundane today...)

17:44 / 31.08.04

Crap! I've broken three rules, and now I've triple posted.

Somebody shoot me, please...

09:00 / 01.09.04

No idea how the sewing machine actually works, but it *could* be this: the needles in sewing machines are not like yer standard sort - the eye has a hinge, so it can release the thread, and is near the point of the needle instead of the other end. So - the top needle picks up the thread, pushes it through the cloth, releases the thread, buggers off. Bottom needle picks up thread, cloth moves along a bit, needle pushes thread back up through cloth, releases thread, buggers off. And so on.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

15:24 / 02.09.04

You're almost right--the eye of a sewing machine needle is at the sharp end, but it doesn't have a hinge. Here's what Wikipedia says about lock stitch...

"The lockstitch uses two threads, an upper and a lower. The upper thread runs from a spool kept on a spindle on top of or next to the machine, through a tension mechanism and a retracting arm, and finally through the hole in the needle. The lower thread is wound onto a bobbin, which is inserted into a case in the lower section of the machine. To make one stitch, the machine lowers the needle through the cloth into the lower section, where a hook catches the upper thread at the point just before it goes through the needle. The hook mechanism loops the upper thread entirely around the bobbin case, so that it has made one wrap of the bobbin thread. Then the retracting arm pulls the excess upper thread back to the top of the machine and the feed dogs pull the cloth back one stitch length."

16:05 / 02.09.04

Aha! That explains it perfectly. Thanks, M.C. I had no idea there was so much going on under the cloth, so fast. Around the bobbin, indeed.

By way of amends for sullying the Random Thoughts thread with a horrid technical question, I have a real random thought:

Why do most people seem to be uncomfortable on elevators?

22:56 / 03.09.04

Wouldn't football be vastly improved with landmines AND a reduced time-limit to encourage risky place?

00:12 / 04.09.04

The Invisible Woman is undeniably the worst Marvel Top Trumps card. She beats nothing. NOTHING.

flufeemunk effluvia

03:12 / 04.09.04

My dishwasher has been replaced with fish and rice. They are beginning to smell.

Madman in the ruins.

06:22 / 04.09.04

So we end up in a KFC last night (during ther earch for a pair of Converse all stars, but thats another story).
KFC restartuants are plastic and glass buildings, staffed by under 25’s which sell mass produced deep fried chicken.
So why is their current advertising programm selling the place as a kind of Soul food restaraunt.
My experice of soul is limited to watching The Commitments , The Blues Brothers and James Brown.
KFC is not soul.
Chicken is Soul, James Brown is Soul, Retro hits from the 60’s are soul, Shaft is Soul.
At least McD’s has the decency to use pop starts to ell its pop food.
If KFC wants to give us soul then give us a knife and fork to eat our soul food with.

Oh and a plate.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

06:55 / 04.09.04

I was thinking the other day (and not for the first time) that there really should be a wordprocesser that showed a soothing image in the background while you typed. Instead of the terrible, glacial, soul-freezing expanse of the Blank Page, there would be a calm lake, a picturesque sea-shore, or maybe some kittens.

10:05 / 04.09.04

View

Normal
Outline
Page Layout
Kittens

18:14 / 04.09.04

(Note: I live on a narrow terraced street in a bit of a Gerda 'n' Kay situation, and since my computer faces the window I can see into upstairs windows on the other side of the street every time I stare lethargically into space)

No-one can keep their clothes on today. The girl half of one of the heterosexual couples who live opposite me was having a very visible shower earlier this afternoon, and now the boy half of the other heterosexual couple is standing on his doorstep having a cigarette naked to the waist.

PUT SOME CLOTHES ON, HETEROSEXUALS!!!

15:43 / 09.09.04

Marriage is a lot like a tattoo.

You have to think long and hard beforehand; do you really want to be stuck with this thing? And even if you aren't careless or stupid about it, things might change. It could be something you regret forever. A painful and expensive thing to get rid of, too.

