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Comic Book Movies That Do or Will Suck

 
  

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Margin Walker
21:36 / 11.06.02
With the success of Spider Man, there are bound to be some film adaptations of Comic books that are so below par that they aren't even on the fairway. Case in point: A Captain America movie starring Freddie Prinze, Jr. is in the works. What makes the dunderheaded dolt think he can pull it off? According to this AICN article: "I am a super hero in real life, so". Why yes your are, Freddie, Jr. Now get your Underoos on and head straight to bed, youn man.

And what about the shit film adaptations of the past? Is the Dolph Lundgren "The Punisher" any good? How about that "Swamp Thing" movie? Or that "The Guyver" movie with Mark hamill?
 
 
Trijhaos
21:54 / 11.06.02
The old Punisher film is decent if you forget its comic based and just watch it for what it is; an action movie with lots of guns.

The two guyver movies are excellent if you're into the whole big rubber suited monsters. I like the second one the best. Lots of monsters get beat up. Blood. A bad-ass techno suit. Yeah, that's the stuff.
 
 
videodrome
22:15 / 11.06.02
All three of the films you mentioned are terrible, but they're certainly no worse than the early 90's attempts at the Fantastic Four and Captain America. There's also the terrible 70's Cap television films, which are just as bad as the 70's Spidey flicks. At least the 70's Doctor Strange film was kinda fun, though certainly bad.

I just don't understand why anyone would want to make a Captain America film. He's a third-rate character, worse even that Superman. There's nothing inneresting about ol flag-head. Can't wait to see him fight terrorists! No, wait! NAZI TERRORISTS! Yeah!

Just doesn't make any sense to me. And the Punisher - there's a push to do that again, but that character is pure 80's all the way, Reagan-powered, floatin' down the river on terms like 'scuzz'. Pointless.
 
 
Harold Washington died for you
22:38 / 11.06.02
In these troubled times seems the perfect opportunity for a S.H.I.E.L.D. movie. Maybe Alec Baldwin, if he could summon his JackRyan "suit", in the lead.

Anywho, I personally loved all the comic book movies I have seen. Well, of the comic books I have read they have been all good. It dosen't have anything to do with writing or photography or acting. It is simply very very cool to see people you read about in live action. I'm ready for a Spawn sequel myself.
 
 
videodrome
23:09 / 11.06.02
If that's really the case, MM, the how about you read the Wall Street Journal or the Guradian and then watch the evening news? That way we can stop siphoning off money to make films like Captain America and Spawn.
 
 
Hieronymus
23:09 / 11.06.02
I'm sure the Cap America flick is being slobbered over by inept Hollywood execs because it will likely come in riding on both America's flag-stroking Neo-patriotism (look how Marvel capitalized on it post 9/11 before the bodies were even cold) and the success of Spider-man. But Freddie Prinze? Ugh. Maybe the Steve Rogers BEFORE the injection. But not the Captain.

The crap to gem ratio has always been high. I seem to remember this happening after the success of the Batman film, where Hollywood suddenly latched onto a new fad in 'demand' and dreck after dreck followed through the years. We're in for an avalanche of it now. Latest around the rumor campfire is that the Hulk fights a giant poodle. So there ya go. It's just not a very good well to pull from, folks. And even if it was, Hollywood would screw it up somehow.

Here's to hoping I'm wrong.
 
 
Knight's Move
00:50 / 12.06.02
Tank Girl. From Hell. Judge Dredd. Swamp Thing. Spawn.

All bad.

Hellblazer (sorry, Constantine...). Preacher. Hellboy. Daredevil.

Almost bound to be bad. Really, there is no excuse.

Batman good. Batman 2 quite good. The rest? All bad.

Superman: Gene Hackman good. The rest: all bad.

Ultimately, just because both are visual mediums does not mean they correlate at all. At. All. Whatever Hollywood moguls try to sell you.

I haven't seen Spidey yet, I admit.
 
 
Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo
02:50 / 13.06.02
They've already made a SHIELD movie...with David Hasslehoff as Nick Fury. I hear it's big in Germany.
 
 
Margin Walker
06:27 / 13.06.02
"Vas ist das scheiss? Hassellhoff?!? Amerikanish arshloch!"
 
 
bio k9
09:41 / 13.06.02
Tank Girl rocked.
 
 
gridley
12:58 / 13.06.02
David Hasslehoff with an eyepatch and a cigar was verrrrrrrry entertaining....
 
 
nedrichards is confused
14:09 / 13.06.02
Spidey is good. XMen was fun. Captain America? God help us, because Freddie Prinze Jr. certainly can't.
 
