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I Have A Serious Question

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Matthew Fluxington

21:29 / 03.03.04

Todd, challenging The Apple-Picker to a bake-off when you're a baking novice isn't a very good idea. She's a master baker - she's going to tear you apart. Your newbie bread doesn't stand a chance.

Cloned Christ on a HoverDonkey

21:36 / 03.03.04

Yorkshire Tea would kick Earl Grey's ass into the middle of next week in a fist-fight. Any tea with bergamot oil in it wouldn't even dare show its face anywhere near Yorkshire.

And if I'm not worth my salt (which cost 87p), then I'd be terribly surprised as my shoes alone cost three pounds.

Earl Grey does have its time and place, though, which is when it comes to replenishing the floor covering of an aviary.

ONLY NICE THINGS

21:48 / 03.03.04

A bake-off is a baking contest. Like the walk-off in Zoolander, only with baking instead of walking & without male models

Actually, you can have male models.

Spatula Clarke

21:53 / 03.03.04

You make tea from the gravy in Lancashire Hotpot?

Americans are weird.

Persephone

21:54 / 03.03.04

Male models can't bake!

w1rebaby

21:55 / 03.03.04

I remember reading something about "NATO Standard Tea", which is an orange brick issued to soldiers. You break bits off and put it in water. It's got twice the caffeine of normal tea. Man tea, in other words.

Yorkshire tea is just cheap. That's the only connection it has with Yorkshire.

ONLY NICE THINGS

22:01 / 03.03.04

Male models can't bake!

Sure they can. Just put them in on a low heat and make sure their hands are securely tied.

Cloned Christ on a HoverDonkey

22:04 / 03.03.04

Yorkshire Tea isn't cheap - in fact it's one of the more costly teas available on your average supermarket shelf. And if you're the type of person who likes a no-frills tea with milk, there aren't many better, IMHO.

Were you aware that Yorkshire Tea is made by Taylors of Harrogate, so it does actually have a very direct link with Yorkshire.

And if you don't believe me, order a free sample from here (scroll down the page a bit for the link).

ONLY NICE THINGS

22:11 / 03.03.04

A friend of mine worked in the big Taylors factory in Harrogate. Hairnets a-go-go, I tell you.

Ha ha ha!

With little foil hats on their ears, so they don't burn.

rizla mission

17:17 / 04.03.04

The idea that some people make tea *in the microwave* is seriously giving me the fear.

I don't think I want to go to America anymore.

The Apple-Picker

17:29 / 04.03.04

No no no. You don't make tea in the microwave. You boil the water in the microwave and then you put that on the tea. Or your instant oatmeal. Would you like some instant oatmeal? With tea in it?

Matthew Fluxington

17:32 / 04.03.04

The Apple-Picker is correct. I realize that boiling water is a central part of British cuisine, but I promise you all that the way you bring your water to a boil really makes no difference in how that water will taste. Heat is heat is heat.

The Apple-Picker

18:02 / 04.03.04

Is that really what I said? It's not what I meant to say. There is supposed to be a difference, but I've never used microwaved water for tea.

The Apple-Picker

18:03 / 04.03.04

I just meant to clarify that you don't heat the tea in the microwave along with the water.

Matthew Fluxington

19:28 / 04.03.04

My point is that it doesn't matter how the water gets hot, as long as it gets hot. If you're making tea, you need hot water. Whether you boiled the water in a microwave, a pot, an electric kettle, or with your mutant heating gifts, it doesn't matter. Prove me wrong!

However, this all changes if you're cooking something in hot water. You'd never want to cook dry pasta in a microwave, of course.

rizla mission

21:50 / 04.03.04

Well I still think it's pretty suspicious.

grant

23:25 / 04.03.04

Actually my British-ish parents make tea in the microwave. They also use a regular kettle (as do I) but for that morning hit, any process will do. The trick is to not let it steep forever in there.

