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The Real World : Barbelith

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Matthew Fluxington

23:57 / 17.04.02

Okay, here's the thing... come up with your own selection for a MTV Real World cast comprised of Barbelith members to have their lives taped while living in a big fuck-off loft. Also, choose a location for this loft...

Oh yeah, the cast must be either three male/four female or four female/three male.

My choices:

Haus - an obvious choice, perfect for engineering disputes among other cast members. funny, charismatic, erudite, a bit like Skeletor.

Bitchiekittie - another obvious choice for engineering trouble, will clash with Haus, or anyone else who she thinks is giving her disrespect. Flirtatious nature might also cause some sparks to fly...

Ierne - level headed and reasonable, but unafraid of conflict. brings a certain "Stevie Nicks" kind of rock star vibe to the loft.

Ganesh - witty, smart, generally amiable. Ganesh is a stabilizing, peacemaking figure in the loft dynamic. ZoCher stops by often for romps in the jacuzzi.

Flyboy - all footage of Flyboy will be edited in a way to make him seem like an over-the-top drunken hedonist.

Cherry Bomb - spunky and fun-loving, Cherry Bomb's footage will be put together similarly to that of Flyboy.

Captain Zoom - child-like horny exhibitionist. Is he a uniter or a divider?

My Real World Barbelith will be filmed in a loft on the Authority's huge fuck off spaceship, The Carrier.

00:01 / 18.04.02

good thinking not including the old 'tope, because i decided a long time ago that if i ever was on the real world i would be "guy who pees on things and addresses cameramen"

tope: "hi, cameraman bob!"

cast: "oh my gawd, what are you doing?!"

tope: "y'know, peein' on stuff."

...and so forth.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

00:06 / 18.04.02

*Raises head from swimming-pool full of mint liquorice allsorts*

Wha'? Oh. One o' them things. Heave-ho, Anglepoise! Down periscope!

02:22 / 19.04.02

If it's filmed on the Carrier, I want to be on it, dammit.

(See comicnerdy instant messenger screenname for obvious explanation.)

05:56 / 19.04.02

Who's gonna hold down the Puck slot? Y'know, the whole "Puck always talks about Puck in the 3rd person because this Puck is a very important Puck" thing.

06:14 / 19.04.02

And somebody might do this dialogue
Girl:"I like pool"
Boy:"Do you really like playing pool?"
Girl:"I like to jump naked into the pool"
Boy:"Gosh!That's cold"
Man:"No, don't jump into the pool, jump onto my cock, yeeeeeehaaaaaaaa!"

06:28 / 19.04.02

Please, someone get this poor boy laid...

SOMEBODY...RIDE THE SNAKE

09:01 / 19.04.02

I'll pass.

So has anyone suggested a location for this ugliness?

I recommend the icy wastes of the Plateau of Leng.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

09:03 / 19.04.02

I would have thought Kadath in the cold wastes, but what man knoweth how the fuck you get there?

09:11 / 19.04.02

Pardon me boy/is this the road to Great Cthulhu?/in the city of slime/where it is night all the time

We're The Great Old Ones Now

10:36 / 19.04.02

Also on this album:

Is You Is Or Is You Ain't Yog Sothoth?
Sittin' on the Dock at R'lyeh
99 Unausprechlichen Kulten
Should Me Stay or Should Mi Go?

10:41 / 19.04.02

And the award-winning cover of Arrested Development's "Mr Wendigo".

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

10:43 / 19.04.02

Protect Ya Neckronomicon.

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

11:50 / 19.04.02

i love it here

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

12:44 / 19.04.02

although i prefer THIS real world

The Return Of Rothkoid

12:59 / 19.04.02

Location-scouting commence!

Woo! Near to a gap in time where terrible, nameless things can gnaw our flesh. Mmmm.

Matthew Fluxington

13:04 / 19.04.02

Does anyone have any other ideas for a cast other than the one I picked?

13:09 / 19.04.02

Ierne - level headed and reasonable, but unafraid of conflict. brings a certain "Stevie Nicks" kind of rock star vibe to the loft.

It's the denim flares, isn't it Flux?

Admittedly I'm more of a dark-eyed raven than a white-winged dove...but I don't mind giving Stevie props

13:21 / 19.04.02

Persephone. The resident voice of reason.

The Artful Knodger. The anti-Persephone. If Knodge comes in contact with Persephone, they will cancel each other out and explode, thus annihilating the entire known universe, or at least a sizable chunk of this galaxy.

Mordant Carnival. For being stylishly cranky.

Cameron Stewart. For being unstylishly cranky, but a great artist.

Tom Coates. A haggard man driven to the edge of his wits by his work; a man this close from snapping and going over the edge. Don't make any loud noises...

shortfatdyke. For not caving in to peer pressure and for refusing to capitalize her name. Fuck you, you goddamn lemmings!

Glandmaster. Chosen at random from the members who hardly ever post. Woman or man; charmer or troll; still paying attention or not; nobody knows!

