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Return of the King (spoilers)

 
  

Page: 12(3)

 
 
Our Lady of The Two Towers
19:07 / 30.12.03
You have to wonder why, if the film Elrond really believed everyone was fucked and had no chance of beating Sauron why he didn't take his ball and go home to the Lands beyond the Western Seas. Presumerably he quite fancied the idea of being hung from his Elven gonads in the Dark Lord's dungeon for all eternity just so long as he got to hang next to the ruined husk that was once Aragorn son of Arathorn and say "See? I told my daughter you were crap."
 
 
Kit-Cat Club
09:45 / 31.12.03
Last night in the wee small hours I wakened (from a hideous dream in which dwarves and elves cackled and brandished rings of power) to the realisation that Merry is at Cormallen, but not at the battle, which takes place before the Black Gate. I can only apologise for this error.
 
 
Lugue
21:59 / 31.12.03
Loved the damn movie. And yes, I do think it's a masterpiece in terms of execution: in terms of actual content (moral issues presented, emotional effect, etc.) the movie was, like the book, good but not exactly stellar. It's the actual presentation and storytelling abilities of both Tolkien and PJ that make both the book and it's adaptation somthing to remember. And I think we really needed these movies to get away from the teen flick and action blockbuster manure Hollywood is full of yet still have FUN and classic drama and humour material.

Didn't cry but I have to say, the lighting of the beacons (this is probably horribly wrong, someone please give me the right word...) made me think "shit, this is just something else..." and Eowyn kicking the Bitchking's ass was sweeeeet if not as dramatic as it could be. I'm not one to get very emotional over movies, but PJ managed to push my buttons (well, THAT sounds homoerotic :S) throughout the movie.

Still...
Denethor was a very poor character in the movie, though is presence made Faramir twice as interesting. I won't comment on the endings, because I had an unbearable stomach ache by the end of it... maybe a sort of physical reaction in place of an emotional one? I don't know. Weird. Shame we didn't get a good idea of Arwen's death in Lothlorien (I think it could have been SO much better than that short scene with the "I wish I had seen him one last time" line), and just a little sample of what Fagolas (Must stop doing this...) and Gimli would have been great.

I'm crossing my fingers that this'll get the Oscar. Heck, just for the fact that it's a quality blockbuster with a good ammount of originality (in the mainstream, I mean), it deserves recognition. This one'll surely stay on my mind
 
 
Lugue
22:07 / 31.12.03
(Scratch Theoden. I meant Denethor. Stupid mistake, I know. And happy New Year, since it's now 0:1/1/04 here in Portugal)
 
 
Ofermod
00:22 / 01.01.04
Am I the only one who, at the end, kept hoping for the entire fellowship to go back to the shire, light some bonfires and have the hobbits dance around singing "Yub nub!"?
 
 
_Boboss
11:20 / 04.01.04
while i liked watching it a lot, total sucker for the big speeches, carnage and scenery [best bits: the beacons between the cities lighting up and any scene with the old beardy king in it, elrond's 'my little girl's all grown up' grin when he presents her to aragorn], when it finished i felt a little flat. in no particular order

.all the is he/isn't he stuff with gollum in the last film is dumped immediately, we see he's just been a fucked baddy for ages, all the sympathy the last film gave him evaporates.

.while i can understand the urge to rewrite the eddas with an anti-modern/go-brit flavour in the immediate wake of ww2, do we need the first epic movie saga of the twenty-first century to do the same?

.some humans side with the evil eye? oh just some darkies, ungrateful for all the obvious good the Raj did them. ok the orcs are ill-disciplined and cowardly, probably don't deserve to run things, i got that, but who are these guys with the wicked at-ats? why am I supposed to take pleasure in their deaths? what did the eye offer to make them turn against their own species?

.why do frodo and gandalf have to go at the end? okay runce explained it last night but the ending the movie gives you is stupid: 'and they go off to the sunset in a boat' what?

.the comedy scotch dwarf! come on he was the best thing about the last film! he was hardly in it! (for yawn)
 
 
Our Lady of The Two Towers
14:40 / 04.01.04
The stuff with Gollum is all Frodo's fault, though Gollum would almost certainly have turned bad again at some point. At Ithilien Frodo lies to Gollum which leads to him getting captured and having the shit kicked out of him by Faramir's men. He's then treated extremely badly up to the point that Faramir releases them, (and even them if you watch the Extended Edition). It was Frodo showing him kindness that allowed Smeagol to 'beat' Gollum in the middle of the film, Smeagol thinks Frodo will look after him better than Gollum. His poor treatment allows Gollum to come back and say "See. Only I can look after you."

