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I have a really great penis

  
  

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Less searchable M0rd4nt
12:39 / 19.03.02
quote:Originally posted by bitchiekittie:
™

Darrrn! Neat! Howja make the little TM, bitchiekittie?
 
 
Captain Zoom
12:39 / 19.03.02
Yup. They were going to include my penis in there too, but the binding wouldn't support that kind of girth. Mine'll probably come out in a companion volume, very limited distribution with sketchbook material and a foreskin signed and numbered to 500 copies.

Zoom.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
12:48 / 19.03.02
I'm afraid there are currently no plans to reprint or collect Zoom's penis - the demand just isn't great enough.
 
 
Sax
12:49 / 19.03.02
My penis is a single-issue one-shot.
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
12:50 / 19.03.02
so Zoom's is a limited edition?

ah.

[ 19-03-2002: Message edited by: Lick my plums, bitch. ]
 
 
The Monkey
12:56 / 19.03.02
*laughing 'til point of seizure*

[Have I ever mentioned how much I love you guys?]

The Faberge penis is a bit drastic - with all that gold embossing and the clockwork carriage in the scrotum, it's a bit Victorian Gothic - so I rarely show it to, ahem, "guests." Anyway, anyone who can read Cyrillic can spell out "Nicholas" written around the circumference in garnets. Horribly garish, but definitely a conversation starter.

My favorite penis was hand-forged by the Japanese swordmaker Kanemoto, the metal layered over one hundred thousand times (that's a lot of beating the penis flat, then making it shape up again) to ensure perfect union of strength and flexibility.
 
 
Persephone
12:58 / 19.03.02
I have Quentin Crisp's penis.

But it makes me itch.
 
 
Haus about we all give each other a big lovely huggle?
12:58 / 19.03.02
Sax: And the really bad mood of its owner...

Plums: Quite. But They were going to include my penis in there too, but the binding wouldn't support that kind of girth does at least explain the prevalence of slightly oversized left earholes in the locale...

[ 19-03-2002: Message edited by: The Haus of Horror ]
 
 
Spatula Clarke
13:12 / 19.03.02
I got the penis, but the balls were lost in the post.
 
 
Sax
13:13 / 19.03.02
Crisis on Infinite Girths...
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
13:13 / 19.03.02
Don't worry Randy, nobody else round here seems to have any balls either.

It's all about the dick.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
13:17 / 19.03.02
There's nothing like seeing the legend:

quote:I have a really great penis (Lick my plums, bitch)

...on the front page of the site, to make one realise that this really *is* the finest subcultural discussion on the web.

  
 
Sax
13:20 / 19.03.02
It is all a bit behind-the-bike-sheds, isn't it?
 
 
Haus about we all give each other a big lovely huggle?
13:23 / 19.03.02
The day the girth stood still.

Plums: I don't know what you're suggesting.

I have a complete run of the X-Men.
I have a huge collection of rare hip-hop *and* indie records.
I have every book ever, in hardback, signed by the author, and I understood them all better than you do.
I have a far larger car than I need.
I use big words, even when I don't need to.
Especially when I don't need to.

<Nick Cave> I was born like this,
I had no choice,
I was born with the gift,
Of a great big dick</Nick Cave>
 
 
Eloi Tsabaoth
13:27 / 19.03.02
Anyone seen the film adaptation of Ganesh's penis? They took out all the stuff that was good about it! It could have been anyone's penis up there on the screen!
 
 
Captain Zoom
13:28 / 19.03.02
So it really looks like I'm going to have to self-publish my penis.

It's a harder market to break into, but more rewarding in the end. Perhaps someone could give me some pointers, shoot me off in the right direction?

Zoom.
 
 
Haus about we all give each other a big lovely huggle?
13:31 / 19.03.02
Sounds like you need to put your penis in David Sim's hands.
 
 
Sax
13:35 / 19.03.02
Zoom, the problem with giving your penis the vanity treatment is that not a lot of people will see it, as it is limited to only the very occasional pressing. However, I'm sure there is a lot of pleasure and satisfaction to be had from handling your own penis in this way, and you at least have control over the direction it goes in rather than your penis being forced into a pigeonhole by a marketing man.

<<Enough. I can't go on>>
 
 
Haus about we all give each other a big lovely huggle?
13:41 / 19.03.02
<<What I find interesting about this thread is that what began with Ganesh mocking the fatbeardy ways in which men essentially compete over penis size at one remove has ended up in a long fatbeardy riff about comics production, which is broken only once for Zoom to tell us, out of character since trade paperbacks do not have "girth", what a big cock he has. Bueller? Anyone?>>
 
 
bitchiekittie
13:44 / 19.03.02
( quote:Originally posted by Mordant C@rnival:
Darrrn! Neat! Howja make the little TM, bitchiekittie?

put a "&" in front of "trade;"

html has no secrets: if you want to know something someone used, just hit "edit" or "quote" and youll be able to snatch it up for yourself)
 
 
Haus about we all give each other a big lovely huggle?
13:46 / 19.03.02
The board accepts html symbol terminology? I never realised....

