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Scream here

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The Apple-Picker

22:39 / 10.03.03

All play and no work has made Apple a very stressed girl:

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

07:57 / 12.03.03

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGG
GGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAARRRRGGGG
GGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH COCKNOCKER.

16:13 / 19.04.03

why won't my dratted dratted mouse work? why doesn't my computer care that it cannot find it? nnnnrggggggggghhhhhh grumble nrrrrghhhhaaaaaaaaaggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh.

16:18 / 17.07.03

NO! I cannot fucking take it. I have to go back to school in less than three months, and that means I have to lose like fucking four stone or something just so I can get out of the fucking house without wanting to hide or attack my fucking self with garden shears. And I'm so fucking stressed about the thing I'm working on and I CANNOT FUCKING TAKE IT! I can't relax, ever. I'm terrified of going back to school, especially as I'll still be overweight, and I'm even worse, socially, when I'm FUCKING FAT. I hate myself and at the moment I can deal because I never leave the house - I never even fucking get dressed. I haven't worn anything other than dressing gowns for like 5 months, except for very brief periods. I haven't even set foot outside the house for more than a month. And I fucking hate my fucking ex for making sure I feel even worse about my weight, and I fucking hate another ex for precipitating this round of compulsive eating and I fucking hate myself for being so FUCKING CRAP. I cannot bear it...can't bear it. Hate it. And I'm supposed to survive an MA? Oh my god, I'm so fucked. So utterly fucking fucked. Oh, my fucking god. I can't stand it.

Whisky Priestess

16:57 / 17.07.03

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

And that's for last night when I could not get my bleeding printer to work for more than five minutes without crashing trying to print stuff for a really important mailout. And why did it print every picture I converted to greyscale in blue? Fuck, quite frankly, knows.

But I am super smug now cos I posted everything off today with the right things in and the right postage and it will get there before the weekend. Go me!

And Chol, this is probably not helpful, but your case sounds pretty extreme: are there not
a) drugs
b) psychological techniques/counsellors
c) surgical techniques that could help you?

17:26 / 17.07.03

What, about the weight thing? Or the hiding in the house thing?

The weight thing is nothing I haven't sorted out before, on my own... are we talking diet drugs and stomach stapling here?

I could be wrong, but I don't think it's bad enough for surgery. Thanks for the happy thought, however.

21:00 / 17.07.03

Got attacked by two clowns with a screwdriver. Okay, not two actual clowns just opportunistic muppets who can't tell a shop till from a cashpoint machine. So, less than a fortnight after they cut the staff and made us work with out back-up on the night shift, the scrotes have noticed and it's now open season. The panic alarm did fuck all and I'm now convinced it's a dummy, the company want to hush the whole fucking thing up, and I've just heard that the two fucks who put the last area manager in hospital for three months (I still have to work around his bloodstains) have just been released and are back in the area.

FUCK!

Oh, and I'm supposed to be covering all the shifts of the other full-timer who's on holiday so they drag me back into the shop on the one day I'm not pulling a 12-hour shift 'cos the fuckwit area cover forgot their sodding keys.

I'm watching 'Clerks' to calm down and it's too fucking accurate.

17:08 / 18.07.03

ARRHHGGGHHhhhhhhhhhh....wimper.

(But before I commence my own self indulgent tirade, to Chol: I hear you!)

Ok, I have an academic job, I should be pleased as piss, because they are hard to get, but I'm up for tenure and it's very very stressful and my department's a bit on the passive aggressive side and tends to not talk to me if there's something they'd like me to change, but rather simply put it in a letter for my tenure review, without asking me about the charges first, I went to school for close to a 1,000 years and earn less than my friend who just took a two week course in nursing, and i had a nasty obscene message left in my voice mail and I'm behind on my planning and all that walking in Europe left me with a nasty case of athlete's foot. ..

fuck this shit. cocktail hour, I think, begins at 2 pm, traditionally, no?

Old brown-eye is back

21:29 / 18.07.03

Please don't say fuck or bugger.

18:34 / 19.07.03

shapeshifter: wtf?

ONLY NICE THINGS

12:33 / 20.07.03

Long lines of unspaced characters break Barbelith pages, guys.

