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What do men find attractive?

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10:30 / 07.01.04

Ironically, the message left intact was from me, and I was commenting on how you had declined my request to lock this thread. As things stand, I'm not angry at Andrew Callo, just saddened that Andrew Callo has once again felt it necessary to demonstrate what happens when you piddle in the shallow end of the gene pool.

Regrettable Juvenilia

11:20 / 07.01.04

Ironically, the message left intact was from me...

Dude, I ain't new to this moderation game - I'm a professional!

11:27 / 07.01.04

Like a World War Two anti-aircraft gun operator, Flyboy had only seconds to decide which of the three posts skimming low overhead were the real thing... and which were imposters! Fixing them in his sights as the droning of their engines was carried to his ears on the still night breeze, he squeezed the trigger in his sweaty Palm Pilot...

12:36 / 07.01.04

Pull yer trousers up, you're knicked!

Oh wait, that was The Sweeney...

Regrettable Juvenilia

12:43 / 07.01.04

In case anyone needs the background on who's hijacked Flowers' old suit...

(I don't have a Palm Pilot, Sax. That's for the (electronic) pencil pushers at City Hall. There's no place for fancy gizmos in the gritty world of street-level moderation. It's just me and these repetitive strain disordered fingers.)

12:56 / 07.01.04

I thought he was doing his impersonation shit. Sorry, Flowers.

17:15 / 07.01.04

Surely the obvious answer to 'what do men find attractive' is other hard-bodied, oiled-up builders/workmen/firemen and the like - ideally wearing as little as possible while still having a recognisable trade. Obviously.

21:45 / 07.01.04

It's a real balancing act, isn't it? I often wonder if I should just go with the toolbelt and hammer combo sans cut-off jeans. Then I worry that tighty-whities just aren't enough to complete the outfit. And would a hardhat muss my hair? The 21st Century is so emotionally draining.

ONLY NICE THINGS

21:47 / 07.01.04

Easy Duncan, be very careful where Haus takes you with this, especially if he asks you if you would accept a bj from a girl without any breasts ...

Fuck me, boys, I think that between this and Haus, I believe, isn't looking for girls at all Ignatius J may be suggesting I am *gay*.

Well, Christ, that's the best putdown ever. I mean, not that I'm copping to anything so disgusting, but if I *were* one of those, the suggestion that my filthy perversion was about to be revealed to he world would send me shrieking like a banshee back to the dark corners my Uranian breed inhabit. That's me told.

00:31 / 08.01.04

I think it may have been a genuine mistake, though. Someone else thought Flowers was a girl today.

And we all know girls smell, don't we lads? Ugggh.

00:45 / 08.01.04

Haus, I'm sorry if you think that I think being gay is something to look down upon, really I don't, I'm not even going to bother explaining myself but do know that I read nearly all of your posts on Barbelith as being quite snotty so I don't feel guilty.

Actually, both of those lines you quote were intended to tease the people you were talking to into realising you were likely setting them up for a damn good mocking.

But, as you seem to think that you have the measure of me, perhaps I will be allowed to quote that great hypocrite and closet bigot, David Brent:

"Why don't you fuck off?"

gotham island fae

00:53 / 08.01.04

And Haus, I'll bet this computer you're so hot for is !!GAY!!!, too.

Me, I like my females with a dick. And breasts.

Could I move that we place 'fake dick' into the topic keywords?

gotham island fae

01:12 / 08.01.04

And thinking about it with my man-mind turned down, 'face' would be nice, too.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

09:09 / 08.01.04

Big fluffy hair, those adorable little noses, and the dangling keychain attachment.

Oh wait a minute... that´s t***ls, isn´t it? I am such an easily confused little stoat.

10:17 / 08.01.04

I'm not considered a man, but I guess I can answer this because I like the girlies. Such a traditional sort of post here...

Find me someone that looks like a suicidegirl and thinks like a barbelithian, is all.

"The only dick I want in me is the dick of a female."

What is an animals equivalent of porn?

The resistable rise of Reidcourchie

13:47 / 08.01.04

A disney wildlife film?

14:42 / 08.01.04

i don't know an animal's equivalent of porn, but i know an animal's equivalent to a peep show. they have machines that they use to jerk off bulls for artificial insemination, and to get the bull going, they bring out a cow for him to look at. after a while the bull gets tired, but if they bring out a new cow, he's ready again. this reaffirms the belief in the promiscuous tendencies of male mammals. incidentally, they can't just keep bringing new cows out repeatedly; they've killed bulls this way. for reals.