13:24 / 19.04.02

What is The Real World, anyway? I understand that it is some kind of reality television show, but what criteria are we using here? What is the point of the show? Is it just Big Brother under another name? Please help.

Matthew Fluxington

13:38 / 19.04.02

See for yourself.

The Real World is a show on MTV, it's run for ten years now and pre-dates the "reality programming" boom by a few years, including Big Brother. The Real World is not a game, it's more of a soap opera which is engineered and crafted from placing 7 strategically chosen individuals in a big fancy house and praying that conflicts ensue.

The show gets less "real" with every passing season, at first people were chosen as more of a social experiment, but now it's just obnoxious pretty people with nothing in their heads. About halfway through the series, I believe season five or six, they started having the people in the house do a mandatory group activity. To me, that was the kiss of death - it was more interesting to have some people actually have jobs and work, or just hang around and do nothing all day.

Each season takes place in a different city - so far it's been
1 - New York
2 - Los Angeles
3 - San Francisco
4 - London
5 - Miami
6 - Boston
7 - Seattle
8 - Hawaii
9 - New Orleans
10 - New York
11 - Chicago

13:52 / 19.04.02

Originally posted by Flux:

Captain Zoom - child-like horny exhibitionist. Is he a uniter or a divider?

Dear god. I really must start acting my age.

Zoom.

14:24 / 19.04.02

Plumsbitch – Because we need theory bitching in the MTV confessional - plus she'd be fun to follow around. Good TV copy.

Lyra Lovelaces – The "yoof" element. We’ll have lots of shots of of Lyra at various DJ gigs, the irony being the mtv soundtrack will play over those shots, rather than the songs Lyra was actually playing.

Rage – For the "sullen teen" element. Can have shots of Rage pouting, or other house members complaining about Rage being "just too young." Also interesting possibility for drunken tryst with Copkiller.

Kali – Southern accent will go over well on T.V. Talk about life in "Little Five Points" will give her the air of an innocent.

True Art– A catalyzing element. Will inevitably get into fights with others and be called "elitist, " which will make for good television.

CopKiller – The "Puck" factor. Will clash with others after he’s caught using his fingers to eat peanut butter, straight out of the jar

Jack the Bodiless & Mordant Carnival – Not really a package deal, of course, but their gear and trips to fetish clubs will give MTV a chance to look "edgy."

autopilot disengaged

17:01 / 19.04.02

dammit - i have to be in this! i wanna be the person who signed up 'cause he thought it'd be *fun* - but the cameras are running and my paranoia's building... and i end up being virtually mute and communicating only via obscene graffiti spidered all over the set. yeah yeah yeah!

18:53 / 19.04.02

Does anyone have any other ideas for a cast other than the one I picked? – Flux

I'm still trying to get my head around the concept of sharing a flat with your original choices...The amount of Jack Daniels we'd be going through each evening...plus a jacuzzi...Yowsah!

Matthew Fluxington

18:59 / 19.04.02

Hey, you know how TV can be - if you talk about how much you love Jack Daniels onscreen, the fine people at JD might give you a lifetime supply or something!

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

19:06 / 19.04.02

man, if i were on the show i would write FUCK accross my face so no one would know what i look like

19:06 / 19.04.02

if you talk about how much you love Jack Daniels onscreen, the fine people at JD might give you a lifetime supply or something! – Flux

It's sounding better & better...

19:21 / 19.04.02

Oh my God Ierne, you're right. Plus, well I don't know about the rest of the cast, but the amount of "drinking" and "wasted" footage that would inevitably exist of Flyboy Ierne & myself would be frightening.

Matthew Fluxington

19:34 / 19.04.02

Not to mention whatever the outcome of all that drinking together might be....

(wicked grin)

20:02 / 19.04.02

Not to mention whatever the outcome of all that drinking together might be...– Flux

Ah, but you can't show that on TV...

...the homages to Venus Cloacina, that is

20:18 / 19.04.02

Ah, but you can't show that on TV...

...but you CAN show it on "Cinemax."

Matthew Fluxington

20:23 / 19.04.02

Have either of you seen MTV lately?

21:39 / 19.04.02

Johnson Chong needs to be included for one random statement per episode. He lives in the broom cupboard and dresses like a South Eastern Andy Crane, spitting out inane bile at the most inopportune moments. Anaemically nauseating, yet bizarrely compelling in a [I] would I miss him if he wasn't there? [/I] type styly.

Anthony WIlson should also feature being slowly roasted on a retro- fit crucifix rotisserie in the garden for the ambient 'time shift'shots.

16:20 / 20.04.02

You're making me sound all Amaya-like. Ewww.

I'd probably keep threatening to leave the house. I'd take little "I'm never coming back here" vacations and then come on back acting all transformed, as if my vacation has stopped me from being the little sullen teen that I am.

I don't know about a drunken tryst with anyone Puck-like though. Maybe an extremely odd acid trip?

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