 
Grey Area
14:33 / 13.06.02
They're set to make a movie out of Moore's The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, apparently starring Sean Connery amongst others. While it seems that it should turn out to be a good movie, there's a ton of rumours floating about, the most worrying one being that Fox is including an American character so as not to alienate the US audience, because the original graphic novel's cast was considered too "British". Never mind that it's set at the height of the Victorian Age, or was written by a Brit. *sigh* In the words of the immortal Was Not Was: "Shake your head". I await this movie with high expectations.
 
 
Abigail Blue
16:06 / 13.06.02
I'm amazed that no one's mentioned Blade.

I'll admit to having enjoyed Blade II, though, possibly because it stayed in the realm of so-bad-it's-funny instead of crossing over into so-bad-my-eyes-bled, a fine line that the first movie was just not able to walk...
 
 
Abigail Blue
16:08 / 13.06.02
...And, much though I really wanted to like it, I thought Tank Girl was terrible.

As justification for this assertion, I have two words: Lori Petty.

*shudder*
 
 
Margin Walker
08:29 / 02.07.02
Here's some info on what looks-to-be a shit adaptation of "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" from AICN (for future reference, AlanMooreFansite.com also has some news):

LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMAN

Star of LA FEMME NIKATA, Aussie Peta Wilson has been signed to play the female lead in LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN for Fox. Wilson will play Mina Harker, a beautiful British scientist who used to work with her husband to rid the world of Count Dracula. Sean Connery will star as team leader Alan Quatermain, British novelist Henry Rider Haggard's adventurer created in the 1880s. Other cast members confirmed are Shane West, Stuart Townsend and Jason Flemyng. Steve Norrington (BLADE) will direct the $US80 million ($A142 million) production that's set to shoot this summer in the Czech Republic and Morocco.
 
 
Murray Hamhandler
01:42 / 03.07.02
Yeah, that's right. Get the guy who directed Blade to direct LOEG. Because, you know, it's another comic book movie. And they're all the frickin' same...

Jesus. It blows my mind how inept Hollywood can be when it comes to certain properties. I am so glad that the Hellblazer (sorry...Constantine) movie looks to be pretty well derailed. From everything I've heard, it sounded like nothing so much as a 90 minute long slap in the face to everyone who's a fan of the character. Nicholas Cage as an American "occult detective" version of Constantine. A sexy female partner. A "Blazermobile". It didn't make any sense whatsoever! John Constantine is a character that relatively few people are even familiar with in the first place, so it wasn't like they were riding on the popularity of the name. Why not make something so completely different from its source material into another film altogether rather than pissing off the few pre-existing fans so much that they probably won't even go to see the movie? Am I alone in thinking that their strategy would have completely blown up in their face?
 
 
videodrome
03:36 / 04.07.02
July 3, 2002... Comic book writer Steven Grant let the cat out of the bag today, letting fans know in his latest Comic Book Resources column that a new Swamp Thing movie is now in development at Warner Bros. What should get comic book fans really excited is that writer Len Wein, one of the original creators of the comic book character, has been hired to write the screenplay and that Joel Silver (The Matrix) is producing the new film.

There has already been two Swamp Thing movies made: Wes Craven directed the first Swamp Thing back in 1982, followed by a more comedic, tongue-in-cheek sequel titled Return of the Swamp Thing in 1989. Both had little to do with the source material, making the Swamp Thing more of a one-dimensional superhero and dispensing with the character's complicated origin and colorful origins. As well, much of the comic's emphasis on horror was lost in the translation to celluloid, opting instead for action, explosions and, to the horror of fans of the real Swamp Thing, a romance with Heather Locklear. Seen another way, those cheesy Swamp Thing movies have about as much similarity with the comic book series as the campy 1960s Batman television series has with Tim Burton's Batman movie. Get the picture?

While today's annoucement of the new Swamp Thing flick doesn't mention much else except the involvement of Wein and Silver, Coming Attractions has learned from a highly-placed source that Wein's script will be very faithful to the continuity established in the DC Comics series and return the Swamp Thing back to his roots in dark horror. Wein's script will include material from both his own early issues of the Swamp Thing (which established the book's gothic atmosphere) as well as the highly acclaimed story run that British writer Alan Moore wrote for the series (which re-defined and rejuvinated the character's popularity in the mid-80s.)
 
 
RiffRaff
05:31 / 04.07.02
Re: Constantine - that is the most amazingly stupid thing I've ever heard. What is wrong with those people? All they had to do was film Dangerous Habits. That's your introduction to the character, setup, plot, and resolution, right there. No fiddling needed.

Stupid, stupid bastards.
 
 
RiffRaff
05:36 / 04.07.02
Oh, and for the record, I agree that Tank Girl was a terrible movie, but I quite liked it anyway. Same as Hudson Hawk (which was sort of a comic book movie without the comic book).
 
 
A
06:42 / 04.07.02
Latest rumours have Constantine starring none other than....



Keanu Reeves.


Woah.


Dude.
 