This is only slightly buggered by the fact that from the Black Gate onwards Smeagol is leading them to Shelob's lair, but there are some possible explanations for this (Gollum was subconsciously making Smeagol take them there, there was actually another route in not involving Shelob's tunnels that Smeagol intended to take, then changed his mind when he was ill-treated, blah blah blah).
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
17:20 / 04.01.04
Gollum is Fafnir? Really? How does that work? There's brother, and gold, sort of, but it sounds like a reach...
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
18:41 / 04.01.04
Our Lady, did you miss the part where Faramir was about to have Gollum shot full of arrows? Frodo's lying to Smeagol/Gollum saved his life: the problem is that this kind of complexity is lost on the child-like, weak-minded Smeagol, and it's the chance the Gollum 'personality' needs to reassert itself.

I actually think the opening sequence of ROTK is meant to deliberately undercut the assumptions a view might have come to after TTT (namely that Gollum is the bad personality and Smeagol is essentially good) - Smeagol may be not be actively evil, but his fundamental attribute is that he's morally weak. He's a fucking pushover...
 
 
The Strobe
10:52 / 05.01.04
(apologies in advance for gigantic nature of my ramblings; if you know me, you'll at least know they're in character...)

"But could you die alongside a friend?"

"Aye. That I could"
.

I enjoyed this a lot more than I enjoyed the Two Towers - that is, gut reaction, on leaving the cinema, I enjoyed it more, so hindsight will me like it even more. There's lots to gush about, obviously, but I guessed I probably ought to pick out the things that really made the film for me.

The performances, for a start. Merry and Pippin, both in their acting and the writing of their parts, managed to pull off the remarkable transition from a comedy-double-act to two seperate characters with noticable difference; that, I felt, was the most important thing in their parts. Ian McKellen's Gandalf pulls the whole thing together. Gandalf is the most remarkable character - the most powerful human (or therabouts) that we see, he's also the least afraid of what may befall him and yet also the most pessimistic. And, notably, he's one of the few characters who's been dead already. His speech to Pippin about what death is like was superb on both McKellen and Boyd's parts. I've loved the way McKellen has managed to bring an air of mystery, of true magic, to Gandalf; I'm not sure I've ever seen magic so well, so subtly realised on screen. Indeed, sometimes it's easy to forget the extent of his powers (or even the existence of them).

Theoden. I liked Bernard Hill's Theoden in the last film, but blow me if he wasn't superb here. Stern yet loving towards Eowyn, a remarkable leader of his men; when he leads them off to war, promising them the likelihood of early death, they are sceptical, but they just have to follow: when a fifty-year-old man with no helmet is at the front of the line, it's hard to deny him your support. When he rattled his sword along the front row of pikes - that really stirred me (and sent both Mel Gibson and Russell Crowe packing; nothing beats age as a demonstrator of experience, as well as fearless yelling).

Denethor was good, but my favourite Denethor scene was his death, where the single burning figure is promptly put into relief and obscurity by the war being waged around him.

Gollum: good as ever, but I particularly loved Andy Serkis' metamorphosis from Smeagol to Gollum. That was handled wonderfully, and that blink where his eyes become CGI... mmn, yes.

Shelob! Fucking Shelob! Brilliant. I loved every movement, every camera angle of this beastie. Beautiful animation, wonderful realisation of the chase; I'm not afraid of spiders and I just had the biggest grin every time she popped up.

Also, the blocks of horses breaking into gallop from line was wonderful, the gallops all breaking at different paces. The large-scale long shots of battle were most effective for me, simply because the most frightening thing is the sheer SIZE of Sauron's army. It really IS more things in one place than I've ever seen.

Production design: I would love to see the bigature of Minas Tirith, because it was just one of the most beautiful designs I've ever seen; perfectly realistic, strikingly daring in its desire for height over breadth, and incorporating that natural cliff promontary; every scene with it in made me grin.

(Other favourite bits of prod. design: the warty Orc, the Orc with the huge scar and human skull on his head, the black Oliphaunt riders with those wonderful beads and things, and Anduril. I want an Anduril, mummy, I want one now).

I loved the editing of Pippin's singing to the battle sequence. That worked well. For me, Aragorn singing was a damp squib and just seemed a bit token, and Annie Lennox singing was entirely unnecessary.

Now, some Moments in Rock:

Aragorn LEAPING out of the boat, with his two companions, and then hordes of green zombies decimate the place. Sod the zombies, when you see Aragorn leaping from the boat like that, it's like the Dukes of Hazzard climbing into the General Lee THROUGH THE FUCKING WINDOW because they are THAT FUCKING COOL.

Gandalf versus the Nazgul: he knows the big flying things are his responsibility, and then suddenly, you realise he's seeing the thing as a tiny insect he can swat. And he does. Beautiful.

Eowyn doing almost anything, but mainly kicking butt and taking names. Similarly, Legolas demonstrating (when he trashes the Oliphaunt) why he's more than just Paraphrase Boy.

Bad points: few, but some. Too many endings. Less Sam and Rosie, less interminable Frodo-in-Casualty, and bar the need to return to the Shire, I'd have loved the film to end on the fade to white as the boat leaves for the Grey Havens. (Loved Minas Tirith bowing, though). Also: I thought the Eye of Sauron was fairly omniscient, but I'd never have guessed it was a fucking searchlight. Gosh, I should have realised that ultimate evil was a line-of-sight weapon. Also, I thought the character of the Ring itself was far weaker than in the past two movies, where it was a truly personified, frightening thing.

