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It's been a couple of weeks since I had the misfortune of hearing the worst set ever, but I still can't get it out of my system. Celebrity and I were boring the pants off his girlfriend (and perhaps everybody in the room) by going on about it.....and now it's your turn.
Lucky you.
First of all: a little disclaimer. This is totally context dependent and whether or not you get what I'm ranting about probably relies on you being at least vaguely, well, British.
But if you do get it, I'm sure you'll understand.
Or at least you should.
Sooo.... It's Saturday night and we're all enjoying a pint and winceing at the DJ.
Why?
Well most people here are familiar with my lunatic ravings concerning the incredibley safe, student-y music scene in Brighton. It seems you can't escape the happy, 'OOOOOOOOold Skool' refrains of Jurassic 5 wafting out of every bloody window....and all the clubs hammering out endless fucking funk and 60's soundtracks and...ahem....*fresh breaks* - and I hate this shit. But, y'know, inspite of all my grouching I never expected to walk into a venue that played non-stop, back-to-back Brighton cliches all night. Oh, how wrong I was....
This guy, fuck knows who he was, probably still refers to his decks as 'the wheels of steel' and he was filling the pub with nothing but funky breaks, eighties hiphop and 70's funk, 60's spy tunes and fucking 'Last Night a DJ Saved my Life'. The HORROR! It got to the point where I couldn't actually hear the music anymore, I knew each tune so well. Honestly, I could predict the whole set before hearing it!
Why do I hate it so? Why is it so wrong?
Because Brighton has been resting on its Big Beat Laurels since 1996, that's why. Its been churning out the same unimaginative crap for 8 years now. 8 years! It's so safe, so dull and so WHITE. I'm not going on about how black I am here or anything like that, but, and I know I've said this before, there's something almost...errr...racist about the way modern black music that hasn't been given the white-boy nod is simply ignored or dismissed as 'crap'. It's the same fucking thing that happened with jungle (now all the nice kiddies like it, but it took YEARS!). Combine this with the sheer lack of imagination, played-outness and overall flatness of this approach, well, I submit to you that there's no excuse for this shit!
And there's also the fact that it Just. Isn't. Cool.
It's actually depressing to imagine how regressive and narrow minded these people's music tastes are. They're the sort that will tell you stuff like JZ isn't 'real hiphop'.
God, it was awful, and his be-dreaded mates were all head-nodding and urrgh.
Now, I know this is going to get up Flux's nose, but you have to understand, laddy, this stuff is like resurrecting a corpse over here. Really it is. And if I owned a pub, I wouldn't dream of subjecting my punters to it.
Phat beats?
No thanks and fuck off.
Let's all have an argument about it. |
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