Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.

Underground > Conversation >

Barbeinterview (the missing week 4, returned on the anniversary of its betrayal)

Page: (1)2

22:43 / 29.09.02

Rule in the abstract. Are people getting bored of this?

My vote is Jack the Bodiless. And my questions are:

- Marillion release a bad album (yeah, I know it's unlikely, but bear with me here. It's Only Hypothetical). Do you pretend it's good (through loyalty or not wanting to appear to diss 'em after having defended their entire back catalogue), or do you slate it? Give your answer using excepts from Marillion lyrics only.

- G K Chesterton had views about patriotism, war and British national identity that many would assume to be controversial today. If he suddenly sprang back to life ten years ago, and spent the intervening time between then and now catching up with world events, what would be the first subject he'd address if he were asked to write a newspaper editorial, and how would he handle it?

- George Michael is named as the new Van Halen singer. Is this A Good Thing? Explain your answer.

- If you could go back in time and change one thing in your life, what would it be? If you wouldn't change a thing, why not? Your answers must make reference to both the Next Gen episode Tapestry and the DS9 episode Children of Time.

- Hypothetical situation: I would be willing to undergo Face/Off style surgery to give you the coveted family nose. What could go wrong? Be as creative as you like, writing in the in the style of new Chinese horror flick The Eye.

- Hypocritamus, ephemerat and yourself: who will be the first to finish a novel? Explain your answer as bitchily as possible.

- Mel Gibson handcuffs your penis to a car, giving you only a hacksaw, while the leaking petrol spills ever closer, closer to the flames. Could you? Dare you? Your answer must be in haiku format.

Possibly more to come...

22:46 / 29.09.02

And we'll assume here that the handcuffs are inescapable. Even when flaccid (although if Mel handcuffed mine to a car I know I'd be raging).

The Return Of Rothkoid

23:01 / 29.09.02

Fuck posted answers. I want this to be a miniseries.

JtB: Goth icon of your choice disses you for not being Goth Enough. What is your reply, without recourse to eye-rolling and use of high-pitched "Fine!"?

The Apple-Picker

00:37 / 30.09.02

My vote is for Flyboy!

Do you want to be famous? How do you want to be famous? Can you dance? Have you ever taken ballet lessons? What are you obsessed with? Tell us about it, please.

(And I'm certainly not getting bored, exp!)

04:33 / 30.09.02

JtB:

- You're forced to exchange music collections with another member of this board. Who would you choose? Why would you choose them? What do you think they'd make of your CD collection? Would it be a fair trade?

- You wake up one morning and realise that you're Satan (please, no "I get that every morning," or "I realise that I don't really exist and disappear in a puff of logic" jokes). Do you try to make amends for all the pain and anguish you've caused, or are you philosophical about your place in the Universe?

- Which members of Barbelith regularly piss you off? Try to piss them off back. Call them names and stuff. In iambic pentameter.

- Explain the Parable of the Unjust Steward.

- You discover a treasure trove of books, movies and music in a second hand store. There's all kinds of stuff that you've always wanted but never been able to find. If you could pay for ten items only, what would you get? What made you choose those items?

06:58 / 30.09.02

Fuck the interview, I think you should just carry on maing up these questions

Our Lady of The Two Towers

14:58 / 30.09.02

Why do I feel that suddenly, the Barbeinterview has got personal?

17:15 / 30.09.02

Batman and Robin could make the four-minute mile, but only if they were superimposed over dodgy film stock. What would make you run a mile? How long would running a mile take you? Do you prefer to measure distance in miles or kilometers? Do you think that Miles O'Brien's character development in DS9 was hampered by Colm Meaney's film career? Why did you take your name from a character from the Galactic Mileau Trilogy? What do you think of Miles Davis?

Matthew Fluxington

17:28 / 30.09.02

I'm all for having Flyboy be the next interview.

questions for Flyboy:

Do you ever wonder where, in some cases, your crushes on some female musicians ends, and where your appreciation for their music begins?

Name four established comics artists who you would want to write for, and why.

If you managed to one day get the X-Men writing gig, what would be your ideal cast of characters?

