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ask away, Captain Z, I did post the sordid tale in a public forum...
this was twenty years ago now, mind, and much reconstruction will have overlain the original memories, I'm sure.
B and P and I, for those first three years, would have agreed, I think, that we were pushing the boundaries in some way and taking a big risk emotionally but it genuinely did feel like we were an equal partnership of three - relating sideways, crosswise, even sleeping in the same bed (usually with dog too) every night.
sometimes sex was two of us spontanteously stumbling into physicality, sometimes it was a daisy chain which required good timing and a calculator to ensure equal involvement.
we were three different people and we brought different things to the feast. I was the youngest by five or six years, which seemed a bigger gap then than it would now and I had an energy about me which was useful to the thing, plus the downside of my youthful inexperience and occasional adolescent tantrum.
if there was an inequality in terms of the way the love went round perhaps it was that B & P were older and had been together for a few years before the advent of baby ZoCher, hence had a private history, so their relationship was different with each other.
their take on it (IIRC) was that they were in difficulties until I came along and that the infusion of fresh young blood (and other fluids) had brought on an Indian Summer.
were all the needs of a romantic relationship being provided by each person to each person? they had both been in relationships before and I, tho not a virgin, had not had a "relationship", so maybe it was hard to tell then but, in retrospect, I'd have to say it felt pretty complete and satisfying.
maybe the combination of any two of the three of us wouldn't have cut it. certainly, their relationship was in turmoil before I came along and my relationship with P was troubled after the departure of B.
B (exCanadian Air Force, utterly btw) and I had a sub/dom thing going on which didn't include P. we were wilder and partied a lot. we went to gigs and were both at University still. I was sure I was in love with him, certainly at the point when we met and it was all giddily exciting. and the sex was great.
P was a teacher and a historian, well connected politically and a bit of an egghead. my relationship with him was more filial and he was an influential mentor to me to this day.
I think I loved him tho, and he me, and he has repeated the pattern of having younger partners to this day. took up with a 19 year old when he was 40.
long after the affair was over, I would still see him socially, until he moved to Europe and we lost touch. we continued to have mutual friends for a long time after.
but this was all so long ago, I may be fogging the glass with sentimental reminiscence. the long and the short of it is, I have avoided that degree of complication since and this was wise, I suspect.
wouldn't have the bloody energy now.  |
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