Late Shift: THIS IS NOT SPAM!

02:02 / 31.07.04

"Keggers... you're a genius."

We prefer the term Evil Genius.

02:05 / 31.07.04

Believe it or not, MGB, it's actually a DIFFERENT annoying fuckwit!

02:06 / 31.07.04

The one you havein mind I have well-trained- if I tell him to fuck off, he leaves me alone. Which is nice.

02:11 / 31.07.04

Yeah, most of the annoying fuckwits I encounter usually fuck-off when I tell them to also. Ofcourse I usually only tell them to when my arms get too sore from the shotguns recoil.

02:14 / 31.07.04

Stoatie, I'm coming over to have a look and see which Annoying Fuckwit you're talking about because I'm now confused.

By the time you read this you will have seen me come over to your desk and look puzzled, won't that be funny?

02:18 / 31.07.04

Ah I see who you mean now. So what's he doing that's so condescending then? Just speaking? Breathing? Existing? Smelling? All of the above?

02:18 / 31.07.04

Unfortunately, Keggers, I forgot to brng my boomstick. But, as I said, I have a fork. And it's still got bits of food on it, so it could probably give someone a nasty infection.

02:21 / 31.07.04

"Taste my salmonela of righteous fury and die!!!" jab! jab!

02:23 / 31.07.04

Or I could go and spit in his face. I've been eating chilli-flavoured crisps and everything.

02:29 / 31.07.04

Or, if you have hot coffee, stand in front of that person, drink the hot coffee and then tell that person that They have no hot coffee. They do not deserve hot coffee. They do not deserve to lick the grinds from the bottom of the coffee pot. They are useless and weak. There solely to be laughed at and pittied by little orphan children. Then, from your suit pocket, pull out another cup of hot coffee and repeat.

02:37 / 31.07.04

Yep Keggers is right. Hot coffee is a great talisman for warding off the advances of an intellectual troglodyte. So is a swift kick in the goolies, as in "Oh sorry mate, I was just stretching my legs. Really quickly."

02:37 / 31.07.04

from your suit pocket

You've clearly never met me. Other than that, it's a nice plan.

02:38 / 31.07.04

Yeah but aren't you wearing combat trousers? Lots of pockets in those.

02:40 / 31.07.04

Its a bloody brilliant plan. I really really love it. I want to marry that plan and make sweet filty love to it.
Although the googlies idea is pretty cool too.

(actually I didnt figure you'd be in a suit, but its quite difficult to conceal multiple cups of coffee in leather pants. Believe me...I know.)

02:42 / 31.07.04

I say, here's an idea - why don't we replace the hot coffee with chocolate bars? The Annoying Fuckwit is quite young, childish even. And all children love a chocolate bar, don't they?

Go on Stoatie, start with a Snickers and work your way up.

the cat's iao

02:42 / 31.07.04

Coffee's for FUCKING closers!

Hi folks. Nice night. How's everybody?

02:43 / 31.07.04

I can answer that if you tell me what a closer is.

02:44 / 31.07.04

Hello! Well, me and Stoatie are at work with some way to go, but we're maintaining our high spirits by plotting evil schemes to silence irritating colleagues.

02:45 / 31.07.04

Isn't closer a politically correct term for 'doorman'?

02:46 / 31.07.04

Schemes to silence irritating colleagues are never evil but they are sadly, sometimes, necessary.

ps. Hi TCi!

02:50 / 31.07.04

Aha! He's just asked to borrow a CD, which should keep him quiet for a bit. Cool.

02:52 / 31.07.04

I didn't know you had any Phil Collins, Stoatie?

02:53 / 31.07.04

I hope you game him a CD...A CD OF DEATH!!! Mwhahahahahaha!!!

02:53 / 31.07.04

Ha. Ha. Ha. No, tis New Order. Everyone likes New Order. Even fuckwits.

02:53 / 31.07.04

I believe Phil Collins may qualify as a cd of death.

02:56 / 31.07.04

And may I just state that Ministry is the group to play at top volumn if you wish to be thrown out the bookstore.

the cat's iao

02:57 / 31.07.04

A B C! Always Be Closing.

It's always good to plot against annoying coworkers.

02:58 / 31.07.04

Whoah, I just got this wicked mental image of Stoatie, flying through the air in slow-mo in a John Woo stylee, flinging the CD at Annoying Fuckwit and decapitating him with remarkably balletic grace.

Where's my pen and paper, I need to draw this ...

02:59 / 31.07.04

Ooh yes. Ministry. Especially the new one. \m/

03:01 / 31.07.04

Coffee is soooo not for closers!! Coffee is what god created on the first day to help him face the week.

It is caffeine alone that sets my mind in motion. It is through beans of java the thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning.It is caffeine alone that sets my mind in motion.

the cat's iao

03:02 / 31.07.04

Yeah! Give him some double handed CD chuckin'.

BTW: a "closer" is a term for a sales person who finishes the deal and gets the client to sign on the dotted line, often used in real estate. I suggest the movie Glengarry Glen Ross, which is where those two lines are from.

03:04 / 31.07.04

Good film that. Especially Al Pacino calling Kevin Spacey a "Stupid. Fucking. Cunt." To his face. Class!

03:05 / 31.07.04

CDs are great for fighting...much better than the old 8-track attack we had when I was a kid.

03:06 / 31.07.04

DAMN!!! He's taken the headphones off and started being annoying again. So on go mine again. A bit of Morrissey'll drown him out.

"and wa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hy-ha-ha-ha-hy... why do you hang around..."