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How do you know someone is "the one?"

  
  

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Saint Keggers
02:32 / 29.09.02
Call it fate, kismet, love at first sight or what have you...how can you be sure?
 
 
Turk
02:37 / 29.09.02
Do you have to be sure?
 
 
Saint Keggers
02:44 / 29.09.02
Well considering she's off and married to some shithead on the otherside of the country..yes. Yes I do.
 
 
Turk
02:57 / 29.09.02
So let's save you some heartache. She definitely wasn't the one.
 
 
Saint Keggers
03:00 / 29.09.02
Oh great guru....how did you come to that conclusion?
 
 
Turk
03:44 / 29.09.02
Please bucko, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
 
 
Saint Keggers
03:52 / 29.09.02
Not at all, Its just that I wish to have some explanation, some elaboration or even some elucidation behind your response...
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
04:10 / 29.09.02
If she married someone else, and not you, the odds are grossly in the favor of her not being "the one" for you.

Move on. Your life need not be a bad movie.
 
 
Saint Keggers
04:13 / 29.09.02
but the one she married cheated one her...
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
04:16 / 29.09.02
I don't think that really matters. I sort of know how you feel from my own experience.

Seriously. Unless they divorce and some time elapses, don't go near it. Stay out of it.
 
 
Saint Keggers
04:20 / 29.09.02
Flux: Would you please PM me about your own experience...right now Im at my wits end...anything that could give me an insight....
 
 
bio k9
04:40 / 29.09.02
How do you know someone is "the one?"

I think they have to cut off someones head. All the lights should blow out and there should be some kind of wierd energy force surging through them.
 
 
Saint Keggers
06:07 / 29.09.02
You haven't any Idea as to how close you were on that one...
 
 
w1rebaby
10:16 / 29.09.02
Do they know kung-fu?
 
 
Spatula Clarke
14:50 / 29.09.02
There is no 'The One' apart from Keanu.
 
 
w1rebaby
15:05 / 29.09.02
The senior programmer on my last project used to call me "The One". I think it was less because I had penetrated the secrets of the universe, and more because I had an attitude problem, turned up late and listened to industrial music.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
15:48 / 29.09.02
Oh please, 'the one' doesn't exist, it's the creation of bad American movies, fairy stories, Disney... out there are about fifty thousand other 'one's'. I doubt Keanu is one of 'the one's'.
 
 
Sauron
16:07 / 29.09.02
Witty, dirty, sharp, deep, kind, cruel, beautiful piss taker.
 
 
Papess
16:13 / 29.09.02
I am a hopeless romantic. I know there is a "One" for me. How will I know? The connection happens on all levels and we are both willing to do the work to keep it there.

In other words, trial and error.

Love is a bitch and a butterfly. The only thing that comforts me is reciting over and over again:

The joy of union is as all and the pain of division, as none.

MT
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
16:47 / 29.09.02
I don't mean to be obvious about this, but I would suggest that, although in certain situations "The One" may be married to somebody else, that would be because they have never met their one, i.e. you.

Therefore, if this person has met you, and has subsequently decided to marry somebody else, she is ipso facto not the one. You are trying to convince yourself that she is either so that you can feel yet more wretched about being rejected, or to act as the prelude to a series of increasingly disturbing flirtations with stalkerhood, justified to yourself and others on the ground that she is the one, you are meant to be together, it is fate, blah blah fishcakes.

Trust me on this one.
 
 
Sax
16:52 / 29.09.02
And if you decide by dint of an overwhelming Barbe-vote that she is The One, what are you going to do? Saddle up that white charger and take her away from the Cruel Prince who hath kidnapped her and taken her to Cactusville?
 
 
w1rebaby
17:07 / 29.09.02
That sounds like an excellent idea. We should have a vote on this to determine Kegboy's next action. Don't say the net never helped you.
 
 
Sauron
17:45 / 29.09.02
There is no such thing as The One- there are fuck loads of ones- I`ve met at least three, but I keep fucking it up. Now I have to stay with the Old One in New York while the New One is in London. I could loose both of them through foul play or stupidity, caused by alcoholic or narcotic inebriation. This could be a decidely dicey two weeks during which I yearn for temporary castration.

But if, true to form, a terrible event occurs, there will be others. Sorry for being cynical, but The One is more about timing and chemicals.

There are plenty of women, or perhaps men, who fit my remit. And you would be highly foolish to think otherwise.


If she`s with someone else, take Haus` advice. As always.
 
 
Jack Sprat
21:17 / 29.09.02
The One exists all right. And exists and exists and exists. There are plenty of her/him/it/them. Sober up. Rent some porn. Write bad poetry first if you need to.

Now, what we're talking about here is not THE ONE. OK? What we're actually talking about here is THE ONE WHO GOT AWAY. That's a different species of marsupial, my sweet little meringue.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
21:46 / 29.09.02
"The One" is generally the last one who dumped you WHEN YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING IT. Or one who did so years back for whom you get nostalgic.

I think it's a kind of observer-specific definition.

I don't really believe anyone, generally, is "destined" for another or whatever. That's just a silly idea.