Saveloy

12:29 / 05.03.04

olulabelle

"Yorkshire tea is vile and terribly un-genteel. Tea is a genteel drink and Earl Grey is where it's at. Any Englishman worth his salt should know that."

'Ere, are you implying that I'm foreign or sumfink? I happen to be a big fan of Earl Grey, thank you very much (Dilmah do a lovely drop of it, btw). As long as it isn't Twinings. Twinings Earl Grey tastes exactly how you would expect Earl Grey to taste in a cheap cartoon with the colour turned up too high.

And - and - tea mustn't always be genteel. Occassionally an Englishman requires a robust brew with two sugars in, to enable him to play cricket and drive steam trains.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

12:43 / 05.03.04

It matters if the water gets superheated in the microwave and explodes all down your front when you drop in the teabag, causing scalding and pain.

Kit-Cat Club

12:52 / 05.03.04

I like a spot of Yunnan meself. Or Keemun if the shop doesn't have it. Is black China tea genteel? Is there a hierarchy of tea gentility? (My gut feeling on this matter is that Earl Grey is a bit below the salt, as it has been adulterated with smelly products. For some reason it reminds of things like macassar oil and malacca canes. Interested to hear any other views on this subject.)

Saveloy

13:13 / 05.03.04

Good point, Mordant. Plus: you microwave fans should not be adding the tea bag to the water, you should be pouring the water onto the teabag in a thin, powerful stream, from as great a height as possible. This does a good job of releasing the flavour as it pounds into the tea bag, and makes a lovely noise to boot.

I suppose it would be possible to pour the water from a microwaved mug or jug into another mug, but that's double the crockery. Imagine doing this for 3 or more people - madness!

8===>Q: alyn

13:14 / 05.03.04

Has anyone ever tried cooking a pumpkin, watermelon, or hard-shelled squash in a microwave? I'm curious about the effect, and don't have a microwave of my own to experiment with. Will it boil inside? Will it explode? Implode? Hatch?

illmatic

13:17 / 05.03.04

I tried this with a melon. It hatched little melon people. I then put the microwave on again and cooked them to death, and laughed as they poundered their little melon hands to a pulp on the glass door trying to escape. God, I'm a cruel bastard. I've got a video fo this, if anyone wants to see it.

8===>Q: alyn

13:24 / 05.03.04

Wait, was this a regular microwave, or one of Mordant's magick microwaves? And what about the melon? Whose melon was it?

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

13:30 / 05.03.04

You can buy Terence Stamp's own (wonderful) rye bread right here in Blighty.
Prohibitively expensive, unless your wife happens to work in a shop that sells it.
Very nice. AND it has a picture of Terence Stamp on it. It's part of the "Stamp Collection", all labelled with a picture of TS... get this... IN A POSTAGE STAMP!!! Isn't that clever?

Goes great with houmous.

illmatic

13:30 / 05.03.04

Just a normal microwave mate. I think the melon may have been enchanted though. It had a sigil carved into it, and some suspicious looking residue. This is why I put it in the microwave, to sterilise it.

Tryphena Absent

13:36 / 05.03.04

Earl Grey is clearly an evening drink. Assam in the afternoon and the morning's just asking for Tetley.

And microwaves are for warming things up, not cooking. cooking in microwaves is just asking for trouble unless they're also ovens.

illmatic

13:41 / 05.03.04

I think the guy in the MelonMart may have planted. He looks a bit magicky, a bit dodgy - long leather coat, silver, jewellery etc.

illmatic

13:41 / 05.03.04

I think the guy in the MelonMart may have planted it. He looks a bit magicky, a bit dodgy - long leather coat, silver, jewellery etc.

w1rebaby

13:42 / 05.03.04

Microwaves are also for getting CIA spy transmitters out of your $20 notes.

Heating water, though... well, since there's no temperature control in the microwave, either you underheat it and have to keep starting it again for another twenty seconds, or you send it splashing round the inside as superheated pockets of steam form in the water. Particularly if your microwave has bad hot spots. And you can boil eggs in a kettle, too.

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