 
The Natural Way
08:59 / 04.07.02
Don't say "frickin'".

Say FUCKING.
 
 
RiffRaff
02:24 / 05.07.02
The Keanu rumor is probably false. Whenever someone starts a "Who would be the worst person to cast in this role" rumor, it's almost always Keanu.

Anyway, doesn't DC/Vertigo have something to say about this? Surely the contract wasn't "Here's one of our best-known and profitable characters. Feel free to FUCK HIM IN THE ASS as much as you choose"?
 
 
videodrome
03:22 / 05.07.02
True in the past, Riff Raff, but Keanu has carried one of the most successful films of the past decade and is expected to do so twice again. That makes him attractive to people who didn't really understand how this stuff works. So I'm glad I don't care much about a Constantine film (I'll assume it's guilty of being shit until it proves otherwise) because I wouldn't be too suprised to find out someone had suggested this.

However, there's nothing about his casting rumour on Coming Attractions, so I don't put much faith in it - if it hasn't hit there, it's not even come very far as a rumour. Where'd you hear this, Count Adam?
 
 
Margin Walker
07:32 / 06.07.02
Bulletproof Monk. It's got Chow Yun-Fat, but it looks like he''s going to be the only good thing about this flick. For starters, it'll feature James King as (and I swear I'm not making this up) "A sexy Russian mob princess named 'Bad Girl'" Moreover, it'll co-star this putz from the American Pie movies:


Info from Comics2Film.com here
 
 
A
04:42 / 07.07.02
"Also a contender is Constantine, a movie that has comic fans in a tizzy. The studio changed the Brit character to an American in order to secure a marquee name actor like Nicolas Cage. The movie was slated for production earlier this year. However, when the director, Tarsem (The Cell) bailed the project fell apart. According to the report, Cage has also departed and the studio is now looking to put Keanu Reeves (The Matrix) into the Constantine overcoat."

Comics2Film (the column at CBR).

If that link doesn't work, try here.
 
 
Baz Auckland
16:05 / 07.07.02
"According to the report, Cage has also departed and the studio is now looking to put Keanu Reeves (The Matrix) into the Constantine overcoat."

...because Keanu Reeves can do a British accent (see Dracula) so well. Oh wait, I forgot Constantine was American.

This is disgusting. I remember the stories of the Sandman movie that was attempted years ago. Something along the lines of Gaiman quitting being involved because they "wanted a superhero Sandman that would fight the baddies". Why bother?

The move to film the annoying comics (Fantastic Four, Cap America, Daredevil) is bad, but it might be for the best that they leave the decent ones alone. The last thing we need is a lame movie based on the invisibles, or hellblazer for that matter.
 
 
videodrome
16:14 / 07.07.02
Thanks for the link, count adam. I always forget to read Comics2Film - I think it's because it usually depresses me. The other thing on that page I want to know more about is the Allred film - G Men From Hell, which I had read about a long time ago. It's probably crap, but could be a bit fun, if they kept it light...
 
 
Murray Hamhandler
18:52 / 07.07.02
Things like the Constantine debacle almost piss me off because if it gets made it's going to be crap (or at least far enough from the source material so as to negatively color the opinion of a mainstream audience that might have otherwise been interested in the original source material) and it's only going to ghetto-ize comics that much more. Holy frickin' crud...
 
 
El Gato Was Right: the t-shirt
01:36 / 08.07.02
No ones mentioned Daredevil. Saw a trailer tonight before Minority Report. The thing looks destined to sink. It's got a little bit of the dark Blade-ish look. The trailer is pretty kinetic, fight scenes, etc. Daredevil's costume is a kind of leather/vinyl looking thing. If I remember correctly Electra was in black, not red.
 
 
videodrome
22:21 / 08.07.02
Daredevil hasn't come up much because it has its own derisive, unimpressed thread.
 
 
ill tonic
00:20 / 12.07.02
I read the other day that Nicholas Cage is contemplating Ghost Rider for the flick to follow whatever he's working on now ....
 
 
Chubby P
09:38 / 15.07.02
For more info on the S.H.I.E.L.D movie mentioned earlier in the thread go here.

And how come no-ones mentioned the never released Fantastic Four movie? A film so bad it never even got a straight to video release. Go here for much laughter at the awfulness of this film! Even so I'd love to see a copy just to form my own opinion.
 
 
moriarty
03:40 / 16.07.02
I heard MIB 2 sucks, but I haven't seen the first one, so who knows? I just can't condone a comedic film about the Men in Black. What a waste.

It's amazing how many high profile comic adaptions there are this year. Blade 2, Spidey, MIB 2, Road to Perdition.
 
 
Margin Walker
07:48 / 22.07.02
Uh, rumor from AICN that Buffy's Xander is going to play Green Lantern. Somebody's messin' with the weirdness quotient again....
 
  

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