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These Marvel Movies Are Gettin' Me Down...

 
  

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Utopia
20:50 / 20.04.02
First: Blade, which sucked.
Second: X-men, which also sucked.
Next up: Blade 2. Haven't seen it. Can assume suckiness.
Then: Spider-Man. Who can say?
And: X-men 2. See entries for "x-men" and "spider-man"
And Furthermore: The Hulk. See "spider-man"
And Don't Forget: Iron Man. by Joss Whedon (Buffy creator). See "hulk"

i don't know about anyone else, but i am not looking foward to the next 2-3 years of this shit being rubbed in my face. you can say they're good popcorn movies, or that the kids like 'em, but c'mon. they suck. so i've said it. is there anybody else here who would sell a testicle or an ovary (preferably yours) to see a good, intelligent action movie rather than this multipally regurgitated shit?
 
 
Trijhaos
20:55 / 20.04.02
I'd love to see a good action movie, but it ain't gonna happen. Why? Action movies aren't made to appeal to people who like to think. They're made to appeal to the masses. Unfortunately, the masses are all unshaven, stinking, obese puddles of flesh who don't have a single intelligent thought in their empty skulls. When they go to the movies, they want the "purty explody thingies" and "hot chicks with big boobies". They don't want anything to do with thinking. "Me Bob. Bob no think. Think hurt head. If Bob think, head explode".
 
 
Utopia
21:18 / 20.04.02
see, and that's what pisses me off. i think that comics have found a way past this (in a few, select cases) by being, to paraphrase Warren Ellis, "off the map." it's a shame that films cost so much, financially and creatively, to make. but by accepting these low low movie standards (like 5 dozen marvel superhero movies in 2 years), we as a consumer audience participate in the industry's conception of low-IQ "purty 'splosion" lovin sheep.
 
 
videodrome
21:20 / 20.04.02
Um, consider the source material?

Blade: shite second rate action hero.

Iron Man: angst-ridden juvenile power fantasy. Cool armour though.

Hulk: angst-ridden juvenile revenge/power fantasy. Cool skin colour, though, depending on who's on the book.

X-Men: just plain turgid nine times out of ten despite occasionally promising characters.

Oh, and by the way, comics don't really translate well to film.
 
 
Trijhaos
21:23 / 20.04.02
I know someone is gonna come in here and give me flak about my oversimplified generalizations...I just know it.

I guess if you want an intelligent action movie, you're going to have to watch indie movies.

I guess you could boycott the superhero movies, but that would have little to no effect. Most of these "superhero" movies are just action movies with "superhero powers" put in place of guns, explosions, and knives.
 
 
Cherry Bomb
21:32 / 20.04.02
I don't care what anyone says, I am supremely excited to see Spidey!!!! And I think my man Tobey MacG is gonna be great as Peter Parker.

That is all.
 
 
Utopia
21:34 / 20.04.02
so true so true. why do i even question the obvious? it's just a shame to feel like a helpless viewer (which i, as well as all of you, are not). these craptastic comic adaptations are sadly just one example of the sludge the world chooses to be forced to eat. so here i wax philposophical about the obvious. tis saddening. so enough of my desperate wank, let's get really crude and liven up this depressing thread!
 
 
Utopia
21:38 / 20.04.02
CB: the really sad part is that my inner 10 year old (my age when this fucking movie was supposed to come out) is really excited to finally see it. i know, i know, the kids do like them, as well they should, but how come Hollywood hasn't grown up with the rest of us? (and no "go see panic room/murder by nimrods" counter arguments, most of these movies are at least as childish as spider-man, if not more so.)
 
 
Trijhaos
21:39 / 20.04.02
I really want Spidey to be a good movie...I really do. I think Toby's gonna make a great Peter Parker/Spiderman.
 
 
Trijhaos
21:41 / 20.04.02
You know, now that I think about it the X-men movie should have been called Wolverine and the X-men. It wasn't really a movie about the X-men, it was all Wolverine. The X-men were nothing more than supporting characters.
 
 
The Strobe
21:57 / 20.04.02
Yes, but that's because Wolverine translated pretty much best to the screen - for a NON comics reading audience to understand.

TBH, I really, really liked X-Men. It wasn't too dumb, relatively good on most points (bar Halle Berry), and I kinda have a thing for Anna Paquin's Rogue anyhow. It's not worth the hatred you give it; nor, from what I can tell, is Spiderman.

By contrast, Ben Affleck's Daredevil could be an entirely different kettle of fish...
 
 
Sax
22:05 / 20.04.02
I read an interview with Wesley Snipes the other day saying he's optioned Black Panther, and might do that before Blade 3.
 