ONLY NICE THINGS

17:50 / 30.09.02

Flyboy:

Did your appreciation of the Transformers ever shade into the sexual?

Has Grant Morrison, for your money, ever topped the "Black Zoid" storyline?

If the writer of Team Achilles collaborated with Phil Bond on a cartoon about a plot by the Iraqis to clone Electrelane to use as shock troops, would you buy it or burn it, or both?

Do you ever feel that you are being typecast on Barbelith?

Do you miss Barbelith now your posting is so much less regular?

If you were given the choice between punching Tony Blair, kissing somebody you found enormously attractive but had previosuly never really spoken to, and shooting Daniel o'Donnell in the lungs, what would you do?

17:59 / 30.09.02

Exp- how many feet do I have?

See Pres? Now it's personal...

Flux- please write a review of yr debut album, describe yrself in gushingly sycophantic terms a la The Conor Oberst's Little Teenage Girls' School of Fanery, give the sleevenote bigups that will appear on yr greatest hits and tell me why yr ideal photo subject would be a piece of paper.

18:06 / 30.09.02

You. Don't. Understand.

You're. Supposed. To. Vote. For. Jack.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

18:23 / 30.09.02

My question for Flyboy- was the voting rigged?

Jack The Bodiless

20:05 / 30.09.02

Oh dear. Have the nasty-wasty wickle Barbelites not voted for me? But... but... doesn't that mean that all of little brother's carefully nuanced questions are WASTED LIKE A PARTY INVITE SENT TO A CHRISTIAN?

Oh, no. I am devastated. Heh. I vote for Superfly, and shall come up with questions tomorrow. Nice try, 'boy band'.

20:13 / 30.09.02

No! hang on! I've been waiting for Jack the Bodiless to answer those, so regardless of whether you're officially voted, please answer. Especially exp's questions. Pretty please?

Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:35 / 30.09.02

I nominate Jack. If necessary, I will log on with a new ID from every cybercafe in London and nominate him again until he's selected.

I'll give you Cenobite Pokemon, mush. Bwahahahahaaaaaaa!

Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:37 / 30.09.02

Oh, and my obligatory question is: Marillion doing Lavender's Green on TOTP, with Fish trying to do Bob Dylan and being defeated by an A3 pad-- laughable, or strangely endearing?

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

21:43 / 30.09.02

Jack- same question I gave Haus. Who's harder- Alexander Pope or Pope Alexander?

Aaaaannndddd... (yeah. I know that many "d"s is a bitch to pronounce)... If it takes three men four days to dig a hole, how long does it take them to realise that the fourth bloke's been doing fuck all and just nipping off for a spliff all the time? (to the nearest three hours).

Jack The Bodiless

22:09 / 30.09.02

No, look, right, vote for Flyboy. No one wants to have me answer a load of questions that amount to little more than in-jokes for a select few, right? Ari, m'love - afraid I can only answer questions if I'm nominated at the end of the week, and I do believe Flyboy is winning.

Come on, people, vote Fly! He's a Barbelith staple (and no, that doesn't mean he's the bit of the board that always seems to cover up the interesting bits on the centrefold)! He's right-on, yet kerrrayyyyzeeeee! He's the Haus Double! He Trusts Joss Whedon! He's hip-hop, and he don't stop! He's been nicknamed Alcoholio! By Ganesh! He makes it all look easy! He's nobody's fool! He doesn't like Maynard James Keenan's voice AT ALL! He's the only person I've ever carried around Brighton after midnight! He lives with Whisky Priestess, and has earned my eternal envy as a result! He looks good with floppy hair! He's the acceptable face of the chattering classes! Like Ice-T only wearing glasses! The George Monbiot for the masses! HEEEEEERE'S FLYBOY!

MC: apologies... should have read Powerpuff Girl Cenobite. My mistake.

02:21 / 01.10.02

Flyboy. What is the strangest, most bizarre and unnatural thing which has ever happened to you? (Or you can pick one event for each adjectives.)

Less searchable M0rd4nt

02:55 / 01.10.02

[Alec Guinness]You don't want to vote for Flyboy... you want to vote for JtB... You don't want to vote for Flyboy... you want to vote for JtB...[/Alec Guinness]

04:57 / 01.10.02

Bear in mind that we can paste over questions for next week, too! You can run, Jack... still think it would be funnier if you were voted in this wee, though.