Or it could be something wonderful that you will be thrilled about your entire life. So glad you made the choice. Just keeps getting better all the time.

14:41 / 13.09.04

The Tricorn looks much better half demolished. Not just because of the frill of reinforced concrete lumps that now decorates each nibbled edge and the huge boulders piled up around the base, but with big chunks taken out it looks more like an interesting collection of shapes than a single, shapeless mass. This supports my idea that they should knock down the boring bulk of it, to leave 7 or 8 independent sections (ie the interesting bits, like the ramps and the stairwells, and maybe a square section of the layered car park bit, complete with ragged edges), with the ground in between being grassed over, so that what you end up with is a park full of monumental abstract sculptures.

19:01 / 13.09.04

I've been a very good boy this year and not to mention, exceedingly patient. I have waited quite some time as well. I think by now I deserve to hear that Tom Waits-Bjork duet that I just know they have hidden somewhere.

11:35 / 14.09.04

Rowntrees' Vegetable Pastilles. "Mmm, potato flavour!"

Piangles - triangular pies. I can't believe no one has thought of it before. And don't say "samosas", they ain't pies.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

12:28 / 14.09.04

Mmm pieangles. Three-cornered goodness. But I forsee one or two problems:

One--a tendency to burn around the pointy bits before the rest of the pieangle is cooked, because they get hotter. Pieangles would need a slow, low-temperature mode of baking compared to regular pies.

Two--pie stability. Assuming the pieangle is constructed as a triangular prism with upper and lower crusts forming the triangular faces, I forsee a risk of pie collapsed when cut ir bitten. The tendancy may be for a pie wall to detatch itself all at once, causing considerable spillage. This would not present too much of a problem with more solid fillings (such as cherry, when made correctly) or in the case of conventional dining where a plate is used. But pieangles may, alas, be unsuited for chip-shop style consumption.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

14:30 / 14.09.04

WRT to the burnt-corners problem, another solution might be to cover the corners of the pieangular pie-dish with some sort of insulating substance, thus ensuring that the corners did not burn. Or to make the corners out of such a substance, resulting in a hybrid pie-dish with, say, eartherware corners and metal sides.

18:59 / 14.09.04

I suppose "fried pies" or empanadas wouldn't count either?

19:25 / 14.09.04

Sh! Don't let that out!

The last thing we want is a rush of English men and women flooding the streets of exotic and mysterious Huntsville, Texas. It would depreciate the discreet charm.

19:36 / 14.09.04

Not to worry. The English have no guns. Nor fried pies, apparently.

Therefore Hunstville has the advantage. Sadly.

14:36 / 16.09.04

Who would have thought that hunters and the simple, law-abiding, salt-of-the-earth types they employ would be so aggressive, eh? Shocking. Thank God for ITN; if it weren't for their calm, even-handed take on events ("The Houses of Parliament have been torn down and police are murdering everyone in London with axes" more or less sums it up) I might have panicked and done something daft. I particularly liked the way their coverage of the House of Commons security breach concentrated on the clothes the guards wore:

"Men in tights chasing men in t-shirts - is this is any way to run a fucking night club?"

I also liked the observation that "a man with a sword is surely no match for an unarmed intruder". Of course! Nothing as old-fashioned and silly as a sword could penetrate modern, 21st century flesh. It would wilt under the unflinching gaze of the modern eye, an eye that has not been made soft and flabby by a diet of unneccessary decoration, dandyish clothing and rich, figurative oil paintings. It would realise how absurd it must look in context and immediately crumble into dust.

14:39 / 16.09.04

Dammit, how did I manage to miss the piangle replies? Excellent points, Mordant.

"WRT to the burnt-corners problem, another solution might be to cover the corners of the pieangular pie-dish with some sort of insulating substance, thus ensuring that the corners did not burn."

Yes, I like that; I'm picturing little metal corner pieces, independant of the tin, like those adhesive triangles that people used to use to stick photographs in albums (not much used since the invention of the crappy all-over plastic sheet). The sort of thing that would live in the 'specialist bakery items, string and batteries' drawer in the kitchen.