 
Utopia
22:06 / 20.04.02
oh christ, i nearly forgot that one...

i'd direct my anger elsewhere, but these movies are way too plentiful and need to be taken down (if this were 10 years ago, i'd be bashing the whole slew of jean-claude who-gives-a-damn and steven sea-gull movies that came out then). i would be perfectly fine with their existence, but something intelligent needs to be playing in the next theatre over. just to get my position straight: i love 'splosions too. i just need reason to go along with them.
 
 
Trijhaos
22:09 / 20.04.02
I hate to say it, but you're expecting way too much from action films. Did you find the Matrix to be an intelligent action film?
 
 
Utopia
22:11 / 20.04.02
no, i didn't. maybe it is me.
 
 
Trijhaos
22:13 / 20.04.02
What exactly are you looking for in an intelligent action film?
 
 
Utopia
22:13 / 20.04.02
see, i thought that the matrix could have been a good movie...if not for the overabundance of 'splosions. damn. i think trijhaos is right.

"No Seymour, it's the children who are to blame."
 
 
Utopia
22:18 / 20.04.02
sorry, i'm dodging your posts. i guess i don't really know what i'm looking for. it doesn't exist. i'm just pointlessly searching for a middle ground between mind-rotting crap and mentally nutritional substance. i think Apocalypse Now might fall into this category, but i don't want to start an argumant based on this example. i guess my search for an intelligent action film is like looking for the happy medium of candy and vegetables. you can try, but all you'd end up with is sugar coated broccoli.

so how's that for weasling out of a discussion?
 
 
moriarty
22:23 / 20.04.02
"I know someone is gonna come in here and give me flak about my oversimplified generalizations...I just know it."

Guess that would be me.

I was talking to a good friend of mine a few weeks back. I told him I was going to go see Blade 2, and he told me, no joke, that Blade 2 was only a 9.5, because it was only slightly inferior to Blade 1, which was a 10. He's an incredibly intelligent person with a successful business and a love for the fine arts. He also likes trashy kung-fu vampire movies. Guess that makes him an unshaven, stinking, obese puddles of flesh who don't have a single intelligent thought in his empty skull. Considering that I also enjoy the occasional trashy kung-fu movie, I suppose you can lump me in there too.

As a matter of fact...

Blade: Average, with incredible set pieces.
X-Men: Average, without incredible set pieces, and a lingering misconception that anyone outside of the comics community and the people they dragged into the theatre actually saw it.
Blade 2: Less than Blade 1, but makes up for it by co-starring Ron Perlman
Spider-Man: Will kick your ass.
X-men 2: No comment.
The Hulk: Ang Lee meets Universal monsters homage. What's not to like?
Iron Man: ?!?
And you forgot Daredevil.

I agree that they're being made far too rapidly. It's a trend that seems destined to crash and burn. I can even understand some of the reservations concerning superhero adaptions and how certain heroes, if not all of them, appear onscreen.

What I don't understand is the arguments being made against action movies. What genre doesn't have a whole load of garbage to wade through, including straight up dramas or art house movies? And why should action movies be required to have "intelligence" anyway? Is a movie that plays on emotions over intelligence(ie. many of the great horror movies) any less a movie? If you're arguing against escapist entertainment altogether, well then, I can almost respect that view. But if you cull all pieces of artistic and/or entertaining work that does not fundamentally affect a person's worldview (ie. popcorn movies), then you're left with an awfully small amount of work left, and a highly subjective one at that. One person's Citizen Kane is another's Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

What is it that you lot don't like about these movies? They lack intelligence, you say, but you don't say how. You don't even mention movies within the genre that could be used as a measure against which these "popcorn flicks" should be judged. "They suck" is exactly the type of criticsm one would expect from your typical sheep-like moviegoer. Please don't sink to my level.

Film theory isn't my forte, and I'm sure I'm just coming off as another one of the huddled masses. Sorry. But, I can't help but think of Enter the Dragon a low budget, badly written, cliche filled action movie with next to no intelligence that will make you believe that yes, a man can fly, with moves that haven't been seen on the screen since Fred and Ginger.
 
 
Trijhaos
22:35 / 20.04.02
I know I'm an unshaven, stinking, obese puddle of flesh who doesn't have a single intelligent thought in my empty skull.

I mean I love the American Ninja movies. How unintelligent can you get? One "american" ninja can go into a highly guarded compound, take out scores of ninjas, rescue the girl, and hardly break a sweat? Oh yeah, that's real intelligent.
 
 
Utopia
22:52 / 20.04.02
and i think Enter the Dragon is magnificent. this isn't against every "popcorn movie" ever made, or against comic-book movies specifically, but as i said before, they're the most prevalent. i don't expect Blade 2 to be good in any way, let alone be challenging or important to the medium. but. where the fuck are the movies that are supposed to be that? gimme some of those and i'll stop bitching about bad action movies. i said i liked EtD, but that doesn't mean that that's all that should exist. And, i'm not attempting to insult the intelligence of anyone who does like this, well, crap, but that's part of the game.
 