As in so many other areas of life, people make do, see what happens, make the best of a bad world etc. And are often happier for it.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
21:50 / 29.09.02
Well, yer, but it still hurts.

Kegster: Some years back I had the most enormous crush on a married friend. It got so that I couldn't get this person out of my head. I still think of them as one of the sexiest, most charismatic, and most lovable people I will ever encounter. However, this person was very married-- to a fairly hard magickian. Now, I would never have come between these two, but the mage was the jealous type and sussed my feelings. Much odd circumstantial obstructiveness followed, and I lost touch with both of them. (Actually, I count myself a bit lucky that nothing more unpleasant happened. The magicko must've liked me.)

Now I'm in a relationship with a wonderful person. We met purely by chance, in a nightclub; neither of us looking for a new partner, both of us sort of on the rebound. It should have gone *phut* after a couple of months.

It's been nearly six years now. Still feels fresh and thrilling. I'm preparing to emigrate to be with him, because when that boy's not with me I'm just not myself.

There really is no one; there's potential, and circumstance. And perseverance.
 
 
Murray Hamhandler
22:23 / 29.09.02
There exists the possibility that, if there is such a creature as "the one", it's entirely possible to pummel yourself w/self-doubt concerning the possibility of a given person actually being "the one" (despite all positive evidence of "the one"-ness constantly slapping you about the face and neck) until you risk missing the window w/in which "the one"-ness even matters at all (he says by way of experience). Meaning, in a roundabout way, that if your "the one" is seriously involved w/someone who may not be "the one" for her, it's not really any of your business, I'm afraid. You can wait around and hope that she "comes to her senses", but hoping is about the only unobtrusive option you've got in this situation. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. If not, it won't. Throw your lot in w/fate and let the chips fall where they may. Or don't. What do I know?
 
 
Murray Hamhandler
22:36 / 29.09.02
Also...while it may be comforting to you at this point to observe the fact that many people get seriously involved with the wrong people for the wrong reasons and that these relationships often melt down over time, and that people in these "wrong" relationships do sometimes meet the "right" person that makes it worthwhile for them to start anew, it should be said that this might not be the case here. By which I mean that a perfectly satisfactory relationship, wherein the question of there being a more perfect partner for either person is a completely moot one, can be maintained between two people who aren't absolutely perfect for one another.
 
 
Sauron
04:02 / 30.09.02
MC doth rock:

There really is no one; there's potential, and circumstance. And perseverance.


Pithy nail on true head as always.
 
 
.
11:27 / 30.09.02
RE: Love (and many things in fact)

If it's hard work, you're doing it wrong.

If someone is "The One" it'll feel easy to be with them. If it's hard work to be with them, well...
 
 
Papess
22:16 / 30.09.02

Correction:

...that the pain of division is as nothing, and the joy of dissolution all.

Now that puts a different spin on it.
 
 
Disco is My Class War
10:10 / 01.10.02
I have to agree with Jack Sprat and Haus and all the other more hard-headed people who've replied already to this thread. Looks like you're dealing with the one that isn't gonna be anything much ever, Kegboy.

But there's always an exception... Six months ago I got an enormous crush on someone who'd been happily married to her wife for six years. A crush which I thought was impossible and best left for dead, notwithstanding the fact that I too was happily partnered off. And then, bingo, a bottle of absinthe and a well-timed confession in a supermarket parking lot at three in the morning and she was mine. We have both since broken up with our ex's and are about to move in together. But this has taken a lot of negotiating, waiting, trying to be very kind, patient and caring in the midst of dramas that have looked like they'd drag on forever. And from the start, I never expected that it would be anything but one night, maybe, or a week, or something squeezed in the gaps between our other relationships. Right now, I reckon she's the one for me. But this might also be because we both moved heaven and earth to be together, and I have a certain investment in making it work...

To sump up: que sera sera, mate.
 
 
Cherry Bomb
15:01 / 02.10.02
I don't know if there's such thing as "THE One," but I do believe that in a world full of billions of people, surely there are least a few SOMEones who you'd be pretty darn happy with for at least a little while, and if you're lucky, you'll meet a few of them on this strange journey we call "La Vie."

But yeah, sorry K-boy, but if she's now married to someone else, she is in fact The One Who Got Away. And guess what? As we speak there's quite likely a few someOnes else who'd be just lovely for you, and I'm sure you'll meet one of them sooner or later...
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
15:45 / 02.10.02
It's okay, Kegboy. There's no 'One'. I look at my life and I see alternate possible lives where, if I'd played things differently, I would have ended up married to one person or another. Sometimes, no doubt, I would also have ended up divorced, embittered, or dead in a ditch.

Once you reognise that, it's much easier to be sure - in that, basically, you won't be, but you'll be sure enough. I've been in love twice as a grown up, and both times it went wrong, and I was gutted, but...people come along. They're different and sometimes they catch you looking the other way, and sometimes you see them coming and you think 'yay'. No one's the same. All the lives you could lead are different, and you will change together. (Just remember that you'll need to change in such a way that you retain the identities you have which make you attractive (love-able) to one another...)

There ain't no One. There's just the one(s) you love.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
10:04 / 03.10.02
Well what d'ya know member 1292, Thegreatneo, clearly "the one".
 
  

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