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I've just been called a 'wog bitch'...

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Goodness Gracious Meme

11:26 / 17.04.02

... whilst out shopping. Was too flabbergasted to reply, so just made sure I didn't drop behind the guy in question, or seem like i was avoiding him.

Really *hate* the fact I always have a couple of seconds of utter fear before the anger kicks in. Am now fucking furious and impotent...Nearly chased the guy down the street to give him piece of my mind but decided not to bother. Maybe I should've done. I don't know.

Leaves me with a whole set of resentments, resentment at my fear, at being small and female and generally hesitant about physical confrontation, aware that I've just perpetuated the stereotype that Asians are easy targets, 'soft, knowing that the next person he behaves like that to could be very frightened, resentment that most people I know do'nt have to deal with this shit.

Fucked off and frustrated and venting so it doesn't spoil my whole day.

What would people do in this situation?

11:32 / 17.04.02

first tell me what a wog is and Ill let you know

11:33 / 17.04.02

oh my god thats horrible. horrible horrible.
it's weird you posted this because i'm often thinking up comebacks in case i get them. i'm sure that might sound strange but it's what i do. i hate being shouted at in the street, and i usually react like you, scared and embarrassed at first and then incredibly pissy. like shouting at the top of my lungs pissy.
if anyone gives me hassle, i shout, 'ON GUARD!' at them, which is my anthem right now. they usually don't know what to reply because i'm not being rude back and risking physical violence; but i'm not just taking it.
i don't know what to say except i understand and i hope that person has a rubbish day and yrs rules.

The Natural Way

11:36 / 17.04.02

Oh God, I'm sorry, Cazza. What a buttwat. Why are some people so fucking horrible? D'you hear about Simon getting punched in the face, t'other night? Or Ben being followed/taunted by a gang of estate-on-the-march dicks who accused him of being a paedophile because he waved at a couple of kids. Rachel's sick of being gossiped about by the locals: she and Vicky are generally referred to as "those fucking dykes".

There must be something in the air at the moment.

11:40 / 17.04.02

wait, forgot to say: people who verbally/physically attack people for no good reason (and Im assuming that your shock is because he *did* have no good reason) seem to see everyone as a target, so I dont think you perpetuated anything - its just a case of assholery gone rampant

and part of my easy ire is because Im a relatively small female, too. I do everything possible to assure that people know upfront that Im not going to be a target - I walk with my head up, shoulders back, my purse ruled with an iron grip. I make eye contact with everyone, and am ultra-quick to protect my space.

however, your best bet was to let him get away with it. I usually hurl insults right back (usually hastily strung together obscenities, which are quite stupid but fun to be witness to), and count myself very lucky to have never had my face stomped on. to this methods credit, every person Ive done this to has backed away, even if they were threatening violence. again, Im very lucky

11:41 / 17.04.02

plums - hugs to you. it's horrible and scary when someone comes out with this kind of shit.

i always think of wonderful come backs long after an event like this. the only time i was really thinking on my feet was when a nasty thug (who had apparently just been racially abusing an asian bloke on the bus) ran past me and my then g/f and called her a 'fucking disgusting poof'. in the altercation that followed, where was taking his belt off to hit her, i stepped in with 'actually she's a fucking disgusting dyke'. to which he apologised and walked off. see? he was a gentleman after all.

but what to do? being caught off guard and at a disadvantage is never good. someone intruding into your space to be abusive is never good. if he comes out with something like that, to respond at all might convince him that thumping you is a good step to take. so, for me, these people do not exist - trolls in real life often need the same treatment as trolls in cyberspace.

11:42 / 17.04.02

Fuck, Plums. I don't know what you could have done. You don't want to end up getting hurt, but ... shit.

I'd imagine he said it because he knew he could get away with it - just because you're small and unlikely to turn round and break his teeth. And because he's a prick, obviously.

I really don't know what you could or should have done. Tell him loudly to fuck off? But that could be dangerous.