Meanwhile, after my laptop basically gives up the ghost last week, noe I find that the CDRW on my computer has apparently given up the ghost also,which is strange and wrong. And I can't possibly take it in for repair without also asking them to upgrade the processor and put in a graphics card (can you even do that if you have integrated graphics?) and slap another 60GB of hard drive in there, so I am suddenly spending money like water. Water, I tell you...

I don't really do screams. But I will tense my shoulders slightly, roll my eyes heavenwards and mutter "damn".

Damn.

15:50 / 01.10.03

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FUCK!

I just found out that I only need 6, NOT 10 history credits to apply for grad school, meaning:

a) I only needed to take one course ($1000) this year, not 3 ($3300)

b) I'm supposed to apply for grad school BY THIS JANUARY, NOT NEXT!?!

c) I'm supposed to be able to get 3 faculty reccomendations when I don't know more than 1!

d) AND know what the hell I want to write a 40 page thesis on AND DESCRIBE IT ON THE APPLICATION FORM IN DETAIL AND I HAVE NO CLUE!! AT ALL! AND I ONLY HAVE 2 MONTHS TO THINK OF ONE!! (help)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(whew. i feel a bit better. maybe i should wait until next year and really think about this)

...any advice from Barbelith Grad Students would be helpful. Did you know what you wanted to do by the end of your undergrad? Were you able to express it specifically on the grad school application form?

18:02 / 01.10.03

Make it up, Baz. Everyone who looks at your proposal has been a grad student and thus knows for a fact that your thesis will bear no relation to your proposal. All they want to know is that:

- you are interested in the sorts of things their staff are interested in, so that they will be able to find you a supervisor (eg if you are applying to a violently anti-evolutionary-psychology department, don't say "I want to come up with an evolutionary psychology model for women's shopping behaviour");
- you have a good enough knowledge of the field that you know the sort of thing you want to write a thesis on;
- you know roughly how big a thesis is (that is, you don't say "I want to spend 4 years discussing the implications of a typo on page 5 of Schrumpf's 'History of Mesopotamia'", or "I want to write a detailed historical and literary commentary on all 24 books of the Iliad over the summer");
- you know how to write a proposal.

(Your ability to write a proposal, of course, bears no relation to your ability to write a thesis: but then A-Level results bear no relation to degree results and they still use those as an entry requirement. Go figure.)

20:18 / 01.10.03

thank you! It was just the initial shock that I had to think of this now, instead of a year from now that scared the hell out of me.

21:35 / 01.10.03

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
...AHHHH!...AHHH!...AHH!

AH.

*AHEM*

just plain ol' effin' bullshit.

12:36 / 02.10.03

Ode to the management of the NHS:

I want to know when I have to set aside a month where I cannot work. I want to know that if I make an appointment with someone to play for them I can keep it. I do not want to have to cancel whatever gigs or venues or other people I am working with only 2 fucking weeks notice because you cannot fucking tell me when I have to take this time off. I do not care if I have to wait 250 days, I do not care if I have to wait a year. But I really care that anything I plan I may suddenly have to cancel because of your fucking poor management.

I care that your secretaries cannot tell me the truth and that they can only say 'I'll try and find out for you soon' or slightly more honest but really infuriatingly 'you'll be given 2/3 weeks notice'. Yeah, like fuck that's going to be enough. Like a gig only takes 2/3 weeks to arrange? THIS IS MY LIVELYHOOD YOU ARE MESSING WITH.

I am so angry because you are absolutely doing me over. I am walking around Not Breaking Things because I am so angry and you do not fucking give a damn. This is _my_ life. Not yours to mess with. Get your act together.

12:40 / 02.10.03

Further ode to the management of the NHS:

Fuck off, all of you. Go on, fuck right off.

12:47 / 02.10.03

He didn't mean it. He wants promotion. He's just a bit... tired.

Tryphena Absent

13:01 / 02.10.03

AARRRGGGHHHHHH. SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP. HOW CAN YOU HAVE THE SAME FUCKING ARGUMENT FOR OVER TWO WEEKS YOU SAD BASTARDS.

13:04 / 02.10.03

What the fuck's rattled your cage?

Tryphena Absent

13:21 / 02.10.03

Wrong people.

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