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Barbelith #500

 
  

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Matthew Fluxington
11:11 / 21.11.03
This is it, people. The end of the line! It's do or die. Thanks to Qalyn, we've taken down KillRoy. Now it's up to us to stop the Mob Hackers and save Barbelith!

I've got a bad feeling about this...
 
 
Tryphena Absent
11:42 / 21.11.03
Look, yesterday I was on my way to BioK9's dead grandmother's house and this guy drove up and bounced me off the road. I didn't get a good look at him but he was wearing sunglasses and had a really sharp haircut. My Chrysler DIED. I was stuck in the middle of surburbia and there were no buses or subways or anything. I had to walk all the way back to Manhattan because I couldn't find a phone or a shop or anything at all.

Anyway, I've got another car now and I think I'm coming over to where you are. Where are you?
 
 
Our Lady of The Two Towers
11:44 / 21.11.03
I'm not interested unless it comes polybagged with a signed gatefold carboard cover with hologram and a certificate of authenticity signed by a wino from Fresno.

And an 'I Sat Down on Blood!' poster.
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
11:53 / 21.11.03
Eddie, Theo, and I have been sleeping in the van. We're hiding out in the Vinegar Hill area of Brooklyn. Listen everyone, we've got to regroup. Let's all get together here, asap!

Theo just ran another diagnostic on the Barbelith waveform datastream, and things have gotten much, much worse. There has been severe amplitude distortion and thermal run-off, and the core matrix has experience some extreme digital defraction. There's been a change in the direction of the code stream, and Barbelith is being reshaped by remote. We think that if we don't act soon, Barbelith as we know it will no longer exist this time tomorrow. We've got to do something!

I have a plan, but it's...too risky. There must be another way...
 
 
whisperingfist
13:17 / 21.11.03
Look, I really didn't want to say anything at the time, but I keep having these really vivid dreams where that guy with the sunglasses and the really sharp haircut keeps talking to me.

Just the other night he was walking the wrong way round a circle saying:

"That punk Bio k9 better not try to put his sleeper hold on me. Why, if that sap, Bio k9 tries to put the sleeper hold on me, I'm a gonna clean his clock tight! Gee, I sure hope no one puts a sleeper hold on me any time soon."

Anyway, I would've posted sooner but I couldn't find a pencil long enough to tap the letters on my keyboard.
 
 
rizla mission
13:34 / 21.11.03
These mob hackers certainly believe in taking their time..

..unless.. do you see things here shifting ever so slowly.. letters becoming blurred.. things moving apart, pixel by pixel..??

It could be too late!
 
 
Murray Hamhandler
13:49 / 21.11.03
Flux, if you're thinking of doing what I think you're thinking of doing...don't. It's insanity, man!

Look, I don't know where Bio is (we were all sleeping in the same dumpster last night), but I've found a relatively serviceable shopping cart and I'm going to wheel J.J. and myself to Vinegar Hill as swiftly as is possible. I implore you again, as a computer expert, do not do this thing! We will find another way!

P.S. I managed to find a half-empty bottle of Welbutrin in my sleeping dumpster, so I should thankfully be fully functional by the time I arrive.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
13:52 / 21.11.03
The dolphins are dead.

Maybe bitchiekittie was right, and their blood is on my hands, but in a time of crisis like this, someone has to make the hard choices. We do the things we must because we are the ones who can. And we can do the things we can because we are the ones who must.

Anyway, so the dolphins little hearts gave out once we got within sight of 'Lady' Liberty, and I had to swim until I crossed the path of the Staten Island ferry and haul myself up over the side while it was still moving. Unfortunately it was going *to* Staten Island at the time and the ferry security are currently holding me in custody for several civic offenses, including travelling without a valid ticket, swimming without a license, and indecent exposure in a public place.

But don't panic! The stars have been shining on me once again and I have been lucky enough to be placed in a cell with one Russell Tyrone Jones. He is a brilliant if slightly idiosyncratic young man, a scholar and a poet, and more importantly he is also very familiar with a wide variety of correctional institutions in this country. He has hatched a plan of escape, and I hope that in less than an hour we will have slipped the net of justice and taste the sweet meats of freedom once again. Then I must find Flux, and warn him. We only have 14 hours to save the board!
 