Look after yourself now, okay?

Goodness Gracious Meme

11:42 / 17.04.02

Fuckling hell, time to move counties methinks....heard about the Ben thing, bloody awful...

thanks, suds. am really interested in how other people respond to this kind of thing, want to get myself some strategies for dealing wiht it in the future as I'm fucked if i'm going ot be scared of this kind of thing.

Bitchkittie. 'Wog' , humourously enough, is a foul insult word usually used about black people, along the lines of 'coon'. Pretty vile.

11:44 / 17.04.02

http://www.streetharassmentproject.org/
is a good place for ideas.

ONLY NICE THINGS

11:47 / 17.04.02

"I hope he has a rotten day" is not in the running. If some fucker has not worked out that, in 2002, this is just *not something you say*, then karmic balance is the least of out problems.

Feeling quite violent, in fact. Because it's probably too late to try to explain to this shitwad why what he has done is wrong, and as such the best way to improve everyone's quality of life is just to hit the spunkwaterer until he becomes dimly aware of some event-response process and stops doing it. Which I know is not the right way to think, but hey.

However, at the time I would probably have been, like you, so flabbergasted that I would have frozen. And then followed the guy for a while, seeing if there was something reasonably hassle-free I could do to fuck up his day.

Great big huggles.

11:48 / 17.04.02

christ. dont people have better things to do than come up with new insult words?

Matthew Fluxington

11:51 / 17.04.02

It's not a new epithet. It's just UK-specific.

Haus about we all give each other a big lovely huggle?

11:52 / 17.04.02

It's not new, bitchiekittie - in fact, it's old - a hangover of empire. There's an apocryphal etymology linking it to "Western Oriental Gentleman", but I'm not sure I'd believe it. It's on about the same level, and used on about the same people, as "paki", which I understand is also not really on the radar in the US.

11:52 / 17.04.02

i'm reminded of the gay men that were being given homophobic abuse outside a pride event by a bloke. a dyke had a go at him and he backed off, saying 'it's okay, it's okay'.

*'no it's not'* she replied and punched his lights out.

if i was tougher and braver, that would be my response when given hassle in the street. but unless i could be sure the fucker's not going to get up again, i wouldn't do it.

Goodness Gracious Meme

11:57 / 17.04.02

Yeah, Haus, the 'fuck up his day' thing only occurred to me after I'd sat down here... real case of espirit d'escalier..., think right now I'd quite happily punch him or perhaps more safely find out where he lived and chuck a brick through the window/set fire to something and chuck it through the letterbox.

And I'm aware that these aren't measured reactions or good actions, but that's how i *feel* right now.

suds, cheers for the link, will chekc it out

12:00 / 17.04.02

i don't like the whole 'fuck up his day' tactic. anger and resentment build up inside a person and make them feel a million times worse. it's not a healthy state of mind to be in for a long time. it's obvious that the bastard who said all this stuff to plums is totally eaten out with anger, and yeah, i do think they'll have a rubbish day because that's what they deserve. i hope this makes sense, i only got 4 hrs sleep and i am mid way thru a thesis.

12:03 / 17.04.02

Plums, sometimes a good cunting with baseball bats, or preferably iron bars, is the only answer. Sympathies to you for having to put up with shite like this from such a waste of genes.

12:05 / 17.04.02

May his dick shrivel and wither, Plums.

As Kittie says, I guess that ignoring it/him was the safest thing to do; though I can imagine how shaken you must have felt.

What could one say? I have heard one or two people use the riposte "Pardon? Do you mean 'westernized oriental gentle(wo)man'?" for 'wog'. Personally, I don't feel comfortable with it.

All good wishes.

ONLY NICE THINGS

12:09 / 17.04.02

I think I'm with Sax rather than suds. Whether or not this fucksatchel was "eaten out with anger", adults should have learned how to behave by the time they become adults. This is why I don't approve of smacking children but think smacking grown-ups can have its uses.