My God. I have been distracted from penises by html. This is not good.
 
 
Sax
13:49 / 19.03.02
Hahaha. You said "snatch".

Can I put my comic in your ear?

And Haus: Sigh. Why can't there be more girls like Matter-Transformer Lass?

You see, you need to have an integral, nay, elitist understanding of penises to be able to talk about penises with any authority, otherwise you'll end up like that bloke who wrote the article for the New York Times on X-Force-Kin.
 
 
deja_vroom
13:50 / 19.03.02
Apparently, Grant Morrison himself autographed my penis. It says: "This is not only a penis. It's a spell that will spawn more invisible penis. G."

That's it, I'm taking it off from E-bay, this is too good to sell...

*threadrot*
BK: I thought barbelith didn't accept html coding, only ubb...
*/threadrot*
 
 
Captain Zoom
13:51 / 19.03.02
Originally by Haus

quote: since trade paperbacks do not have "girth"

from Merriam-Webster online:

quote: a measure around a body

Have you seen those Cerebus trades? Quite a girth.

And hey, who's talking about comics? I'm talking about my dick for god's sake.

I'm going to see about doing a limited run of my dick, just to the direct market and see if there's any interest. If a major publisher decides they like it, we could see my dick in variety stores all over the country by summer.

Zoom.
 
 
cusm
13:56 / 19.03.02
I've just signed a 3 year contract with Sony for marketing rights to mine. Just you wait until the next Oddworld game comes out. Commercials are already in production.
 
 
bitchiekittie
14:20 / 19.03.02
♥

just for you, haus. now can I stick my large (17" x 11") w/cloth cover label, issued w/o DJ, NUMBERED & LIMITED TO 75 COPIES, fine condition (New from publisher), hand-bound with cords in imported Japanese mo-hair cloth, which includes frontis portrait, plus 20 full size prints (one in color), plates with additional prints in red (on the verso of pages), and also illustrations in the text. 3 penises in one volume. an excellent small press production..penis in your ear?

oops, how did the word "small" get in there?

[ 19-03-2002: Message edited by: bitchiekittie ]
 
 
Captain Zoom
14:24 / 19.03.02
What are you doing even handling that BK? I thought we'd talked about how you shouldn't be jerking that thing around all over the place. It should be placed in a warm, soft place and kept out of the sunlight. I'm not sure Haus' ear qualifies. Though I'm not really sure......

And if you're ever looking to get rid of that fine find, I'm willing to take it.

Zoom.
 
 
Ganesh
14:33 / 19.03.02
I've created a monster...
 
 
Haus about we all give each other a big lovely huggle?
14:37 / 19.03.02
quote:Originally posted by bitchiekittie:
♥

just for you, haus. now can I stick my large (17" x 11") w/cloth cover label, issued w/o DJ, NUMBERED & LIMITED TO 75 COPIES, fine condition (New from publisher), hand-bound with cords in imported Japanese mo-hair cloth, which includes frontis portrait, plus 20 full size prints (one in color), plates with additional prints in red (on the verso of pages), and also illustrations in the text. 3 penises in one volume. an excellent small press production..penis in your ear?

oops, how did the word "small" get in there?



I imagine even a small penis might have caused a certain amount of consternation in the delivery room to Mr and Mrs Bitchiekittie Sr...

But, small thing that it is, my ear is of course at the disposal of your penis.
 
 
Reason
15:04 / 19.03.02
A plethora of penii!
Feels like a Monday, how odd. Actually snorted out loud whilst reading this. Thank you all. Now back to my boring black and white jobless life.

Reason
 
 
Eloi Tsabaoth
15:24 / 19.03.02
quote:Originally posted by The Haus that shot Liberty Valance:

My ear is of course at the disposal of your penis.

Now that's the way to end formal letters!
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
16:11 / 19.03.02
 
 
Gek
16:15 / 19.03.02


[ 19-03-2002: Message edited by: Cockzilla ]
 
 
Gek
16:16 / 19.03.02
RRROOOOOOAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!
 
 
Mourne Kransky
17:38 / 19.03.02
It is a marvel of early 70's design and I am something of a connoisseur. We only use the gold-embossed model at the weekends.

I, on the other hand, have had my penis surgically replaced with an optic, dispensing Absolut. I know how to keep my man happy.
 
  

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