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Less searchable M0rd4nt

17:26 / 08.04.02

I could also do with a "sort out fucked HTML" button.

pointless and uncalled for

17:28 / 08.04.02

Should be expanded to the "unfuck my entire life and everything connected to it" button. Cheap at half the price.

grant

19:40 / 09.04.02

Connect my dots, man. I can't keep up anymore.

Cherry Bomb

19:49 / 09.04.02

I want a "teleport" button.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

19:53 / 09.04.02

I want a button that adds data on RTA deaths in blood-red letters to car adds. I would particularly like the smirking fool in the "Everything THEY don't want me to have!" ad to be followed around by a shadowy, facelss child-sized ghost, whispering "Why did you kill me? Why? Whyyyy?"

It might not cut down road deaths but it would give me a laugh.

Saint Keggers

20:15 / 09.04.02

RTA?

Less searchable M0rd4nt

20:20 / 09.04.02

Road Traffic Accident.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:33 / 09.04.02

'Course, what the board really needs is a button that turns you into a cabbage.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

08:46 / 10.04.02

I've got one of those already.

The Natural Way

12:02 / 10.04.02

"Press here for 'David'."

Perfect.

Lovely David.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

17:13 / 10.04.02

bitchiekittie

17:14 / 10.04.02

you know, that would be so much more fun with the rude little tongue-waggling one

pointless and uncalled for

17:14 / 10.04.02

Isn't it strange how the eyes follow you around the room.

pointless and uncalled for

18:37 / 10.04.02

The odds on shitstorm button.

A button that you can use to place odds on whether the thread ill become a shitstorm.

Ganesh

18:50 / 10.04.02

I'd have one of those rat-in-a-box buttons hardwired to my brain's pleasure centres. I'd then happily sit pressing it again and again until I starved to death...

Less searchable M0rd4nt

01:34 / 11.04.02

I want a button which would help me differentiate between a basically okay poster with a few fucked-up ideas, and a serial wind-up merchant with delusions of granduer and a chronic trolling habit.

Utopia

01:41 / 11.04.02

heh, yeah, i'd like to apply that button to myself (you never know..).

—| x |—

21:56 / 11.04.02

How 'bout a button that will pick a button for you to press if you don't happen to feel like pressing a button? Or perhaps a button that would select several buttons to depress and press in a sequence? What about a button to press other people's buttons? What about a button to press for some mutton? Or a button to press for pressing the buttons that you press to press the buttons that impress? Or how about a button that could be pressed that immediately depresses all the buttons? Or a button that can be pressed when you want to press a button that presses buttons when not being pressed? Or how about a button pressing button that can't be pressed without first not pressing a button that must be pressed in order to press the former button?

press it.

m3

Cat Chant

07:43 / 12.04.02

I don't know why it took me so long to think of this one, but... a slash button. So you could press it during (f'rinstance) That Scene in Pressure Point and Blake & Avon would actually kiss rather than just staring into each other's eyes in manly fashion.

Kind of like that bit in BASEketball where I was thinking "God, this is so slashy, I can see why Matt Parker & Trey Stone are prime candidates for RPS" and then they snogged. It would restore the loved-up action to the censored non-slash versions of things that people keep releasing for some reason.

ONLY NICE THINGS

07:56 / 12.04.02

That....is.....inspired.

But too limited. We need an RPS button, so that with a mere press of the finger socially inappropriate pair-bonding can occur...the way we demand it!

Charlton Heston and Sidney Poitier at the Oscars! ("Is that a gun in your pocket, Charlton?" "Just kiss me, Sidney!")

Jeremy Paxman and Michael Portillo! ("Oh, God, YES! Minister")

Jospin and Chirac! "Est-ce que vous savez que ma femme est la mere du fils de Jacques Derrida, qui est plus grand du jardin de mon oncle?" "Faites-moi immortal et laissez-moi mourir, Lionel!")

Captain Zoom and Flux=Zoom's Love Toad! ("Fantastic. Four?")

Less searchable M0rd4nt

22:24 / 22.04.02

Thanks to kooky's thread here, I now feel an urgent need for a "Replace all pics of Dave Lee Roth with a nice bunch of flowers or a sunset or a baby kitten, and possibly some soothing music" button.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

23:26 / 08.05.02

Having been reading about MUDs lately, I now want a toad button. This would work like the iggyplonk, except that the offending individual's monniker would be replaced by the word "TOAD" and every word in their posts replaced with "Ribbit!"

Alternatively: two buttons, "toad" and "untoad". A certain number of unchallenged toad votes would result in the insertion of the word "toad" after a user's name; their posts would still be legible but randomly amphibianized to include "ribbit"s, "croak"s, and "*snags juicy blowfly with tongue*"s. And they'd stay that way until enough kind souls untoaded them.

Well, it would give me a laugh.

Cat Chant

09:58 / 09.05.02

Hey, Mordant, I just realized yesterday that I wanted to re-bump this thread with a request for a "kitten" button - odd synchronicity there. Possibly the end of the world is at hand.

But I was watching the new Whiskas kitten-food advert on telly, and they kept taking the kitten away and showing pictures of cat-food tins until I was howling with frustration "BRING BACK THE KITTEN!!"

I really need a kitten button. It would make Buffy so much better as well - every time there was a montage of close-ups of people's sad faces set to college rock music, I could just look at a kitten instead.

pointless and uncalled for

19:35 / 09.05.02

A Greenland button would be entertaining in some of the conversation threads.

Something that automatically sets up a post that accuses the previous poster of a random fetish. Even funnier would be this combined with Haus's Special double posting technique.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

20:15 / 09.05.02

Both of the above. A combined kitten'n'kook button! Waaaaant one!

Morlock - groupie for hire

12:37 / 10.05.02

A button which retrieves the witty remark or significant insight I will have about 24 hours from now from trans-temporal docu-space and inserts it while it still has relevance, thus saving my walls from percussive breakdown.

The Return Of Rothkoid

13:50 / 10.05.02

My suggestion works kinda like the ignore button. Except it's labelled "Mallet". You press it, and a large Acme-esque mallet comes out of the back of offending poster's monitor, whacking them one on the head. Comical birds-around-head optional.

It may be another option, but really, my heart belongs to SHARK. You know it's true.

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