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Lines to hit your funny bone on.

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penitentvandal

11:35 / 23.11.01

Ren & Stimpy, the 'Rubber Nipple Salesmen' episode -

They knock on a door. A Horse appears.

Horse: Hello?

Ren(or Stimpy): Hello, we're rubber nipple salesmen. Would you like to buy some rubber nipples?

Horse:No....(reaches behind door and produces Walrus) But are ya sellin' a rubber
walrus protector?!?

Walrus (in the most deadpan voice in the world): Call the police...

Sheer brilliance.

deja_vroom

13:04 / 23.11.01

There's a scene in Monty Python and The Holy Grail where they see God, and all bow their heads and close their eyes and kneel, cos it's a deity, all shiny glory and stuff, and then God says: "Look at me when I'm talking to you, dammit!"

Fra Dolcino

13:19 / 23.11.01

Further to Expressionless' quote from BAD TASTE:

quote:"Jesus, Derek's gone ape-shit!"

and, when the alien boss is giving his speech (before the sick):

quote: "a couple of third grade workers were put into a state of permenant death today. They were murdered by some real arseholes."

[ 23-11-2001: Message edited by: Fra Dolcino ]

higuita

10:34 / 24.11.01

You'll forgive me if I throw in a piece of classic Caine.

German waiter: Bitte mein herr?

Harry Palmer: No thank you, I think I'll have a lager.

I may have forgotten the brand of lager, but the moving picture is Funeral in Berlin.

Fist Fun

11:15 / 24.11.01

"Fuzzywuzzy was a woman?"

Cracks me up.

invisible_al

12:34 / 24.11.01

'Do you know the way to the center of the labyrith?'
'Nahhh I'm just a worm, come inside and meet the missus'

From Labyrinth, almost as quotable as the Princess Bride :-)

And this from Big Trouble in Little china.

'Whats that, Egg?'
'The Bag of Seven Thunders'
'Whats in the bag, Egg?'
'Wind, Fire, that sort of thing.'

Laughing

14:08 / 24.11.01

The Transformers animated movie was chock full of great quotes, especially from the Dinobots.

"Me Grimlock kick butt!"
cracked me up when I was five and still cracks me up now that I'm slightly more mature.

"Yes, friends, act now, destroy Unicron! Kill the Grand Poobah! Eliminates even the toughest stains!"
perfect Eric Idle line

(Ultra Magnus tries to open the Matrix)
"Open, damn it, open!"
he's a good guy! and he swore! mind-boggling to a five-year-old.

Knight's Move

23:34 / 24.11.01

To all those who have backed Peter Jackson moments I say this: I want to see the Nazgul vomit in a bowl and make Frodo drink it. I want to see Gandalf fight the Balrog with a lawnmower. Most of all though I want to see a hippo with a machine gun run amok through the Hobbit's village...

Oh and mr y I think it was Lowenbrau but I could be wrong.

CameronStewart

02:19 / 25.11.01

I'm with Rizla - pretty much the entirety of Withnail and I is quotable.

My favourite, though, is

"We've gone on holiday by mistake."

John Adlin

08:08 / 25.11.01

Not from a film but a great line nonverless.
"Fish deserve to be caught, They're lazy. 200 million years of evolution and they still havent got out of the water."

Grosse Point Black
Shrink "You still keep coming here, after you admmited what you do, and yest you still keep coming here."
Martin Black "Yes Well i'm totally commited to being cured, and besides I know where you live."

MB "I dont know wether its becase I have a new found respect for life or I'm in love with your daughter."
The Grocer "Either that guys got a new found respect for life or hes in love with his daughter."

Knight's Move

12:12 / 26.11.01

Withnail: You liar you've got anti freeze!
Marwood: Don't be bloody idiot Withnail you should never mix your drinks!

Sorry, promised myself I wouldn't post Withnail... moments but everyone else seemed to be...

Always loved GPB:

I mean they'll all have lives and families and all that sort of thing. What can I say? "I killed the President of Paraguay with a fork. How have you been?"

No, no, a psycopath kills for no reason I kill for money, it's a job...that didn't come out right.

Regrettable Juvenilia

13:17 / 26.11.01

quote:"Look at him. Look at Jeff Wode. Imagine the size of his balls. <suddenly horrified> Imagine getting into a fight with the fucker."

"Please, I don't feel well."

"That's what you'd say, but that wouldn't wash with Jeff. He'd probably like a bit of pleading - add spice to it. He'd probably tell you what he was going to do to you first... 'I'm going to pull your head off.' 'Oh no please, don't pull my head off.' 'I'm going to pull your head off, because I don't like your head'..."

quote:"Aye, I seen a fat man. London type - queer sort. Think his name's... French, or summit..."

"French?!?"

"Aye. Adrienne de la Toute - that were it. Last time I seen 'im, 'e were with 'is son."

quote:"I been watchin' you - especially you... prancin' like a tit. Ya want werkin' on, boy!"

Kit-Cat Club

13:20 / 26.11.01

'I had to scrub my boots with essence of petunia...'

Regrettable Juvenilia

13:28 / 26.11.01

Possibly the greatest moment in that film is where Marwood/I instructs Withnail to deal with the fuel and wood situation.

Witnail enters from the rain-drenched night, bearing a pitiful piece of twig.

Marwood: "What's that?"

Withnail [deadpan]: "The fuel and wood situation."

Foxxy Feminist Fury

13:32 / 26.11.01

Oh VIVA "The Kids In The Hall!"

From the inmitable Gavin:

"If my head were veal, which I know it is not, how much would it be worth?"

"Hmm. I think I'll pass."

"Since my Mom died, all my dad does is drink. He's upstairs RIGHT NOW!"

Or my all-time favorite: Dave Foley taking money out of a wallet in a darkened bedroom as his Mom & Dad sleep. The Mom wakes up and asks him what he's doing. Answer: "I'm, LOOKING FOR AUNT BARB'S PHONE NUMBER."

The entire Hecubus bit, also hilarious: "EVIL! EVIL! Impolite and EVIL!"

God, I miss that show.

The resistable rise of Reidcourchie

13:35 / 26.11.01

Originally posted by Knight's Move

"(thanks John Woo for Full Contact)"

Full Contact's not a John Woo film.

"Why are you so short? And don't lie to me."

From Saviour of the Soul.

The Puck

09:47 / 27.11.01

from the best sit-com there has ever been

"what did you expect to see? heards of widlibeast sweeping majesticly across the plains?"

and

"no you started it, you invaded Poland"

oh and Ghostbusters rule

"so what if my girlfriend sleeps above the covers THREE FEET above her covers"

Knight's Move

09:36 / 28.11.01

Mea Culpa. Mea Culpa. Mea Maxima culpa.

Ringo Lam. That blasted Chow Yun-Fat connection led to a temporary brain seziure.
Sorry.

By the way good choice on Saviour of the Soul. (God! I've got bruise. Insert!) I recommened to anyone interested in HK movies Sex and Zen & A Bullet in the Head, an absolutely superb book by Stefan Hammond and Mike Wilkins which dives wholeheartedly into the wacky world of these films, including many, many subtitle hexs.

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