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Less searchable M0rd4nt

17:50 / 07.04.02

The Ignore button is a wondrous thing; one click of the mouse and we bask in twart-free bliss for as long as we want. But it would be nice to have buttons for other functions as well: a Smile Condescendingly button, for example, or a Filter Misplaced Apostropes button. I sometimes wish I had a Carry Person Shoulder-High Around The Board button, although when things get heated a Hand Poster A Nice Cup Of Tea And A Biscuit button might be more appropriate.

What would your fantasy button do?

wembley can change in 28 days

17:58 / 07.04.02

Translate Your Post Into Something Erudite.

Convert This Post to Iambic Pentameter.

Utopia

18:13 / 07.04.02

convert someone else's post to make sense

sleazenation

18:54 / 07.04.02

A convert water into wine button perhaps?

Tits win

19:11 / 07.04.02

where is the ignore button?

feel free to ignore me.

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

19:40 / 07.04.02

Press here to get a snack and a drink without getting up so you can read the whole thread.

Utopia

19:49 / 07.04.02

press here for nanites to remove your bodily waste...and make it into a snack and a drink...

sleazenation

20:26 / 07.04.02

press here to ascend to divine status

press here to eliminate world poverty

press here to start world war three

guess which of the above three buttons actually exists...

Less searchable M0rd4nt

20:26 / 07.04.02

Now I want a Hide Gross Stuff About Recycled Bodily Waste Until I've Finished My Sandwich button.

Utopia

20:34 / 07.04.02

if you hurry up and eat the nanites will be able to make you a new sammich quicker.

Trijhaos

20:35 / 07.04.02

I'm reading a book that has a mechanized battle suit that uses nanites to convert waste into food.

Right now, the one button I want more than anything is the button that fills out this damn fafsa form.

Utopia

20:39 / 07.04.02

eh, just make stuff up, they never check.

please don't follow my advice; for your own sake.

mmmmm. sake. it's gettin' to be that time! (to drink and what have you. sunday: it's not just for churchin' anymore!)

Less searchable M0rd4nt

02:55 / 08.04.02

What's really missing is a second ignore option which actually tells the ignoree how many people are ignoring them and inserts one of a selection of insults in the message notifier, e.g.:

You have two old messages.

You are being ignored by 258 posters.

Your life is a hollow sham and even your dog thinks you're a dead loss.

Saint Keggers

05:01 / 08.04.02

LOL! M.C. (he writes, being too damn lazy to write out Mordant Canival..and just now realizing the error of explaining it)

Thats hillarious. If you dont see this 'cause you're ignoring me that's ok...I understand...(sob)..it's ok...(boohoo)...

Tom Coates

06:46 / 08.04.02

You know if I didn't think people would act up if a lot of people were ignoring them, I'd probably go with your idea immediately Mordant! My fantasy button, "remove all fucking smilies". God knows why Cal left them in when he rebuilt the board. He needs a punch...

higuita

08:16 / 08.04.02

An 'I don't care that you're ignoring me; in fact, that's great because I hate you now' button.

It would save an awful lot of typing.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

09:53 / 08.04.02

A drop this person inot a tank full of sharks button.
And a button that splices the mainbrace for you, cos that gets a bit tiring after a while.

bitchiekittie

11:23 / 08.04.02

something I definitely need:

a filter out everything that will offend more than 3 posters on the board button

you can name it the "bitchiekitties delight" or the "bitchiekittie reformed". or rather "reduce bitchiekitties posts to two words"

Sax

11:28 / 08.04.02

I need a button that immediately links me to a digestable precis of all the high-falutin' books and texts quoted from in the Head Shop so I don't feel stupid.

The Planet of Sound

11:30 / 08.04.02

A button that magically makes someone who's replied to your post go back to it, actually read it, read it again, have a cup of tea, think about it some more, and then post again. Would save a lot of sniping round these parts.

The Return Of Rothkoid

11:33 / 08.04.02

That shark option reminds me of something that came to mind while watching (whisper it) Deep Blue Sea one day. Given that it's a CGI shark in the flick, I thought it'd be cool to have a remote control dial labelled "SHARK" on it. Football match a waste of time? Dial in MORE SHARK and see that striker get offed by a hammerhead. Movie boring? "More shark!" and watch Jim Carrey die a bloody, screaming death.

Genius.

Alternately, you could watch Jaws, dial in LESS SHARK and have the bit on the boat stretch into a sort of nautical My Dinner With Andre. Hmm. Maybe I should be working on a MORE QUINT option.

Personally, though, I'm looking for a "Make stupid brain post smarter!" button.

ONLY NICE THINGS

11:35 / 08.04.02

I want a button that delivers automated huggles.

And, under a glass cage and usable only with two people turning the keys at the same time, another button for schnoogles.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

11:57 / 08.04.02

I'm gonna start using that Tom Baker graphic as a smiley. Then you'll all be sorry.

pointless and uncalled for

12:22 / 08.04.02

A "You suddenly have an extra 50 I.Q." button. That should bring me up to your standard.

Either that or a button that causes the next posters computer to loudly chant "Come and have a go if you reckon you hard enough" for half an hour.

MJ-12

12:24 / 08.04.02

Maybe I should be working on a MORE QUINT option.

You're gonna need a bigger ingore button.

QUINT

13:20 / 08.04.02

I'm still in love with the Shark button. I want one for every aspect of the world.

Mind you, a shark is for life, not just for devastating mayhem and gory death in the office.

The Monkey

13:35 / 08.04.02

Press here for winged monkeys to do your routine chores and harass your enemies.
Press here to drop an anvil a US politician. Please use the Wise Anvil Wizard Setup to establish values for anvil size and degree of comic fatality.
Press here to communicate everything that you really want to say, but won't for fear of being hurt or misunderstood.
Press here to psychically beam your empathy and sense of fellow-travelling to a person having a hard time.

Rothkoid, I'd like to see whole console of such dials, set up in some sort of convenient laptop portable format. Because as much fun as SHARK would be, LOONEY TUNES and PORN would just about improve anything.

The Monkey

13:52 / 08.04.02

I will settle, however, for a device that makes chain with hooks on them drag subjects off into a sadistic nightmare world, a la Hellraiser...of course, there'd be no one left in my grad seminar classes....

The Return Of Rothkoid

14:12 / 08.04.02

MJ-12, I salute thee.

The Return Of Rothkoid

14:13 / 08.04.02

Although, I must say that the Looney Tunes option has its charm. I'd go for a MORE ACME PRODUCT dial, meself. Imagine: Peter Sissons reading the news until... Tornado-In-A-Can!

pointless and uncalled for

14:17 / 08.04.02

Or for the more AD&D oriented amongst us a Wand of Wonder button.

Also wav buttons are needed. Especially a Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha button.

higuita

14:21 / 08.04.02

Cool - I've always wanted entrance music.
[in the sense of wrestling entrance music, not the Barry White sense]
Can I have the start of Dragnet?

pointless and uncalled for

14:24 / 08.04.02

I don't know, can you?

Goodness Gracious Meme

14:29 / 08.04.02

I want a 'gong' button a la the gong show to let people know that their time is up

Or perhaps one that activates a hook that drags people offstage in a music-hall stylee.

The Monkey

14:35 / 08.04.02

mr y - There was once (in high school) this kid who would follow me around humming the Emperor's theme from "Return of the Jedi." I didn't ask him to or anything, but after awhile it became sort of perversely appealing. It was like having a herald or something. And I have to admit that it's stuck with me as theme music for my darker, going-to-go-kick-ass moments.

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