WRT structural integrity, it might not be a problem if the right eating technique is used. If the lid is thicker than the sides and base, it might be wise to lie the piangle on its back (providing a solid base), with the soft underbelly sticking up, and to attack it from one of the sharp angles. As long as it crumbles in on itself you'll have what is, in effect, a triangular plate piled high with pie filling and pastry.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

15:28 / 16.09.04

it might be wise to lie the piangle on its back (providing a solid base), with the soft underbelly sticking up, and to attack it from one of the sharp angles

Yes, this might be the solution. In this case, of course, one should create a piangle with a top that is broader than its base, and slightly curved to minimise spillage. Also, the piangle dish should have some sort of slogan or decorative image embossed in reverse into the base, to provide visual stimulation for the upside-down pie consumer.

16:40 / 16.09.04

The sort of thing that would live in the 'specialist bakery items, string and batteries' drawer in the kitchen.

Wow. I didn't realize everyone had that drawer.

Mine also contains takeout menus and twist ties.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

17:49 / 16.09.04

Saveloy: the 'specialist bakery items, string and batteries' drawer in the kitchen.

Sekhmet: I didn't realize everyone had that drawer.

Everyone. There's probably seventeen-foot-tall aliens that live on a distant gas giant and reproduce by having their heads explode that have that drawer.

I was forced to jettison most of my SBIS&B drawer on leaving England. The plus side of this is that I can now report that on moving into a new domicile (with minimal kitchen equiptment), the SBIS&B drawer takes a maximum of 2 weeks to re-establish itself. I don't even remember putting half that stuff in there, and am becoming increasingly drawn to the theory that some arcane force is involved. A secret society of SBIS&B drawer-suppliers who sneak into one's flat undetected, or a race of tiny beings who perform the same duties but with the use of wands and/or Invisibility Dust.

19:24 / 16.09.04

all the staff writers i know go to work in disguise.
i'm going to buy shoe lifts, non-prescription glasses and haircurlers tomorrow.

20:30 / 17.09.04

I wish I hadn't spent so much time grinding my eyeteeth together. I have large eyeteeth anyway, but if I hadn't worn the points off I'd probably look like a vampire.

04:54 / 18.09.04

Firstly, where exactly is the end of a rainbow, and secondly, why don't the little people just, y'know, give you the gold ?

11:39 / 18.09.04

who the fuck would build a machine without an onswitch? is it remote comntrolled, do you think? or do i have to find the correct operating conditions before it'll switch on, like in fifth element?
i'm pretty sure it doesnt have bluetooth, so it must be fire, right? fire and loud noises, maybe?

Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:41 / 22.09.04

A werehouse: a person, possibly perfectly innocuous and unremarkable, who, at the full of the moon, becomes a dwelling-place of great spookfullness and general eldritchism.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

22:36 / 22.09.04

The ramifications of being a wereHaus I shall leave to your fevered imaginations.

Cloned Christ on a HoverDonkey

22:40 / 22.09.04

Gold is such a ductile metal than one ounce, theoretically, can be drawn out into a thread eighteen miles long, apparently.

09:05 / 23.09.04

Mordant:

"Werehouse"

Rock! Would they turn into a proper, full sized house, or a person sized one (like a large dolls house)?

Bush Loses His HoverDonkey:

"Gold is such a ductile metal than one ounce, theoretically, can be drawn out into a thread eighteen miles long, apparently."

Blimey, that's almost as ductile as the Big Brother 5 thread! (b'dum tish)

Hmm, it's estimated that there are 21 billion metric tons of gold in the world (that's 3.5 tons each, more or less). Who fancies working out how far that lot would stretch? Enough to set up a tin can telephone line from one end of the universe to the other at least, I reckon. How many ounces in a metric ton?

Once we've figured that out, our next task is to work out how many cat-sized pairs of gold pyjamas could be made from the thread.

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