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Nah, in all seriousness, crack's not good. Lemmie tell yaz why.
One night I was on the pizzle with a coupla chaos magicians and a satanist and it got messy and we ended up in this underground car park in Soho with this dealer and all these craek ho's. One of said chaos magicians had a thing about black guys* and he hit on the craek dealer. The craek dealer hated queers** and so he lamped him one. Said chaos magician promptly burst into tears. Then, as if we weren't in enough trouble, these massive flourescent security guards appeared from nowhere and charged at us, bellowing with rage. From then on it went all Benny Hill Show . A high-speed pedestrian chase ensued, led by the scantily-clad craek ho's, followed by me, the other chaos magician and the satanist, followed by the freshly-bashed queer chaos magician, closely followed by the angry craek dealer**, followed in turn by the even angrier massive flourescent security guards, and we all pelted through the backstreets of Soho till we lost 'em. We were all so scared and upset and out of breath that we then had to get even more mashed 'till the tubes started up and they went home and I went into work and sat down at my desk and tried my best to behave with some degree of proficiency. And failed, quite monumentally.
And I think it is fair to say that that, boys and grrls, was, on the whole, Neither Big, Nor Clever.
* I'm not meaning to stereotype all craek dealers as black men, nor all black men as craek dealers, I'm just saying, like.
** I'm not meaning to stereotype all black men as rampant homophobes either, I'm just saying, ya? |
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