 
Hieronymus
22:55 / 20.04.02
Yeah but Utopia, keep in mind how far those 'sucky' comics movies have come. There've been some sincere bombs, sure, but as someone else mentioned, comics don't translate to film unless spandex superhero drama and shallow plotlines are your thing. But Hollywood's trying. For every Tim Burton Batman (granted not an Oscar-winner but decent in translating the medium to film), Hollywood in all its mimicking wisdom trotted out far worse tripe than Singer's X-Men or Norrington's Blade (and comparitively, those were decent flicks). The Captain America movie done recently and before that Dolph Lundgren as the Punisher. The Roger Corman Fanastic Four. I mean, the list of crap superhero flicks is endless.

So, yeah there's gonna be some lousy takes on comics characters. But I'm glad Hollywood is rushing to get their hands on this stuff. I'd rather they cranked out 20 bad comic films for just one really damn good one. And bless their little coal-black hearts, they're trying.
 
 
Trijhaos
22:55 / 20.04.02
The only way you're going to be able to get the movie you want is if you make it yourself.
 
 
videodrome
22:56 / 20.04.02
I'm pretty much with Moriarty on this one. I like both Blade movies a lot, because they are exactly what they aim to be - amusing, vampire ass-kicking films. In my roundabout, distracted way, that's what I was getting at when I poked sticks at the source material - these films aren't exactly taking their inspiration from [insert highbrow literary source here] you know. The Blade films are true to their source, and X-Men was better than it had any right to be, especially given that they had to go through the whole "intro" deal.

And these films cost so much to make that they've got to be marketed for the masses. But that doesn't mean there can't be good action movies - "intelligent" in this context for me means that the film is true to itself and doesn't treat the audience like utter idiots. And yes, I definitely have a different set of criteria for evaluating other films, but it's easy to evaluate a film's intentions before the credits even roll and after that figure out how I'll approach it.

But what do you want, exactly, out of these films Utopia?
 
 
Utopia
22:57 / 20.04.02
yeah, i know. roger cormen made an FF movie? see, that i might actully like (kidding, of course).
 
 
Utopia
23:08 / 20.04.02
ok, it's hard to say exactly, videodrome, and i admit that there's a major flaw in my argument here because i'm not stating exactly what these movies should be. well i don't know if i can. how about an unpredictable plot, for one? and not the "wow, i didn't know what to expect because i had yet to read Lord of the Rings" unpredictability. but even the semi-concious viewer can see the endings to most current movies from a mile off (looks like i'm getting off the strictly marvel thing here). how about not feeling like i'm being advertised to in a new way? oops, looks like Matrix is off my "Best of.." list. how about some challenging scriptwriting/directing? bye-bye pretty much anything else (including a lot of stuff i like). how about something that deals with the world around us? The Wild Bunch, in a way, did this. but excitement and reality/sociology don't go hand-in-hand, i suppose. that's a start.
 
 
bio k9
02:07 / 21.04.02
No one ever mentions TankGirl. Possibly the best comic movie ever. Unbreakable was a comic flick even if the character didn't come out of comics.

My little brain cant get a handle on this thread. Most superhero comics (like most sci-fi) are adolesent power fantisies, its all about using your power to blow up/ trick/ beat the bad guy and save the day/ get the girl/ whatever. Comic heros are another version of the RockStarGod or PlatinumGangsta. Big boom and spectacle are what its all about. Theres only one Watchmen and it ain't gonna make it to the big screen.

Me? I cant wait for Hulk (someone told me the Hulk would be computer generated instead of painting some guy green, true?) or Aronofsky's Batman (is that still supposed to happen?).

P.S.
Complaining that the XMen movie was all about Wolverine is ridiculous considering the entire Marvel Universe was about Wolverine at one point
 
 
videodrome
03:41 / 21.04.02
I see what you're saying, Utopia, and I'd love the same thing, but I've got a fatalistic/realistic viewpoint that keeps me from getting very caught up in it. I really think the problems lie with the fact that most films of this type (comic-based) are just commercials in the eyes of the studios. Anytime a film is referred to as a 'franchise' I just stop caring because it's going to be a lowest common denominator project.

That being said, I'd love to see a comic-based flick that doesn't blow, that has some suprise in store and that transcends the adolescent power fantasy thing. There's some potential with the X-Men, which can be very much about trying to get away from having power and back to being a person, very much the opposite of most fantasies. And I'm holding out a sliver of help for the Aranofsky Batman flick, assuming that it gets made. But the franchise thing cold-cocks any possibility of intelligent script - if kids can't mindlessly watch it, how will the toys sell?
 