 
Tryphena Absent
13:55 / 21.11.03
My car broke down. I don't know why. I think someone might have stolen the spark plugs out of the engine. I've stolen some rollerskates off a kid because I don't have time get another one. They're pink with stars and kind of cute but they're a bit small and my heels are sticking out of the back. I don't know how long it's going to take me to find you people. I have no idea where Vinegar Hill is but I'm just going to pop in to a bookshop and buy a map and then I'll come over there. Hopefully the skate's won't break under my weight, the kid I stole them off must be about Theo's age.
 
 
bitchiekittie
14:04 / 21.11.03
tryphena, if the skates aren't cutting it, you're welcome to use my motorscooter.


I got a really good deal on it cause it's only got one wheel
 
 
Tryphena Absent
14:07 / 21.11.03
Damnit! A wheel just fell off my left skate. The back wheel on the right hand side but it's okay, I met a taxi driver who said he'd take me to Vinegar Hill if I do him a favour. I'm not sure what that favour's going to be but he seems like a nice guy. Looks like I'm probably not going to need that scooter!!
 
 
I'm Rick Jones, bitch
14:17 / 21.11.03
There are no mob hackers. it's all been part of my plan to destroy Joycore and take over the 'lith. I was hiding as the gentle healer radiator all along. You see... I am the Omega to your alpha. Your nemesis. The equation trying to balance itself. And unless someone stops me before midnight, I'll crash the bord by posting Television Sex Stories Archive
in it's entirety. And hatecore will rule your fucking asses, now and for all time.
 
 
I'm Rick Jones, bitch
14:19 / 21.11.03
And you're scattered to the edges of the globe... how convienient. HAAAAAAAAATEEEEEEEEEEEEEECOOOOOOOOOOREEEEEEEEE!
 
 
Tryphena Absent
14:26 / 21.11.03
Radiator, you'd better get out now, I've just bumped in to that palm reader again. She was in the next taxi along from mine. She looks weirdly familiar but I can't quite get a handle on it. She says that the Purple Horse mob are after you for making false claims and that I should get out of the cab now. Frankly I don't trust her, so I'm going to stay in this cab and I've rolled up my window but maybe you should listen to her, I think she might come after you next.

This cab driver does keep staring at me in the rear view mirror though. What the hell is his problem?
 
 
Papess
14:30 / 21.11.03
Oh damn, I slept in and I am still in my nightie and fuzzy bunny slippers. However, I am in remote contact with the squad as they in headquarters, thanks to Theo and the microchips she had implanted in my fuzzy bunny slippers. Both Buffy and Muffy have their ears to the ground here guys. So don't worry, the rest of squad is up and have infiltrated the mob hackers HQ perimeter. Once again, thanks to Theo's ingenuity coupled with Flyboy's distraction with the Dolphins, each tantacle of the SS has stealthfully manouvered themself into a strike position. They are just waiting on my que.....right, I am going for another tea, keep your panties on team.

Rad: That is exactly what they want you to think. Dammed mind control! I can't believe they have gotten to you and are making you their patsy! They get to go slowly for that! DAMN!


P.S: Flyboy, dude, don't be so hard on yourself! Those dolphins died with honour..they were some of the most loyal members of Barbelith...they wouldn't have had it any other way.)
 
 
I'm Rick Jones, bitch
14:32 / 21.11.03
I'm an Agent of the Hatrix. The Purple Horse have been my cover all along. Flyboy's in on it too, he let that Nuke off under my orders.
 
 
I'm Rick Jones, bitch
14:35 / 21.11.03
Seriously, you don't get it. There was no radiator, he was a fiction made up with the help of my supporters in China!
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
14:35 / 21.11.03
Oh no. According to Theo's diagnostics, the Radiator suit is the focused totality of the data defraction caused by the Mob Hacker nanocomputers. Radiator is undoing the fabric of this thread and Barbelith, and is using misinformation to compromise our defenses. If only we could somehow enter the code matrix and kill Radiator - then we may have a chance to save Barbelith!
 