I thoroughly enjoyed this as a conclusion to the entire arc; Fellowship is still, to my mind, the most successful of the films (and I don't quite have space here to explain why this is, I've rambled on enough, but I had a good natter with Vincennes about this after we saw it), Two Towers is weakest (but I might rate it more highly when I've seen the extended edition), and ROTK is a stirring, rousing, and uplifting conclusion which manages to take the viewer through a journey of real terror, and thus end up feeling real satisfaction, real relief at the end. Peter Jackson's pulled off a great thing. It's by no means the best film I've ever seen, but I'd put the trilogy as the best thing-which-is-oh-so-much-more-than-a-film that I've seen.
 
 
yawn - thing's buddy
14:27 / 06.01.04
was a bit disappointed with gimli almost shitting himself before he went into the scary cave.

fuckin shite bag, no way is he scottish.

tho I was suitably proud of the scottish hobbit's singing.

seriously: this was the best horse movie I've ever seen. Lot's of amazing horse scenes.

countem.
 
 
Jack The Bodiless
20:01 / 06.01.04
Loved it, can't add more than everyone else already has... exceeeeept... as the camera lovingly centres on Sam and his bee-yoot-iful heterofam at the end, was no one else waiting for Gandalf to come zooming back in on Gwalhir, jumping off, and insisting that Sam and Rosie come with him over the ocean because "it's your boyfriend, Sam! Something's gotta be done about your boyfriend!"

And my spooky darling raised another, more EastEnders-style thought-provoker : Sam has blonde hair. Rosie, also blonde. First kid, blonde hair. Newborn kid - dark curly hair. And Frodo suddenly decides to take an unexpected and unannounced trip Havenward... Hmmm...
 
 
The resistable rise of Reidcourchie
09:18 / 08.01.04
It's a brave artistic decision to make the villain of the piece.... a lighthouse. Sinister though they may be (unless your like a ship in coastal waters and it's really foggy).

Despite a pathological dislike of Sam and an irrational hatred of Gondorians (fucking stick up for yourselves! If I was the Rorrhim I would've left them too it, and I mean who built that city? It would've been structurally safer if they'd made it out of lego. I swear they were as useless as Saxons) and becoming somewhat tired of boy elf porn (more to do with the people I went to the cinema with than anything else) I loved it. It left me emotionally exhausted at the end of it.

My favorite bits where the lighting of the watch fires and Shadows and Mist. The tears came when the eagles turned up for some reason, perhaps I'm just emotional when it comes to interspecies cooperation, like those little birds than clean crociodile's teeth, yep I'm welling up here.

As much as I enjoyed Strider's purloined end of men/not today speech I still think it would have been better if instead he'd said "Unacustomed as I am to public speaking...." Been overcome with a fear of public speaking and charged the black gate out of blind panic.

Nice to see the Bad Taste reference in their, though I'm still dissapointed that Gandalf didn't drink a bowl of vomit. Shame about Chris Lee though.
 
 
MJ-12
12:59 / 08.01.04
was no one else waiting for Gandalf to come zooming back in on Gwalhir, jumping off, and insisting that Sam and Rosie come with him over the ocean because "it's your boyfriend, Sam! Something's gotta be done about your boyfriend!"

If that boat leaves the harbor and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.
 
 
deja_vroom
15:28 / 08.01.04
Paleface: I'm scared to death of spiders, and I went to see this movie for two reasons: the battles, and Shelob. She is called "Laracna" down here, btw. And... Shit. The way that gigantic butt bobbed. the... 8 eyes... ewwwwwwwwwww... I get the goosebumps everytime I remember it. If I was Sam there, I'd used Sting to sepukku me right on the spot. Ack, ack, and ack again...
 
 
Seth
21:14 / 08.01.04
The tears came when the eagles turned up for some reason, perhaps I'm just emotional when it comes to interspecies cooperation, like those little birds than clean crociodile's teeth, yep I'm welling up here.

Are you into Wattoo Wattoo?
 
 
The resistable rise of Reidcourchie
08:48 / 09.01.04
I hat the little fucker and you've just opened some wounds here, I used to have to site through the little fucker before Star Fleet came on, worst thing to come out of Eastern Europe since Stalin.
 
 
Seth
15:22 / 10.01.04
Bet you liked Ludwig, though.
 
 
The resistable rise of Reidcourchie
17:15 / 11.01.04
Ludwig rocked, though everyonce in a while you become convinced that you imagined the whole cartoon, because unless you're just the right age nobody believes that such a cartoon ever existed.

Also Ludwig had the common curtesy not to interfere with Star Fleet. DO you think this counts as thread rot?
 
 
Seth
19:23 / 11.01.04
Yeah, I do. I don't know why you started it.
 
 
The resistable rise of Reidcourchie
08:14 / 12.01.04
I feel bad.
 
  

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