 
Saint Keggers
03:51 / 21.04.02
Marvel comic movies will never be great thinkers films simply because unlike D.C where the scripts contain more character driven content Marvel is basically WWf'ing. Big powers big baddies..no personality behind them...the exception may be Spiderman hopefully.
 
 
Utopia
05:02 / 21.04.02
so let's all think good thoughts about the miller/arnofsky batman, eh?
 
 
The Strobe
08:51 / 21.04.02
I think what you've also got to remember is what videodrome pointed out about the "intro" thing.

We don't just want comics readers to go see these films. We want everyone to. So SOMEHOW you've got to get the backstory in. Both X-Men and Spiderman do that. You establish the canon again for those who haven't seen it. For instance, the easiest way to introduce us to the X-Men, Xavier's school, etc, is to bring an outsider (or two) into it. The outsider is the viewer; classic technique, but it works. It also means that all the people who've been reading Spiderman since they were tiny go "I know this! Oh, they got that wrong, it wasn't like THAT", etc. Which is a pain, but you've got to do it.

Some characters are more established in collective consciousness; Batman, for instance. The people who saw the Burton flicks may not have read Miller, or post-Miller Batman, but they may have encountered earlier stuff when they were younger, or seen the (superb but off-kilt) Adam West TV series. Burton can go off on his tangent, everyone who's read the stuff can say "yes! This is what it should be!" and then lend their mates loads of comics. The Arronofsky project is Year One: going back to the beginning, how Bruce becomes Batman. Which might need to be re-established on screen, if only to erase the Schumacher movie from memory.

I think part of X-Men's success was it had at least SOME characters that could be defined as Characters; OK, Halle Berry didn't have that much charactersiation (unlike the original draft script), but hey. It's worth noting that in the original draft, there are brief flashbacks to the moment when each of them first discovered their mutant abilities. Too much establishing, so it was cut. I think, if they don't cock it up, X-Men 2 could be MORE interesting. Remember, the first was given a relatively low budget because it was a summer comic-conversion; Fox might throw more money at it this time. And now we've got the characters established, we can start trying to answer the interesting questions it raised. I'm going to see it, anyhow.

I think Utopia's desires of an action movie are kind-of like my own. If I want a dumb shooty movie, I'll watch a really good one; I saw Matrix the week after I saw Woo's The Killer and no-one understood why I thought the Matrix was disappointing. I mean, the Matrix had lots of interesting possibilties lost in, well, splosions and dumb bits. The action sequences could have fitted in more neatly, and it could have been more intelligent, and then I'd have liked it.

Simple hope for the Miller/Arronofsky: it's got to be an R. They're going to try to force it into PG-13, so the kids can buy the toys, and it WON'T WORK. It doesn't need to be excessive or gratuitous; it does need to have a degree of power. Hmn.
 
 
videodrome
13:43 / 21.04.02
Fincher has said that if he'd done Spider-Man (once a possibility) that he'd have limited the origin thing to a five minute dialogue-free thing at the beginning. I'd like to see him (or anyone) try it - in that case I think it would have worked.

As Paleface said, bringing an outsider into things is the best way to deal with the X-Men's story, which is exactly why the Wolverine setup was perfect in the film - he got to be the audience, and his own joking about how stupid a lot of it is pre-empts the same thing from them. It's a good trick, and from what I've heard from people who had never heard of the comic, it pretty much worked.
 
 
Ganesh
13:50 / 21.04.02
Matter of opinion, really. I don't think either 'Blade' or 'X-Men' sucked.
 
 
Utopia
13:53 / 21.04.02
note to self: don't start off threads with "suck" lists. it is too large a hurdle to put in front of one's self, and ultimately self-defeating. end transmission.
 
 
The Strobe
14:21 / 21.04.02
To further what videodrome said, I think it's unfortunate that they didn't give Rogue enough of the plot. Because she's the flipside to Wolverine - we have TWO audience-characters here. Wolverine has established himself in the world already, coping with his mutation and the exploitation of it to make money. OK, it's good of the self, but he's still come to terms with it (in part). Rogue's in the more awkward position, only just developing and realising her talent and the shedload of problems it brings. So whilst Wolverine's inducted into the combat team, Rogue's inducted into the school - and this should neatly set up lots of interesting discussion like the books did. Except Rogue ended up being used as a pawn in Wolverine's plot and it wasn't as good as it should've been.

But I really like the idea of two audience-characters: one that closely represents the audience's understanding of the world (Rogue), one that closely represents what the audience THINKS they understand of the world (Wolverine).
 
  

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