 
I'm Rick Jones, bitch
14:39 / 21.11.03
DOUBLE POSTS! WHAT MORE PROOF NEED YOU OF MY REALITY WARPING POWERS PEOPLE? BLOOD? BECAUSE I JUST GOT THE CHAINS OUT OF STORAGE, AND, Y'KNOW.
 
 
rizla mission
14:43 / 21.11.03
I'm sure I've got some plans for how to build a virtual reality headset out of common household items 'round here somewhere.. I could dig them up if you think they might be useful Flux..
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
14:45 / 21.11.03
Focused totality or not, Radiator is total turbodouche, isn't he?
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
14:45 / 21.11.03
I think radiator may actually suck ass. Ewwww!
 
 
I'm Rick Jones, bitch
14:48 / 21.11.03
You see, that's a side effect of the uncontrolled rampancy- in my pants!

Look! I'm slowly going insane, just like Hugo Weaving in the Martix Revolutions! Awesome!
 
 
rizla mission
14:49 / 21.11.03
And for gods sake try and stay out of trouble, Flyboy! International terrorism, indecent exposure.. a few more traffic violations and they'll be sending you to the chair ferchristsake!
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
14:50 / 21.11.03
Dude, I just think you've had one too many sodas. Now go and tell your mummy you need a nap before you start banging your head on the wall.

She should have the requisite tools to make you unconscious quickly enough. Maybe it's a hammer. I don't know.
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
14:51 / 21.11.03
I meant readiator, by the way.

But jeez Flyboy. Maybe you are the king of atlantis. Do you have a big fork?
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
14:54 / 21.11.03
Shit, sorry guys, I fucked up just then because a fish bit my leg. I didn't think they had fish in New York?

Is anyone gonna come pick me up yet? Or are you gonna leave me floating around here on my trolley?

Obviously, I don't know where I am.
 
 
I'm Rick Jones, bitch
14:56 / 21.11.03
Pfft. Is this the best you can Challenger Barbelith can send to face me? Your web-fu is weak. I could probably best you using my squirrel form.
 
 
Papess
14:59 / 21.11.03
You know, I don't know why no one saw this before...but it turns out that at the mafia HQ the squad and I walked into the Office of Offices and all we found was a blooming onion on the desk and nameplaate that said "Dona Theo"....could this be right? Does this mean what I think it means? Flux...?
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
15:00 / 21.11.03
Russell T. Jones and I broke out of the holding cells! I've persuaded Russell that he ought to help our cause - now we just need a way to cross the river...
 
 
Tryphena Absent
15:06 / 21.11.03
Right. That taxi driver was a complete pervert. I can't even utter what he wanted me to do. I asked him after he kept staring at me. Naturally I got out of the cab and he didn't try to stop me because the palm reader turned up with a frying pan and hit him. She looks weirdly familiar. Anyway I've got a horse. I had to pull a policeman off it but I've got one. It's chestnut brown with a flowing mane. There's room for a couple more people on the back and I'm not across the river yet. I hear police horses can walk on water though! Anyone want a lift?
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
15:12 / 21.11.03
Yes! I want a lift! It turns out my signal has attracted a bunch of men .. and... OH MY GOD. I think they might be gay! I know I said I wanted to see a real life gay... but I don't know what to do?

What if they try and touch me? I'm only 12.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
15:16 / 21.11.03
*stares at Suedehead* I'm sorry but I'm not carrying a twelve year old around on a horse that I stole from a policeman. You better grow up quickly kiddo! I'll pick you up on Brooklyn Bridge than we'll attempt to get across the water. Just so you know who I am I'm wearing a white flowing dress and have a Axel Rose type bandanna wrapped around my head.
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
15:23 / 21.11.03
Ah! That's what that bridge is called!

I've managed to form a paddle from congealed hotdogs, even though it's burning my hands to touch. I'm making headway towards the bridge now.

I'm wearing an "I *heart* NY" t-shirt (it turns out those gays aren't so bad!) that was given to me recently. And a big red vending cap. Ufortunately, my trousers were ripped from me in a tussle earlier, and I only have my Dennis the Menace boxers on.

And it's ok, I'm pretty smart for my age. I'm in MENSA.
 
 
Papess
15:33 / 21.11.03
Message for Suede:

Welcome to the Gaytrix
 
  

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