12:13 / 17.04.02

Somehow I don't really think anyone who bandies about a phrase like "wog bitch" to complete strangers down the shops will spend the rest of the day writhing in self-loathing and regret. The episode will have been recounted with gusto and much resultant back-slapping over cans of Kestrel Super-Strength by now, unfortunately.

12:14 / 17.04.02

i don't think they'll regret it but i think they'll be worse of at the end of the day. i'm not all into that eye for an eye thing. in my book it's just not cool.

12:15 / 17.04.02

yes, but you arent a petite female, haus. someone that angry with the world is very likely not going to think too much about smacking someone around for daring to stand up to them.

Goodness Gracious Meme

12:18 / 17.04.02

Runce: off-topic, but if rachel and vicky are dykes why was I not informed?

12:19 / 17.04.02

yeah, maybe i'm all zen because i'm 5'4". heh. i don't know, a lot of bad people have done a lot of bad things to me in my life. and i found myself getting upset and enraged about it many years down the line. thats not cool for my state of mind, so i am focusing on getting rid of my rage and trying to forgive. because i have to move on, and they will get theirs.

12:20 / 17.04.02

Possibly Haus wasn't actually suggesting that Plums went up and smacked this arsehole, but rather that a good smacking is what he deserves.

"It's the only language these people understand."

ONLY NICE THINGS

12:22 / 17.04.02

BK: Sure, I totally understand that, and I don't think it would have necessarily been a great idea if Plums had gone at him. I'm thinking more along the lines of a posse.

Matthew Fluxington

12:26 / 17.04.02

Don't you think that by bringing violence to the moron who called her a 'wog' could actually be used to turn against her legally? It seems like an easy trap, and she could be made into the villain in this quite easily. I'm not sure if heavy fines or incarceration for beating the shit out of the guy is going to help anything, really.

It's certainly not going to help that guy's perception of "wogs".

12:28 / 17.04.02

What perceptions, Flux? That *they* are people who should just keep their fucking mouths shut while they are racially abused by this dominant member of natural selection?

The Natural Way

12:28 / 17.04.02

Plums: Rachel isn't, but she has been known to tarry awhile w/ the ladies (tho', TBH, it's not something she's likely to make a habit of). Vicky, on the other hand, she definitely digs on the Bi-fun. Loz never told you?

Goodness Gracious Meme

12:28 / 17.04.02

To be honest Flux, I really don't care about the guy's perception of 'wogs' as nasty violent people. I care more about the guy's percpetion of 'wogs' as easy targets for hateful behaviour, and being able to respond in kind wouldn't have perpetuated that.

Matthew Fluxington

12:35 / 17.04.02

That's fair enough, Plums.

I actually think that both views on this are equally valid, making it that much more frustrating - It's hard to say which is better, violence breeding more anger, or passivity breeding more victimization.

You certainly have my sympathies.

12:39 / 17.04.02

perfect: you need a barbelith posse. pick the meanest members for the purposes of whupping up on people who honestly have it coming. or bad-karma their asses, something

Goodness Gracious Meme

12:50 / 17.04.02

And to be honest Flux, I get pretty angry at a response to me, wandering along minding my own business, being shouted and intimidated in the street by a horrible racist man being, 'well you don't want him to think badly of your sort'.

He called me a 'wog bitch'. What he wants is for me to be scared and oh, 'go home to India' (quote), or to take his evil abuse quietly because as Sax points out, that's my place, isn't it.

I don't want to allow him that comfort. Why the hell should I?

12:55 / 17.04.02

tell me I can be in your barbelith posse, please. Im ready to sacrifice some knuckle skin for the education, the betterment of people everywhere

13:02 / 17.04.02

well what i would like to see (to go down the non-violent route) when anything like this happens is everyone who sees/hears this kind of shit being spoken takes serious issue with the perp. everyone. starting with the 'victim'. so he knows he's in the minority of one and that his attitude is unacceptable, stupid and wrong.

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