14:54 / 08.01.04

Mantis, it’s like you’re running a Barbequote-generating program at the moment.

ONLY NICE THINGS

18:35 / 08.01.04

Ignatius, I have no doubt that you are no homophobe. After all, how many trimes have you stood up, done the right thing and begun a statement in a pub with "I'm no homophobe"? However, you do the others a disservice. I imagine they knew where the gags were in this thread. You, it seems, do not.

It's unfortunate, but it's not really my problem. I suggest you read that in the snottiest mindvoice you have available. Perhaps Kenneth Williams.

22:34 / 08.01.04

I never stand up in a pub and start with "I'm no homophobe."

And Kenneth Williams is funny.

ONLY NICE THINGS

22:43 / 08.01.04

Wow. I can see my own quick. That stings.

Is there a point to this, Ignatius? Are you being boy baiter (rather than the far more pleasant boybait) for a reason, or are you just after a bit of attention?

23:09 / 08.01.04

There is no point as far as I can see. I'd rather we hadn't got this far. And I'm not deliberatly baiting anyone, so again, the picture you have of me, or rather are projecting of me, is completely made up. By you.

ONLY NICE THINGS

23:21 / 08.01.04

So, let me make sure I understand. Because the voice in your head is snotty, you get to do a "watch out for the poof" routine in the hope of protecting innocents from being mocked?

I couldn't project that. There's no light behind it.

23:30 / 08.01.04

You may see a "watch out for the poof" routine. Perhaps this is what you are used to.

23:37 / 08.01.04

What a funny conversation! Has someone lost a poof! I'm here if you need me! User #1!

ONLY NICE THINGS

23:42 / 08.01.04

That was an *apalling* comeback, Iggy. It doesn't even *mean* anything. What is it supposed to mean? That I am used to being on the receiving end of homophobic abuse? That I hang out with homophobes? It's diffuse and lame and beneath you. Ooo-er. Beneath. Like an arse. Yes.

The funny thing is, I don't recall ever having discussed my sexuality, or whom I like to have sex with, if indeed I do, on Barbelith. And yet you, Ignatius, having used your incredible powers of perception and the snotty voice in your head to determine that I am clearly a bit of a whoopsy (reads books. Suspicious), and having indulged in not one but two little digs at my taste for man-meat (because it was so hilariously amusing the first time), are now trying to wriggle away on your belly on the roller of these pointless, farty little responses, having been called on your saloon bar innuendo. Either come up with some sort of coherent explanation, or live with the fact that you acted like an arse (ooer. Arse) and work on doing better next time, eh?

23:48 / 08.01.04

Haus, are you seriously claiming you have never discussed your sexuality on Barbelith? I mean, seriously?

I'm just as bored of this as you are, probably more, but in terms of explanations or backing down, I owe you fuck. I'm quite prepared to live with you thinking I'm an arse. Forever.

Goodnight.

ONLY NICE THINGS

23:53 / 08.01.04

Brilliant. That's me crushed. It's only the knowledge that I'm owed a fuck that's keeping me going.

Somewhere in the UK there's a man with his fingers in his ears singing "lalalala, I can't hear you". He is having a party in his head. In his head his friends toast his victory. There is not an adenoidal voice among them.

23:55 / 08.01.04

There's one upstairs in bed you prat.

ONLY NICE THINGS

00:04 / 09.01.04

Again, I'm confused. Does this mean that there is an adenoidal voice in bed? If so, whose is it? Your partner's? Your own? Or do you mean to have "man" rather than "adenoidal voice" as the subject of the sentence, presumably meaning that you are now in bed, in which case I must get some advice from you on setting up Internet connection sharing, or on growing really long fingers. (Less usefully, I suppose you could just have the computer by your bedside, but I like the long fingers idea).

Or is the adenoidal voice mine? Am I upstairs? Am I in bed? Whose bed?

Is the subject of the sentence "party"? Is there a party upstairs in bed? If so, what the hell are we doing bickering, when we could be partying? In bed.

Or, perhaps most disconcertingly of all, *is your bed talking to you*? In an adenoidal voice? Is it telling you secrets? Bed secrets?

01:56 / 09.01.04

Clearly he has a secret voice. With a Bed. And it's crying.

Please stop it now before you both put somebodys eye out.

The Apple-Picker

02:39 / 09.01.04

I'd rather that Haus go on. But that would probably require another post from Ignatius, and who really wants that.

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