You goonish fumbling fuck

09:34 / 01.10.02

JtB: What are the best and worst things about being related to expressionless, and how do you think your answers will affect the interpretation of his posts by the rest of barbelith in the future?

Jack The Bodiless

11:58 / 01.10.02

quote: You can run, Jack... still think it would be funnier if you were voted in this wee, though...

I assume you mean this week. Now who is the goonish fumbling fuck? Hah! It is you. You are the goonish fumbling fuck. And I believe you are the ur-wankstain, also.

12:05 / 01.10.02

What about grant? Let's have some grant! Ig he's picked, I'd like to ask:

-Is it true that they found huge pyramids below the Ocean at the Bermuda Triangle?
-Tell us the most bizarre story you found while doing your researches
-Tell us the three most useless facts of general knowledge you know of.

12:17 / 01.10.02

Mmm, er.. is nomination season over? Because I just saw Mordant over there with microphones stuck into hir face, surrounded by papparazzi, quoting Blue Oyster Cult's lyrics to an astonished audience...

15:10 / 01.10.02

I sooooo do not want to do any work today, I have tallied the votes up to this point:

JtB: 6
Flyboy: 6
Flux: 1
grant: 1

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

15:21 / 01.10.02

Well that's it then. In the interests of democracy, Jack and Flyboy have to have a fight.

(That way, I can take bets.)

15:38 / 01.10.02

Bloody hell, it's only f***ing Tuesday! Calm down!

Right. I'm not quite sure why - call it an instinct, if you like; a desire to see natural justice done, perhaps; a deep rooted sense of righteousness, probably - but I believe my vote should count twice. My vote (or votes) goes (go) to Jack the Bodiless. My questions SO FAR (and they're not the best questions, I just wanted to register my vote, really) are:

1. You have unlimited funds to build and run your dream night club (or pub, or gentlemen's excuse-me, or what-have-you). You don't have to worry about making it a going concern. What would it be like, this dream venue of yours? Please go into as much detail as you can - music policy, furniture, dress code, ambience, toilet arrangements, location, smell, architecture etc

2. You have taken your rightful place as Queen of the Solar System. Tradition demands that you declare 3 new laws for the people of your adopted home planet - Earth. What are they? Your new laws, that is. What are the new laws, Jack?

3. Recount in as much detail as you can any favourite or significant childhood memory.

4. You: puritan or hedonist? Whichever it is, do you have any sympathies for the other?

5. Which person, theory, movement etc of the last, um, 50 years or so, do you think has had the worst influence on Western culture? And which the best, or most positive?

6. Are you, or have you ever been a member? Please list all non work related organisations, and supply anecdotes as you see fit.

7. Will your brother get angry if I cough politely and mention the Barbebreaks CD again?

Matthew Fluxington

15:45 / 01.10.02

Is myself vs. Grant the undercard?

16:39 / 01.10.02

Don't tangle with me man, unless you like eating elbow!

Our Lady of The Two Towers

17:07 / 01.10.02

Is it too late to vote for Someone Else so he can dazzle us with the breadth of his knowledge/wisdom/collection of music/penis? I'm sure a bunch of questions to him will be replied to with wit and such awesome intelligence that we'll be cowed for months.

The Apple-Picker

20:53 / 01.10.02

Another few questions for Flyboy--Did you ever have to wear braces on your teeth? What about headgear? Or retainers? Did you have nightmarish experiences? If you didn't wear these things, did you want braces, headgear, retainers?

Have you ever had an out of body experience?

Jack The Bodiless

21:11 / 01.10.02

Vote Fly! Vote Fly!

Sav, your vote must only count once, despite your Questions of Beauty. However, as it's such a close thing, I demand that Fly (should he be chosen, which of course he should) answer all of the questions put to me. In the interests of natural justice, naturally.

Come on... he's much more barbegenic than I am (Oh, for the love of CHRIST!)

21:25 / 01.10.02

But you, Jack, are presently ahead by one vote...

Page: (1)2